Should there be a dating site for virgins?

[sine 108]

In the search part of OKCupid, you can search for the question/s about waiting until marriage and select the 'after the wedding' one and then you get people who have entered that too. Unfortunately no one who is is close to me and those in the same continent are very far away!!!!!!!

 

Already tried it, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to be honest, I still end up getting plenty of girls that don't have that as the answer but as I've said, there probably aren't many waiters out there anyway........I've messaged a few waiters but good chunk of them haven't visited the site for ages so they probably won't be seeing my message, talked to a couple of them but there were other differences......

[thisneedstobedeletedplease 264]

Already tried it, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to be honest, I still end up getting plenty of girls that don't have that as the answer but as I've said, there probably aren't many waiters out there anyway........I've messaged a few waiters but good chunk of them haven't visited the site for ages so they probably won't be seeing my message, talked to a couple of them but there were other differences......

You can search for key words in someone's profile like WTM, that might work better?

[sine 108]

You can search for key words in someone's profile like WTM, that might work better?

 

Yeah, I think I've tried "virgin", "virginity", "true love" so far (I should try WTM as well) & have found a couple of really good ones........so it can work I guess but I've found only a handful matches there; obviously, not too many people into these weird things 

 

You know the most annoying part about the whole thing is that I look at profiles that are >90% match but WTM girls aren't always at the top, they sort of seem scattered in the 90s. This new WTM girl I found yesterday searching with "true love", she's 94% match, which is ridiculous considering I've probably seen more than a dozen 99% matches who weren't WTM. That's why I feel may be that mandatory thing would have helped a lot, all one would have probably needed to do is mark the "only after the wedding" & virginity questions as mandatory & that would have probably meant that all the WTM girls would show up at the top of the list & there would no need to scroll down the list too much.

 

And yeah, most of the matches are far away but you know, waiters are kind of rare so I message them anyway if I think we have a fair bit in common. Just messaging them doesn't mean we've to get married or something, one can always get to know someone & possibly, make friends & see how it goes......maybe I'm a bit of lunatic for thinking that if two people really have that magical connection then they'll find a way to be together......

[spirit2change 284]

I've tried mining OkCupid to meet waiters... The best technique I believe is to answer a very large majority of questions pertaining to sex before marriage, have you ever had sex, etc. Then the match percent will be based strongly on waiting til marriage. Whereas if instead you answer 100 or 200 extra questions about "do you like cats" or non-waiting issues, it's possible to have a high match percent with a non-waiter, because the wtm questions would be only a small portion of your overall questions.

 

After answering hundreds of non-wtm questions, I deleted my account and started over, sticking mainly to wtm questions while answering few others, and got better results.

 

I've searched for Christians, and found in one case, only about 13% of Christian women saying they're waiting until marriage. This coincides somewhat with the WTM statistics on this site, which say "In highly religious groups, up to 20% wait until marriage successfully." http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa"

 

Even though all Christians are supposed to wtm.

[sine 108]

I've tried mining OkCupid to meet waiters... The best technique I believe is to answer a very large majority of questions pertaining to sex before marriage, have you ever had sex, etc. Then the match percent will be based strongly on waiting til marriage. Whereas if instead you answer 100 or 200 extra questions about "do you like cats" or non-waiting issues, it's possible to have a high match percent with a non-waiter, because the wtm questions would be only a small portion of your overall questions.

 

After answering hundreds of non-wtm questions, I deleted my account and started over, sticking mainly to wtm questions while answering few others, and got better results.

 

I've searched for Christians, and found in one case, only about 13% of Christian women saying they're waiting until marriage. This coincides somewhat with the WTM statistics on this site, which say "In highly religious groups, up to 20% wait until marriage successfully." http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa"

 

Even though all Christians are supposed to wtm.

 

This is what I've done too. Skipped most of the non-essential questions & stuck with sex, marriage, virginity questions, I've answered smoking, drinking, drugs questions as well because I'm not into those things & would prefer to be with someone who isn't either.

 

I also created a new account just to experiment by answering different sets of questions & see what kind of matches that leads me to but it hasn't really come up with much but as I've said before, most waiters tend to be religious, not too many non-religious ones out there one would have to think so I guess that's been the problem with me.

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

I've searched for Christians, and found in one case, only about 13% of Christian women saying they're waiting until marriage. This coincides somewhat with the WTM statistics on this site, which say "In highly religious groups, up to 20% wait until marriage successfully." http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa"

 

Even though all Christians are supposed to wtm.

 

Considering something like 70-75% of the US identifies as Christian, and something like 97% of people have premarital sex....the numbers wouldn't really line up unless a good amount of those people were Christians. Though according to a poll I just found (not sure how reputable it is) about 47% of Millennials think sex should be saved for marriage. That surprised me.

[sine 108]

Considering something like 70-75% of the US identifies as Christian, and something like 97% of people have premarital sex....the numbers wouldn't really line up unless a good amount of those people were Christians. Though according to a poll I just found (not sure how reputable it is) about 47% of Millennials think sex should be saved for marriage. That surprised me.

 

I think a lot of people THINK a lot of things but don't always follow through with their convictions, often they don't have what it takes to do so, & that's probably true for a big chunk of those 47%.......

Even though people in general would deem it "ideal" for them & their spouse to have their first sex on their wedding-night, they'd kind of look at it in a "world peace is ideal but not realistic" sort of way while some of us choose to live our ideals.........

[josh88 65]

i mean, there is definitely a market for it, 

it is hard enough finding people around you who are waiting to marriage, then to ask people if they are virgins lol

a dating sight will definitely make it easier, everybody has the same priorities and they all know the situation, so there is no awkwardly trying to squeeze in the whole, "so are you a virgin and if so are you going to stay that way until you get married" phrase in the conversation    

[kquest87 178]

A dating site for people committed to WTM would be very helpful - it would save a lot of awkward conversations and would mean that less time was wasted! I would certainly sign up for a site like that.

One site that I have found very useful is OkCupid as if you answer all the questions about waiting until marriage as mandatory you can come up with some very high matches (99%) and virtually all of those matches will be fellow waiters. Unfortunately for me, I currently live half the world away from the vast majority of the eligible waiter men on OkCupid, but that's another story!

If a site was marketed as being for virgins I would be a bit wary of the clientele is might attract - as znk99fg7 said, there may be a fair few people there who want to meet virgins for their own creepy reasons.

I meet the guy Im talking to now on Okcupid. Though he isnt a virgin, he is wanting to wait for a meaning lasting relationship and for marriage. If their was a dating site for virgins, I think it should be open to non virgin waiters as well. I mean a person 26 who been waiting for few years... are you really going to knock him/her for losing his/her virginity at 16 to some high school hottie?

[BadWolf 138]

Hi, all! I’ve had an unintentional hiatus (things have gotten really crazy lately and I have not had a lot of time to visit this site unfortunately) for the past month and a half or so, but I’ve missed you guys. :-) Thought I’d weigh in here…

A couple of you have mentioned sticking almost entirely to the virginity/WTM questions on OKCupid and largely avoiding the others. While I understand the rationale for doing that and it may be necessary to sort of “hijack†the less-than-ideal functions of the site to get the kind of results you seek, I can’t help but feel the need to mention how leery I’d be of adopting that strategy.

If I saw someone else’s profile and he had answered questions but stuck almost exclusively to questions about sex (or sex and drugs), that would be an automatic red flag—because what it tells me is that he defines himself as a virgin. Virginity may be one admirable aspect of someone’s personality; but if that is the only focus of the questions answered, what that would say to me (as a stranger/observer/potential interest) is that he didn’t respect himself as a whole, rounded person. I am not a walking vagina, and I do not wish to marry a walking penis. Sexuality is very important, but if it’s the only thing that is important to someone (which, whether true or not, is the message it sends if someone only answers those types of questions)—that’s selling both individuals short.

I would never judge someone’s worth as a person by his “status†as a virgin/nonvirgin. If I thought someone was judging me by that sole criterion (the implication—intended or otherwise—of just answering those questions), I would be insulted. Yes, that’s one aspect of who I am—but I’m compassionate, funny and intelligent and interested in X, Y, Z, P, Q, R, and S. I want someone to see me—not the virgin label. Some of those other questions may seem trivial (and actually are); but a lot of them also actually speak to deeper compatibility issues… if the only answers we had that coincided were the virginity ones, that would tell me this person is not a good match: 1) If we had both answered other questions but the only similar answers were the sex ones, as far as I’m concerned we have virtually nothing in common. 2) If it came out that way because those were the only questions the other person answered, again, it would tell me that’s how he defined himself and I’m looking for a man, not a sex object whose value is determined by a number…and I expect said individual to hold me in similar esteem.

Although it can be a good litmus test of one aspect of personal values, if a virgin is all someone is (or even the main characteristic he sees in himself), frankly I’m not impressed. It takes a lot more than that to spark my interest.

I’m not saying you’re wrong to do it that way if that is what you believe in/most important to you; sincerely, good on you for sticking so strongly to your principles. I definitely think everyone should do what is right for him/herself. Just thought I’d share that other perspective for what it’s worth…sometimes what online profiles say to others isn’t the intended message.

Sheesh, sorry that was so long! Making up for lost time I guess...

[Jasmine23 1,605]

NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm so tired of dating sites. Yes it would be good for true waiters and virgins but just think about the ones that would pretend to be such..... UNLESS there is a strict test before joining where you would have to answer a series of questions... only true waiters and virgins could answer? Haha I don't know but NO thanks.

[Johnny 261]

I've searched for Christians, and found in one case, only about 13% of Christian women saying they're waiting until marriage. This coincides somewhat with the WTM statistics on this site, which say "In highly religious groups, up to 20% wait until marriage successfully." http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa"

 

Even though all Christians are supposed to wtm.

 

The bolded items are two different things, though. The first item "waiting until marriage" is an attitude, whereas the second one is strictly behavior, including all past behavior and regrettable mistakes. One can be a non-virgin and still be "waiting until marriage," meaning they plan or hope to wait from that point forward. The problem is that so many Christians (100% - 13% = 87%?) are not even intending to wait and expect sex to be a regular part of "dating." In fact, it seems that "dating" and "having sex with" are practically synonymous in modern culture.

[Johnny 261]

If I saw someone else’s profile and he had answered questions but stuck almost exclusively to questions about sex (or sex and drugs), that would be an automatic red flag—because what it tells me is that he defines himself as a virgin. Virginity may be one admirable aspect of someone’s personality; but if that is the only focus of the questions answered, what that would say to me (as a stranger/observer/potential interest) is that he didn’t respect himself as a whole, rounded person. I am not a walking vagina, and I do not wish to marry a walking penis. Sexuality is very important, but if it’s the only thing that is important to someone (which, whether true or not, is the message it sends if someone only answers those types of questions)—that’s selling both individuals short.

I would never judge someone’s worth as a person by his “status†as a virgin/nonvirgin. If I thought someone was judging me by that sole criterion (the implication—intended or otherwise—of just answering those questions), I would be insulted. Yes, that’s one aspect of who I am—but I’m compassionate, funny and intelligent and interested in X, Y, Z, P, Q, R, and S. I want someone to see me—not the virgin label. Some of those other questions may seem trivial (and actually are); but a lot of them also actually speak to deeper compatibility issues… if the only answers we had that coincided were the virginity ones, that would tell me this person is not a good match: 1) If we had both answered other questions but the only similar answers were the sex ones, as far as I’m concerned we have virtually nothing in common. 2) If it came out that way because those were the only questions the other person answered, again, it would tell me that’s how he defined himself and I’m looking for a man, not a sex object whose value is determined by a number…and I expect said individual to hold me in similar esteem.

 

The preponderance of certain question types answered in a dating survey notwithstanding, I'm less concerned with the "virgin" status in a potential partner than the person's attitude. She has to believe and express that sex is for marriage only in order for me to even consider her. Maybe she's made mistakes and isn't a virgin, but we can't change our pasts. We can only change our minds and our behaviors going forward. 

[needlegirl_haystackworld 14]

Deffinetly! I find it really hard to find people of my faith & especially guys around who are willing to wait for me. Im 21 & my generation tends to really dissapoint.

[PaulJustPaul 801]

I like the idea of a dating site for WAITERS, not for VIRGINS. The reason is this: people who have regretfully had sex before should not be condemned.

 

There are many nonvirgins on this forum, and all that is is a technicality. We're all the same. Talk to some of the "nonvirgins" on this forum - you'll realize that where it counts (in the mind of the person), there's no difference. I think a virgin-only site encourages us to reject others who are trying to live according to their values after previously not having done so. It's not fair to them.

[FeelingLost 4]

I know and I feel it's hard to find other virgins on dating sites.. but if there was a 'virgin only' dating site, I'm afraid some people would take advantages of it..

I mean, in a wrong way.. like.. perverts, or virgin hunters.. lol..

Something like that..

So, I don't know if it's going to be good for us as virgins..

[Zokhanyo 22]

Mh really I am amongst those who say; they don't trust dating sites/ internet dating....

I for 1 don't feel comfortable with the internet dating, because it feels I would be like too desperate if I would go there... Am a lady I don't want the sound of that, and to me how I meet my mate matters ; I hope to meet him maybe by chance, or in a decent place....

Lol In my African culture a lady that looks for a man is viewed as loose or cheap,,,

Too some people get into those sites just for fooling people/ playing them around.

I am holding on the waiting/ hoping upon The Lord ; to let chance bring my man... Av been 4 years past ready to meet him now ... But I haven't given up I still trust God to bring me the one who will value and love me as I love my self, as to also make it easy for me to submit to him as my head.

[MissVirgin 22]

Thanks every one for your thought to share!

[OneLovelyBabe 606]

I think that for me personally, based on a couple other stores on here, it's nice to keep virginity as a secret. Like two people on here said, the fact that their spouses weren't forthcoming about the fact that they lied about being a virgin, then married one, makes you want to keep it on the DL. I also think it should be a paying site so you can do background checks from the site of you're going to do that. But also if there were a section like that on here, I almost think I wouldn't want to meet anyone who I didn't already talk to on here because they could be a sicko. I would also feel really guarded as well if they were trying to traipse through the forums too, and not appreciate the site as much. However should someone want to go the distance and go through these forums, we should still keep that a little in mind. It's always a possibility. I USUALLY wait to here what the other person has to say about virginity first because if I say Im a virgin then they're scared to disappoint me if they aren't and think I won't be interested and are more likely to lie on the subject I think. But yeah. I've thought this through a lot. Hahaha

[OneLovelyBabe 606]

I like the idea of a dating site for WAITERS, not for VIRGINS. The reason is this: people who have regretfully had sex before should not be condemned.

There are many nonvirgins on this forum, and all that is is a technicality. We're all the same. Talk to some of the "nonvirgins" on this forum - you'll realize that where it counts (in the mind of the person), there's no difference. I think a virgin-only site encourages us to reject others who are trying to live according to their values after previously not having done so. It's not fair to them.

On the flip side, the virgin site could allow virgins who aren't waiting to hook up, if they just want their first time to be a virgin. I think the emphasis of the site would be purely physical, whereas the emphasis on our site is purely choice related and mental/spiritual/emotional. Also though, physical virgins who have the no wait mentality might try to sway the waiting virgins to have sex. Major downfall. But also it wouldn't be able to include people who were raped, but were originally waiting, and are still waiting. THATS what would bother me.

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

But also it wouldn't be able to include people who were raped, but were originally waiting, and are still waiting. THATS what would bother me.

Why would it mean that? People who have been raped haven't had sex, they've been raped. So someone being sexually assaulted has no bearing on whether or not they are a virgin.

[Amber Elizabeth 873]

I think it would be a cool idea. You know, if there was a way to keep the creepers out.

[PG1 1,730]

I really don't know. I did find one site, a long time ago, that was a dating site for virgins. They had a questionnaire about sexual history, and when I contacted them to verify that they were ok with someone who was raped calling them self a virgin they told me that they weren't and that I had to join a different site...for abstaining. That made me feel that my abuse had sullied my virginity and that I am less than, in some way. It took me a long time to get over that. So, if they did develop something like that, I think having the same (unmentioned?) rules for it as this site has would be best...waiting means you've made the decision to wait, whether before or after you've had sex, and that we ARE human, and that virginity is something you GIVE AND IT CANT BE 'STOLEN', because that moment (on this site) when it became clear to me that the members here stood up for people like me, in that respect, was the moment I felt most accepted here. It's not as if people wouldn't be able ask about sexual history...and if someone doesn't want me because I was raped when I was 4years old, then I could live with that...because most people are not that.... Ummmmmm.... I'll go with 'closed minded' because it's the nicest thing I can think of.

Edite: to be fair, they were using dictionary definition of the word virgin. Not excuse for the, just being clear.

[WaitingForSuperman 47]

Should there be a dating site for virgins? where they could date each others!

 

There used to be a dating site for virgins, I believe it was called "WeWaited", but I think it's now defunct.  I also think there used to be other iterations of the idea on other sites, or "Virgin Only" sections of major dating websites, but I don't think they went over all that well.  I know one of the problems was people "preying on" virgins and lying to get closer to them (for whatever reasons). 

 

I can also say, as you get older, there's more stigma behind being a virgin, so I don't know there's a lot of people that would want their name/face juxtaposed to knowing they've a virgin (especially for the guys) on The Web.  I think, in theory, this is a great idea (just like this site and forum is), but in practice, a virgin dating could become a cumbersome chore.  Also, I don't know from a marketing perspective if there's enough of a niche market potential here to make this a viable business opportunity for someone to take.

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

I did find one site, a long time ago, that was a dating site for virgins. They had a questionnaire about sexual history, and when I contacted them to verify that they were ok with someone who was raped calling them self a virgin they told me that they weren't and that I had to join a different site...for abstaining. That made me feel that my abuse had sullied my virginity and that I am less than, in some way. It took me a long time to get over that.

 

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  Those admins should be ashamed of themselves.