Peace The Human

So, I really do NOT want kids....

6 posts in this topic

Well, I know I'm quite young to be thinking about this now (not even being the age to get out of high school yet) but it seems like my mother and lots of other people I come across think my decision is wrong. It's not uncommon for people to ask here: "Oh, how many kids do you want?" Or "Once you're older and have kids, what do you plan to do?" And when I reply "Well, I really don't want any children, I'm just not that type of person." That I actually get disapproving glance or different statements telling me why I have to have one because no man wants a woman who doesn't want children. My mother and some of her friends on a pretty regular basis make little jabs at it, mentioning how I'll love brining my kids back and what not or just telling me I'll change my mind. And even though I am again, quite young, I am pretty fairly certain I won't want a child. So I guess my question is, am I some kind of horrible, uncaring person that people seem to see me as ? Are they tight in saying that there isn't a man who would marry me because I don't want offspring?

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No, you're NOT an uncaring person for not wanting children, and no, they are not right for saying there isn't a man who would marry you.  :)

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I'm sorry that everyone wants to give their "two cents" on your life and try to persuade you otherwise.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting any kids!  And there are men who will share this same goal as I have seen couples make this decision already.  Trust yourself and listen to yourself first.  You are the only one who truly knows what is best for you.  They aren't the ones who will be living your life or raising your kids.  But since they are already giving you a hard time, you might have to learn not to mention it or avoid these conversations so they'll back off.  There are positives to not having any kids.

 

Sometimes I'll hear a mom haggle their grown son about "When are you going to give me some grandkids?"  Personally, I think it is offensive to expect your children to have children and bug them about it.  It is their life, their choice.  Whatever they decide should be respected and is acceptable.

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Sometimes I'll hear a mom haggle their grown son about "When are you going to give me some grandkids?"  Personally, I think it is offensive to expect your children to have children and bug them about it.  It is their life, their choice.  Whatever they decide should be respected and is acceptable.

 

Agreed!  Thank goodness my parents told me that they didn't want to become grandparents until I wanted to become a parent (if ever).

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I support you 1000% because I know your pain. I have no maternal instinct for kids, never really have. I was forced into a 'mother' position when my friends played house and I hated it. I only feel motherly towards animals. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a life without children. You'll have more money, you'll have more time with your husband, you can travel easier, etc... and I see a lot of marriages on the rocks because of children, though I know successful marriages with and without children. And yes, these childfree men DO exist! I think kids are cute, but I can't deal with them.

 

I think the worst thing a person like us can do is to actually HAVE kids. That would be terrible because we wouldn't want them. Why bring something unwanted into the world and be miserable, only for the happiness of your parents? Tell your parents to have another kid LOL!

 

People have their reasons for not wanting kids, be it anxiety, health problems, cynicism, selfishness, overpopulation... and to be honest, I'm okay with that. I do not want these people having kids if they do not want them and I hate when people say we will change our mind. Even if you do change your mind, you need to change it for yourself and not from the pressure of other people like family. My mom even says I will have kids and it irritates me, but I get over it.

 

So what if not having kids isn't normal? If you google childfree forum, there are a ton of people who share your belief, and I also lurk on childfree Reddit to see what other people have said. It's actually my dream to find a guy who has a had a vasectomy. You'd be surprised how many women and men in their 20's on CF Reddit are having these procedures. There's nothing wrong with it. It's bad to bring something unwanted into this world by guilt.

 

Please do not feel bad! It's just something most people do not understand and of course when people do not understand something they try to take control of the situation in another manner, in this case by using 'bingos' on us.

 

 

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I will never ever have a child. Ever since I was 16 I told everyone I will never have children. They thought I would change my mind but I never did. Of course my parents said it was a requirement. I said not for me. My career will always come first not a child. And I don't want to put my body through all that with pregnancy. So no you're not selfish

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