voulaki726

guys, how long does it usually take you to ask a girl out?

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hey guys, I was wondering, once you befriend a girl, how long do you usually wait to ask for her number and then ask her out?

 

I met this guy at church back in August and we've seen/spoke to each other 3 other times after that at various church events and I think I might like him and think he might like me too, though I'm not 100% sure.  I know he definitely likes me as a friend though.  I expect to see him about monthly, since that's how often this church group we both belong to has events.

 

Anyway, he hasn't asked me for my number or asked me out yet, he only added me as a friend on facebook right away after our first meeting (he was the one who came over to me and said hi first by the way).

 

So, I was wondering, guys, if he does like me, how long should I expect to wait before he makes a move?  He does seem to be a bit shy, like definitely not the flirty, ladies man type.

 

Guys, how long do you usually wait before asking for a girl's number and then asking her out? How long do you like to be friends first?  Weeks, months, a year???  Is it really that hard for you to ask for a girl's number or ask her out? Even if it's a friend?  Do you have to be absolutely sure she likes you before you make a move?

 

Would love your input, thanks!

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Initiate conversation.  "Hey.  You coming to the next event?"  "Come find me at the next event?"  Lead him to asking you out.  If you aren't clear enough, he might think you're just another one of those friendly types.  Or perhaps you are intimidatingly gorgeous. 

 

I would also like to know the answer to your question on how long it takes for a guy to ask a girl out.
 

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For me, there really isn't a set amount of time before I ask a girl out. However, I'm apparently a weird one in that I ALWAYS get to know a girl as a friend first before considering asking her out. That way I can get an idea of what kind of person she is before taking the next step. Once I feel like there is a connection, however long it takes, I will ask her out. I don't know if that helps any.

 

I'd definitely do what Stacie suggested. Just initiate conversation and show interest in him. If he's interested, he'll ask you out. But there's no need to wait on him forever.

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I always get to know a girl as a friend first too, I knew my girlfriend for 3 months before asking her out.

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I'm not a guy, but I've had men beat around the bush for weeks or months and eventually not asking me out.

 

I had the extra-odd experience of a guy friend who told me he liked me but never asking me out on a date .__.;

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Same as the other guys ... would really prefer knowing her as a friend first.

 

 

I'm not a guy, but I've had men beat around the bush for weeks or months and eventually not asking me out.

 

I had the extra-odd experience of a guy friend who told me he liked me but never asking me out on a date .__.;

If you don't mind ... I am really curious about your experience. This guy friend who told you that he liked you but never asked you out on a date ... how did that happen? I mean he never specifically said "Would you like to go on a date with me?" ?

 

I guess I am a bit confused about the definition of a date. Is it not spending time together doing some mutually enjoyable activity?

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I guess I am a bit confused about the definition of a date. Is it not spending time together doing some mutually enjoyable activity?

 

What it SHOULD mean (because remember, my word is law), is when two people spend time together in a romantic context or at least with the intent of possibly moving towards a romantic relationship.

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I'm not a guy, but I've had men beat around the bush for weeks or months and eventually not asking me out.

 

I had the extra-odd experience of a guy friend who told me he liked me but never asking me out on a date .__.;

Perhaps he was hoping for some mutual feelings such as, "I like you too!"  That might give him more confidence to ask you out.

I'm just guessing and I wasn't there so I don't know.

But what I do know from my own experience, is often us girls get so used to being pursued and hinting around and batting our eyes, that we forget to communicate effectively.  We also have to go after what we want too.  And also, sometimes guys just want to have fun with several gals before they settle down for one.  They might be still trying to figure out what they want, especially if they are young.

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Terrific answers thus far, ... Wow what else could I add.

Well maybe as a guy I could toss my opinion in.

I'd piggyback on what Vince and Josh have offered so far in that I also like to get to know a woman first as a friend.

I think it's nice to maybe even "hangout" a time or two prior to "dating" if possible.

See if there's a connection, see if we actually like each other, and if we're even on the same page about things.

But mostly have fun, like two people should I think, in the beginning, right.

But then I wouldn't really know, I've not been on a lot of dates anyhow, so take from this advice what you may.

Be a little patient with this guy, let things continue to "simmer" and try to read between the lines.

I know women are definitely better at this than us fellas will ever be.

I second what Vince said above about showing a little extra interest in him, flirt a little, guys do pick up some things.

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If you don't mind ... I am really curious about your experience. This guy friend who told you that he liked you but never asked you out on a date ... how did that happen? I mean he never specifically said "Would you like to go on a date with me?" ?

 

Perhaps he was hoping for some mutual feelings such as, "I like you too!"  That might give him more confidence to ask you out.

 

I think it's pretty much what Stacie said.

 

And yeah, he said he liked me but never took the initiative to actually spend any one-on-one time. In fact, he stopped talking to me since that day. Like he never called to hang out like he used to.

 

I'm not sure if it's because I told him I needed some time (I told him I was recently rejected by a good friend and had a friend's roommate throw racist remarks and threats at me), but after that, he completely cut contact with me :/

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I'm not sure if it's because I told him I needed some time (I told him I was recently rejected by a good friend and had a friend's roommate throw racist remarks and threats at me), but after that, he completely cut contact with me :/

I hate to say it.. but he completely cut contact with you because many times guys can't be just friends.  Some guys can, MANY can't. 

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I think it's pretty much what Stacie said.

 

And yeah, he said he liked me but never took the initiative to actually spend any one-on-one time. In fact, he stopped talking to me since that day. Like he never called to hang out like he used to.

 

I'm not sure if it's because I told him I needed some time (I told him I was recently rejected by a good friend and had a friend's roommate throw racist remarks and threats at me), but after that, he completely cut contact with me :/

 

I am sorry to hear that Hanachu :(. Yes you did need time. Maybe he will come to realize the same and try to reestablish contact once he has had his space and time to think.

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I am sorry to hear that Hanachu :(. Yes you did need time. Maybe he will come to realize the same and try to reestablish contact once he has had his space and time to think.

Yes, and also maturity has something to do with it.  Wanting to be just friends for now and the guy vanishing is fairly normal for young people.  Thankfully many people improve with age.

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3-6 months. It gives me time to get to know her as a person and more importantly see how she interacts with men in general. A lot of people will put on a nice mask but, very few can maintain it for months on end before their true personality begins to show. I've weeded out more than a couple girls that were interested in having me for the moment. It's so annoying seeing people jump in and out of relationships and it's very common in college. Ugh. :o

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It usually takes me a few months of preparation and toe-dipping.  Part of that is because I want to get general idea of what my crush is like, and the other part is putting off potential rejection.  :P

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It depends on the circumstances surely? If you're meeting someone online then you'd take longer and you'd have to ask Skype or something first (like this site for example). The last girl I asked out was at Uni. Spent an hour talking to her, found her funny and cute and then she was on facebook when I got back to my room so I casually asked her to play tennis, and then asked her out then and there. Had a few more date but I swear she went clubbing almost every night of the week, that went nowhere. 

 

I once tried to ask a girl out by saying 'well i'm going to the cinema' she looked at me 'some good films out' she continued looking at me curiously and then I panicked and tried to make it sound like I wasn't asking her  and said 'loads of us are going you should maybe come' then the girl in front turned round and said 'what's everyone going to see?'  And so I just sat there and sid 'well uh, a, uh film, I think'! She then turned to her friend in front and asked her to come, then in front of the class asked 'who else is going'... so I got plenty of stick for that when I had to own up. Very embarrassing! But if a guy is stumbling don't just remain silent!!

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Well guys thank you for all the responses.  Turns out, as I got to know the guy better I don't like him much more than a friend anyway and I don't really care or want him to ask me out! Haha!  Plus...I already started dating someone else : )   (DON'T WAIT TOO LONG GUYS!)  :D

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The same goes for girls. If you don't tell him how much your heart beats for him, you can lose him forever. So, the message is: don't wait too long boys and girls. You make it seem as only we can fall in love :P

 

Btw, I don't believe in asking someone out to just be in some sort of love-relationship either. One way or the other, hearts will reach out on each other and will fate your path into one without even brain even thinking about asking him or her out.

That's what love is to me.

 

In case you are puzzled, I had a love once, whom I've been together with for 6-7 years. I didn't ask her out and she didn't ask me out. It just... happened. And in the beginning we were like enemies, we didn't talk or look at each other.

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Well guys thank you for all the responses.  Turns out, as I got to know the guy better I don't like him much more than a friend anyway and I don't really care or want him to ask me out! Haha!  Plus...I already started dating someone else : )   (DON'T WAIT TOO LONG GUYS!)  :D

 

That's life for you. Don't worry. He probably wasn't the right guy for. He's out there probably not finding the right woman for him.  :lol: 

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