Guest markb4

Men Making Decisions

33 posts in this topic

I appreciate the religious viewpoints brought forth, but please let's not derail this thread and make it into a battle of opinions on gender roles in the Bible and Christianity. We can do that in another post, but let's just get back to my original question here, lol.

 

Thanks!

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I believe a relationship should be about teamwork so most likely it will be us talking things through beforehand then deciding what's the best thing to do, from buying your first house, to naming your kids,what school you want take your kids,how to raise them because that's how relationships are. Every decision you make affects the other person and you have take into account what they want and how they feel about it because it's their life too.

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I think the most important aspect is respect.  In a relationship and making decisions, a man needs respect and so does a woman.  So, in a sense, both submit to each other.  I think it is important that a man be the protector.  Sometimes there are decisions that need to be made quickly or if the wife is not present.  In that case, I think the man should make the final decision because his best interest is in the protection of his family and his wife.  So the best kind of leader (husband) is someone who loves his family and makes decisions in that light.  And if a man loves his wife, then he'll know that she would like to have a say or to be considered.

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Its absolutely dependent on the woman. I would love for my husband to be the head of the household but I don't want a dictatorship. I want to be part of decision making processes. The "head of the household" part comes when the difficult decisions or the one's I don't have an opinion on come up. I want him to be confident enough to make that decision in the best interest of the two of us.

 

Then there are women who cringe at the thought of men being the decision makers. 

 

I'm old fashioned, so I usually defer to traditional gender roles.

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(While I am male it seems males can also post in this forum?)

1stly in regard to jasmine23's comment about equality. As someone has already said I think this is rightly seen to mean that while they are of equal intrinsic value my (biblical) perspective is that they ideally should not hold equal power in all areas of the relationship. They have differing roles with different reponsibilities and duties one not less important than the other. The technical term for this is 'complementarity'.

As someone also mentioned the tie breaking issue - I think if the two have equal (final) decision making power this leads to politics and possibly overt manipulation and fighting to protect one's power. This forgets that it is not an issue of who is right or wrong but rather a 'what decision is best for the marriage' and this could very well mean that the husband should choose the wife's option and in doing so there should be no loss of status - no need to protect "my turf".

As for this privilege of making big decisions I think people forget the responsibility and burden it brings. To think that my decisions will directly affect the present and future happiness and financial/spiritual/emotional/ physical security and health of the people in my family unit is nearly overwhelming. I need to carefully make the right decision; I will be accountable to man and God. From marriage improvement materials I've heard that a good way to mature an 'imature' man is to submit to his decisions as this places burdening responsibility on him and if he loves you and wants the best for you then he will quickly learn to take on that responsibility. Of course in the role of pre-marriage ideally you should find someone sufficiently wise and thoughtful whose decisions you can more easily accept and submit to due to their wisdom. Submiting will also show that you respect him and his decision making ability. Respect is something men thrive on and sadly in today's society it is increasingly accepted to blatently disrespect males and husbands (a good article on this with a demonstrating viral advertisement worth watching http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/02/22/your-husband-doesnt-have-to-earn-your-respect/)

I think one could find great peace if one can accept the partner's final decision and trust that he/she will do what is best after giving ones input. And according to the bible arguably this is the husband but in a purely secular marriage I believe this kind of submition is beneficial though the roles may be swapped.

In relation to decision-making power/balance and terms such as headship/leadership/dominant or submissive/helpmeet one must take care to consider what we actually understand and believe about these terms and roles. I think most people misunderstand the terms dominant and submissive (either that expressed by the Bible or by DS in BDSM). Dominant DOES NOT MEAN DOMINEERING! It does not mean that he/she should take whatever decision he selfishly believes is right without care or thought to the wife's perspective. Submitting also doesn't mean that the wife needs to be a doormat. For anyone interested I HIGHLY recommend doing some research into the dynamics/lifestyles in DS (standing for Dominant and Submissive) as it makes explicit the power relations in relationships and how couples have used this for mutual gain and satisfaction. (Word of warning though that there is a very broad spectrum of DS so please don't judge the whole by a possible extreme version of it that you find! Also while DS is not confined to sexual contexts it frequently appears also in that sphere but also operates outside of it in case you didn't know) Any good DS explanation of who/what a true 'Dominant' or 'Submissive' is/should be will I am sure challenge your current understandings of the terms/roles and thus the relevance and the how of who makes what decisions (pm me if you want some links). Of particular interest to me are the sites that explore this lifestyle in its varying degrees in a committed Christian marriage. I was quite surprised at the parallels I saw between the attributes of a good DS Dominant and the good Bible husband and some of the (non-sexual) practices/methods that would be highly beneficial to deepening any marriage.

Note that when it comes to matters of conscience I don't care if the decision-maker is male or female they have absolutely no right to enforce a decision that violate's the other's conscience/morality. I have seen this done in a marriage relationship and find it repugnant.

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I believe in balance...sometimes I'll have to make a decision on my own and sometimes he will have to. Because of that we need to have a very trusting and understanding relationship. The majority of the time, however it's very important that we consult each other about decisions before we make them because we will be married- each of us though independent and intelligent, are committed to each other and therefore must work as one unit.

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It varies from situation to situation. You've gotta learn from experience which ones you should take charge of. In fact, loving and living any other human being mean getting used to their likes and dislikes and their idea of the world. Just spend time with them and figure it out. And hopefully if they're right for you, they'll be considerate of your views too.

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i dont want a guy who will say they agree with me even when they dont, but i also dont want a guy who always has to have it his way. A guy who suggests a decision and asks for my opinion is the most attractive to me 

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