carastarey

Artificial Insemination

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So I just saw this girl on Oprah. I'm not sure that she was a virgin but she was single and getting older and worried that she wouldn't find "the one" so she decided to get artificially inseminated and she had a son. So I was thinking this could work for a virgin who wanted kids before it's too late for her to get pregnant on her own. She wouldn't be having sex and she'd be able to have a kid.... What do you all think? Would you do it?

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Some are against it for religious reasons or moral ones. I see no issue with women doing it.

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To me, a child is a product of love between two people. If my future husband and I are unable to have children together, then we will go the adoption route.

Edit: If I end up not married, I'm spoiling the mess out of my niece.

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I'm against it. I believe that the child and or children would grow up fatherless. All children need both parents and without both there would be some questions and issues a mother may not be able to handle that a father can.... especially for little boys.

I do like adoption though but then again the same would happen so I'll only adopt if married. If I never get married....well I have nieces and nephews.

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A woman who's got a biological clock that keeps ticking and getting closer and closer to a point of no return needs to do something if she is to have kids. She has 3 options.

1.) Have a child under various circumstances

2.) Adopt a child or baby

3.) Get artificially inseminated

Personally, of those three one is not better than another. They're just different options. Ultimately a woman will give you the best answer for this question. I'm a guy. By default I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to womens issues haha.

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I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it, but I think the woman in question needs to be sure she has a HELLA strong support system in place before going ahead with it. Being a single mom is difficult enough even if you have an ex who can take the kid every other weekend, be called upon in an emergency situation, and chip in financially.

 

When you're a single-mom-by-choice via insemination from an anonymous donor, you have *none* of those things. You will be entirely responsible for taking care of an infant/toddler/child/teenager -- emotionally, physically, and financially -- 24/7, unrelentingly, for 18 years. I think an exceptionally strong person could handle that intense responsibility, especially if they have a tight-knight family that lives close to them that is willing to help.

 

It's pretty far from ideal no matter what, but I think if the mom is truly prepared for what she's taking on, it's probably better for both her and the kid to face the difficulties inherent in the single-mom-by-choice setup than it would have been for the mom to never have kids, or for the kid(s) to never have been born.

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I'm against it. I believe that the child and or children would grow up fatherless. All children need both parents and without both there would be some questions and issues a mother may not be able to handle that a father can.... especially for little boys.

I do like adoption though but then again the same would happen so I'll only adopt if married. If I never get married....well I have nieces and nephews.

 

Agreed.

 

Plus, what happens when the baby grows up and starts asking why they don't have a father? They have the right to know Dad's name. They have the right to go seek him out when they're old enough. When they do, they'll likely find that their daddy has another family of his own, and really doesn't see them as part of it. That child is a result of some "donation" they made years ago for money, or maybe because they thought they were doing a good deed. But they're unlikely to want a relationship with that child (especially if they have another family), and even if they do, it's likely to be a Christmas/birthday kind of thing, not an ongoing relationship. And if it is an actual relationship they're looking for, then they've missed out on their child's entire childhood, simply because they decided not to be in their child's life. I don't think you can make up for a missed childhood.

 

Depending on the circumstances, this could be a deal-breaker for me. If the guy I'm going out with/engaged to tells me that he once donated sperm to a fertility clinic, then my next question is, "Was any of it used?" If the answer's "no", then he got lucky. Get any remaining samples destroyed, and then we'll talk about marriage. If the answer's "yes", then we've got a problem. If we were to get married and have children, then our children have no more or less right to a relationship with their father than those conceived via artificial insemination. They're all his children. So I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that somewhere out there, there are children without their daddy, because he's there with me and his "new" family. That's not fair to them.

 

xxx

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Depending on the circumstances, this could be a deal-breaker for me. 

 

I also don't think I could ever marry someone who had donated sperm/eggs, or given a child up for adoption. (I also don't think I could marry someone who has a child from another relationship whom they are actively parenting, but for different reasons). I think that completely anonymous sperm donation, where the child has absolutely no chance of ever finding out who the donor is, is unethical and should be illegal (as it is in a good chunk of Europe, I think?).

 

I can't say for sure what I would do if I were in a situation where I was facing the end of my fertility, but had no partner to have kids with. Likely, I think I'd try to find a man, or gay couple, who is in a similar situation, and agree that, while we won't have a romantic relationship, we'll have children together and be family to one another. That way, the kid isn't totally denied a second parent (they could even have a third parent!), and I wouldn't have to face the incredible burden of being a completely isolated single mom.

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I'm against that. I want a husband and our love to make my children, not picking good-looking genetics and being alone. Honestly I think that something is missing when you have a baby without having sex (lol with Jesus being the exception haha!)

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I'm not against the idea of a single woman (or man) who is responsible enough to raise a child alone through adoption. To me, being raised by one parent is better than no parent and taking in a child in need is a very noble thing, even if you're doing it alone. But I see no reason to resort to artificial insemination given the fact there are millions of children out there who are already in desperate need for a good home. I understand some women want the experience of childbirth and to raise a child from the womb. But given the potential ethical considerations surrounding the issue, I do not think it's a good idea.

 

If God forbid either I become sterile or my future wife was unable to conceive, I would be vehemently against the idea of conceiving through artificial insemination or by any other artificial means. I would be disgusted at the thought of some other anonymous man's bodily fluids inside my wife's body. I would not marry any woman who would consider having children outside of natural conception or adoption.

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Kids who were conceived through artificial insemination face the same challenges that adopted kids do. I'm not against it because a child can be raised happily by a single parent. And some kids who were born artificially do sometimes meet their birth parent. Just like adopted kids. People do artificial insemination for a whole bunch of reasons. I personally wouldn't do it just like I would never do ivf or adopt.

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I would be disgusted at the thought of some other anonymous man's bodily fluids inside my wife's body.

 

While I would be willing to take fertility drugs, use artificial insemination, and, if it came down to that, IVF, I would only do so if I could use my own eggs, my partner's sperm, and if I could carry the pregnancy myself. I'd be incredibly uncomfortable using donor eggs/sperm, or hiring a surrogate.

 

I'm kind of glad that my boyfriend was adopted, because I feel like, if we did end up having to adopt, he could understand the potential issues that child might go through way better than I ever could.

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Interesting answers. I always joke to my friends that I'll get artificially inseminated if I never meet the one and my biological clock got to ticking loudly but I don't know if I would ever actually do it. I don't think I would want to adopt unless I absolutely had to. nothing against it, I am just one of those people who would like to have my own experience. I have always wondered what my own children would look like... However going through with artificial insemination also kinda makes me feel like if I were to do it, itwould mean that I didn't trust God enough to send me my husband and follow His plan for my life. It is an interesting subject....

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However going through with artificial insemination also kinda makes me feel like if I were to do it, itwould mean that I didn't trust God enough to send me my husband and follow His plan for my life.

 

Admittedly, I'm not religious, but I don't think you have to see it that way. Is it a sign of not trusting God when you use modern medicine to take care of any other physical challenges you might face? I got my wisdom teeth out to remove any chance of them becoming impacted, and had a benign tumor removed so that it would never have the chance to develop into cancer. If it wouldn't be inherently distrustful of God to undergo procedures like I mentioned above, then surely artificial insemination isn't a special exception, right? (That comparison is really only applicable when it comes to a matter of trust/distrust; if you think artificial insemination is wrong for reasons like Jegs mentioned, it is a different matter entirely.)

 

My perspective on that probably isn't worth too much, but that's my 2 cents, anyway.  :)

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I wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's wrong if a woman wants to do it. I think the biggest thing I'd ask is HOW MUCH has this person thought this through? Do they have to go through counseling, like you do if you want to donate a kidney, before you do something this big? If not, maybe you should.

 

Ideally, yes, a child deserves to have two parents who are happy with each other and know how to work through things, but a single parent who is committed and loving can give a child everything they need... even emotionally. My mom was both mom and dad most of the time we were growing up. I was 3 when my parents split, and over the years I saw less and less of my dad. My mom did everything from camping to sewing with us. Dolls to cars. She was/is awesome.

 

If I start dating someone and they tell me that they have donated, I won't lie and say it wouldn't be difficult. What I will say is that I'll respect that they were honest. I'd hope they'd tell me before the engagement stage, so I can respect the truth more. Hope that they'll understand it's something I need to process. If I like/love them, and they give me time, then I'd decide how I feel after prayer and contemplation. If I decided to be ok with it, I'd have to understand and prepare for the possibilities the future could hold, but that stands for life and marriage in general.

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While I remain non-judgmental over such issues, but I think for a virgin who is waiting for a special one, this does not sit well. So here is my advice:

 

The proper thing to do for such a girl would be to freeze her eggs, preferentially by two different companies/institutes that are physically as far apart as possible (even in different countries). One is primary and another is backup. Then and when she has married, and if she can not conceive normally, she can go to the primary source. If zombies :mad:  have taken over that location, she still has the backup. Safe and sound. One proud family. 

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PS. 

 

One important thing I forgot to mention (that is if some ladies here are interested in this technology that I described in my previous post) is that you have to freeze those precious eggs, earliest you can. Do it now if you think you are going to be waiting. Think it as an investment. Even if you meet someone special much later in life, you will have an unbeatable edge over your younger competitors. The best time would be in 20's and if not then at least by mid 30's. After that, things become difficult since the quality of eggs drastically reduce proportionately with a girl's fertile age. And beyond fertile age, then it gets even more difficult needing a miracle. If I was a girl, I would have already done it as an insurance policy. Just in case. 

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I really don't like the idea for single mothers.  There are enough kids out there as it is without fathers, why add more to that number?

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Admittedly, I'm not religious, but I don't think you have to see it that way. Is it a sign of not trusting God when you use modern medicine to take care of any other physical challenges you might face? I got my wisdom teeth out to remove any chance of them becoming impacted, and had a benign tumor removed so that it would never have the chance to develop into cancer. If it wouldn't be inherently distrustful of God to undergo procedures like I mentioned above, then surely artificial insemination isn't a special exception, right? (That comparison is really only applicable when it comes to a matter of trust/distrust; if you think artificial insemination is wrong for reasons like Jegs mentioned, it is a different matter entirely.)

My perspective on that probably isn't worth too much, but that's my 2 cents, anyway. :)

Removing teeth or something cancerous is not bringing a life into the world artificially because you haven't found 'the one' yet. Honestly not being hostile here or anything, but these things are on completely different grounds than artificial insemenation whether in the context of trusting God or even just generally.

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I really don't like the idea for single mothers. There are enough kids out there as it is without fathers, why add more to that number?

Just like people add more kids to the foster care system. I know plenty of people without moms and dads and they turned put just fine

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Removing teeth or something cancerous is not bringing a life into the world artificially because you haven't found 'the one' yet. Honestly not being hostile here or anything, but these things are on completely different grounds than artificial insemenation whether in the context of trusting God or even just generally.

Science vs religion. People use science for many different reasons. It's no different that ivf or being a single person and fostering/adopting.

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