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Guest markb4

Marrying an Infertile Spouse

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Hey all,

Just wondering, if you loved a guy/girl and wanted to marry him/her, but he/she was not able to produce children, would you still marry him/her or would that be a dealbreaker for you?

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Of course I would :) when we want to have kids, adopting is fine with me. Hopefully we could get some health information, but thats not always the case.

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Hi Mark! Yet another good question...

If I loved him, I'd still marry him. We could just adopt children. Sure, it'd be difficult for me to not have kids of my own, but it wouldn't be his fault. I mean, what else could I do, tell him, "I love you, but through absolutely no fault of your own you can't have children, and I love the idea of having my own children more than I love you"?

Plus, miracles happen. You get people who are told they can't have children, then have them anyway...

xxx

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well alot of the women in my family are barren and my mom had tons of miscarriages and still births. Having kids doesnt come easy for us Pan woman. So I would have to say that I would still marry him and we would just adopt. Id like to have a rainbow tribe like Josephine Baker :lol:

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Of course I'd still marry him. :) I'd just adopt or have in vitro fertilization.

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Honestly, I think it's a bonus. No worrying about birth control, accidental pregnancies, & when we want a kid, we can adopt.

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Of course! I wouldn't even think twice about it. I do want kids but if adoption was the only way then that would be A-ok with me. Adoption is a cause I would love to support if I or my spouse were for some reason unable to have children.

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I would definitely marry her. And, if my spouse was unable to produce children, I would still consider adoption.

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I would probably be really upset if I found out my husband was infertile, but there's always in vitro and adoption!

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Hey...

I don't really know how to say any of this to you guys, but I think I have to. I know I can't tell anyone what to do or what not to do, but I know I have to give you how I feel. I have to try and stop other people from going through what I went through...what I'm going through...and I just felt I had to say something when I saw a couple of people posting it...

What I'm going to say is, don't have IVF.

You're going to tell me, "How can you say that? How can you say that women shouldn't do whatever they can to have a child of their own? Don't you realise how many babies have been created through IVF and brought joy to infertile couples?"

All I can say is, yes, of course I realise that.

Because I was conceived through IVF.

I can't remember what age I was when I first found out. Too young to understand what a test-tube baby was. But I found out eventually. My parents would tell me about how they had tried for ages for a baby, they were going to adopt. And then, they had me.

I was one of three embryos emplanted in my mother. I spent the first few days of my life in a petri dish. I was given a number before I was ever given a name. They emplanted me in my mother, and I was the only one to survive.

Sometimes, I used to wonder, "My parents had to go against God to create me. That means He didn't want me. They tried for 18 years to have a baby normally, and couldn't. He didn't want me so badly that they had to force me into existence against his will." I don't feel like that now, but it used to terrify me.

Sometimes, I'll see websites where people are arguing that test-tube babies don't have souls. I think, "Wow, it's nice to know there are people out there who don't think I'm human. I thought, at the very least, I'd always be seen as a human being"

A lot of times, I'll read in the news about how they're using leftover embryos from IVF in experiments. I can't help but think, "That was me. They're experimenting on people just like me. Back then, they'd have thought nothing of destroying me like they're destroying them."

Occasionally, I'll wonder, "What if I can't have children?" That was certainly one of the things I thought about when I read this topic. "My parents were infertile. What if I've inherited that from them?"

One argument against IVF I saw once was that every human being had the right to be created through an act of love. I actually think I understand that one. How was I made? My parents making love? People actually cringe when they think about their parents doing that! But not me. Not when I was created by my mother going through an operation to remove her eggs, my dad...everything about my conception just seems so cold.

I can't make you not have IVF. But, by God, I'm going to try my best to stop anyone else going through what I'm going through.

xxx

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I think even in normal conception; millions of sperm TRY, but only one or two eggs actually are fertilized. One, typically, two for fraternal twins. So it doesnt seem weird that not many actually grew. (Im sorry if this foesnt seem sensitive, im just a logical thinker)

That does feel very scientific and i dont think i would like it eother. Im sorry that youre going through so much because of that. Ill try to remember that when talking with friends, ir thinking of what ill do if i cant have kids.

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Sometimes, I used to wonder, "My parents had to go against God to create me. That means He didn't want me. They tried for 18 years to have a baby normally, and couldn't. He didn't want me so badly that they had to force me into existence against his will." I don't feel like that now, but it used to terrify me.

God gives life period. He creates every soul. You're alive, you have a soul. He gave you life. The circumstances surrounding your conception don't change that you are a living, breathing soul...& every soul is priceless. Don't forget that Jesus died for every soul, including yours. Your soul is priceless.

Sometimes, I'll see websites where people are arguing that test-tube babies don't have souls. I think, "Wow, it's nice to know there are people out there who don't think I'm human. I thought, at the very least, I'd always be seen as a human being" A lot of times, I'll read in the news about how they're using leftover embryos from IVF in experiments. I can't help but think, "That was me. They're experimenting on people just like me. Back then, they'd have thought nothing of destroying me like they're destroying them."

Back during slavery a black man was worth 3/5ths of a white man. Just because they treated them like they were animals & said that they were worth less didn't make it so. In Exodus 21:16 it says, "He who kidnaps a man, whether he sells him or he is found in his possession, shall surely be put to death." Just because people do something & say something, it doesn't make it so. It doesn't matter what people think, only what God knows. & God, knows you're human...So, everybody else can take a flying leap.

One argument against IVF I saw once was that every human being had the right to be created through an act of love. I actually think I understand that one. How was I made? My parents making love? People actually cringe when they think about their parents doing that! But not me. Not when I was created by my mother going through an operation to remove her eggs, my dad...everything about my conception just seems so cold.

No offense, but there are babies conceived in one night stands, angry-abusive relationships, created to hold on to a man, to get a paycheck from a man, etc. Your parents wanted you soo bad that they paid an insane amount of money to have you. IVF is no picnic: shots, surgery, the embarrassment of getting your little fellas into a cup while everybody is waiting outside, being poked, being prodded, being analyzed, laying out the most intimate details of your sexual past, etc. I don't know how I feel about IVF. To be perfectly honest, I don't want kids. But, anybody who went through all of that to get you, really wanted you. To them, your a prize (from the sound of it). Be flattered. A lot of kids were "opps" & "my bad" & "oh no, I can't be pregnant!"

I'm almost certain that I wasn't planned. Sure they loved me, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't intentional. You think I care!?! I'm here now, & I ain't letting them send me back. Life is good, & I'm living it! :D

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Sally:

I think even in normal conception; millions of sperm TRY, but only one or two eggs actually are fertilized. One, typically, two for fraternal twins. So it doesnt seem weird that not many actually grew. (Im sorry if this foesnt seem sensitive, im just a logical thinker)

I do wonder whether or not my brothers and sisters had something wrong, a chromosome extra or missing, perhaps, something that meant they didn't survive, that they couldn't survive. I don't know. But they were alive, and I wonder about them sometimes. I suppose they're up there, looking out for me...

Abi:

Thanks. Just...thanks. You have no idea how much all that meant to me.

xxx

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It'd change nothing. Now, if he didn't want childrenand would refuse adoption, that'd be the deal breaker.

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