Queen

What's important?

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As you are in the dating field, you find someone who is also single and waiting until marriage.  Great.  Now how do you know if they are the one for you?  What questions do you seek answers to?  What qualifies them to be your life partner?  What are you looking for? What do you expect from them?

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I know it looks like a lot, but it's really not... considering that we are very complex creatures. I don't care what he does for a living, as long as he's happy. Although I have really only ever imagined myself with someone who works long hours or has to travel a lot. The only things I really won't budge on are these, us having FAITH in common, him being a GOOD man (I don't want a 'bad boy'... an edge, or sarcasm, is welcome), and he MUST know how to communicate verbally. I have to know we can talk to each other about things. YES, this is something that I have given a LOT of thought over the years. Maybe I'm picky, maybe I'm selective, or maybe I just know what I want. What's important is that this 'list' is just an idea, most of it is not set in stone... ultimately, GOD has to lead me to him, him to me.

 

He's a Christian who accepts others and is open minded. He is a good, decent man. Tall, slender/built/athletic. I want someone to cuddle with, but strong. I want to feel protected. Someone who can hold a conversation. I mean a REAL conversation, give and take. He knows how to add cars, no matter how long that train (of thought) may get. He is unique, in some way, and knows he's cool… but other people only know it because of how he is. Outgoing. I need this to even me out in life. Someone who will get me out of my world and/or house once in a while, because he knows I need to whether I realize it or not. Considerate. He'd never leave me to my own devices in a new situation… at least not until he KNOWS I'm fully comfortable. HE must be willing to communicate, and do the work that any good relationship takes. Hard times happen, talking, occasional arguing, counseling. He can see his flaws and willing to do the work on the ones you don't like. People CAN change, it just takes work. No one is perfect, and I'm not setting out to find someone to change. I want them to like who they are, and change what they don't. He is a happy person… even if his skeptic shows occasionally. Sarcastic humor is almost always appreciated. :) The kind of guy that makes the first move, but chooses his moment carefully. Never pushy, or overbearing. A family man. Even if he doesn't have kids, or want kids. I have nephews, and even though I do not want to have children I love my nephews and I may be raising one or both of them someday. However, I would be open to adopting an older child (not only are babies a little scary to me, but I'd like to give love to a child who's had a harder time finding it). Do something he enjoys for a living... even if it takes time. I believe in quality vs quantity, and only ask that there at least be some effort in the communication area if we can't see each other.
BONUS POINTS for...
• being willing to learn how to swing dance with me
• recreate the iconic 'the kiss' (Alfred Eisenstaedt) with me
• correct grammar usage is a huge bonus.
• being willing to dance with me in the rain (or be silly and playful, too), don't forget to end it with a dip and a kiss
(j/k on that last part... unless you really want to, I won't fight it :) ).
• like and mock bad movies
• wear ties, a suit/tie combo makes my heart race a bit.

 

I really do feel like I wrote a lot, but it's all what is in my head. :/

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Just hang around them for a while, go on dates and see what they're like, and then you'll know if you like them or not, I guess. Figure out if you want to spend more time with them. You can tell what someone's like just by spending more time with them, and most questions will usually come up or gradually be answered after a while.

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To be frank, I don't know what I want. All I know is that I get bored with everything pretty fast when it comes to human relationships. I don't know if I want someone to love and to love me in return. I don't even know if I want to get married at all :( (spent the last ten years trying to make up my mind). If I can just find someone who can hold my attention for say, a week... Sorry I haven't quite answered your question Stacie :).

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Things I look for are:

1) Intelligence, motivation and the ability to have deep conversations now and then.

2) Kindness, good with children and close to his family.

3) Someone who is the opposite of a stereotypical 'bad boy'.

4) That elusive 'chemistry' that you feel when you meet someone and just immediately click with them :)

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Honestly, I don't know ALL the question that I'd want answers to because thing is, you can have certain questions & criteria & all that but it may be that you meet someone & you see something different, things & qualities that you hadn't considered before & now, with this person, you find them & those unique qualities of theirs desirable......on the other hand, another person may meet most of the criteria on your checklist & yet that magical "chemistry" might still be missing........so like Daz has said, just spend time together, talk about things & things that matter will naturally come up & just go with the flow......

 

So, with respect to more obvious things, I guess I'd prefer someone non-religious (although I'm open-minded about non-practising theists) because otherwise it can cause a lot problems, especially after having children......intellectual curiosity would be extremely important, the desire to find out about things & an inclination towards discussing & debating things.....being very forthright & honest, being communicative, having similar moral values.....mutual physical attraction is necessary as well.

 

I believe it's good to not be TOO SPECIFIC in what you're looking for in a partner (obviously, beyond the "must have" qualities) because then you sort of have this fictional person in your mind & you're trying to find a real person that matches that fictional person but such a person mayn't even exist. So I'd just consider the "must haves" & then just let myself fall in love with her if it is to happen, accepting her as she is with her qualities as well as her flaws.....

 

And yeah, most importantly, as I've said elsewhere, a girl can have all the qualities that I want but if she doesn't really want to be with me then I just won't feel it. So yeah, this would be at the top of the list -> that she loves me! :)

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Most of the questions I would have pertain more to her character than anything else. I think there are some big similarities that we must both have in common like faith, kindness, open minded, ambition (as long as family always comes first), compassion. Things like that. I really don't care what she does for a living or even if she has a degree, as long as she is happy with what she does and who she is as a person. I think confidence is important when it comes to a woman because it automatically makes her more attractive in my eyes. I think maturity is also important but I wouldn't mind a woman who can be an absolute fool alongside me. 

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