cookiemonster

controlling yourself

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Guys how do you control yourself against lust, temptation, and taking things to far that you didn't plan on taking far. I've seen many guys say they can't control themselves and they have "needs" My friend is currently in a relationship with a jerk and says he can't live without sex (I say bs)

I know men are more visual than women. There's sex all over the place. There's temptations everywhere. How do you get past that and control your desires.

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Whoever invented the stupid idea that guys can't control ourselves must have been on some seriously hyped up genetically modified shrooms or acid. It's not that we're not unable to controls ourselves. It's that many of us choose NOT to control ourselves. We're not these animalistic Neanderthals with basic instincts to bang anything that walks and has breasts. Because we also happen to think about food and sleep too :P

 

But seriously though, yeah it is true lust and temptations are particularly strong for guys. Often times, the urges drive me insane. But I'm very capable of taking steps to keep it under control.

 

Me personally? I sometimes deal with it by visualizing old people having sex. I kid you not. Nothing is more effective in dousing the flames of sexual desire than the thought of a Victorian Era couple getting freaky with each other. Gross.

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For the believer, there isn't a temptation greater than you can deal with.  There will always be a way to escape it.  And even for those who don't believe, saying that single guys have 'needs' that they have to be allowed to use a woman to 'meet' is hogwash.  And it is 'using' her, even if she is in turn 'using' him.

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Well, as a non-religious person, I do watch porn & masturbate so some might not see me as someone "in control of oneself" & that's ok but just because I believe waiting doesn't mean I want to repress my sexuality, which can sometimes lead to problems. In my opinion, there are real benefits to being in touch with one's sexuality, it's ok if others have a different opinion though.

 

Anyway, if I was in a relationship, I simply wouldn't feel the "need" to have sex with the girl because waiting till marriage is something I've always believed in. I just don't think that I'd want to be with a girl in that way until both of us have committed ourselves to be with each other for the rest of our lives. Forget sex, I wouldn't even feel the "need" to touch her in a sexual way!

 

I guess there are people who consider sex as something more than "just a pleasurable physical act", something that has deeper emotions attached to it when you do it with someone else & I believe such people are more likely to be waiters or at least respect waiting; on the other hand, there might be people, for whom, sex is nothing more than a pleasurable physical act with almost no emotions involved, & therefore they might be ok with having sex with someone they are not deeply emotionally invested in.

 

Besides, there's this thing called RESPECT! So if a guy respects a girl & her right to make choices for herself then he will not pressure her to have sex, he'll either accept her decision or move on.

 


Me personally? I sometimes deal with it by visualizing old people having sex. I kid you not. Nothing is more effective in dousing the flames of sexual desire than the thought of a Victorian Era couple getting freaky with each other. Gross.

 

:lol:

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its very tough, im not gonna lie, but the way i look at it, i would rather purposefully disengage in the temptation to entertain lustful thoughts, and look away when i see something very suggestive, because i don't want to get started down that path. everything starts somewhere, the more you fantasize about having sex and entertain those lustful thoughts, the more you will want to partake in something else, one thing leads to another, and sooner or later, you'll be doing something you were trying not to do. I am only human, so of course i struggle with lust and temptation every day, but God has given me the strength to resist it, without him i wouldn't be able to control myself, so i just stay focused on God, and when he feels i am ready for a wife, he will provide for me.   

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Sometimes I think temptations are the quick and dirty option, so thinking about the equivalent good option is a remedy.

 

If tempted to fantasize about sex, say no, and realize that one is really wanting love, affection, companionship, marriage (for that is what gives sex meaning).

 

Then take action to work towards it. Maybe dial up a karaoke song on YouTube and practice singing. Write poetry, or practice guitar. Embark on some new endeavour to help others and become a stronger person of integrity. Make your boo a sandwich. Think about how to propose?

 

If it's really bad, think 'no!' like telling a dog no.

 

And 'get out of here, satan!' 'Jesus I love you, free me from this', 'the Lord rebuke thee, satan, get thee hence. I belong to God!'

 

In other words, if tempted with lust, knock satan upside the head with a rolled up newspaper

 

God can really help people with this. I've been abstinent my whole life, but it got so much easier after I became Christian!!! I hardly ever have those temptations anymore. It gives a wonderful sense of peace, from the Prince of Peace.

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Sometimes I think temptations are the quick and dirty option, so thinking about the equivalent good option is a remedy.

 

If tempted to fantasize about sex, say no, and realize that one is really wanting love, affection, companionship, marriage (for that is what gives sex meaning).

 

Then take action to work towards it. Maybe dial up a karaoke song on YouTube and practice singing. Write poetry, or practice guitar. Embark on some new endeavour to help others and become a stronger person of integrity. Make your boo a sandwich. Think about how to propose?

 

If it's really bad, think 'no!' like telling a dog no.

 

And 'get out of here, satan!' 'Jesus I love you, free me from this', 'the Lord rebuke thee, satan, get thee hence. I belong to God!'

 

In other words, if tempted with lust, knock satan upside the head with a rolled up newspaper

 

God can really help people with this. I've been abstinent my whole life, but it got so much easier after I became Christian!!! I hardly ever have those temptations anymore. It gives a wonderful sense of peace, from the Prince of Peace.

This.

And avoiding things that you know bring about the temptation. Look away, don't choose to watch things you shouldn't, don't hang out in places where temptation lurks. Otherwise it all just works to wear you down.

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Actually, it's been biologically proven that men have a harder time controlling themselves in terms of sex. The reason for this lies in our instinct to reproduce. Men's role in reproduction is not only easy/quick but it doesn't cause bodily changes to occur. Women's role however requires a long commitment and may result in complications/death. Therefore, men are not as selective as women when choosing a mate. Instinct tells men to mate with as many females as possible while instinct in women says to choose a mate carefully and only when the body is ideal for pregnancy.

 

Yes, it is harder for men (pun intended) but not impossible. While men do not experience physical change the way women do, there is still something that holds us back from going too wild sexually. Unlike animals, human males have to provide that pesky little thing we call child support :P

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Instinct tells men to mate with as many females as possible while instinct in women says to choose a mate carefully and only when the body is ideal for pregnancy.

 

It's so funny to me, when people think of waiting till marriage as "old fashioned" and "archaic" and "outdated" when many people at the same time believe men have a primordial instinct to mate indiscriminately that developed aeons ago.

 

I mean, if men have a primitive instinct to mate with anyone, doesn't that make waiting till marriage the NEW invention? Aren't we cutting-edge trend setters by saying we believe in waiting until marriage? :D

 

lols

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I didn't say it was impossible... Mentally men know that there are consequences to sex (i e. Socio-economic ones) However, there is no instinctual facet in males that 'hold them back from going too wild sexually.' In fact, human males are one of only a few creatures that can experience sexual activity without said action resulting in their death.

 

I never said you said it, but that was the whole premise in which the OP made this thread in the first place as emphasized below:

 

Guys how do you control yourself against lust, temptation, and taking things to far that you didn't plan on taking far. I've seen many guys say they can't control themselves and they have "needs" My friend is currently in a relationship with a jerk and says he can't live without sex (I say bs)

 

We're not talking about whether or not it is more difficult for men to resist sexual temptation because it's a given that it is. You know it's true and I have affirmed it's true. The implication of the issue at hand is whether or not we are capable of waiting a significant of time or until marriage within a relationship to have sex. The answer, of course, is that despite the fact that it is usually more difficult for guys, it most certainly is possible.

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So maybe men are tempted more often with sex, and just to be fair, women are tempted more often with something else, like shoes.

 

But I think anyone is fully capable of resisting their temptations, and it doesn't have to be all that hard.

 

So in the interest of helping this guy out, I'd like to know more about him.

 

Because I think if he REALLY had the motivation to wait, he'd wait.

 

-What does he think about God?

 

-Does he truly want to wait? Is there a genuine struggle he's making, or does he just blow the topic off?

 

-Does he recognize any benefits to himself, or society for waiting?

 

-Does his girlfriend want to wait? Has she told him?

 

-Does he realize he could shatter her emotionally if he keeps having sex with her, then ends up leaving her?

 

-Does he know that he could be risking her eternity if he does things to tempt her? If you love someone, you try not to tempt them.

 

-How much does he really, really care about this girl? Is she just a convenient toy to him, or does he really, seriously intend to see if they're compatible for marriage, and get married?

 

So, I'd like to know more about his motivations. And I'm thinking in terms of a friend wanting to give him a helping hand. Cause I care about him. I do! I can be a guy, and care about another guy. Yes, that's okay for me to do.

 

Maybe if we explained to him the reasons he should wait, he'd understand and like the idea (if he doesn't already).

 

Or is he totally onboard with the idea of WTM, but just doesn't have any confidence in his self control?

 

:D

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Instinct tells men to mate with as many females as possible while instinct in women says to choose a mate carefully and only when the body is ideal for pregnancy.

 

I don't buy that, man is not an animal, but a created being.  If a man or woman chooses to act like an animal, it isn't because we were made to be that way.  That is behavioral science drawing uninspired conclusions in the absence of any spirituality.  And there are a good number of animals that are monogamous, or that mate for life, so just drawing lines between the closest dots doesn't necessarily reveal the true picture.

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People are animals, but our behavior is so tied up in cultural practices that it can be really difficult to discern instincts from learned behavior. Evo psych is pretty much written off by most of the scientific community. We know that men in the US have on average a higher sex drive than US women (though I believe that gap has been shown to be shrinking pretty substantially in recent years), and we know that US men are more likely to have casual sex than US women (again, that gap is shrinking), but that doesn't translate to either of those things being an instinctual drive; and if they were, we don't know the reason behind it.

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Whether or not you believe it, it's still a proven fact

... And we are animals, just saying.

 

I would think the instinct is for men to become devout and loyal fathers, to help raise their kids. But both men and women are so saturated with sin and temptation in this fallen world, that their instincts are corrupted.

 

Men and women both have sexual temptation. I suspect temptations people often succumb to are the ones where people clearly see the positives, but it's hard for them to see the negatives. A tempted man might be blinded to the many negative results of having casual sex. But a for a tempted woman who wants casual sex, unless she's totally blinded, she'd still see the negative (in her mind) of getting pregnant for 9 months, then what to do with the baby she doesn't want? And everybody would find out. She can't hide it like a man can. Getting pregnant isn't very casual.

 

As contraceptives become more available, the strictly physical and biological "negative" of getting pregnant goes away so more women are succumbing to sexual temptation.

 

If women were designed physiologically to just lay eggs, and children would hatch on their own and raise themselves, maybe women and men would equally succumb to sexual temptation. :) I know, it's silly. Unless you're Lady Gaga.

 

Which raises an interesting question to those thinking about evolution: if the psychology of casual sex is incompatible with the psychology of healthy childhood, is casual sex morally wrong?

 

I think if God wanted to, he could have created people through theistic evolution or from literal piles of dust like lumps of clay, He could have done it any way he wanted. I feel a lot of happy wonder from knowing God is totally unrestricted in His methods and power. To think God so powerful, loves me!

 

:D :D :D

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Whether or not you believe it, it's still a proven fact

... And we are animals, just saying.

 

No. There is no proof of that or any way to prove it.

And the Bible clearly tells us there is a difference between mankind and animals.

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Instinct tells men to mate with as many females as possible while instinct in women says to choose a mate carefully and only when the body is ideal for pregnancy.

 

How do they claim to prove it, and who claims to prove it? Do they use brain scans on people? And like SM said, how did they control for learned behaviour or culture?

 

...our behavior is so tied up in cultural practices that it can be really difficult to discern instincts from learned behavior. Evo psych is pretty much written off by most of the scientific community.

 

I always wanted to be monogamous as long as I can remember...I never had a desire to be with more than one woman in my life. I don't feel the instinct. If I had an instinct, shouldn't I be able to feel it, if I'm a man? In fact, it's more like once I'm attracted to someone, I tend to get addicted to just them and lose interest in others.

 

"I only like one type of girl, and you're the only girl with that type"   -Mc Ryuu ft Epikz - One Life One Love

 

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Any and every anthropology textbook! Instinct isn't always something you can feel. For example, do you 'feel' the instinct to lie to get out of trouble? Not always. Sometimes you lie immediately to avoid consequences. In fact, lying is one of the first thing children learn to do, even if they have never witnessed anybody lying. Don't get me wrong, some instincts you can definitly feel.

The need to be monogamous is a cultural norm that has influenced you, and everyone in a monogamous culture, greatly.

 

I went through a sociocultural anthropology class, and I don't recall the book proposing such an idea.

 

I don't think people have an instinct to lie, any more than they have an instinct to tell the truth. Because children don't constantly lie, they also tell the truth a lot. Sometimes children immediately tell the truth, without anyone teaching them to do that.

 

Do you think children have an instinct to tell the truth, as well as to lie? If people have the instinct to do good, as well as to do evil, do you think that means they have free will?

 

Why would a god create people, and give them instincts only to do evil and disobey him? That sounds like something satan would do, not a God of good. God is good, loves us, and created people with free will. People choose what they do. God instructs them, and satan tempts them.

 

God didn't want people to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, for their protection:

 

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."

Genesis 2:16-17 (NKJV)

 

It was a tree of knowledge of good and evil. They ate of their own free will, after temptation of satan.

 

Perhaps eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil gave people ideas to disobey God, even in the absence of temptation from satan? Did people ever imagine disobeying God, before satan tempted them? Did satan "teach" people to disobey God? No wonder he belongs in the lake of fire.

 

Lots of things to ponder

 

:D :D :D

 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

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I believe in God.

 

I believe God is good.

 

I believe God created people.

 

God is good, therefore people were created to be good.

 

People were created to be good, therefore they didn't have an instinct to sin.

 

 

Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Genesis 1:31(NKJV)

 

So since fornication is a sin, I believe people weren't created with an instinct to fornicate.

 

This is reasonable to me, it's logical. This is also what I believe the Bible says.

 

Eve ate the fruit because she thought it would be good:

 

 

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.

 

Genesis 3:6 (NKJV)

 

She liked good things. It wasn't her idea to eat the fruit and disobey God. That was the serpent's idea.

 

She offered the fruit to Adam and he ate too.

 

So I'm saying, let's remember and obey God. People were created to be good. The idea that people were created to sin, is a lie, so now we know better from reading the Bible. I love you so I hope you believe me. Let's just keep loving God and our neighbors and studying the good book.

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From a biblical perspective, humans have been born sinful ever since the fall of Man where Adam and Eve ate the fruit. Humanity was perfect up until that point. The whole point of Jesus dying was to save humanity from that sinful nature that was introduced in that incident.

That said, I believe that humans are inherently sinful at birth. No one has to teach a child to tell a lie in order to cover up something wrong that they've done, it comes naturally. Sure, we weren't originally created with the intent to sin, but the original temptation in the garden threw that out of the window.

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Marriage has not always existed, 150 thousand years ago people weren't getting married. What you're calling fornication is of course an instinct, if it wasn't, like already said, we all would've died out.

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If people multiply, it's supposed to be through God's way, not through fornication. God has something way better to offer than fornication. God created marriage and all such good things and God always existed. He created us and loves us.

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You can keep denying it but thats not going to make it suddenly untrue.

... You're one of those people who believes every story in the Bible, aren't you? You believe Noah's ark and Adam and Eve actually happened, don't you?

 

You can keep proclaiming it, but that will never make it true.  And I absolutely do believe in Noah's ark and Adam and Eve.

 

You believe fornication is a sin? That sucks. And OF COURSE we have an instinct to have sex. If we didn't, we wouldn't reproduce and the human race would have died out a long time ago!

 

Adam and Eve didn't really exist.... it's just a story... like Noah's Ark or Jonah and the whale...

 

Of course fornication is a sin.

 

Marriage has not always existed, 150 thousand years ago people weren't getting married. What you're calling fornication is of course an instinct, if it wasn't, like already said, we all would've died out.

 

The earth isn't more than about 6,000 years old, and marriage was part of God's plan right from the beginning.  Gen 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

 

If people multiply, it's supposed to be through God's way, not through fornication. God has something way better to offer than fornication. God created marriage and all such good things and God always existed. He created us and loves us.

 

Exactly.

 

People are created through fornication because fornication is sex! God had man eventually create marriage once evolution had man stand up and societies began forming.

I never said God doesn't love us... But he did make us animals (and yes, we are animals) I'm not arguing against God's existence or his love. I'm pointing out that God made us animals and therefore we do have instincts and we are pulled to sex.

 

IRH, I'm starting to think that only a troll would claim to be waiting until marriage, and claim to be a Christian and yet consistently criticize and mock both topics.  I'm think I'm done with this thread.

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People are created through fornication because fornication is sex!

 

If someone told you "fornication" is the exact same thing as "sex," it's simply not true. Not all sex is fornication.

 

The word "fornication" has a meaning similar to "immoral sex" which is sex that's not according to God's plan.

 

It's possible for a woman to get pregnant without fornication. People can be created without fornication, without immorality.

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THE EARTH ISN'T MORE THAN 6,000 YEARS OLD?!?! ARE YOU FOR REAL? The earth is trillions of years old!

 

 

The Earth is actually only 4.54 billion years old (+ or - 0.05 billion years). The universe itself isn't even a trillion years old (13.978 billion years, + or - 0.037 billion years, if anyone's curious). But yeah, we have cave paintings that are over 30,000 years old, about 5x older than most young Earth creationists think the actual Earth is. 

 

We have strayed pretty far from the topic at hand, haven't we....

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We shouldn't allow any teaching to diminish our belief in the Lord's power.

 

If He wanted to create a flood, He could have created a flood.

 

If there was no flood, why did God create rainbows?

 

For it is written:

 

And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."

 

Genesis 9:12-16 (NIV)

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