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Guest Wifematerial

Family Background

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What is the family background of the waiters?  Most of them seem to have good intentions of marriage and family.

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My parents have been married for a very long time, they just shared their 25th or 30th anniversary a few months ago. Not really any siblings here. I had a brother but, he died when I was little. I have two stepbrothers and I think one stepsister. I only really "know" one stepbrother. He is in his late 40s so there is a serious age gap between us and we've only met a handful of times. What's weird is we both love to race Mustangs and work on diesels. It must be genetic. :P As far as other family goes, I never really hung out with anyone except for my two aunts and now that I'm a few thousand miles away I probably won't see them again.

 

I definitely think seeing my parent's strong marriage is what led me to want a family of my own. If I only had the influence of what's on TV I definitely wouldn't want any part of marriage.

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My mom grew up middle-class in the mid-west during the 1950s and 1960s, with the very typical working dad, stay-at-home mom, one sibling set-up. My dad grew up poor (literally living paycheck-to-paycheck), with a ton of siblings, in New York City. Mom is an atheist (ex-Lutheran), last I heard, my dad was agnostic (ex-Catholic). Neither of them were particularly happy with their situation; my mom didn't like feeling forced to conform to a very narrow gender role (she identified as a feminist as soon as she heard about the movement), and my dad didn't like being poor. Both of them turned to working corporate jobs to fix these problems.

 

They got married at ages 27 and 28; fairly old for the late 70s/early 80s. They had my brother at 32, and lived a fairly upper-class lifestyle in New England. Then my mother got cancer at age 35, was given a 50/50 chance of living 5 years, and quit working in order to be able to stay-at-home full-time with my brother. In retrospect, my mom thinks my dad never really forgave her for: 1, almost dying, and 2, quitting her high-earning job (she out-earned him at the time) in order to be a full-time mom. Although we were still comfortably upper-middle-class on just his income, I think he was still resentful towards her for quitting her job, and, ironically, his own kids for receiving so much of her attention.

 

I was born when they were 40. Although my parents were married until I was 16, I have no memories of my father being an active part of my childhood. He would often work (or, 'work') so late that he would be gone before I woke up, and come back only after I had gone to sleep. His general disinterest became more malevolent over time, and as we later found out, he started having affairs, hiding money, etc. When I was 15 he became so dangerous we feared for our own lives; my mother divorced him at that point (by the time it was finalized, they had been married 28 years). I no longer have any contact with him, and I don't wish for it. I even legally changed my last name at age 18, so it wouldn't be his.

 

I actually think the family difficulties that I experienced have only strengthened my desire to have a strong marriage, and to give my kids a great childhood. Luckily my boyfriend, who also had his own family difficulties, is on the same page. I honestly don't think our relationship would have been able to last from ages 16-22 (and still going strong!) if we hadn't experienced so much instability in our own lives. If your own parents have screwed-up marriages and lives, suddenly ending up with the first person you went on a date with seems like paradise, not, as so many people have told me, limiting or constricting.

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