Writer, 26, explains why she is waiting til marriage

[29K 1,541]

I came across this article today and thought I would share it with you: http://www.salon.com/2014/10/06/when_guys_find_out_im_a_virgin/

I certainly can relate to a lot of things she talks about!

[PG1 1,730]

That was awesome.

[Guest ragtagandbobtail]

Haha I can relate to that article, as well, though I'm not so worrisome as she seems about finding someone.

 

I do have to say though, I always check out comments on articles, and they are very negative o_O at least in the top comments.

 

 

You have chosen to make a fetish of your virginity. That's actually rather sad, since it's such a tiny, insignificant thing in the face of a relationship that you'd like to last for the rest of your life. You want to have fun in bed, with a compatible partner and you think that you can know that without having sex first? 

 

That would be a LOT of sex. There's a learning curve. You might be with the Perfect Guy and find out that he's a dud in the sack. You might find the Perfect Guy and find out that you don't have truly good sex until you spend some time playing together. 

 

You are not property. Your vagina is not something that is "owned" by your husband. Frankly, if you meet and marry someone who finds it important that you're a virgin, then you're in for a lousy relationship. What you want is a partner, not someone who reduces you to a body part.

 

Do men reduce women to a body part when they are both waiting? What? LOL?

 

 

I note you completely fail to talk about whether you expect your husband to be a virgin. But moving on - let me tell you a likely scenario: (1) you'll finally marry, still a virgin, believing that this really is Mr Right. (2) It will turn out he isn't. You break up, and divorce (3) You finally DO meet Mr Right, realise it doesn't matter that you're not a virgin when you marry him, and while you live happily with husband no 2, you always regret you left it so long, and had made a huge deal out of losing your virginity and it turned out you lost it with someone who wasn't Mr Right after all.

 

-____-

 

 

Surprise - men who want to wait for marriage tend to be sexist prigs, because that's exactly the kind of mindset religion encourages. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too. You'll end up with nothing as a result.

 

Well, there ya go! All the guys on here are 'SEXIST PRIGS'! Hahaha where do these people come from?

[Buster Cannon 1,432]

That was a pretty good read. I will say this: she needs to be more upfront about her boundaries in the future. If you value WTM that much, you need to lay that out on the table at the beginning of the relationship. I think it would have saved her some trouble.

Also, the story of boy #3 was upsetting to me. The guy's supposedly a good Christian with firm beliefs, yet he isn't loving enough to protect the lady that he's with. He sounded like a mysoginistic jerk if anything else. :/

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

Wow, there are some incredibly cruel comments on that article. And people wonder why I prefer to hang out here. 

[Johnny 261]

I commend her for choice to wait, but the examples she gave don't explain why expressing a desire to wait should be awkward or uncomfortable. They just show problems with her other choices:

 

Guy #1 - They were making out on her couch on the second date! The problem was not in expressing her desire to wait. The problem was in her making the choice to escalate so quickly and presumably alone. 

 

Guy #2 - Doesn't even begin to count. She made the choice to break it off because he was her rebound guy. (She also made the choice to have a rebound guy). His reaction to her virginity apparently was not even an issue based on the description she gave.

 

Guy #3 - She made the choice to stay with this guy after he engaged her in possibly lewd talk and risky situations. She should have just ended it as soon as he started doing these things, since she should have seen from the moment such things started that he wasn't the right guy for her.

 

Her title shouldn't be "When Guys Find Out I'm a Virgin." It should be, "When I Make Bad Dating Choices That Endanger My Commitments."