Sophie

Stay At Home Mom VS Working Mom

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  1. 1. What kind of mother would you want to be?

    • Stay-at-home
    • Working mom
    • It depends on the financial status of my husband

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18 posts in this topic

I was recently watching this episode of Sex and the City where married Charlotte York expresses an interest in quitting her job (her husband is very wealthy) so she can focus on getting pregnant, fixing up the house, and doing volunteer work. Her three friends do not meet this with any enthusiasm: in fact, they look down on her for her decision. Why? They are "feminists" and throughout the show, Samantha, Miranda, and Carrie take a lot of pleasure in belittling mothers and making fun of them. I found this to be a bit depressing because I definitely want to be a stay-at-home mom. Working for a company wouldn't give me any pleasure. I would much rather work for my child(ren) and husband, which would be much more satisfactory. But many women feel the exact opposite, which is completely fine. My mother took a maternity year off, worked part-time for ten years, full-time for the final eight, and I never once felt even the slightest bit ignored by her. She was completely attentive.

1. Which type of mom would you like to be?

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now?

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom?

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate?

http://www.canadianparents.com/article/stay-at-home-moms-vs-working-moms

I, personally, don't feel like either one is more "feminist" than the other, or more "empowering." To me, it is feminist and empowering to lead the life you want to live and be whoever you want to be. So if that means staying at home, or working, good for you.

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1) I'd be a working Mom, but I'd be the kind to really make time for my kids. =D I won't ignore them or neglect them. I'm pretty happy that my chosen field will allow me to work from home if it suits me. =) So I don't think it'd be much of a problem as it would be if I were commuting.

2)I think it's only because you rely on your husband to bring in the money. I mean, personally, I don't see anything wrong with staying at home and taking care of kids; but personally, I don't want to rely on anybody, husband or otherwise, for my source of income. That'll give them so much power over me, and I've witnessed first hand how trapped some women feel when they're not financially independent. If there's a way to stay home and be a full time mom while still getting a fair share of income, then I don't see why it won't work. =D

3) Not that much more empowering. A lot of women who try to have the best of both worlds are actually reported to be more likely to feel depressed, only because they have so much expectations of themselves and constantly find themselves failing. I doubt anyone can feel so empowered when they're depressed. =( But again, just for me, I think I will die if my husband tells me I shouldn't work anymore.

4)I feel it's a spin-off of that feminism thing. Being a stay at home mom, like my mother, is not easy work. It takes a lot of stress, a lot of energy and responsibility; IMO nobody should consider them inferior. I think the pride of the "stay-at-home-mom" (as well as "virginity") are the two things that femiNazis have really de-valued. I view feminism as equality, and having the right to choose what you feel is best for you. If I feel that being a virgin before getting married is right for me, why should it be considered as anti-feministic? I'm using my rights just as much as anybody. Likewise, if someone feels they want to be a stay at home mom, they're not any less of a feminist because of it. (Just like you said =))

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I, personally, don't feel like either one is more "feminist" than the other, or more "empowering." To me, it is feminist and empowering to lead the life you want to live and be whoever you want to be. So if that means staying at home, or working, good for you.

I think only society itself has stigmatized being a stay-at-home mom or housewife in a negative connotation. And I agree w/u that it's not a feminist matter either way. There are many cultures in the world where the women are housewives and stay-at-home moms and the men work, and the women love it and don't feel "enslaved" or "stereotyped negatively". Every culture is different, and in the Western culture, only society and the media have made homemaking and staying at home as a mom as a bad thing. That's my opinion.

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1. Which type of mom would you like to be?

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now?

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom?

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate

1. I want to be financially set so if my husband wasn't making ends meet I'd want to contribute so my babies can be very well taken care of, however, I'd only consider this after my children enter elementary school so I can have lots of time hugging, and cuddling, and kissing, playing and loving on them before♥ but while there at school I'd get a small part-time job just to have extra cash set aside for my babies and me if need be but ultimately I'd like to depend on my husband as it makes me feel more girly and wifey♥

2. I, personally, don't see it as a negative thing and actually never knew people saw it that way-obviously very sheltered! hahaha :lol:

3. Actually, I don't think so. I think it's empowering if you a good mother, good wife, and a good women who is inspiring to the husband♥ now that's admirable♥

4. I'm neutral really only because everyone has their own personal preference so to each their own I suppose

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1. Which type of mom would you like to be?

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now?

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom?

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate?

1. I've been in school for what seems like forever to do what I want to do. So, I have no plans to quit baby or no baby.

2. I think some people may look at them as being in a weaker position. To a certain extent that is true. If a woman stays at home & is financially dependent on her husband, it does put her in a vulnerable financial position &, potentially, a vulnerable legal position (a man with more money can get a lawyer who will get him full custody of the kids, the house, & leave the stay-at-home mom on the streets. It doesn't always happen, but you'd be surprised. Women don't have as much clout in divorce court as they used to). I saw it often enough as a domestic violence counselor. At, the same time, if you're a working mother, you are allowing someone else to help in the raising of your children while you're at work. This means that you're children are in a vulnerable position (not all day-cares & babysitters are good).

3. In the West it is. In other countries & cultures, not so much, or not at all.

4. I feel removed from it since I don't have kids. I have friends with kids who work & some who stay at home. Some of their kids are great & some of them I want to stuff in a closet till I leave their house (Lol). From what I've seen with my friend's kids, it has more to do with whether or not the parents are decent people, & whether or not they are good parents...& less to do with whether or not the parents stay at home with their kids full-time.

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1. Id like to be a working mom. Granted, teaching allows me a similar schedule to kids aged 6+ which is nice. If i need to stay at my classroom until 5 or 6, i can pick my child uo from school and go back. Id probably take off work from age 0-6 unless financially id need to stay. I would like to get my masters degree, so i would want to try to fit that in too.

2. They are because they arent contributing to society at large. Whike the well being of your child never lets you take a break, you arent involved with other people. Thats my impression anyway.

3. Yes, and no. It depends on the woman and her personal dreams, goals and desires. If a woman feels fulfilled and empowered staying at home woth kids, great. If she does working and having kidd great. If she does workibg and not havibg kidd thays great too. The only dilemma is that many women today face trying to "have it all": a husband, kids AND a full time career. When did one person have to try to do everythibg? Hopefully my husband would respect my decision to work because i enjoy it and it makes me happy, so he would help with home/kid stuff more. The love language of service would seem much more attractive to me at that point in my life.

4. I feel that its a personal debate that womem need to decide for themselves personally. And TRY to not let others influencr you....its YOUR happiness and fulfillmemt NOT theirs.

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1. Which type of mom would you like to be?

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now?

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom?

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate?

1. Which type of mom would you like to be? I would be a working mom. I love the field that I am getting my degree in and I plan on working in that field until the day I die. Even when I retire and no longer work to receive a regular income, I will volunteer my services for what I was trained to do.

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now? I think stay at home moms are seen negatively now because in the female community it is looked down upon to put your security in a man, especially in western culture.

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom? i think it depends on the culture. in some countries it is almost unheard of for women to work and in their society they are empowered amongst each other. In other countries it may be more empowering to be a working mom or an educated mom. In the US a stay at home mom may be almost extinct. Not because its looked down upon to stay at home and raise your children, but because a one income household is no longer enough to sustain a family in these trying financial times for most Americans.

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate? I dont really care, I mean its not my job to tell other people how to live their lives or raise their children. To each his own, staying at home may work for some people and working may work for others :D

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i would love to be a home mum, but its not always possible with the financial climate, ill probably work part time or work from home, plus then i still get to have friends at work, but i can have a life where my children and my husband are my main priority

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I come from a very well-off family and my grandparents left me a lot of money, so I don't ever have to rely on a husband for money. Even as a stay-at-home mom, I still have enough money to support myself. My decision to be a stay-at-home mom simply is because I want to. But of course I may end up finding a job I love so much that I will want to be a working mother. And if I happen to lose all the money I have, and if my parents happen to lose theirs (in a worldwide Great Depression 2 or something,) then I would work in case things don't go well with my husband and I. Btw, all the women I know who have child support are emptying their ex-husbands' banks completely. Maybe they had great lawyers? I'm sorry your mom had it so difficult.

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I voted Working woman. Two incomes are much better than one in our society! However If my wife wants to stay home during the pregnancy stage and early childhood, I would support her.

This is not the Man brings home the bacon society anymore.

Its the Man brings home the bacon and the woman brings home the bread society. BACON SANDWICH! :P lol

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What can I say? some people are luckier than others, Sophie!

Would I be right to assume all these ex-wives you know also come from well-off families too? It's easier to take the ex husband to the cleaners when you both had a lot of money to start with. The kind of background I come from, lower and middle class families, they all struggle on child support. And all these ex-husbands are darn clever at hiding their income too! Not to mention all these like my dad who just plain ignore court orders and decide not to pay.

Actually these ex-wives were working mothers, and one even made more money than her husband. I believe they came from middle-class families. Not lower, not upper, just middle. But the wife who worked in real estate went way too far. Her ex-husband is a cousin of my mom's, and he now gives the majority of his salary to his ex-wife and he is living in a tiny apartment and can't see his two sons nearly as much as he wants to. The other ex-wife I know is my mom's cousin, and while I really like her, she also did a great job in getting very high, high child-support. I believe she lives completely off the money she gets from him now. I really hope that if my husband and I ever divorce, I will only ask for the money I need for my children. My mom only expects my dad to pay for all my education. Otherwise, she supports herself 100%. There was absolutely no custody agreement either. A lot of ex-wives that I know have a very large child-support, and took advantage of custody agreement to punish their ex-husbands when all it does is hurt the child.

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Personally I would let my wife decide what she wanted to do wether it be a stay at home mom or a career women. Heck I wouldnt mind being a stay at home dad just as long as the chitlins are getting fed :lol:

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1. Which type of mom would you like to be?

2. Why are stay-at-home moms seen as a negative thing now?

3. Would you agree that it is viewed as much more empowering to be a working mom?

4. How do you feel about the Stay At Home Mome VS the Working Mom debate?

1/2) I would like to be a stay at home mum and look after children rather than sending them to daycare while I worked...I wouldn't admit that to anyone I knew though because as Sophie said there is a stigma attached to it. As if you have no goals and people do look down at you for it.

3) Which I personally have never understood because as a feminist shouldn't you support any decision a woman has made for herself?

4) I think that women should be allowed to make there own decision about whether to work or stay at home without feeling she needs to prove herself.

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1/2) I would like to be a stay at home mum and look after children rather than sending them to daycare while I worked...I wouldn't admit that to anyone I knew though because as Sophie said there is a stigma attached to it. As if you have no goals and people do look down at you for it.

3) Which I personally have never understood because as a feminist shouldn't you support any decision a woman has made for herself?

4) I think that women should be allowed to make there own decision about whether to work or stay at home without feeling she needs to prove herself.

I definitely agree. I have known great mothers who worked half-time and full-time (like my mom,) and I know great mothers who stayed at home. I think it is all about choice, and as long as the children are not being neglected in any way then it's fine. My mom worked full-time because she wanted to, even though my dad could have supported us perfectly well, and she was ten times more attentive than my father, even though his full-time schedule allowed him a lot more freedom than hers. It makes me sad to see women fighting over which type of mother is the best. I've seen some pretty nasty internet fights.

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