Naturally

Sex a sign of disrespect to parent?

29 posts in this topic

So I was watching a T.V. show (It's a relatively unknown latino show from the 2000s) and in the episode a 16 year old girl was almost having sex with her boyfriend in her bed, and then her dad walked in.

 

He was very angry and yelled: "In my house! In my house! How dare you do this to me! what disrespect!"

 

Why would it be disrespectful to have sex in your parents' house?

 

It appeared that he wasn't just angry that she was having sex in his house but because she was having sex at all. Why is this disrespectful to him, the father? It's her vagina.

 

Would you find it disrespectful if your daughter was doing it in your house?

What would be your reaction if you were the father in this situation?

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I would find it disrespectful regardless if it was my son or my daughter. Because it's my house so it's my rules and I say there will be no premarital sex under my roof. If they go against me on that, then that is disrespecting me. It's not so much that she's having sex in and of itself (although I'd raise them better than that and I would still be very disappointed in my kids if the did have sex), but the fact that she did it in his house. Which I assume he has already told her not to.

 

BTW, welcome back Naturally :)

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I would find it disrespectful regardless if it was my son or my daughter. Because it's my house so it's my rules and I say there will be no premarital sex under my roof. If they go against me on that, then that is disrespecting me. It's not so much that she's having sex in and of itself (although I'd raise them better than that and I would still be very disappointed in my kids if the did have sex), but the fact that she did it in his house. Which I assume he has already told her not to.

 

BTW, welcome back Naturally :)

I agree. If you're young enough to still be dependent on your parents/living with them, you need to be respectful and follow their rules. It's the parents' house, not the kid's. That's how I was raised, and that's how I'll raise my kids. My house, my rules. Don't want to follow them/respect me? Find someone else to live with. Simple as that. 

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The father wants the daughter to find the best possible partner, and true love, and all those kinds of dreams parents have for their children. And so he wants to protect her innocence, even if she's not waiting until marriage. When he finds out that such a thing was happening without him even being aware, it's mocking his ability to protect her, especially within his home where he's most able to protect her. If they're also a family that believes in waiting until marriage, then you can understand why even more.

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So I was watching a T.V. show (It's a relatively unknown latino show from the 2000s) and in the episode a 16 year old girl was almost having sex with her boyfriend in her bed, and then her dad walked in.

 

He was very angry and yelled: "In my house! In my house! How dare you do this to me! what disrespect!"

 

Why would it be disrespectful to have sex in your parents' house?

 

It appeared that he wasn't just angry that she was having sex in his house but because she was having sex at all. Why is this disrespectful to him, the father? It's her vagina.

 

Would you find it disrespectful if your daughter was doing it in your house?

What would be your reaction if you were the father in this situation?

 

It's a simple matter of honouring your parents, which we're commanded by God to do. The girl you mentioned is a sixteen-year-old child. Children should obey their parents. Even if she was an adult, she still has to respect them, even if she doesn't always obey.

 

For example, imagine an adult son (say 22 years old) who moves back into their parents' house for a while. Their parents believe that it is a sin to drink alcohol, and tell their son, "We know you don't agree with us, and we can't stop you from drinking at your friends' houses, or out at restaurants and bars. However, we do not want alcohol in our house, so we ask you not to drink here."

 

Now, that son has only three options. Either he has a respectful discussion with his parents asking them to change their minds, he agrees to not drink in their house, or he moves out. If he went behind their backs and drank in their house, he wouldn't be able to defend his actions saying, "Well, what's me drinking alcohol got to do with you? It's my liver, not yours, and I can do what I like with it." It's completely disrespectful to betray your parents' trust like that.

 

As I mentioned, the girl in question is still a child, so she has even more of an obligation to obey her parents. She can't say to her dad, "Why does it matter to you what I do with my body?" That's not the point - this is her father, whose house she lives in, and who provides for her. She has to live by his rules, even if she doesn't like them.

 

Many times, parents won't let their children do certain things, and that's just the way it is. Parents can decide what movies their children see, what books they read, whether or not they go out with friends, whether they go on dates, and so on. Children can disagree, and talk to their parents about reconsidering, but it's ultimately up to the parents.

 

If it was my daughter, I'd be extremely disappointed. And yes, I'd be particularly upset that not only was she doing something wrong, but she had also decided to deliberately go behind my back. If she's living under my roof, she lives by my rules. If she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, then she can get a job and move out.

 

xxx

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What kinda question is that, ofc it's not disrespectful.

 

But what you described? Absolutely.

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I don't think that a sixteen year-old having sex is disrespectful to her parents; if we trust 16 year olds to drive giant metal death traps at 65 miles per hour, we can (and, I believe, have a moral obligation) to trust them to make their own decisions about sex, what books they read, what movies they watch, etc. People don't even think of their parents one way or another when they choose to have sex, so the idea of it being inherently disrespectful seems a bit laughable to me.

 

I am more sympathetic to the argument about not wanting it in their house (though don't be surprised if you suddenly find your child spending way more time at their boyfriend/girlfriend's house). For example, I would not want my child to smoke in my house, even if they were an adult. But smoking indoors affects the health and safety of other people living in the home, while (discreetly) having sex does no harm to anyone.

 

I also believe that children (especially as they grow into teenagers and young adults) should have their own space that is truly THEIRS, not a place where their parents retain total control. My kids won't have asked to be born. I, as the parent, chose to take on the responsibility of having a child, providing them with things they need, etc. That is a gift from me to them, not something I'm expecting a return on. To me, one of the things they need is their own space. I sacrifice having total ownership over that particular room in the house when I gift it to my child. They want to have sex in their space? That's their choice. And I'd rather they do it at home, in a place where they can feel safe and create happy memories, than force them to run away to their significant other's home, or, even worse, causing them to resort to going elsewhere. If they want to have sex, especially if they are 18+, they will find a way, and, quite frankly, they have the right to make that choice. If you stand in harsh opposition to them, all you will do is drive them away from you.

 

And once your kid is an adult, has moved in with a significant other, and etc, it seems like it would be a bit absurd to refuse to let them stay in the same room when they come home to visit.

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I don't think that a sixteen year-old having sex is disrespectful to her parents; if we trust 16 year olds to drive giant metal death traps at 65 miles per hour, we can (and, I believe, have a moral obligation) to trust them to make their own decisions about sex, what books they read, what movies they watch, etc. People don't even think of their parents one way or another when they choose to have sex, so the idea of it being inherently disrespectful seems a bit laughable to me.

 

I am more sympathetic to the argument about not wanting it in their house (though don't be surprised if you suddenly find your child spending way more time at their boyfriend/girlfriend's house). For example, I would not want my child to smoke in my house, even if they were an adult. But smoking indoors affects the health and safety of other people living in the home, while (discreetly) having sex does no harm to anyone.

 

I also believe that children (especially as they grow into teenagers and young adults) should have their own space that is truly THEIRS, not a place where their parents retain total control. My kids won't have asked to be born. I, as the parent, chose to take on the responsibility of having a child, providing them with things they need, etc. That is a gift from me to them, not something I'm expecting a return on. To me, one of the things they need is their own space. I sacrifice having total ownership over that particular room in the house when I gift it to my child. They want to have sex in their space? That's their choice. And I'd rather they do it at home, in a place where they can feel safe and create happy memories, than force them to run away to their significant other's home, or, even worse, causing them to resort to going elsewhere. If they want to have sex, especially if they are 18+, they will find a way, and, quite frankly, they have the right to make that choice. If you stand in harsh opposition to them, all you will do is drive them away from you.

 

And once your kid is an adult, has moved in with a significant other, and etc, it seems like it would be a bit absurd to refuse to let them stay in the same room when they come home to visit.

 

I wish I could "like" this a million times. I completely agree with everything you just stated.

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Sex is for adults. If you want to have sex then you have to do it in your own house and pay your own bills. It is very disrespectful to engage in sexual intercourse in your parents home.

And I don't think it's safer for kids to have sex in their parents home. They can still get pregnant and catch something. It doesn't mean safe sex or safe choices. It just condones the behavior.

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And I don't think it's safer for kids to have sex in their parents home. They can still get pregnant and catch something. It doesn't mean safe sex or safe choices. It just condones the behavior.

 

That's why I'd also make sure my kids were well-educated about pregnancy, STDs, and contraception, and that they knew they could come to me if they needed help obtaining birth control (though I think if you instill the former firmly, then they can usually take care of the later in a discreet manner on their own). I would like to instill waiting as a value in my children, but I don't except them to grant me total obedience to my personal views on sexuality (or any other matter in which their actions only have potential to hurt themselves) in exchange for my financial support (which I would keep up as long as I saw them making healthy progress towards independence; in a way, choosing a different path from me only provides assurance that they are well along in that process). What I would really be condoning isn't the behavior, but rather their right to make their own choices on the matter, even if I think it might be a mistake.

 

Adulthood is a spectrum; we start granting kids substantial rights at 14, at which point, I believe, they gain autonomy over their own medical decisions. At 16, most kids are able to drive and gain employment. At 17, in many states, kids are old enough to legally consent to sex (and this is also the average age of virginity-loss in the US). At 18 they are considered legally an adult; they are able to vote, enter into contracts (including marriage), and have the full legal right to privacy, even if their parents are paying the doctor/school/etc. At 21, they are legally able to consume alcohol. But we as a culture don't usually except people to become fully financially independent until they're 22 and out of college. I don't think it makes sense to deny a 16-22 year old full control over their own body and sexuality unless they're making 40k a year and have their own place.

 

Kind of a tangent, but what would you do if you found out your 18-22 year old was having sex at college? That is technically out of the home, they are legally an adult, and that is many people's first taste of real independence. But if you're paying (either all of it or some of it), would you still consider their dorm room "your's" (the college certainly doesn't; regardless of who is paying, they are legally prohibited from giving any info about the student out without their written consent)? Would you think it disrespectful for them to have sex there? Would you insist they pay all of their own tuition before becoming sexually active?

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Well I would not want my kids to have sex in my house. Once you are 18 go and do what you want. I at least hope I would have provided them with proper information regarding sex and relationships to make good decisions. Even when they are 18 there would be no sex in my house though. Like others said my house my rules lol.

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If my son/daughter wasn't married, then yes, I'd find it disrespectful. If you're gonna have premarital sex, don't do it in my house.

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Ok. I don't know to to quote. But a 14,15,16yo are still children incapable of making the right choices. I think allowing kidd to have sex under the parents roof is just opening up the doors to other risky behavior. Parents should be parents not friends. The brain doesn't finish developing until late 20s. Which is why some people regret some things they did when they were younger. If my child were an adult and moved out of my house I wouldn't care what they do. But if I'm paying bills and keeping food in their stomach and clothes on their back then there isn't going to be any sex in my house.if they lived on their own they can do whatever they want. Going away to college is different. College is a time to learn independence. If my child wants to have sex in college, why would I stop them. They're adults. And in my state it's illegal for adults to allow anyone under the age of 17 to engage in sex.

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Parents should be parents not friends. The brain doesn't finish developing until late 20s. Which is why some people regret some things they did when they were younger. If my child were an adult and moved out of my house I wouldn't care what they do. But if I'm paying bills and keeping food in their stomach and clothes on their back then there isn't going to be any sex in my house.if they lived on their own they can do whatever they want. Going away to college is different. College is a time to learn independence. If my child wants to have sex in college, why would I stop them. They're adults. And in my state it's illegal for adults to allow anyone under the age of 17 to engage in sex.

This seems like an incredibly dangerous way of thinking for a parent. If children aren't given some measures of independence before they move out then all you're doing is removing their floaties and kicking them into the deep end.

Ok. I don't know to to quote. But a 14,15,16yo are still children incapable of making the right choices. I think allowing kidd to have sex under the parents roof is just opening up the doors to other risky behavior.

What type of risky behaviour did you have in mind? Drugs? Acts of civil disobedience? Exploration of their sexuality? I'm curious.

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Parents should be friends as well as parents. A child should feel comfortable telling them anything, and the best way to do that is to become a friend.

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Parents should be friends as well as parents. A child should feel comfortable telling them anything, and the best way to do that is to become a friend.

 

Billy Ray Cyrus had the same philosophy & we got this:

Miley-Cyrus-Twerkin-Turkey.gif

...........

 

Just sayin'

 

..........

 

Back to the topic,

 

If it was premarital sex, then it shows the disrespect the daughter & the boyfriend has for the father's role as head of that household.

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My parents had the same philosophy and look at me, straight A student with the plan to become a Nurse. It all depends on how the parent side worked.

Also, using a star as an example for a parenting style is nearly useless. It is completely different comparing a child star and normal child.

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Parents should be friends as well as parents. A child should feel comfortable telling them anything, and the best way to do that is to become a friend.

Kids need parents not friends. They have enough friends.

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This seems like an incredibly dangerous way of thinking for a parent. If children aren't given some measures of independence before they move out then all you're doing is removing their floaties and kicking them into the deep end.

What type of risky behaviour did you have in mind? Drugs? Acts of civil disobedience? Exploration of their sexuality? I'm curious.

Kids need parents. That's why they have parents. Yes teens are curious but that doesn't mean a parent should allow them to do risky behavior like drinking, smoking and sex. All adult behavior. Independence doesn't mean over the edge.

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Kids need parents. That's why they have parents. Yes teens are curious but that doesn't mean a parent should allow them to do risky behavior like drinking, smoking and sex. All adult behavior. Independence doesn't mean over the edge.

Smoking sure, but alcohol and sex are both things they should be taught about. Obviously I'm not condoning letting your 12 year old get shit-faced drunk or go around having orgies. But letting them taste a beer, or have a glass of wine or champagne at a wedding is not a bad idea.

As your children mature you need to allow them to have more freedom. You're not dropping the leash at 18 and saying, "Run free". You're letting it out bit by bit, giving them the chance to explore while you're still around to help them fix their mistakes and show them the right way to do things.

Remember, parents are not infallible.

(Will edit later with more)

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Smoking sure, but alcohol and sex are both things they should be taught about. Obviously I'm not condoning letting your 12 year old get shit-faced drunk or go around having orgies. But letting them taste a beer, or have a glass of wine or champagne at a wedding is not a bad idea.

As your children mature you need to allow them to have more freedom. You're not dropping the leash at 18 and saying, "Run free". You're letting it out bit by bit, giving them the chance to explore while you're still around to help them fix their mistakes and show them the right way to do things.

Remember, parents are not infallible.

(Will edit later with more)

Freedom? What kind of freedom? I understand making their own choices regarding school, clothing,extracurricular. Freedom meaning adult choices? A child isn't ready to make those choices.

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Freedom? What kind of freedom? I understand making their own choices regarding school, clothing,extracurricular. Freedom meaning adult choices? A child isn't ready to make those choices.

Would you mind defining child for me? I'm trying to see if there's a disconnect here or not.

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Children having no freedoms, and then 100% freedom at 18 when they go off to college is what ruins them. All their life they've been told what to do, and now they have no one restricting them.

Authoritarian parents often have to see their child rebel. In order to avoid that, you must be a parent that gives the child freedom along with responsibilities throughout ife.

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Kids need parents not friends. They have enough friends.

You can never have enough friends. My dad being a friend is probably one of the best things to have happened to me. We can talk about world events, stupid media scandals, what cars are nice and what we can't stand. I don't come home to a parent who will nag me, I come home to a friend who's going to nag me (big difference).

The key is to know when to be more parent than friend.

If you are not a friend to your child, you are missing out on a very big part of enjoying your child.

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