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How far will attraction go?

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Would you rather date a virgin woman who was unattractive or a nonvirgin woman who was attractive?

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There is always the third option between the horns of not dating either. Sorry, attraction has to be there, and also her virginity. Though in some instances I would be willing to oversee what she has done in the past. 

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How much in each direction? Are we talking about someone hideous and a virgin, or someone average and a virgin? Are we talking about someone who's had sex with one partner or someone who's had sex with 30 partners (and doesn't regret it)?

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Though in some instances I would be willing to oversee what she has done in the past. 

 

In what instances would you be willing to do that?

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How much in each direction? Are we talking about someone hideous and a virgin, or someone average and a virgin? Are we talking about someone who's had sex with one partner or someone who's had sex with 30 partners (and doesn't regret it)?

 

All of the above.

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OK, then, but we're going to have to make the assumption that these are my only options in life:

 

(1) Average and virgin vs (2) beautiful, high partner count, and unrepentant:         (1) wins based on the fact that I'd rather spend time around such a person in general, as they typically are going to have spiritual beliefs similar to mine. (2) is probably someone who would lead me into sin, and I want no part of such a person. (I also don't believe missionary dating is a good idea.)

 

(1) Average and virgin vs (2) beautiful, high partner count, and repentant:             Toss-up, but (1) likely wins, because I'd have a hard time believing someone who's had many partners would be interested in anything I'd have to offer in the long-term.

 

(1) Average or below average and virgin vs (2) beautiful and low partner count:    Likely (2), but attitude would count for a lot.

 

(1) Below average vs (2) beautiful, high partner count, and unrepentant:               I'd hate to think these were the only options, but again, I'd rather be someone who supports me in the Lord than someone who doesn't.

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There must be some level of physical attraction for romantic intimacy from me. :D That being said, I can think of one girl in particular  who was a bombshell and a virgin who had such a horrid personality that I wouldn't want anything to do with her.

 

So basically an initial attraction is important for me but, it's not nearly as important as how you treat others. If your at least average I'll probably find you attractive in some way. I've only met a handful of women in my life who I thought were physically unattractive anyway. If the girl in question was ugly or missing some branches in her family tree or something and had a really awesome personality it might be more important than looks. :lol: I've never been in that position though so I can't say for sure.

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Nonvirgin and attractive. You have to be attracted to your spouse. The good thing is that what one person finds attractive doesn't necessarily hold true for someone else.

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There is always the third option between the horns of not dating either. Sorry, attraction has to be there, and also her virginity. Though in some instances I would be willing to oversee what she has done in the past. 

 

What she has done... Sometimes people forget that virginity is not always a choice. There are things that happen like rape, child-abuse, etc. in this world... It would be very unfortunate (and makes me quite sad frankly to hear of it) if a person were judged because of these things that are outside of her/his control. It's also sad to recognize that we live in a world with these occurrences, but it is a part of it all...

 

I like the point, Francois, that you brought up about between the horns: the option of not dating either.

 

Really, this forum's question is not one that I resonate with: Because the either/or, black/white view is extremely limited, and shuts out most of reality. I realize it was a hypothetical question, but I create my reality outside of that view:)

 

All in all... I need the *attraction* in order to be with my husband! Looking forward for/to/with him:)

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What she has done... Sometimes people forget that virginity is not always a choice. There are things that happen like rape, child-abuse, etc. in this world... It would be very unfortunate (and makes me quite sad frankly to hear of it) if a person were judged because of these things that are outside of her/his control. It's also sad to recognize that we live in a world with these occurrences, but it is a part of it all....

 

This came up in another thread a few weeks ago. I think most everyone here thinks of virginity as something that can only be given; never taken. So if someone were sexually assaulted, that would have no bearing on whether anyone on this forum sees them as a virgin or not. Now, I do know some survivors who label their assault as the moment they lost their virginity, and I think that is completely their choice to make. But I would never, ever, assume that a sexual assault victim is no longer a virgin unless they told me that is how they see it themselves.

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What she has done... Sometimes people forget that virginity is not always a choice. There are things that happen like rape, child-abuse, etc. in this world... It would be very unfortunate (and makes me quite sad frankly to hear of it) if a person were judged because of these things that are outside of her/his control. It's also sad to recognize that we live in a world with these occurrences, but it is a part of it all...

 

Of course I don't count rape or child-abuse. That would be inappropriate. Those were things a woman could not control at all. As a matter of fact those things will make me give her even more support! I was kinda more referring to woman sleeping around with their boyfriends everyday. Or some with one night stands. Surely you can say the same about men.  

 

In what instances would you be willing to do that?

 

If a woman truly made a mistake and regrets giving her virginity away then yes. I will see her as a virgin again. If it never occurs to her and she intend to sleep with other guys in the future still then I cannot work with that. 

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Strict, strict, strict, strict virgin; no tampons, no ob/gyn visits, and no kissing outside of wedlock or wearing immodest attire + a perfect 10 on the attraction scale are minimums on my list of standards... Of the two options you list, I pick dying alone.

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no ob/gyn visits

 

'Cuz screw taking care of your health, am I right? Tell me, is it OK for your wife to go to a gyno after you're hitched, or would you consider that an affair?

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Well, looks like you're going to have to stick with your option of dying alone then, because asking someone to sacrifice their health for you is beyond all reasonable request.

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no ob/gyn visits

 

Regular annual visits to a gynaecologist for a pap smear is the ONLY way to detect cervical cancer in a woman who may be asymptomatic.  It is vital that women have this test done to protect their health and it's shocking that you would hold this against a potential partner.  

I have not been sexually active but I have still undergone this test after taking advice from my doctor.  I have a family history of the disease (mother was diagnosed at the age of 32) so it would be foolish not to undergo screening.  The test is minimally invasive and certainly does not break the hymen (even if it has not already been broken in another fashion e.g. through taking part in sports during childhood) so I really don't understand what the problem is. The same goes for tampons, which in most cases are smaller than a pinkie finger.  

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Strict, strict, strict, strict virgin; no tampons, no ob/gyn visits, and no kissing outside of wedlock or wearing immodest attire + a perfect 10 on the attraction scale are minimums on my list of standards... Of the two options you list, I pick dying alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

not-sure-if-serious-or-just-trolling.jpg

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The hymen "breaking" is a misnomer anyway. Women don't have a physically evident virginity any more than men do.

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Strict, strict, strict, strict virgin; no tampons, no ob/gyn visits, and no kissing outside of wedlock or wearing immodest attire + a perfect 10 on the attraction scale are minimums on my list of standards... Of the two options you list, I pick dying alone.

 

Okay, hypothetical scenario for you:

 

You've found your perfect woman. She's the perfect ten you wanted, she's willing to do everything you've mentioned in your other posts, and you're engaged to be married. The two of you are very much in love, and very excited. Suddenly, a week before the wedding, you get a call from her from the hospital. She's been in an accident, and is experiencing abnormal vaginal bleeding. The doctors think she's suffered a serious internal trauma and possibly ruptured blood vessels, or even damage to her uterine artery. They have to perform a physical examination immediately to find out what's wrong, and she's calling to make sure you're okay with it.

 

Do you tell her...

 

A = "Gee, honey, I wish you could have that examination, but you know that we can't have anyone but me in there. I want to be the first person or thing who's ever touched you there, remember? I really hope you're not injured seriously. If you do die, that's a sacrifice we're going to have to make. And hey, at least you'll die a strict-strict-strict-strict virgin, right?"

 

OR

 

B = "Oh, no, you're hurt? Possibly life-threatening injuries? Oh, of course you have to have that examination. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything. I'll call the minister right now and explain that the wedding's off. That's a pity, though. I really hoped you'd be the one I married, but I guess these things can't be helped."

 

So, which one would you go for?

 

(There is a Secret Option C, if you're interested, which would be to let her have the examination and just marry her anyway, since a doctor's examination has absolutely nothing to do with sex or virginity loss. Just sayin')

 

xxx

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Strict, strict, strict, strict virgin; no tampons, no ob/gyn visits, and no kissing outside of wedlock or wearing immodest attire + a perfect 10 on the attraction scale are minimums on my list of standards... Of the two options you list, I pick dying alone.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? Hun you've been in Vegas too long. I'm sorry but I understand the Modest dressing thing but there isn't a woman in the world that's exactly what you are looking for unless she's had surgery. You may as well buy a barbie doll. Tampons..... some women have to use those items. Just because she's used them doesn't make her non virgin. OB/GYN visits..... I'm not even going there with you. You WILL be alone if you don't rethink life. Your mind is too twisted. Mr. Musician/Author MAYBE you should get out of the Las Vegas NV lifestyle for a bit so you can see real women. I told you when I welcomed you that we are a funny bunch we we ALL stick together....NOW YOU SEE IT! I get that you have a point of view or specifics but you're one sided and from the things you've said..... You're stepping on toes especially in a group I believe is made up of mostly women..... there is so much more I'd like to say to but I'm sure you can figure it out.....

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not-sure-if-serious-or-just-trolling.jpg

 

Judging from this and the other dozen posts he made in about 30 minutes, all of which are ridiculous, I'm guessing he's a troll. 

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Not a troll. And to answer your questions, I would be willing to marry her and to let her be examined for causes of the bleeding. These are mandatory traits for me in a partner, but once the relationship starts, I am responsible for anything that happens to her. If she is in an accident, which occurs while being a good woman, than I can share responsibility, and accept that I will lose the opportunity to ever properly consummate our wedding. Aside from that, the vast majority of you assume me foolish to desire purity as a primary trait in a partner, and I'm beginning to think that you may be worse than people from outside our waiting for marriage group. I understand that what I'm looking for isn't for everyone. I understand that me having it all, once, in a 6 year relationship may have been as good as it gets for me. But this all has to matter... At least to me. We should be here to strengthen each other; not to tear each other down. I recognize that the no kissing till marriage subset of us, and the stricter no uncovered hair, and no holding hands subsets are small parts of our community, and that me, being both a member of the first and of the notion of marital consummation being tied to penetration and the "virgin knot" do not have standards that appeal to most of you. But can't you respect that I want nothing but the best for my future spouse? And a life filled with romantic abundance with someone I can respect as my better half? ... I guess not.

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Not a troll. And to answer your questions, I would be willing to marry her and to let her be examined for causes of the bleeding. These are mandatory traits for me in a partner, but once the relationship starts, I am responsible for anything that happens to her. If she is in an accident, which occurs while being a good woman, than I can share responsibility, and accept that I will lose the opportunity to ever properly consummate our wedding. Aside from that, the vast majority of you assume me foolish to desire purity as a primary trait in a partner, and I'm beginning to think that you may be worse than people from outside our waiting for marriage group. I understand that what I'm looking for isn't for everyone. I understand that me having it all, once, in a 6 year relationship may have been as good as it gets for me. But this all has to matter... At least to me. We should be here to strengthen each other; not to tear each other down. I recognize that the no kissing till marriage subset of us, and the stricter no uncovered hair, and no holding hands subsets are small parts of our community, and that me, being both a member of the first and of the notion of marital consummation being tied to penetration and the "virgin knot" do not have standards that appeal to most of you. But can't you respect that I want nothing but the best for my future spouse? And a life filled with romantic abundance with someone I can respect as my better half? ... I guess not.

NO one said it's wrong to want purity. But saying that a woman can't use specific health items such a tampons or even see a doctor is outrageous. It doesn't not make her impure at all. It doesn't make your marriage any better or worse. I doubt any guy can tell if a woman has used tampons or even been to the obgyn. We respect everyone's decisions but how you voice them is what matters the most. There are lots of cultures that require women to keep their hair covered but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have a choice. It should be talked over and not forced.

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If you truly wanted "the best" for your spouse, you would understand the health reasons for obgyn visits.

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