Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
cookiemonster

Parenting

8 posts in this topic

For those of you who want children, will you parent differently than your own parents or the same way? Would you do certain things differently? I'm never having kids, but if I did have them I would never parent the way my parents parent me. I would want an opening trusting relationship with them and for them to be their own individual person. Of course I'll probably have a nonsense, strict, military approach. But I'll mixed that in with a loving trusting relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I had kids, no, I would raise them very differently. While my dad and I are close, I consider my parents failures.

I would try and have an open relationship with them, yet be strict with chores/home work/and future planning, but I would be careful with the pressure.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a parent, and I parent differently than I was raised.  I remember when I was pregnant and thinking, "What kind of parent am I?"  I didn't know.  I know I didn't want to just do what my parents did.  I wanted more choices than that.  So I prayed about it and next thing I know I was reading the book Nanny 911.  I love this book and based many of my parenting philosophies off of it.  I am very happy with the parent I turned out to be.  My 6 year old daughter and I have a great relationship.  I just give my daughter all the things  I needed when I was a kid (attention, conversation, listening, support, being present, loving, teaching).  Adult people can reflect on the damage done in their childhood the rest of their lives.  To me, parenting is a huge responsibility.  We have the power to shape where a person's future is heading.  A serious job that I believe we will be held accountable for. 

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No child is the same and they all require different methods of parenting. My parents' always comment on how laid back and easy I was in comparison to my brother. Unless I have a child that's really focused on self study and the outdoors I doubt the uninvolved approach that I was raised with will be effective.

 

Even if they do have my personality I'll probably try and push them into more social situations as it is difficult for me to find people to hike/kayak/fish with. If I was forced into more situations by my parent's I definitely think it would have helped me develop friendships more quickly. Luckily I've really grown out of that over the last year or two so it isn't really an issue anymore.

 

I'd be worried about my kids being someone who prefers to be alone than in the company of others if I used my parent's parenting method. I think it's good to enjoy solitude and self reflection but, it should never be preferred over human interaction. I was very lucky that I never ended up in that place as it led to depression in other people I knew who were homeschooled.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can only aspire to be as good of a parent as my mother was (and is). The thing I'm most focused on doing differently is providing my future kids with a good dad.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IF I wanted to have kids, or IF God does intend for me to fully parent (if so, I really hope its by adoption :) ), someday, I hope to be the kind of mom my mom is. She gave each of us what we needed. She wasn't perfect. No parent is. It's not like every child is the same, or there's some fool-proof way of doing it, but if you give a child love, attention, support, and a fair amount of discipline (meaning, depending on the child, if they need more or less), then you can hope (with some amount of certainty) that they will be a good person... whether or not they make a really big mark, or a teeny tiny one, in the world. As long as it's a good mark, then I think you're successful as a parent. Aside from, hopefully, choosing a better husband that she did. I'd give each child unconditional love, and then give each child what he/she needs when they need it. My personal opinion, and what my mom has shown me, is that the most a parent can truly hope to accomplish is that each child be as happy as they can be in life. That they love themselves, and know their worth, and that they are good to those around them. Simply because, in the end, what we teach a child will only go so far, it's what THEY DO with those teachings that is going to make them who they are. It's up to THEM who they become. Our experiences do not define us, they are just experiences. You can take even a bad experience and use it to be a better version of yourself. That's all life is, really... a compilation of experiences to learn from.

 

My mom always said that people use to see me and my actions as a kid and tell her never to have any more kids, that she didn't know what it was really like to have kids, because I was so good. Then my second sister came along and she started teaching ME things and was mischievous, then my brother (who she adopted out for his safety... long story, but he's back in our lives now :) ), and then my youngest sister. My youngest sister was her real chore. Even though my second sister hasn't spoken to us in years (we don't know why), I believe my mom tried the best she could and loved us unconditionally.

 

These are only my thoughts. I'm not a parent (only helping), and I don't think we can really know how we will react until/unless we have to react. So, yeah, I'd say I like to hope I'd do the same as her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will raise my children differently.  My parents were not very happy in their marriage, so they were not very happy at home.  This was something that my sister and I were able to understand even at a very young age. Now that I am older and have considered having children myself, my main goal is to start a family with someone that I love and that is equally invested in our future together as I am.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pretty much the same...I mean I'll probably change a thing or two here or there but by and large if I could be half the parent of my mom or dad I would consider myself successful. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0