PG1

As a waiter, have you had any issues with 'couples trips'... and how to handle them?

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As I have mentioned before, I may be meeting someone from the internet. We are only going to meet as friends, but you never can tell what will happen. He knows I'm waiting. So, that's not an issue right now. We have talked a lot, and once he mentioned going to visit family in California. I, casually, mentioned that I have always wanted to visit there, and named a few places that I'd love to go... just to have the photography opportunities. He replied to this with 'You never know, maybe I'll be the one to take you there'. This has gotten me to the thoughts of, if I ever meet ANYONE (online or off) how will I handle a 'couples trip'. Is it ok to ask for separate beds (because I would not be comfortable sharing a bed? maybe for a movie, but not to sleep in. Has anyone else ever been in a position to have to 'handle' this? I am just curios. I have only ever slept in the same room with a guy that I was 'hanging' with... and I made him sleep on the floor. What would you do?

 

To be clear, I don't have to decide this right now. The opportunity has not even presented itself. I just need some different points of view to ponder.

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If I were going to the beach or something similar, I would get separate rooms at a hotel. If we were staying at a friend or family's house, I'd ask for a separate room as well. If there is no separate room, I'd even go so far as to get a hotel room to myself and have my girl stay at the friend or family's place. They don't have to understand or agree, but it's our relationship not theirs.

 

When you are really committed to waiting, you will want to go the extra length to keep heavy temptation at bay. It's not always easy, but very few good things in life are.

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If you are still getting to know each other/the beginning of a relationship, he has to sleep on the couch/separate beds.  If you are an actual couple (OFFLINE) and are BOTH committed to waiting and you love each other, I'm for sleeping in the same bed.  You're not going to have sex.  You're just going to be close to the person you love. It will just grow your bond closer. If the temptations become too great, then do this less often.

 

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I'd take the same factors into account when deciding to sleep in the same bed as a significant other as I would when making that decision about a friend. I feel really uncomfortable even sharing the same bedroom with strangers or acquaintances; having to have a roommate my freshman year of college really sucked for me. With friends, I'm fine with sharing the same room, but having separate beds. With best friends, I have no issues with sharing the same bed.

 

When it comes to romantic relationships, that means in the early dating stage I'd want to have separate rooms, at the 'going steady' stage I'd be fine with sharing the same room but having separate beds, and at the 'committed for life' stage I'd be fine with sharing the same bed. But for me it's not about temptation, it's about comfort level.

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 Even if we just met eachother, we can put pillows down the middle or something if that would make us more comfortable.

 

I agree. Except I wouldn't be ready for him to hear me snore and see me drool just yet. Haha

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If you are still getting to know each other/the beginning of a relationship, he has to sleep on the couch/separate beds.  If you are an actual couple (OFFLINE) and are BOTH committed to waiting and you love each other, I'm for sleeping in the same bed.  You're not going to have sex.  You're just going to be close to the person you love. It will just grow your bond closer. If the temptations become too great, then do this less often.

 

I agree completely. With my ex, I would stay over at her place, and we'd sleep in the same bed. It was nice and intimate. There was never a risk of us sleeping together, because we were confident in our decision to not do so.

 

If you're confident in your decision to wait until marriage for sex, you will simply enjoy intimacy with the one you love, without fear of doing something you'll regret.

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I'm really committed to waiting, but I don't worry about temptation as much as you seem to do. In fact, I think walking theough temptation (and not giving in) makes you stronger. For example, simply being around my boyfriend is tempting but that doesn't mean that I'm going to avoid him. Same goes for sharing a bed.

So, clearly people can be waiting til marriage, and committed to it, without having to avoid heavy temptation.

In response to you Libs, I would share a bed. Even if we just met eachother, we can put pillows down the middle or something if that would make us more comfortable.

Simply being around your SO in and of itself and sharing a bed are two different situations. Sharing a bed usually is a much more physically intimate situation. You can't have a relationship without being around that person. But sharing a bed is something you can control and for some people it's not a big deal, for others it's too much. If sharing a bed is not a big temptation for you, then more power to you. I know for me, it is.

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My boyfriend and I are long distance, so when he comes to visit me at my place, he stays over. We sleep in the same bed, and we're fine. I know that some couples may have stricter boundaries or may not trust themselves enough, but we are comfortable with our self control and our decision to wait. I love sleeping with him and feeling close and intimate while knowing we're confident at our ability to control ourselves.

My advice would be to just talk about it and decide if you trust yourselves and whether you would feel comfortable being that intimate before marriage.

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See I feel like for me, once my relationship has hit the point of "crossed that line", "and that one" "and that one", deep down I lose all hope for it being a respectable relationship because I will always be the one holding us back. It's so much pressure not to be able to relax in your own relationship should I actually decide to slip up which HAS happened. LUCKILY by the grace of GOD each of those times the Holy Spirit intervened somehow some way before it reached that point which is how I know God is saving me for a specific purpose. But what I'm saying is, why push it to the limits when that could potentially damage the relationship as well as your whole waiting experience. So if it's that important to you protect it with everything you have so you can see if this guy pans out but also

the two of you can talk over boundaries together in a level-headed unemotional non in-the-moment state so that you can decide on what you feel comfortable with.

Also though I must note even though a couple guys I dated were "Christian" they weren't WTM until they met me. I had two other virgin boyfriends and they actually put limits in place one with the door shut in the bedroom one with a curtain bedroom door and it protected them as well as me so like they said it just depends what you can handle but try to always be a ahead of what you think that point is.

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Hey. I'd forgotten I'd written this topic. So, I guess I'll give an update. I wrote this shortly after joining this site, while I was still using a dating website. Anyway, since then I've taken myself off of that site. I've started praying, and considering what others from here have been saying, and I've been rethinking what I really want, and what I'm really looking for. A few months ago, I told this guy (from the post) that I didn't want to be anything more than friends on facebook, and that I didn't want to meet him. Mainly because I knew that we were both thinking that, even though meeting as only friends, it'd be more than that. Once I realized I didn't want more than that... well, it didn't seem fair to let him think anything else. Anyway, he's stopped talking to me. Like I said, I think, it never got to the point of actually having to decide, but I wanted to be prepared... like I do with almost everything in my life... as much as possible.

 

Since being here, though, I've talked to a few people, and watched what others have been saying, and I've changed. I now know that I'm looking for something that I didn't think was possible before, which is probably why I wasn't looking for it before.

 

As for this topic. I think the people on here who've stated not to push the boundaries that you're not comfortable with, and to even get separate rooms, really were what I was thinking. Again, I just thought I was being a little too old fashioned, and wasn't sure how to handle it. Once, again, I now know that I'm not alone.

 

It'd be one thing to share a couch while watching tv, but to share a bed with someone I love would be too much. I don't believe I'd cross a line, but I think I'd be too tempted. With the one guy (I've talked about before, my friend from high school that I had a crush on) I would lay in bed and watch movies with, and he's the only one I've 'made out' with I wouldn't  even stay overnight with him. I should have known then that it was something that concerned me, because the reason I didn't was because I didn't trust HIM... not myself, but him. He stayed once at my house, but we were in the living room, and my whole family was there. I wasn't worried.

 

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that the people of this site have been so helpful, and encouraging... and I've only been here less than a year. Just knowing that there are so many people out there, living a similar decision, makes me have a stronger belief that I'm not just having these 'there must be someone for me' feelings for no reason. God must have SOMEONE out there for me, or I'd probably KNOW I'm meant to be alone. Of course, I'm human, so who knows. I just don't understand why I keep being drawn to the wrong ones. For now, I've found interest in someone new (from the internet) and enjoy having his friendship. I don't know if we will ever meet, and I really don't know if he has any interest, but I DO know that I like him and having his friendship. So, just getting to know him is a wonderful experience. Which, really, is a different topic.

 

So, thank you all, for your input. I know some people might not mind being in the same room, or the same bed, but I think I fall into the 'I'd rather have separate rooms' category... if separate rooms aren't possible, for whatever reason, I think we'd have to come up with some really clever idea to not see too much of each other, or share a bed (especially since I have such strong urges AND am committed to my decision to wait)... should the subject ever come up.

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Do whatever you can to feel like you are comfortable and safe, especially on a trip that takes you far from home. If that means getting a separate bed or room, just make sure you have the money for it.

 

If you're staying in a hotel alone, make sure the room has a chain lock or something similar (a staff member once barged into my family's hotel room without knocking. I'm pretty sure they wanted to pilfer something because who opens a locked door to ask if we have towels?).

 

You could also look up Airbnbs too. They're actual rooms/houses/couches people rent out, and you can choose to have a place that has the owner present too.

 

Or think about inviting other friends to go with you too. It'll be a lot more fun that way, and if someone forgets something, chances are someone else will have it llD

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Okay so I'm actually really interested (so far from what I know) in this guy at my church. From what I've gathered we are both kind of just slowly opening up to one another. But something I've never felt with anyone before (that I feel now) is that I actually desire to stay way beyond the lines because I see this guy as major marriage material. It's like I can see nothing but goodness for us and my end result with him would be to build up a foundation of honoring and serving The Lord and just being open to doing all this great stuff for the kingdom which is what I've always wanted for my future and it's opening up new doors for me (like do I want to go on a mission?) and now I'm open to things I wasn't before. It's nice to see my "God future" lining up in a way of that also in a mate which is one in the same. It's as though everything's coming together in one line. But for me, something like crossing the line doesn't even seem desirable because I know where this guys heart is (God) and I know that he would want nothing but the best for us in all aspects BECAUSE he is in God. It's helping me realize how sexual those other relationships prior to this were but also it helps me feel like the power of a truly God-centered relationship helps me be more committed to God because if what me and the person are drawn to in the beginning is the fact that we both love God (which is why I love his personality and the way He speaks about God) then it would also help me to stay in check as far as backsliding goes as well as learning how to swim upstream since iron sharpens iron in a marriage instead of "oh wow our marriage sucks what now?"

I mean like I said it may not even work out but so far Im just stunned at the major deeper, more ingrained and futuristic differences spiritually, physically etc in being interested in someone who's of God. I've never been so turned off by the idea of being "turned on" around someone who loves God. Hahaha

But in summary, I think it will just come easily for you when deciding those boundaries (like I feel it is for me with this guy now) and it won't really even be a thing because you both want the same thing.

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Where I come from, 99% of waiters are Catholic and live at their parents home until marriage. Even non waiters live at home until marriage. Also, parents don't let the couple take alone trips anywhere. When they study abroad, well, that's where waiters put in practice their parent's teachings. When they take couples trips, usually the girls share room as well as the boys.

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