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Hey, it's the resident WTM pessimist here...so I've been seeing a lot of "it will only happen if you believe it will happen" statements. I'm just curious...what are the facts backing these statements up? So you're saying that if I believe I will be the Premier of China, or if I believe I'll own a Bugatti Veyron (a $1.4 million car), it'll happen? Are there really forces of nature that control what happens based on what a person believes? If that's the case, then I'll never find another woman for the rest of my life, since it's what I believe based on past and current experiences.

 

And another one that confused me, people also always say that you have to give up on love to find love. How does that make any sense? If everyone gives up on love and isn't looking for someone, then how can anyone find love? Since both parties are not looking because it's the only way to find it, they also cannot find it because neither of them are looking. Also, how can one truly give up, when it's essentially an instinct to find someone. So technically, you can never truly give up anyways. It's like one of those time-travel-kill-your-grandfather-type of situations I guess...

 

Just curious about what you guys think.

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I do not think that just believing in something makes it happen. But believing in yourself and having confidence that you're worth having happiness might give you the motivation to go out and at least try to accomplish the things you want. Also I agree, I do not believe in not looking for a partner because if you spend all of your time inside alone, you are not going to find someone. The last I checked, most people's true love doesn't just show up in your living room one day. They are not a magical genie that is going to "poof" out of thin air. You have to go out and meet people. 

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I think a better way to phrase the later part isn't so much you have to give up on love before you find love, but you have to accept that it might not happen and work towards being content with your single self in order to find a good relationship.

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I think a better way to phrase the later part isn't so much you have to give up on love before you find love, but you have to accept that it might not happen and work towards being content with your single self in order to find a good relationship.

 

If you're content with being single, you're on drugs. You'd have to be.

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I agree with The above posts. Sorry if I don't catch a typo I'm on my phone.

These phrases and beliefs stem from the law of attraction. While I believe it may work, there are some things you must master. Not dwelling on the thought of what you want, and it won't ever happen the way you expect it.

There is also something I believe more in with our individual energy. You get what you put out. So if you're always negative you will attract negative experiences, if you're happy you will attract positive. This is all based on your perception though. Expectations are based on your physical mind and the outcome that will be the best for you usually is a result of the work of your higher mind (something you cannot consciously tap into just yet). This is how the law of attention can work and it is claimed to be physics. Since i suck a science I cannot prove this LOL!

As for giving up on love I have found many people meet their loves this way, though it may not be the person you will be with forever, or maybe it will. I find giving up to be negative, so you may attract someone with the same thought of giving up, but coming together it'll bring a positive. Anyways... I think the point is that old saying I hate: it'll happen when you least expect it. The people who give up, give up expecting to find love so they accept it won't happen and then poof it's there! But you should go on with your life expecting love may not find you, because even though your spouse may make you the happiest ever, you can't rely on someone for your happiness. Unless you have a darn good spouse.

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If you're content with being single, you're on drugs. You'd have to be.

It is actually possible to be 'content' with being single. Being 'content' with being single does not mean that there is no alternative in which your state of happiness might be higher. E.g. being content with being single might mean being comfortable knowing that you might be single for a very long time or maybe forever, but still wanting to be with someone because that would be preferable. It's like when a student says that she is content with a 90 but she would still like a 100.

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It is actually possible to be 'content' with being single. Being 'content' with being single does not mean that there is no alternative in which your state of happiness might be higher. E.g. being content with being single might mean being comfortable knowing that you might be single for a very long time or maybe forever, but still wanting to be with someone because that would be preferable. It's like when a student says that she is content with a 90 but she would still like a 100.

 

That's ridiculous though. Why would some people be condemned to be alone forever when it's easy for billions of other people to not be alone? If I was told that I would be alone forever, I would see no point in being here. Seriously.

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That's ridiculous though. Why would some people be condemned to be alone forever when it's easy for billions of other people to not be alone? If I was told that I would be alone forever, I would see no point in being here. Seriously.

The state of being alone or together with someone has two levels: one is the inner true state and the other is what the world sees. Technically a lot of people are not alone because they are in some sort of relationship with another person as far as the casual onlooker is concerned. However, the true inner state of being (alone vs not alone) does not necessarily has any correlation with this outward appearance of togetherness.

 

The idea is to be fine accepting this and understanding that even the best person with the best of intentions can let you down (kind of similar to what ragtagandbobtail suggested in her post). This understanding gives you a very empowering perspective when evaluating the choice to get into a relationship with any given prospect. This in turn reduces the likelihood of 'jumping' into relationships with individuals for the wrong reasons. 

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A lot of Christians are perfectly content with never marrying or being in a romantic relationship whatsoever. I'm a people person so I wouldn't want to be completely shut off from human interaction altogether. St. Anthony ( who I'm named after :P ) is believed to have lived a significant portion of his life in solitude locked in a tomb. I think the reason why he, and many other Christians, chose to live a perpetually single life is due to their relationship with God that fills their emotional needs. (By the way if you aren't familiar with his story you should definitely check it out! It's a great one.)

 

I definitely think there is someone out there to me and I've been assured of it when I've had my doubts before. I definitely wouldn't want a life of luxury as Jesus states in Matthew 19:23 that it is extremely difficult for the wealthy  to enter the kingdom of God. It's worth noting that our average salary here in the US would have been more than what anyone at that time would have made for their entire lifetime and it's quite a bit more than the rest of the world makes currently as well.  

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Holy crap. For a website about waiting until marriage, you people don't seem to care about ever getting married. It literally blows my mind. If being married is a "luxury" that Christians are not supposed to partake in apparently, then how can we even continue the human race if we are not to have sex outside of marriage? It makes absolutely no sense. I guess in my situation, my prime goal is to marry someone. I could care less about anything else. Some people's dreams are to become CEO of some corporation, some have goals to become a famous athlete or actor/actress, and so on and so forth. My dream is to find someone to enjoy the world with. To me, visiting places around the world and just doing simple activities in general frightens me. What's the point? I'm not going to sit down at lunch one day, with myself, and ask myself, "hey, remember that one time I went to Paris?" And it's like everyone, to include you guys, my friends, parents, and random people off the street, cannot seem to grasp the concept that the thing that makes me happy is when I'm with someone of the opposite sex. I don't know. Like I said, I just don't get your reasoning. 99% of the world seems to have no trouble finding someone, so how come someone who has so much to offer is apparently required to miss out on that for some reason? Because it seems like that's the case based on what you people say. We are required to be single. How depressing and empty does that sound?

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Wanting to get married isn't the same thing as thinking life isn't worth living without marriage. Most people on here want to get married very much, and have been waiting a very long time for it to happen. But they've also accepted (or are learning to accept) that it might never happen; all you can do is learn to be OK (not thrilled, not happy, but OK) with that possibility.

 

I'm like you; my biggest goal in life has always been to get married and have a family. Unfortunately, that is a dream that relies on another person and some luck in order to come true. Most people are able to find someone to get married to; 72% of US adults have been married at least once (and that stat includes all adults 18+, so it's likely that percentage is misleading low because what with the rising average age of marriage, many people in their 20s haven't met someone to marry yet). However, it is true that not everyone finds someone to marry. It's even more true that not all marriages last (though the odds are actually better than the 50/50 chance that is so often mis-represented in the media).

 

Why is that a good person may never be able to find a life partner? Well, I'm an atheist, and an existential nihilist, so my answer is that there is no reason. Lots of very bad things happen to many very good people, and lots of very good things happen to many very bad people. There isn't much we can do about the inevitability of at least a few of our hopes and dreams being dashed. It's not about 'deserve' or 'don't deserve' -- there is a lot of random chance to life.

 

This doesn't mean that life isn't worth living. Although a lot of it is chance, don't surrender the agency you *do have* in making improvements to your life. Find other goals, find other people to connect to. I love my partner very much, and I want to be with him forever more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But it wouldn't be healthy if that were my *only* dream (even if it is my biggest dream), and it wouldn't be healthy if he were the *only* person I loved (even if he is the person I love the most). Being single doesn't have to mean being isolated.

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It's not a requirement necessarily. You can always look at others for examples, but it won't be how your experience is. So just because we say this doesn't mean you are going to remain single forever. It may just be that RIGHT NOW finding someone is not something relevant in your life, especially since you're so concerned about it. This is usually what pushes it further away. Do you want to go out and desperately search for someone just to marry? You may end up making that mistake with fear and worry.

 

I too have always made my #1 dream to find my life mate, but it still hasn't happened, and yes sometimes it's frustrating. But I also love my horses, my family, friends and my painting and so I can focus on becoming happier with these things and I would much rather meet my mate while I'm in a state of happiness rather than frustration. It wouldn't be fair to him LOL.

 

Like Steadfast said: Focus on other goals; what makes you happy. There has to be other things that make you happy. Remember that we're a small percentage of the world (especially me since I don't want offspring), but love always finds a way obviously. A lot of women now are marrying for the first time at the age of 40... but you know what? They focused on their careers and then they found love. It may take some of us even longer than that.

 

:D

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If you believe, you'll be dedicated on the path to embrace your dreams. And a dedicated person, can realize any dream he has.

 

What the people meant by 'giving up love' is that you shouldn't overthink about it. Since love is spontaneous. You cannot find love, love will find you.

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Wanting to get married isn't the same thing as thinking life isn't worth living without marriage. Most people on here want to get married very much, and have been waiting a very long time for it to happen. But they've also accepted (or are learning to accept) that it might never happen; all you can do is learn to be OK (not thrilled, not happy, but OK) with that possibility.

 

I'm like you; my biggest goal in life has always been to get married and have a family. Unfortunately, that is a dream that relies on another person and some luck in order to come true. Most people are able to find someone to get married to; 72% of US adults have been married at least once (and that stat includes all adults 18+, so it's likely that percentage is misleading low because what with the rising average age of marriage, many people in their 20s haven't met someone to marry yet). However, it is true that not everyone finds someone to marry. It's even more true that not all marriages last (though the odds are actually better than the 50/50 chance that is so often mis-represented in the media).

 

Why is that a good person may never be able to find a life partner? Well, I'm an atheist, and an existential nihilist, so my answer is that there is no reason. Lots of very bad things happen to many very good people, and lots of very good things happen to many very bad people. There isn't much we can do about the inevitability of at least a few of our hopes and dreams being dashed. It's not about 'deserve' or 'don't deserve' -- there is a lot of random chance to life.

 

This doesn't mean that life isn't worth living. Although a lot of it is chance, don't surrender the agency you *do have* in making improvements to your life. Find other goals, find other people to connect to. I love my partner very much, and I want to be with him forever more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But it wouldn't be healthy if that were my *only* dream (even if it is my biggest dream), and it wouldn't be healthy if he were the *only* person I loved (even if he is the person I love the most). Being single doesn't have to mean being isolated.

 

Well, I was hoping to come up with some kind of verbose reply but then I saw this ^

So, yeah, pretty much my thoughts on the issue except unlike Steadfast, I'm still alone  :P

 

With respect to the last paragraph, I guess my thoughts are somewhat in line with JHowe in that I see a life without love as totally pointless. Of course, it's not my only dream but it is certainly the most important one, & not being able to live it would render all other dreams pointless anyway.

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I agree with The above posts. Sorry if I don't catch a typo I'm on my phone.

These phrases and beliefs stem from the law of attraction. While I believe it may work, there are some things you must master. Not dwelling on the thought of what you want, and it won't ever happen the way you expect it.

There is also something I believe more in with our individual energy. You get what you put out. So if you're always negative you will attract negative experiences, if you're happy you will attract positive. This is all based on your perception though. Expectations are based on your physical mind and the outcome that will be the best for you usually is a result of the work of your higher mind (something you cannot consciously tap into just yet). This is how the law of attention can work and it is claimed to be physics. Since i suck a science I cannot prove this LOL!

As for giving up on love I have found many people meet their loves this way, though it may not be the person you will be with forever, or maybe it will. I find giving up to be negative, so you may attract someone with the same thought of giving up, but coming together it'll bring a positive. Anyways... I think the point is that old saying I hate: it'll happen when you least expect it. The people who give up, give up expecting to find love so they accept it won't happen and then poof it's there! But you should go on with your life expecting love may not find you, because even though your spouse may make you the happiest ever, you can't rely on someone for your happiness. Unless you have a darn good spouse.

Well, I'm not a physicist but I don't know about Law of Attraction yet being part of physics :P

 

Nonetheless, I consider Causal Determinism to be at the core of many of our answers, be it the question of whether we actually have a free will & an ability to change the course of our lives, & the nature of time itself.

 

The gist of it is that if we assume Causal Determinism, & postulate that the Universe & everything in it is bound by a causal chain of events that began with the Big Bang & that will go on until the end of the Universe, then we'd have to presume that the future is already determined & there's no such thing as free will!

The other scenario being that our thoughts & consciousness are able to affect & are constantly affecting the causal chain & along with it the past, present & future of the Universe & every little thing in it. That is the only way (in my opinion), we can even to claim to have a freewill & an ability to even remotely affect the course of our lives. This means that Law of Attraction or something along those lines could be true.

 

Now, as they say, optimism is an intellectual choice, so I choose to believe the second scenario because if the first one were true then what anybody believes is totally irrelevant anyway.

 

So yeah, Law of Attraction could be true, or at least I hope it is because I don't think that free will can even exist in the alternative scenario; not all science as such but just some speculation on my part :D

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My only problem with Law of Attraction-type stuff is that the flip-side of that thought process can be a bit victim-blamey (like, "Well clearly you got cancer/haven't yet been cured of cancer because you weren't a positive enough thinker.")

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It is actually possible to be 'content' with being single. Being 'content' with being single does not mean that there is no alternative in which your state of happiness might be higher. E.g. being content with being single might mean being comfortable knowing that you might be single for a very long time or maybe forever, but still wanting to be with someone because that would be preferable. It's like when a student says that she is content with a 90 but she would still like a 100.

 

Well said.

 

The state of being alone or together with someone has two levels: one is the inner true state and the other is what the world sees. Technically a lot of people are not alone because they are in some sort of relationship with another person as far as the casual onlooker is concerned. However, the true inner state of being (alone vs not alone) does not necessarily has any correlation with this outward appearance of togetherness.

 

The idea is to be fine accepting this and understanding that even the best person with the best of intentions can let you down (kind of similar to what ragtagandbobtail suggested in her post). This understanding gives you a very empowering perspective when evaluating the choice to get into a relationship with any given prospect. This in turn reduces the likelihood of 'jumping' into relationships with individuals for the wrong reasons. 

 

Great stuff! You pierced OP's assumption at the core by pointing out that just because people are in relationships or even married does NOT mean that they are necessarily with someone they truly love, which means they may actually be just as EMOTIONALLY lonely as any single person. I agree, it's absolutely essential that single people realize this very fact, so that they can avoid getting into relationships just because they are lonely (MOST people do exactly this) & wait for the right person because being single & waiting for the right person is likely better than than being with the wrong person.

 

I think someone had posted this a while back & it gives single people an excellent perspective on relationships & it very much relates to what you have said - http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

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My only problem with Law of Attraction-type stuff is that the flip-side of that thought process can be a bit victim-blamey (like, "Well clearly you got cancer/haven't yet been cured of cancer because you weren't a positive enough thinker.")

 

Yeah, I know it happens & that's why I hesitate, & am not a part of the whole clan. I don't know where I am to be honest, the realist in me thinks more or less what you have said above & then there's the optimist side of me.......I think life can do with a little dose of both...... :)

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I think someone had posted this a while back & it gives single people an excellent perspective on relationships & it very much relates to what you have said - http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

 

I LOVE that comic. It's the best advice on picking a life partner I've ever read.

 

Yeah, I know it happens & that's why I hesitate, & am not a part of the whole clan. I don't know where I am to be honest, the realist in me thinks more or less what you have said above & then there's the optimist side of me.......I think life can do with a little dose of both...... :)

 

My hesitation mostly comes from the fact that my very optimistic mother (like, she has the OPPOSITE of depression, I swear) has had numerous extraordinarily bad things happen to her (including getting cancer twice). It's pretty hard to argue that she drew those experiences to her with her attitude.

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Well, I'm not a physicist but I don't know about Law of Attraction yet being part of physics :P

 

Nonetheless, I consider Causal Determinism to be at the core of many of our answers, be it the question of whether we actually have a free will & an ability to change the course of our lives, & the nature of time itself.

 

The gist of it is that if we assume Causal Determinism, & postulate that the Universe & everything in it is bound by a causal chain of events that began with the Big Bang & that will go on until the end of the Universe, then we'd have to presume that the future is already determined & there's no such thing as free will!

The other scenario being that our thoughts & consciousness are able to affect & are constantly affecting the causal chain & along with it the past, present & future of the Universe & every little thing in it. That is the only way (in my opinion), we can even to claim to have a freewill & an ability to even remotely affect the course of our lives. This means that Law of Attraction or something along those lines could be true.

 

Now, as they say, optimism is an intellectual choice, so I choose to believe the second scenario because if the first one were true then what anybody believes is totally irrelevant anyway.

 

So yeah, Law of Attraction could be true, or at least I hope it is because I don't think that free will can even exist in the alternative scenario; not all science as such but just some speculation on my part :D

 

Yes I believe this too. It really didn't work for me.. which is unfortunate because I bought three books :D. Oh well. I've found that just lifting my expectations helps. It was never consistent for me so either I'm wrong or it just didn’t going to work for me. I don’t use it anymore :D.

 

I’ve never heard of this Casual Determination. Thanks for sharing that’s very interesting and it seems like it would tie in with the LOA. As for the physics, I still can’t argue for or against. I’m just writing what I have read and some people consider it physics LOL!

 

 

My only problem with Law of Attraction-type stuff is that the flip-side of that thought process can be a bit victim-blamey (like, "Well clearly you got cancer/haven't yet been cured of cancer because you weren't a positive enough thinker.")

 

This is how I kind of look at it as well.

 

 

My hesitation mostly comes from the fact that my very optimistic mother (like, she has the OPPOSITE of depression, I swear) has had numerous extraordinarily bad things happen to her (including getting cancer twice). It's pretty hard to argue that she drew those experiences to her with her attitude.

 

 

Please don’t hate me for saying this! I’m just stating the most rational thing I believe in to explain why these ‘bad’ things happen to good people. Your mother may have chosen to experience cancer in her lifetime. Her soul may not take it as a ‘bad’ thing like our ego does because our ego is all about survival but the soul is eternal so it knows it cannot die. But other than that, I don’t know. God bless your momma, though! What a strong woman!

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Steadfast : I am so sorry to hear about what your mother has gone through and I pray that she has fully recovered.

My mum had cancer four times during her life, and as a result passed away in her very early forties. To even think that in some way her not having a positive enough attitude led to her developing cancer is ridiculous. Like Steadfast's mother, my mum was one of the most upbeat and optimistic people I have ever known so if positive thinking kept cancer away she would still be with us now.

Ragtag : I know you don't mean to offend but I find the suggestion that someone could choose to experience cancer within their lifetime to be a bit disturbing. After witnessing the horrific nature of this disease first hand, I know that nobody would choose to put themselves and their families through that, even if they thought it would be spiritually beneficial.

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29K -- my sincerest condolences about your mom; cancer is truly one of the most horrible things in this world.

 

My mother has fully recovered from the cancer. Unfortunately she had a heart attack about a year ago which has set her back health-wise once more. Luckily she is still doing pretty well, all things considered. But it's true, no one would chose to have cancer in their mid 30s, cancer again in their early 40s, and a heart attack in their early 60s. Especially if you have young children you are worried about leaving behind (my brother was 2 when she had cancer the first time, I was 4 and my brother was 11 when she had cancer the second time, and I was 20 when she had the heart attack). Extra-especially if you know you are the only decent family they have.

 

I don't believe in the soul; eternal or no, but I can't see how anyone's 'soul' could look at cancer, or any other unspeakable tragedy decent people go through every day, as a good thing. I think I'd only feel worse about these awful things if I felt like they were inflicted upon me by a deity, or if I believe that I had somehow asked for them myself.

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I LOVE that comic. It's the best advice on picking a life partner I've ever read.

 

 

My hesitation mostly comes from the fact that my very optimistic mother (like, she has the OPPOSITE of depression, I swear) has had numerous extraordinarily bad things happen to her (including getting cancer twice). It's pretty hard to argue that she drew those experiences to her with her attitude.

 

Yeah, it's really good in getting its point across.

 

I've seen that argument being made against LoA & its proponents usually say that even if a person seems (or acts) happy & optimistic on the outside, that mayn't be what they may be feeling on the inside. Maybe they are feeling bad & depressed on the inside, & maybe that's why, your mother was trying too hard to seem happy & optimistic but still wasn't actually that optimistic in reality. And they say that LoA responds to how we're ACTUALLY feeling rather than how we're trying to come across to the outside world.

 

But again, it's not something based on hard science so I don't push too hard with LoA in particular but I just find it interesting because it just sort of fits into my thoughts about Causal Determinism, & that's that.

Here's an experience of a woman who claims to have recovered from terminal cancer after a "Near Death Experience" (& she says she has the reports & all that to prove), I haven't verified it but she seems to have gotten popular with the LoA & paranormal crowd - http://www.nderf.org/NDERF/NDE_Experiences/anita_m's_nde.htm

 

Yes I believe this too. It really didn't work for me.. which is unfortunate because I bought three books :D. Oh well. I've found that just lifting my expectations helps. It was never consistent for me so either I'm wrong or it just didn’t going to work for me. I don’t use it anymore :D.

 

I’ve never heard of this Casual Determination. Thanks for sharing that’s very interesting and it seems like it would tie in with the LOA. As for the physics, I still can’t argue for or against. I’m just writing what I have read and some people consider it physics LOL!

 

In simple terms, Causal Determinism is a philosophical view stemming from the simple cause-and-effect principle that everything has a cause......& that cause has a cause, & that cause's cause has a cause & so on until we trace the causal chain back to the origin of the Universe, & similarly, one can postulate that this causal chain extends upwards into the future as well. So, if this chain is immutable then the future is already determined & therefore free will can't exist.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Determinism

 

So my view is simply that IF we do have free will then we must have an ability to influence the said causal chain one way or another, & thereby, influence all the past, present & future events, & that could be through our thoughts; on the other hand, if the chain is truly immutable then who cares, we are only puppets anyway! So there's not much to lose & plenty to gain by erring on the optimistic side of this argument :)

 

People sometimes jump to conclusions, so I presume that people trying to relate it to physics are probably trying to tie it with uncertainty observed in Quantum Mechanics but one thing science teaches is to not to jump to conclusions too quickly......

 

I'm not a huge believer in self-confidence/believing in yourself either.

 

Irrespective of whether you believe in LoA or positive thinking or any similar ideas, I think it's pretty well-known that having self-confidence does help a lot with a lot of things. A person may have many qualities of different kinds but if they don't have self-confidence then they are probably not going to maximize their potential in any given aspect of their life; so big & strong as an elephant is, it may feel as weak & insignificant as an ant if it had no self-confidence.

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I do think having a positive outlook is beneficial in ways that are pretty easily explained by legit science.

 

One of the most basic things your outlook will determine is parts of your day you will focus on. So if you have a positive outlook, you might consider the day to have gotten off to a great start because there were beautiful fall leaves on your way to work. While if you have a negative outlook, you might think the day got off to a terrible start because some jerk-wad cut you off on your way to work. Same situation (in both cases, there were fall leaves and a jerk-wad present), but your outlook effects which incident you will focus on, and therefore how you will perceive your overall life (which, like the comic sine shared so eloquently demonstrates, is really made up of thousands of tiny mundane moments such as the above example).

 

You might THINK that good things happen to you more often and bad things happen to you less often when you shift to focusing on positive thinking, but the change is really in your perception, not the events themselves. If my mom had a predilection towards depression, she might think that her life has sucked because of all the health problems she's had. But since she's almost unnaturally optimistic, she sees her life as having been wonderful, despite the bad things that have happened. Whereas when I was severely depressed, I felt like my life was ruined forever because I lost a credit card. It's all in the perception.

 

Outlook can heavily affect interpersonal relationships as well. Confident people are more likely to get job offers and promotions, because they project an image of being reliable and knowledgable.  If you have no confidence in yourself, then it's not easy for your employer to have confidence in you either. If you have good self-esteem, you will likely attract friends who also have good self-esteem, and stay away from bad friends. Whereas if you will have low self-esteem, you will be vulnerable to falling into a friendship or a relationship with bad people who want to manipulate you, use you, or abuse you. That isn't to suggest that you somehow have it coming if you do end up in an abusive relationship; the blame is entirely on predatory creeps who go on the prowl for the people they can most easily exploit.

 

And health-wise, it is certainly fair to say that someone who cares about themselves will likely work harder to take care of their own health by avoiding unhealthy habits such as smoking or drugs, eating better, getting proper sleep, getting at least a little exercise in, and going to the doctor for checkups both routinely and as soon as they think something might be off. That can definitely improve your overall prospects. You will likely also have less stress, which has a demonstrably negative effect on the body.

 

But I don't think anyone wishes themselves into having a genetic tendency towards blood clots or heart disease. And all the optimistic thinking in the world won't save you from getting hit by a drunk driver, or having an abusive parent, or being fired because the department's budget got slashed. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and it seems pretty offensive to suggest that the only reason that's the case is because even though they *seemed* happy, they just weren't happy enough, or that they somehow chose to bring it on themselves.

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