cookiemonster

How does it feel

7 posts in this topic

I'm not just talking about physically but emotionally as well. I can't imagine being naked in front of somebody and seeing a man's genitals for the first time.It kinda grosses me out and makes me scared.I would probably freak out.I wanted to ask this question to some of my friends but I'm too embarrassed. So how did it feel for you successful waiters?

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I didn't wait all the way for marriage (just 3 years/true love/engagement, which I consider to be a success given my personal reasons for waiting), but I could still answer from my perspective if you want?

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Since this isn't the VDA forum, and it's not really relevant to your question (as far as I can tell, correct me if I'm wrong) I'll really only focus on the emotional aspects, while being as non-graphic as possible. If you want to hear a little about what it was like physically, see my comment on Belle Femme's recent topic in the VDA forum.

 

I totally understand what you mean about feeling scared and grossed out. I somehow managed to absorb a ton of shame about sex and sexuality from the conservative environment I grew up in, so I was basically paralyzed and disgusted at the thought of any form of intimacy. Add some repressed bisexuality on top of that, and I was a total emotional wreck about my own sexuality.

 

My boyfriend has been exceedingly, almost saintly patient about all of this. We waited several months to even kiss; even longer for making out. Undressing was a spectrum, so there was never one day when we went from being only totally clothed around each other to seeing each other completely undressed; we gradually revealed more and more of ourselves over the course of 3 years. I recommend all couples take this route.

 

I'm still a little shamed to admit, I was always much, much more nervous about seeing my boyfriend in any form of undress than I was about him seeing me in any form of undress. I suppose that's because I've experienced my own nudity in a ton of non-sexual contexts (the shower, the locker-room, the doctor's) while being around him in any form of undress emphasized the very sexual nature of what we were doing. I also had/have a borderline phobia of unexpected pregnancy, so it was hard not to irrationally characterize certain activities as a pregnancy risk when they absolutely aren't.

 

I must admit, even on "the" night, I wasn't able to handle looking at him completely undressed; I had to cover my eyes at certain points. And even after experiencing sex as most people think of it, there were certain other activities we did not engage in because I still wasn't comfortable around his naked body. It made our physical relationship a little lop-sided, I'm afraid to say. But finally, eventually, fairly recently, actually, I was able to overcome some major hurdles around this, and I am truly learning to let myself be OK (delighted, even) with desiring and experiencing the male body. We've been together for over 5 years now...so yeah, definitely some saint-level patience on his part.

 

I'm probably putting too much of a negative spin on this by speaking to your specific concerns. Sharing my body and my sexuality with my boyfriend is pretty much the best thing in my life. I never thought I would feel so close to someone, and so completely comfortable and at ease with them, that I could 'forget' I was naked while in front of them. But with him, I can be naked (physically, emotionally) and unafraid.

 

Hopefully this helps some.  :)

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Up until two months after I started dating my current husband, I had never held another man's hand. Other than the occasional back-slap and bro-hug, I would avoid physical contact as much as I could. I was called a nun, and my then-boyfriend/now-husband was convinced that it would take a few years before I would be comfortable about sex.

 

A few months after we started dating (and after we were engaged) I had problems keeping my clothes on and my hands away from his pants.

 

We were both surprised.

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Up until two months after I started dating my current husband, I had never held another man's hand. Other than the occasional back-slap and bro-hug, I would avoid physical contact as much as I could. I was called a nun, and my then-boyfriend/now-husband was convinced that it would take a few years before I would be comfortable about sex.

A few months after we started dating (and after we were engaged) I had problems keeping my clothes on and my hands away from his pants.

We were both surprised.

Was it hard to connect emotionally and physically at first? how did you allow yourself to open up to him

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Was it hard to connect emotionally and physically at first? how did you allow yourself to open up to him

 

In general, I'm very protective of myself, so connecting with people is something I do very, very rarely.

 

On the emotional side, I was lucky that we were friends for several years prior to dating. However, I didn't open up completely until we marriage was on the table. I believed that there were topics that could only be broached by people married/engaged to each other and dating was to see if we would be a good match.

 

For me, these topics were about family, past histories, relationship status, and insecurities.

 

Physically, it was a slow start. I didn't know how much I liked or disliked physical touch, since my parents were not physically affectionate. I had a friend I was physically affectionate to (meaning more bro-hugs and back-slapping) because I liked him. When he rejected me, I had my first clue that physical affection affected me in a powerful way.

 

Fast-forward seven years, I didn't touch my husband on our first date. I did, however, contact him that night and told him that I wasn't ready for anything remotely physical. He told me to take my time.

 

I'm not sure when I started to open up, but it probably about a week before we first held hands. By then I wanted to hold hands, but so much time had passed that I wasn't sure how to initiate hand-holding. I told my friend about it, and she went through great lengths to help the hand-holding event happen =_=;

 

I did worry about if he wanted to have sex but I wasn't ready for it. But he would always ask before he initiated and I felt safe to say 'no' or 'stop' (I was still worried a bit).

 

Like Steadfast Madcap, it depends on your partner and how safe you feel them to say "I'm not comfortable with this." (and if you don't feel safe saying it, there may be something wrong)

 

However, I had no problems taking off my clothes or seeing my husband naked. I partially attribute this to my years of going to figure drawing workshops, where I have 2-4 hours in a week dedicated especially to drawing naked people. That and my love for public baths which entail accepting that I may need to walk around the locker room naked at some point.

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