bm11109

Where to find a girl like you

13 posts in this topic

Hi everyone. First, very glad to see so many people out there like me. To whoever set this up, thanks.

 

I am a 25 year old male living in NYC. I consider myself religious (Jewish) but am not Orthodox and my beliefs are far more personal and less based on tradition/organized religion. I believe in waiting until marriage and want my partner to either believe the same or at least not have had sex with someone. That way if we do get married our first and only time will have been with each other. I really want that and would give up anything for my soul mate. I dated 3 girls in college and it wasn't too difficult at that point to find girls who were virgins. None believed in waiting but all were willing to date without that being an issue. I started dating my last girlfriend when I was 21 and we broke up about 6 months ago. Now that I live in NYC and don't know too many people I have no idea where to meet the kind of girl who is not super religious but also believes in waiting until marriage. I have looked online but haven't had much luck finding anyone I am interested in, and I feel like even if I did the chances she would be waiting are very small.

 

If there are any girls out there who are close to my age, where would you go to meet a guy? Or even, where might you spend your free time where a guy might be able to meet you? I am not big into going out to bars to meet people and I wouldn't guess the type of people who are waiting would be, although I really have no idea. I don't have much free time during the week and on the weekends I like to travel or do activities that are popular with mostly guys. I have tried to meet people using Meetup but that seems to be almost all older people.

 

Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this and for the support.

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So first off, I'm a virgin and if my friends ask me to go the pub, I'm there! So don't let the environment suggest to you a person's inner traits.

 

 

I second this comment!  :)

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Everywhere! University, coffee shop, grocery store, gym, even where we volunteer. If you're interested in a girl, gather strength and talk to her. You never know what could happen. Don't let a good opportunity pass you by! :)

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Everywhere! University, coffee shop, grocery store, gym, even where we volunteer. If you're interested in a girl, gather strength and talk to her. You never know what could happen. Don't let a good opportunity pass you by! :)

 

True true. I've had the same problem with you bro, i even had an account with Christian Mingle and was surprised that not many women are waiting till marriage, and unfortunately the girls who were I didn't find attractive . But guess what? Like Andrea said, The girls your looking for are in the gym, the coffee shop, the university, the rock climbing gym, or regular gym. Just gain the courage to talk to her.  

 

Even though IrishRed Hed is a virgin and you might finder her at a bar, i believe most of the girls you will meet at a bar are promiscuous. But then again, it depends what type of bar. Because I like going salsa and bachata dancing and those type of dance clubs are generally cleaner than the other clubs playing hip-hop. My virgin guy friend and I used to go just to dance with girls and it was clean and we danced with at least a dozen girls and didn't have to drink or disrespect them, just pray man. I pray for the qualities, traits, characteristic, and her beauty. I pray every night for my beautiful princess.

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Even though IrishRed Hed is a virgin and you might finder her at a bar, i believe most of the girls you will meet at a bar are promiscuous. But then again, it depends what type of bar. Because I like going salsa and bachata dancing and those type of dance clubs are generally cleaner than the other clubs playing hip-hop. 

 

While many girls who go clubbing probably aren't waiting, girls who both are waiting AND like to go dancing at clubs playing hip-hop do exist. I'm one of them. 

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You guys bring up some interesting points. I do agree with IrishRedHead and TinyDancer that you cannot jump to conclusions about a person based on whether they go to a bar or clubs etc.

 

However, I do understand that the guys are trying to increase the probability of meeting someone to something greater than the number given by (waiting or waiter friendly population / total population) :D

 

So my tip for you guys would be to let it be known to all your friends that you are looking and get them to get you introductions. Its all about getting a massive amount of intros. You need to also get out there in the world and introduce yourself to girls like Andrea suggested. There is no shortcut to that. 

 

Read this: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/the-7-reactions-that-girls-will-have-when-you-tell-them-youre-waiting/

 

Out of all the girls you meet and who get to the stage for that above article to be useful :P ... then you are looking for types 6, and 7 and type 1 if she is up for it. Just make it a daily habit to make it your business to introduce yourself to girls in everyday life :D and good things will happen.

 

Oh and get your female friends to introduce you to their female friends and so on and so forth. Best of luck to you all in your journeys!

 

Faizan

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What about girls who like manga or book stores/otaku or gaming conventions? lool

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My husband found me on OKCupid. There are so many match questions you can answer and ways to filter potential matches. NYC is really big, with tons of people--it's just a matter of finding the right ones. I would give online dating another go. While it's easier to meet women in general in person, it's easier to filter waiters from non-waiters online.

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Not to be a partypooper, although I'd wish that the general optimism exhibited in this thread was realistic but honestly, it isn't. Of course, one might run into another waiter anywhere but trying to find one's soulmate like that is like expecting to get rich by winning a lottery.........of course, it can happen but it's highly unlikely.

 

However, I do understand that the guys are trying to increase the probability of meeting someone to something greater than the number given by (waiting or waiter friendly population / total population) :D

 

Exactly the point! Probabilities!

 

What about girls who like manga or book stores/otaku or gaming conventions? lool

 

Now, there's a suggestion for those who are into that! But one has to remember that there's a difference between being a virgin & being a virgin-waiter, & while you're more likely (probabilities again) to run into a lot of virgins at these places, they mayn't necessarily be virgin-waiters.......but OP seems ok with either so all is good I guess.

 

My husband found me on OKCupid. There are so many match questions you can answer and ways to filter potential matches. NYC is really big, with tons of people--it's just a matter of finding the right ones. I would give online dating another go. While it's easier to meet women in general in person, it's easier to filter waiters from non-waiters online.

 

Now, that's what I'm talking about! :D It just gives us the opportunity to meet people that we are more likely to be interested in & one of whom could realistically be our soulmate; on the other hand, when one is hitting on random people irl, the chances of meeting our soulmate are just that - random luck!

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Now, that's what I'm talking about! :D It just gives us the opportunity to meet people that we are more likely to be interested in & one of whom could realistically be our soulmate; on the other hand, when one is hitting on random people irl, the chances of meeting our soulmate are just that - random luck!

 

I completely agree that it is indeed about probabilities! In that regard you are absolutely correct that the sites like OkCupid can help by increasing the odds to something greater than random luck. However, my concern is that not all girls who are waiting or would be up for waiting would be on OkCupid. I would not necessarily call it 'hitting on random girls' ... I would redefine it as introducing yourself and getting your name in people's minds hahaah :D

 

Even if this girl you are introducing yourself to is not your future SO ... she might be her roommate or her friend's cousin. The maximum separation between any 2 people is only 6 degrees! When you narrow down for geography ... it can be safely approximated to 3 degrees of separation. Consider LinkedIn for example, once you get past 500+ connections ... a good part of the population with LinkedIn accounts in your geography is covered as a 1st, 2nd or 3rd degree connection ahahah.

 

So to summarize, I am completely pro OkCupid etc that help narrow down the possibilities in the short term and lead to quicker results ... but I would also advocate coming up with strategies to leverage the power of networks/graph theory to optimize the odds of finding her over the medium to long term in case you are not thrilled with the results generated from using the short term optimization methods. It should be a mix of short term and medium to long term strategies :D

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And just to add 1 more thought. I can definitely appreciate that introducing yourself to random girls as you mention can be quite exhausting and from time to time discouraging if the approach is not performing any better than random luck probabilities (aka very low).

 

I think a solution for dealing with feeling down at times in this process is to do adjust your expectations of results from the short term to the medium to long term. I think effective expectations management over the time frame on which these strategies might yield the desired results can help with keeping the optimism high :D

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I completely agree that it is indeed about probabilities! In that regard you are absolutely correct that the sites like OkCupid can help by increasing the odds to something greater than random luck. However, my concern is that not all girls who are waiting or would be up for waiting would be on OkCupid. I would not necessarily call it 'hitting on random girls' ... I would redefine it as introducing yourself and getting your name in people's minds hahaah :D

 

Even if this girl you are introducing yourself to is not your future SO ... she might be her roommate or her friend's cousin. The maximum separation between any 2 people is only 6 degrees! When you narrow down for geography ... it can be safely approximated to 3 degrees of separation. Consider LinkedIn for example, once you get past 500+ connections ... a good part of the population with LinkedIn accounts in your geography is covered as a 1st, 2nd or 3rd degree connection ahahah.

 

So to summarize, I am completely pro OkCupid etc that help narrow down the possibilities in the short term and lead to quicker results ... but I would also advocate coming up with strategies to leverage the power of networks/graph theory to optimize the odds of finding her over the medium to long term in case you are not thrilled with the results generated from using the short term optimization methods. It should be a mix of short term and medium to long term strategies :D

 

Well, I'd agree with your "networking strategy" of sorts  but I wasn't trying to say that one should only stick to one given strategy, be it online-dating or whatever, sorry for not clarifying that upfront but of course, running several strategies simultaneously would improve overall results so nothing wrong with that :D

 

And just to add 1 more thought. I can definitely appreciate that introducing yourself to random girls as you mention can be quite exhausting and from time to time discouraging if the approach is not performing any better than random luck probabilities (aka very low).

 

I think a solution for dealing with feeling down at times in this process is to do adjust your expectations of results from the short term to the medium to long term. I think effective expectations management over the time frame on which these strategies might yield the desired results can help with keeping the optimism high :D

 

Well, an effective expectations management in this case would require one to emotionally detach oneself from the results, which can be a little bit difficult for some of us  :(  I mean there are guys who hit on random girls (not totally random I guess since they are going by attractiveness) & they seem to have this limitless ability to detach themselves emotionally (or may be they're just oblivious) & constantly hit on girls & they are sort of relentless in their pursuit of getting laid but of course, not everyone is gifted with such an ability. :lol:

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Well, an effective expectations management in this case would require one to emotionally detach oneself from the results, which can be a little bit difficult for some of us  :(  I mean there are guys who hit on random girls (not totally random I guess since they are going by attractiveness) & they seem to have this limitless ability to detach themselves emotionally (or may be they're just oblivious) & constantly hit on girls & they are sort of relentless in their pursuit of getting laid but of course, not everyone is gifted with such an ability. :lol:

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. Some day when I can try out some strategies more and gather my thoughts together I can share with you better about how to emotionally detach from the introductions process. Its not like I am a level 10 expert on this myself or anything :P. For now, I would say put on some metaphorical armor and go out there and be relentless in the search for your future SO. She deserves no less hahaha :D

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