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The Importance of Attraction

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This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself.


 

 

What is more important?  Being attracted to a girl or liking her personality?

 

Of course she can't be too obnoxious.  But just how far will attraction take you?  Are you more willing to overlook minor things if she is a bombshell?

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If an otherwise physically attractive woman has a terrible personality, she becomes unattractive to me. I can think of more than a few occasions where I see someone and think, "oh, she's pretty"...and then she starts talking and I'm like NOPE.

That said, physical attraction IS important. There are some people that I just don't find attractive at all - even if they had a great personality and everything else that I'm looking for in a spouse, I just couldn't date someone that I didn't find physically attractive.

The way I see it, physical attractiveness works as a baseline, but personality/character can easily add or subtract several points from that.

I hope that made sense lol

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I may sound shallow but to be honest, I'm not gonna mess a girl's feelings around if I'm not visually attracted to her because in the long run it won't end well. I can't pretend to be attracted to someone I'm not attracted to, and I don't want them to found out and lose their confidence or make them feel worse about their style based on my preferences. So I'd rather leave well alone.


First, I notice if a girl is really pretty. But there are lots of pretty girls out there and their outward prettiness doesn't necessarily say anything about who they are as a person. So then only some girls' souls and personality will actually attract me to wanting to get to know them and spend time with them and be around them. In fact, one of the reasons I believe in waiting until marriage and only being with one person is because people are so different no person is a substitute for another. Once I feel close to someone, it's hard for me to then detach from them when they move away or leave my life.

Also, personality can affect visuals. Like the kind of clothes you wear and the way you walk and body language, the kind of smell you have, personal items like keychains or headphones or necklaces or charity wristbands, facial expressions. I know my chilled-out personality shows in my lazy-looking eyes lool.

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In the end, personality carries the most weight, but attraction is still important enough to be a deal breaker if none is present. I'm not looking for a model and quite frankly, I don't necessarily want one. I just want a girl who is healthy, natural and takes good care of herself.

 

To be honest, most of the girls I've been interested in were average looking to me at first. But the more I got to know them, they became the most attractive girl in my eyes at least at the time. Even more so than girls I've found initially attractive physically. Because I can say for certain that the way a girl makes me feel is infinitely more important than how she looks. As long as a little attraction is there, that is all I need. It is how she makes me feel, not looks, that makes me more likely to overlook certain small gripes.

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I won't approach or try to initiate unless she's attractive, I won't continue unless I like her personality, so they're both very important.

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Personality only counts for so much and looks only count for so much. That is, if she's under a certain level of physical attractiveness, no amount of personality is going to get me interested. Conversely, if her personality is under a certain level of desirability, no amount of good looks will help. However, she only needs a certain level of looks, and after that, it's pretty much all about personality, which is to say that a 10 (a bombshell) isn't likely to fare better than a 7 or an 8 if the 10's personality is worse. 

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(Yes, this is theoretical. Tens are not knocking down my door, as you probably suspected.)

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Oh, by the way, Stacie, what did this mean:

 

This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself.

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As I'm sure you've surmised, it differs from guy to guy. Personally, I put a strong emphasis on physical looks. I just don't find myself attracted to many women. Even if they have a great personality it doesn't make all that much difference in terms of how attractive I find her. So, in one sense it's just how I'm wired. But, I'll admit, even if I did find myself attracted to a girl who isn't as physically attractive as I'd prefer, I'd probably hold out for a bombshell. This is just me, certainly not all guys, but I'm waiting to have sex with just one person. I want her to be gorgeous. Ever since I can remember being attracted to girls, I remember always wanting to "be" with a gorgeous girl. I'm not going to let go of that desire because I'm waiting until marriage.

But of course that doesn't mean personality isn't also important. I wouldn't be with a girl I can't stand because she's a bombshell. It's just, realistically speaking, I know that if I'm looking for a gorgeous virgin to marry, I know I can't be as picky with personality as I would be if I didn't care as much about looks. So, yes, there are personality traits (even some one might consider major) I would overlook because of how physically attractive a woman is to me.

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Oh, by the way, Stacie, what did this mean:

"This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself."

 

It means women can tend to have a different take on the topic.  Initial attraction is important.  But I think personality and character traits can make me more physically attracted to someone.  I'm willing to overlook some physical flaws if they have everything else I am looking for. I think other women are similar in this.  Evidence of this would be how more men watch porn on the regular than women.  Our brains operate a little bit differently. Since I'm not a man, I wanted to know what men think or how far they would go "just because she's hot". 

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Looks matter up to a point. Most guys would be tripping over themselves to get the "10". But very few, if any, stay with her. I'd like an average looking woman with a great personality over a great looking woman with an average personality.

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"This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself."

 

It means women can tend to have a different take on the topic.  Initial attraction is important.  But I think personality and character traits can make me more physically attracted to someone.  I'm willing to overlook some physical flaws if they have everything else I am looking for. I think other women are similar in this.  Evidence of this would be how more men watch porn on the regular than women.  Our brains operate a little bit differently. Since I'm not a man, I wanted to know what men think or how far they would go "just because she's hot". 

 

From another woman, I think you hit the nail on the head :) For me their personality, and particularly intelligence, matters far more than looks.  

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Considering looks fade....Certainly looks are important for initial interest but if given the time and opportunity to get to know someone of below average looks and their personality and character is attractive I don't think it would pose much of an obstacle. I haven't been in that position yet. I have been in the reverse though. Certainly pretty but her intangible features where sufficiently unattractive to persuade me to rebuff her advances!

Also some girls can turn features that might be considered less attractive e.g. crowded teeth into adding beautiful character to their features. And then some turn their beauty into less by excessive makeup and other attempts at beautification :(

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This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself.

 

 

I would like to know girls' opinions on such a topic as well... But even for men other than myself, I could only claim to have a general idea of the opinions of typical men in South London, or on TV/films and YouTube. Little of which I have described on this page xD

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I go out to the bars sometimes, and while I am oftentimes shy, I frequently end up talking to different women. I have met many beautiful women with average personalities.

 

I have also met some average to less than average looking women with amazing personalities. I would much rather spend my time talking to an average to less than average looking woman that had a good personality, than a beautiful woman with an average personality. The bad luck to the average woman though, is that they don't seem to realize how well their personality can make up for their (oftentimes low) self-esteem. Their amazing personalities would make them popular with the guys if they would have the courage to start a conversation; sadly a lot of guys wouldn't start a conversation themselves with a regular lady.

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She needs a balance of both. I have to find her attractive and also need to make sure she has a good personality for the most part.

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Interesting replies

For me, I'm gonna have to say it's:

Looks: 5/10

Has ten fingers, ten toes, nice feet, two eyes, a mouth and hair that grows out of her head, wonderful smile (doesn't necessarily mean she has perfect teeth).

Personality: 10/10

Now the important stuff;

Why well a woman of good character who laughs at my jokes, like to have fun gets outdoors, can carry a conversation and talk about things besides the next choice she'll dye her hair.

Who knows what she wants and has a bit of confidence.

Is modest in her sense and style of dress, not afraid to be a little different.

Of course as a woman she is reserved and thinks things through a billion times, but can say and express how she feels.

To wrap things up,

I'd definitely count a woman with a personality over the so-called "bombshell" a ten in my book.

The Proverbs 31 woman her looks aren't even mentioned really, but her noble character is.

And then there's this, I guess I'm getting older and I'm not really into, never have been, ...

But I'm not into the prettiest girl that all the fellas are chasing.

I've always liked the cute, quiet young lady next-door who is my friend and we get along type of a woman so much more so than the popular woman every guy is talking about.

But that's just me.

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Looks are always what get me first, but personality is what keeps me.  If someone's incredibly good-looking but has a nasty attitude and a superficial personality, I won't even bother.  Meanwhile, if someone's "just" good-looking but has an amazing attitude and a deep personality, I'll fall for them pretty quick.  It's hard to pin down what exactly attracts me, though.

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I think there does have to be a physical attraction. I would not date or marry someone I didn't find attractive. I'm only going to be with one person for the rest of my life so I want to make sure they are the perfect person for me. That being said I think that personality and values are vastly more important. Looks will fade over time but being with someone that you can laugh and be comfortable with will last forever.

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I think it is very important to note that attraction gets things started.  I also think its important to realize that, really, attraction is simply a cue to health.  A healthy mate is more likely to produce healthy offspring, e.g.  I think though, that is an excuse to get things started before they can last.

 

The personality and character, to me, are the things that cue whether a relationship will last.  The social health of a couple determines, imho, if offspring can be brought up by the same parents that produced them.  As the hypersocial creatures that we are, both are important.

 

I will give you the "secrets," as I dare see them for what they are, ladies (*dons armor and shield*).  I tell you these things because I think you have waited long enough and deserve to be rewarded for your purity.  I hope it teaches you how to not to waste any more time with prospective men (or worse, boys) who don't appreciate you properly.

 

If you don't seem attractive to a guy, but you have a great personality according to him: you are put into the "friend zone."  You know you are here when it FEELS like the relationship never proceeds any further and plateaus.

 

When you seem attractive to a guy and your personality isn't well received by him: he "doesn't call you back."  You know you are here when it FEELS like everything seemed to go so well and inexplicably ends.

 

When neither your personality or attractive features are well-received by a guy: "he's just not that into you."  I bet you are simply making the first moves with someone who can't reciprocate, and it FEELS exhausting because it actually is exhausting.

 

Here's a success.  When a guy both finds you attractive and loves your personality: "he's a great guy."  You probably find yourself sharing the time you spend with him with all your friends because it FEELS good to be in a relationship that works when you are fully appreciated.

 

The moral of the story is: both attraction and personality are important because it is NATURAL to have both in a serious relationship.  Attraction is physical, and personality is social.  Attraction is quite a blessing because, unlike personality, no one can lie about the physical, and it should be the first thing that each of us (men and women) have to meet head-on before things start moving in the first place.

 

Also, take heart if the first few don't appreciate your attractive features for what they really are, attractive.  No woman should have to apologize for her curves, her beauty, or anything else.  The world tries to convince you that you need to buy "one more product" to attract that guy, when you already have everything you need for the RIGHT GUY.  Remember that there are ~7 billion people on the planet, and each of us like different things.

 

Here's a soapbox warning: evolution has spent over 3.8 billion years perfecting how we humans eventually became one of the most sexual creatures on the planet.  This means that a great guy just for "someone like you" comes with a built-in mechanism to prefer your features.  So please, ladies, don't apologize for "what you've got."

 

You're not waiting until marriage because someone worthwhile won't come for you.  You're waiting because you know that you're worth it...

 

Whew, that was a lot of text, heh.

 

=)

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I think it is very important to note that attraction gets things started.  I also think its important to realize that, really, attraction is simply a cue to health.  A healthy mate is more likely to produce healthy offspring, e.g.  I think though, that is an excuse to get things started before they can last.

 

The personality and character, to me, are the things that cue whether a relationship will last.  The social health of a couple determines, imho, if offspring can be brought up by the same parents that produced them.  As the hypersocial creatures that we are, both are important.

 

I will give you the "secrets," as I dare see them for what they are, ladies (*dons armor and shield*).  I tell you these things because I think you have waited long enough and deserve to be rewarded for your purity.  I hope it teaches you how to not to waste any more time with prospective men (or worse, boys) who don't appreciate you properly.

 

If you don't seem attractive to a guy, but you have a great personality according to him: you are put into the "friend zone."  You know you are here when it FEELS like the relationship never proceeds any further and plateaus.

 

When you seem attractive to a guy and your personality isn't well received by him: he "doesn't call you back."  You know you are here when it FEELS like everything seemed to go so well and inexplicably ends.

 

When neither your personality or attractive features are well-received by a guy: "he's just not that into you."  I bet you are simply making the first moves with someone who can't reciprocate, and it FEELS exhausting because it actually is exhausting.

 

Here's a success.  When a guy both finds you attractive and loves your personality: "he's a great guy."  You probably find yourself sharing the time you spend with him with all your friends because it FEELS good to be in a relationship that works when you are fully appreciated.

 

The moral of the story is: both attraction and personality are important because it is NATURAL to have both in a serious relationship.  Attraction is physical, and personality is social.  Attraction is quite a blessing because, unlike personality, no one can lie about the physical, and it should be the first thing that each of us (men and women) have to meet head-on before things start moving in the first place.

 

Also, take heart if the first few don't appreciate your attractive features for what they really are, attractive.  No woman should have to apologize for her curves, her beauty, or anything else.  The world tries to convince you that you need to buy "one more product" to attract that guy, when you already have everything you need for the RIGHT GUY.  Remember that there are ~7 billion people on the planet, and each of us like different things.

 

Here's a soapbox warning: evolution has spent over 3.8 billion years perfecting how we humans eventually became one of the most sexual creatures on the planet.  This means that a great guy just for "someone like you" comes with a built-in mechanism to prefer your features.  So please, ladies, don't apologize for "what you've got."

 

You're not waiting until marriage because someone worthwhile won't come for you.  You're waiting because you know that you're worth it...

 

Whew, that was a lot of text, heh.

 

=)

**applauds***

WELL-SAID!!!!!!

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This is a question for the guys, because I already pretty much know what women think, being one myself.

 

 

What is more important?  Being attracted to a girl or liking her personality?

 

Of course she can't be too obnoxious.  But just how far will attraction take you?  Are you more willing to overlook minor things if she is a bombshell?

I think both elements are important. On the one hand, I think liking a woman's personality can be a precursor to me being attracted to her. On the other hand, if I'm attracted to a woman I would want to get to know her personality. For me, attractiveness isn't necessarily about the physical, it can also be about the little things (how does she treat others, what are her values etc.). 

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For me when I first started dating I was dating the drop dead gorgeous types as well as other women , but it seems like the women that I dated that just focused on their looks were extremely shallow and I quickly became attracted to the girl next door type . Maybe these model type women are so used to being spoiled that they no longer know how to give that pure and selfless agape love which is already very hard to find these days anyways

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that solves that quite handily.

I am no longer cornfused. The corn and I are now separate.

Thank you King Radical. Thanks.

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