Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
JHowe

"Just Friends"

21 posts in this topic

"Just Friends"

 

The two words I hate more than anything else. My question is...why? How can you just be friends with someone who clearly adores you and thinks you're not just the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you are a million times better? Wouldn't curiosity compel you to at least see what that person is about? That's not really the question I care about, but rather: how can one avoid just being a friend? What is that ever-so-elusive answer?

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But how come everyone else I know doesn't run into this problem? Every guy I know can just go from girl to girl, but here I am. So, what are they doing differently that causes girls to be attracted to them so much?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No doubt that great romances can come from great friendships. I remember how a girl I dated use to tell me another guy friend of her was just a friend and nothing more. Somewhere along the line things started to bloom between them and she dropped me for him LOL. Hypothetically if a girl told me that she thought of me only as a great friend I would still be down about it. Yet I would not lose hope in it. Maybe oneday she will start to notice you in a different light. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've made girls "Just friends", if I'm not attracted to them both physically and to their personality, I don't care how much they like me, it's not gonna happen.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I put so many people in the friend-zone just because I wasn't ready for anything more.  But I certainly pay for it now.  Now I'm the one in the friend-zone. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But how come everyone else I know doesn't run into this problem? Every guy I know can just go from girl to girl, but here I am. So, what are they doing differently that causes girls to be attracted to them so much?

sex appeal

charm

sophistication

intelligence

quiet confidence

sincerity

 

^^some near foolproof traits off the top of my head that will get you a woman sooner or later for sure lol. if you have these traits already, good. maybe you just need to be more confident and put yourself out there more.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sex appeal

charm

sophistication

intelligence

quiet confidence

sincerity

 

^^some near foolproof traits off the top of my head that will get you a woman sooner or later for sure lol. if you have these traits already, good. maybe you just need to be more confident and put yourself out there more.

 

Step 1: Be attractive

Step 2: Don't be unattractive 

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not that more girls are attracted to them, it's probably that they are asking more girls out. Who says you gave to be friends first? If you see a pretty girl at a coffee shop, buy her a cup and ask her if you can join her. Being friends first will probably lead a girl into thinking you don't want anything more and then when you say you do want more, she'll value your friendship too much to risk taking it to the next level.

 

I've asked an unreal amount of girls out. Ever since getting back home from the Army July 18th, I've asked about a collective 30+ women, with no successes. And with this last girl, I thought I moved fast enough to avoid becoming a friend, but I obviously was wrong. All of my friends thought that she understood that the first activity we did was a date. Apparently we were wrong.

 

And as for the be attractive/don't be unattractive part, I've been told time and time again I'm not a bad looking guy. But I am 5'6". That's the problem, right? Women don't like short guys?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Most women do want to date a guy taller than they are, but finding women 5'5 and under shouldn't be much of a challenge (statistical average is 5'4). And obviously that isn't a set-in-stone requirement for every woman out there.

 

This article has some pretty good advice.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, every girl I've gone after recently is shorter than me. However, most were shorter by an inch. Is there a difference of height equation that determines whether I'm screwed or not?

 

EDIT: And all I got from that article is that the women I like will never like me back, and my only chance is to go for women I don't like. So, yeah...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This video might not be the answer of how to get out of friend-zones exactly, but it is sure very humbling, empowering, puts things in perspective, makes you think about yourself and how to be more attractive.

Give it a try!

I know, it´s Matthew Hussey again. Some of his advice got shared on this site previously. I think this one not yet.

I don´t know all of his videos or advice, but this one is by far the most eye-opening one for me (of those videos and advice I know from him)....it´s great and worth a watch.

Very profound and thought-provoking!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0ZOwMx4E2Q

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've asked an unreal amount of girls out. Ever since getting back home from the Army July 18th, I've asked about a collective 30+ women, with no successes. And with this last girl, I thought I moved fast enough to avoid becoming a friend, but I obviously was wrong. All of my friends thought that she understood that the first activity we did was a date. Apparently we were wrong.

 

And as for the be attractive/don't be unattractive part, I've been told time and time again I'm not a bad looking guy. But I am 5'6". That's the problem, right? Women don't like short guys?

lol...so in like 4 months (give or take) you've asked out more than 30 women? don't take this the wrong way but that's your problem right there lol you sound like you just desperately want a woman and ANY woman will do. how the heck does one even find over 30 decent people good enough to ask out on a date in that short amount of time? dang, the area u live in must be flooding with awesome people lol

I mean, there's an old saying that if you shoot enough bullets, at least ONE is bound to hit the target but dang lol love isn't about numbers.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

lol...so in like 4 months (give or take) you've asked out more than 30 women? don't take this the wrong way but that's your problem right there lol you sound like you just desperately want a woman and ANY woman will do. how the heck does one even find over 30 decent people good enough to ask out on a date in that short amount of time? dang, the area u live in must be flooding with awesome people lol

I mean, there's an old saying that if you shoot enough bullets, at least ONE is bound to hit the target but dang lol love isn't about numbers.

 

No, I'm not "thirsty", I made myself a promise that when I got back home from the Army, I would put myself out there more than I ever have before. The only way to win a battle is to keep advancing, not every once in a while. And I live in a city, and go to a pretty large college, so yes, it is possible to find that many people in such a short amount of time. And I also don't go up to a woman and say "I've asked out 32 women before you. How are you doing?" I don't even mention that fact, so no, they probably don't just see a thirsty dude.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

maybe the way you're approaching them is too impersonal.

they don't have to know you asked out 32 women to sense that. maybe they're not seeing anything special in your approach. you're not making them feel special. it all probably feels routine and habitual. your height has nothing to do with it. men who aren't that tall are getting married and doing fine in the dating field.

you could argue that you're doing everything right but the results speak for themselves. and I haven't seen you in action so I can only speculate so much. but I will say that it's not your height. it's most likely your approach. something about it isn't right.

maybe somebody else can help you.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And all I got from that article is that the women I like will never like me back, and my only chance is to go for women I don't like. So, yeah...

 

What about the article made you think that? Because if you have a tendency to go for women you aren't compatible with, that is likely why you find so much rejection.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Just Friends"

 

The two words I hate more than anything else. My question is...why? How can you just be friends with someone who clearly adores you and thinks you're not just the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you are a million times better? Wouldn't curiosity compel you to at least see what that person is about? That's not really the question I care about, but rather: how can one avoid just being a friend? What is that ever-so-elusive answer?

 

Don't confuse gratitude for obligation. No one is obligated to do anything for a person who gives compliments and adoration by their own free will.

 

 

Also, don't compare yourself to other people. It's like saying "that person doesn't study for tests and gets A's, so I should be able to too!" Life doesn't work that way.

 

I don't know exactly what situation you're in right now, but from your posts, I suggest backing off from the dating scene and find other things to pursue. Because dating 32 women in three months tells me you're probably spending most (if not all) your free time chasing skirts rather than friends/family/hobbies/self-improvement.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can definitely understand where the OP is coming from. I think everyone struggles sometimes with the question of how to become more desirable to the opposite sex. I've found that it helps to remember that failure is the default setting in dating. Does this mean that you should throw in the towel? No, because then no one ever wins. We deserve to have the best partner because we will BE the best partner for someone who is equally deserving. Though dating does suck by definition, to potentially deprive the right person from the glory of your love would ultimately be the saddest thing. But I know how frustrating it can be. I have the hardest time being patient and I think a lot of people are like that. As an adult virgin, I've definitely had a hard time with it because it's seemingly taking for-EVER. I thought that once I slimmed down and got on a few dating sites, I'd be swimming in date offers. While I don't lack for male attention online, I've found that the number of men who are actually interested in meeting me are much fewer than I originally anticipated. Then subtract from those men the number of guys who are actually compatible with me AND want the same things for their future, AND are willing to wait for marriage to have sex. That's a pretty small number at the end of the day. I had to learn that if I looked at it as a rejection every time a guy just glanced at my profile and didn't message me, or didn't ask me out within a few emails, or passed me by on the street without a second glance, I'd wind up feeling horrible about myself. And I have; there have been plenty of times when I've wondered why I'm not getting flooded with emails on dating sites, or why most guys seem to just look (if that) but never approach me in public. It made me feel like there was something really wrong with me, until I realized two things.

One is that my thinking was all wrong. If what I'm looking for is an honorable, practicing-Catholic/Christian man who will treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve, someone with integrity, who will stand by me in my walk with God, then by default, the majority of men are not worth my time. The other thing I've realized is that I was looking to men to validate my sense of self worth when the only one whose opinion really matters (aside from my own) is God's. It could be that there are things the OP could do to maximize his chances of success. Checking out dating coach Stephan Erdman's page is a good place to start. Giving yourself a break and changing your perspective could also do wonders. Just please don't get so discouraged that you give up entirely - you're worth the effort and your future wife will thank you!

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love that, L8dyLuck.


When trying to stay out of the friend zone: There is a careful balance with men making it clear they want to be more than friends yet not skipping over the friendship part.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you tried online dating? My husband and I met on OKCupid. If you're asking out women and getting rejected, there are a lot of possible reasons why, but one could be incompatibility. While you don't really know about chemistry until a first date, with online dating, you can eliminate a lot of incompatible factors. I mean, my husband told me that the way I had answered a question about saving sex for marriage is what finally convinced him to first contact me on OKCupid!

 

You mentioned you're in college. What kind of dates are you proposing? Asking someone out for lunch or coffee is a lot less intimidating than dinner or a planned activity. Women are more likely to accept a date for a short interval like lunch or coffee than a grander date since there's less pressure.

 

For an even lower pressure situation, if you share a class with a woman you like, ask her if she'd like to get together and study. Then if the study session goes well, you can ask her on a real date.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0