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The Importance of Attraction

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Attraction is important usually the first thing you notice and then it comes down to personality. 

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For me it's definitely personality over appearance.

But as mentioned by a few others, first hand impression is usually the looks and then you get to know their personality afterwards, so it's complicated and goes a bit hand in hand.

 

I'll also leave this here, realization from a drunk man, same topic~ish: http://webm.land/media/SbE0.webm

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I thought this video was interesting... The Science Behind Why You Fall In Love With A Certain "Type"

 

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I think it just meshes together. Human relationships and sexuality, even if we're only talking about heterosexuality, are very nuanced and adaptable. Men are more visual creatures than women, sure, but men are more than *just* visual, and women still enjoy a right looker too.

For me, attraction is a gradual thing. At first I see that person, I talk to them and, then over time I may realise that I really fancy them, but it's rarely based on looks alone. I know I can feel a strong attraction to very kind and fair and easygoing people with a sense of humor.

But overall I would hope that the person I fall in love with believes nothing is "unsayable" and that jokes and bad ideas, however poor in taste, should never be banned, only enjoyed or critiqued :P

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I think for me personally, attraction is based on multiple aspects (physical, spiritual, and personality). We are all physically drawn to another person to some degree, and that attraction is either increased or decreased based on their personality and character. I tend to find a woman who is spiritually drawn to God immensely attractive. Being so wrapped up in God that I must seek Him in order to find her. 

As far as physical features go I like simplicity. I hate to use the term 'average looking' because I don't ever want to imply that average is a bad thing. But I do enjoy a woman who is just another everyday girl. She doesn't have to look like a model to capture my heart and she certainly doesn't have to pretend to be anyone other than herself to capture my affection. But I do need to be somewhat physically attracted to her. I would like her to be in decent shape, and even if she is a little on the heavier side I would hope she would be open to healthy living, much the same way I am. We could even workout together, or just walk if that was what she is ok with. 

Personality is always the knockout punch for me though. I have known some average looking women with amazing personalities that made them beautiful, as well as beautiful looking women whose personality made them average to me. I think for me, personality is 65% important while looks are 35% important. 

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This kind of reminds me of stuff the girls would ask me back in middle school. I think I said personality because I believed that is what they wanted me to say.

Truthfully, I think they are equal. It is 50/50 (in most cases) Looks only go so far but you must find a person physically attractive in some way to light that spark. If your spark has been lit you must like each other as people and share some common values and interests as well. I don't think either is the "MOST" important. You need both.

If you demand an answer than I'll concede and say one has 50.5% importance and the other has 49.5% importance. You can pick which is which based on whatever makes you feel better.

I don't believe there is any set definition of what someone finds attractive. People find lots of different things attractive.

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I've never paid too much importance to how attractive a girl is. I know this isn't really believed of me most of the time, but it's true. It could simply be that I have more of an inclination to voices than what most men see as attractive in women, but a plain girl with a nice voice wins over a model with an ugly voice any day. Still, I read voices for personality and other traits, not just judging them on aesthetic quality. I still consider personality to be much more important.

I have dated a couple of girls who were considered very attractive, to the point where I would catch guys craning their necks to stare at them, and my reaction was always more surprise than anything else, because I was always judging her based on how I felt around her, not how I saw her physically.

I understand my opinion is in the minority, so don't take it as pervasive in any way.

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I find most woman attractive and beautiful. I would like to think that I'm not blind by what I think I see , but what really is when I am around these women.

Physical beauty or ones appearance will change in time, and most likely fade away with time. Whats inside all of us that is true beauty will never fade away if we do not let it. I want to feel a deep spiritual connection to the woman I marry one day, I hope that this becomes a reality  for me one day :)

The following poem by Audrey Hepburn describes what I look for in a woman 

The Beauty Of A Woman

 

The beauty of a woman Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries, Or the way she combs her hair. 

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. 

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, 
But true beauty in a woman Is reflected in her soul. 

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, 
The passion that she shows, 

 

And the beauty of a woman
With passing years only grows.

 

 

 

 

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Speaking of attraction, guys if you want to see how important attraction is to the women on this site, just create a fake profile, with an outwardly attractive guy.

It is surprising how many women get excited and how differently they react to an outwardly attractive guy...Yet many of those very same women talk about how looks don't matter that much lol...You will learn a lot from this simple social experiment:)

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On 12/03/2017 at 4:46 PM, Jake1986 said:

Speaking of attraction, guys if you want to see how important attraction is to the women on this site, just create a fake profile, with an outwardly attractive guy.

It is surprising how many women get excited and how differently they react to an outwardly attractive guy...Yet many of those very same women talk about how looks don't matter that much lol...You will learn a lot from this simple social experiment:)

So....You claim to be a christian and a liar at the same time.

That doesn't work...You can't be both.

You're either one or the other...

You see...trust is a beautiful gift that can't be given to everyone...because some people are not trustworthy...and don't deserve trust.

With this quote of yours, you have proved that you are not trustworthy. This is the inconvenience with the fact of not telling the truth.

You lost the trust of people.

Even if you think it's funny to play games with people's emotions and even if you are applauded by some people here on earth...just remember that there is a principle that always works: you reap what you sow. What you do to someone, other people will do to you. That's not what I wish for you, that's just how things work. 

When you say you're a christian...Just remember that one day, you will have to answer God for everything you have thought, said and done. Exactly the same for me.

So that's why we have to be careful with what we do with our lives, God watches over us. He loves us, but He is a fair God.

That's a shame for you, because now in my mind, Jake rhymes with fake.

I will have great difficulties to trust anything you will post on this site...because I will always wonder: is it a lie or the truth?

We are human beings and we can all do mistakes...but if you do wrong to people purposedfully...that's a shame...I pray that you can become a sincere person towards God and other people. I pray also that God can forgive you

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On 3/16/2017 at 3:03 AM, Géraldine said:

So....You claim to be a christian and a liar at the same time.

That doesn't work...You can't be both.

You're either one or another...

Just because I said you can learn a lot from an experiment, doesn't mean I've actually done it. You can also learn from the things other people have done, even if you haven't done them yourself. :)

I think Peter was one of the chief apostles and he lied 3 times when he denied Christ. All Christians are sinners, even the best ones like Peter. :)

On 3/16/2017 at 3:03 AM, Géraldine said:

Even if you think it's funny to play games with people's emotions and even if you are applauded by some people here on earth..

Telling someone you love them, have strong feelings for them, or creating a romantic committed relationship with them, would be messing with their emotions. Attraction, interest, excitement, and lust are more reactions, not heartfelt emotions. Attempting to learn and gauge the values of those reactions can be helpful, when seeking a relationship.

Sometimes in topics like this, people can feel shallow (even if it’s not) if they admitted looks really mattered to them…So they might say things like personality/character are more important, even if it’s not entirely true. Here’s where this can cause confusion. Hypothetically, let’s say Micah is an amazing guy but he is considered physically unattractive. He sees several women who leave comments saying character/personality are more important. Naturally, Micah being an amazing guy, decides to message those women but he gets friend zoned. Now if those same women respond differently to an attractive guy and show him interest, excitement, give him attention, send him the first message, or don’t lump him in the friend zone, this can be quite informative to Micah in several ways.    

If Micah knows this information, he can learn from that and make the needed changes to himself, take comfort in knowing those women might not have been a good choice, or alter his approach towards dating. :) 

I hope you’re having a great day too-ta-loo :)

 

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Well...thank you very much for your kind and polite answer...

Nevertheless I confess that I'm not totally convinced...

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

Just because I said you can learn a lot from an experiment, doesn't mean I've actually done it. You can also learn from the things other people have done, even if you haven't done them yourself. :)

So, can you confirm me that the picture on your profile is yours ? 

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

I think Peter was one of the chief apostles and he lied 3 times when he denied Christ. All Christians are sinners, even the best ones like Peter. :)

Well, that's true that Peter lied 3 times when he denied Christ but that doesn't justify the fact that a christian can tell lies.

As christians, our ultimate standard is Jesus Christ, and Jesus never lied. The Bible calls us to imitate Jesus and to imitate  other christians only when they do what pleases to God. And if a christian lies he should be ashamed of that. 

We have to take responsability for our own actions, and if we do something wrong, we simply repent, ask God His forgiveness and correct our ways in order to please Him.

We can't hide ourselves behind excuses to justify bad actions. That's mediocrity.

 

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

All Christians are sinners, even the best ones like Peter. :)

Well, I don't advice you to answer that to God one day... You will be in great troubles...

This is what the Bible says:

No one who remains in Him (God) keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has seen Him (God) or known Him.(God)  1 John 3v6

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.  He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world "

1 John2v1-2

 

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

Attempting to learn and gauge the values of those reactions can be helpful, when seeking a relationship.

Even If I understand ,  I respectfully disagree...Because I think that there are other honorable ways to learn those things when seeking a relationship...But I understand  that's your point of view...

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

Hypothetically, let’s say Micah is an amazing guy but he is considered physically unattractive. He sees several women who leave comments saying character/personality are more important. Naturally, Micah being an amazing guy, decides to message those women but he gets friend zoned. Now if those same women respond differently to an attractive guy and show him interest, excitement, give him attention, send him the first message, or don’t lump him in the friend zone, this can be quite informative to Micah in several ways.    

If Micah knows this information, he can learn from that and make the needed changes to himself, take comfort in knowing those women might not have been a good choice, or alter his approach towards dating. :) 

Again, I understand...and I still respectfully disagree... But I don't want to make a debate on this...so...:P

13 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

I hope you’re having a great day too-ta-loo :)

Thank you very much :)

I just pray that your love for God can grow deeper and deeper so that you will be able to think like Him, speak like Him and act like Him and be passionate about what God is passionate about.

This is my sincere prayer for you. In Jesus name. Amen :)

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On 3/19/2017 at 3:09 PM, Géraldine said:

Well...thank you very much for your kind and polite answer...

You’re welcome…although, I don’t think I can say the same regarding your first message.:lol:

On 3/19/2017 at 3:09 PM, Géraldine said:

So, can you confirm me that the picture on your profile is yours ? 

I’m sure you have plenty of men who are eager to prove themselves to you.;)

However, I will never…in any way, shape, or form have any romantic interest in you. As a result, I have little desire to prove much of anything to you, convince you of anything, or to satisfy your misguided curiosity. I can do that for my loved ones, a woman of interest, or my future wife (if I ever marry)….but don’t see much value in doing that for a stranger on the internet, who misunderstood a comment and formed an opinion before asking questions.

On 3/19/2017 at 3:09 PM, Géraldine said:

Well, that's true that Peter lied 3 times when he denied Christ but that doesn't justify the fact that a christian can tell lies.

I did not say it justifies a Christian telling lies.:) You did and you’re branching off to a different topic.  It justifies my point that even the best Christians are sinners.

Look at King David…He slept with his best friend’s wife, got her pregnant, lied, plotted, deceived, murdered his friend, and even more. Even though he kept on sinning, God considered him a Godly man and welcomed him into his kingdom.  

Billy Graham- “But we still have the capacity to sin—and the reason is because we are still sinners! You see, in the Bible there is a difference between “sin” and “sins.” “Sins” are those things we do that are wrong—evil actions, wrong thoughts or motives, harsh or unkind words, even failing to do something we should have done (such as loving others).”

On 3/19/2017 at 3:09 PM, Géraldine said:

And if a christian lies he should be ashamed of that. 

You’re proving my point. You’re admitting here that Christians are sinners.

On 3/19/2017 at 3:09 PM, Géraldine said:

Well, I don't advice you to answer that to God one day... You will be in great troubles...

There was one person who was not a sinner and that was Jesus. To believe that being a Christian places a person on the same level as Christ (who was not a sinner), would anger God. This would also undermine the Christian faith in several ways. We will all continue to sin no matter what religion or denomination. Heaven is the only place where we will not be capable of sinning. Until that time, I believe even the holiest of people are sinners.

1 John 1:8 “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”

1 Timothy 1:15 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

Well those are just my views and like you, I will not turn this into a debate. Hope you're having a great day bye:P

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1 hour ago, Jake1986 said:

 I have little desire to prove much of anything to you, convince you of anything, or to satisfy your misguided curiosity.

It's very hard to prove something that isn't true. The picture in your profile is of Jonas Sulzbach, a Brazilian model.

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4 hours ago, Jake1986 said:

However, I will never…in any way, shape, or form have any romantic interest in you. As a result, I have little desire to prove much of anything to you, convince you of anything, or to satisfy your misguided curiosity. 

 

Well...that´s not very classy..., and the one who´s not going to receive any interest is you actually, with your deceit. She just asked for the truth and you were unwilling to give an answer.

And yes, we´re all sinners, but Jesus is actually the one that we should try to emulate, even though we may fall short. Just because David and Peter sinned that doesn´t give us an excuse to feel good about ourselves because " hey, we´re never going to be perfect, they sinned too". We are called to a higher standard. Plus, what David and Peter both have in common is that they both repented and changed their ways, their life. We are called to holiness each and everyday, not to mediocrity and complacency.

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11 hours ago, Javier said:

Well...that´s not very classy..., and the one who´s not going to receive any interest is you actually, with your deceit. She just asked for the truth and you were unwilling to give an answer.

And yes, we´re all sinners, but Jesus is actually the one that we should try to emulate, even though we may fall short. Just because David and Peter sinned that doesn´t give us an excuse to feel good about ourselves because " hey, we´re never going to be perfect, they sinned too". We are called to a higher standard. Plus, what David and Peter both have in common is that they both repented and changed their ways, their life. We are called to holiness each and everyday, not to mediocrity and complacency.

Thank you very much !!! I couldn't agree more :):)

You totally got me ;)

 

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20 hours ago, Skald said:

It's very hard to prove something that isn't true. The picture in your profile is of Jonas Sulzbach, a Brazilian model.

Thank you very much Skald :)

 

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I used to be extremely shallow when I was younger, but I let go of most of it. I just see it as unfair to impose the stereotypical standards of beauty on anyone, especially when those standards pertain to winning the genetic lottery. You are what you are. Maybe you think that your nose is too big, or you have too many lines on your face, or you're a bit chubby, or that you're not tall enough, or your "assets" aren't robust enough, or whatever other little imperfections you can come up with. And yeah, to some people those things will be turnoffs, but to hell with them. You want to be loved for you, and that inevitably has to come with all the little flaws you have, physically and personality-wise. But don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that to excuse unhealthy living and obnoxious behaviors/attitudes. Just that people tend to blow way out of proportion anything about themselves they think is flawed. Honestly I think the definition of what is physically attractive is a bit more lenient than you think. People are generally better looking than they give themselves credit for. I guess it's just when you are trying to compete with Hollywood and porn that the self-loathing starts settling in.

To answer the topic, personality is far more important to me, but physical attraction is still important. But as I was trying to stress above, it isn't this impossible to reach thing that you might make it out to be. If you asked me, just taking care of yourself and having good hygiene is really all it takes to be physically attractive. At that point, how well we click with one another is going to be the real deciding factor.

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