Steadfast Madcap

Dating Other People Before Meeting 'the One?'

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Hey all, since I have posted some Love, Joy, Feminism articles that I agree with on here, I thought I'd post one I disagreed with (or, at least, have an extremely different experience than the author). And obviously, I'm wondering what you all think about it.  :lol:

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2011/08/courtship-dating-and-regret.html

 

Basically, the author says that she married her first boyfriend, and now regrets it, as she feels dating would've given her good practice for her current relationship. I am still with the first person I ever dated, and I am really happy that is the case. My objections to this article are twofold, and somewhat related: people who date around aren't necessarily more mature than those who have not, and you can know yourself and what you want in a relationship without dating around. My boyfriend and I both have parents who had...turbulent relationships, to say the best. I think that forced both of us to grow up at a very young age, and definitely taught us what we DON'T want to do! In fact, I think it is a sign of maturity that we were able to truly commit at such a young age. I also treasure the shared 'newness' that we experienced together in our relationship. To me, both people being inexperienced, and learning together as they go along, is a great way to forge a strong bond, and creates valuable memories that will last a lifetime. :wub:  It is a big part of why I chose to wait!

 

So, what do you guys think? Is dating multiple people important, or is it best to find 'the one' on the first try, if you can?

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I don't think you have to date around, nor do I think you have to pick the first person you date. It totally depends on you and your situation.

The implication here is that either people are incapable of growing within a relationship and can only learn from ones that have ended, or being inexperienced and going through tough times and making mistakes within your permanent relationship is a bad thing. Ummmm.....isn't that a part of growing together? Isn't there value in both of those experiences, provided you actually learn something!?

Honestly, these people writing these articles about how things should be done sure are hung up on their pasts. That's the way it happened people, now move along! Nobody's perfect, and I am sure even your handsome, amazing, awesome, good-father, husbands arent either!

End rant.

Personally, I would have loved to have found the right one first, and had the privilege of growing with them. I have gone through a couple of relationships (though only one serious one), and sure I have learned a lot and it has become part of who I am as well as taught me more about what I am looking for. But I could never say that is the best way to do it. I do however look back and cringe at the type of guy I would have picked back then, but I guess that's why I'm still single!

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Dating multiple people beforehand? HELL NO, I wanna do these cuddlings, hug-sessions and laying on the grass next to a lake watching the full moon while holding hands -evenings with the one I do love!!!

 

I am totally with you Steadfast Madcap, to be together with the true one is much more important!

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I haven’t had a boyfriend yet, and for me I was always hoping to marry my first boyfriend, but we’ll see. This is… I think more people go online to complain and rant than to tell good stories ;P.

 

But you know, this woman, instead of being hung up on what she didn’t do, like Beth said, should understand she doesn’t need to date to grow, even now why is she still going backwards? You’re married, move forward, grow with your husband… you know you obviously need some work with maturing or something, so work on it. What’s worrying about the past going to do? *facepalm* Just stress you out more.  If you see your husband being a great husband, do your best to be the best wife. You don’t need to go out and date to realize this because you obviously realized it already LOL!

 

Sure, dating can give you certain experiences, but for me, I usually just observe other relationships and find out what I want, how I want to be, how I want to treat my future mate, what I DON’T want to do LOL! Partly from observing parents, my brother, friends… etc… even online people LOL!

 

It seems to me like she was pressured by her parents, which is wrong, but I understand in certain generations it’s really, really difficult to get around that LOL even my mom was pressured. Nowadays we have more freedom and although I know some are still pressured, it’s not as common, and so we are able to choose what we want without (hopefully) having influence from others that will cause negative energy.

 

I think people just need to do what’s right for them. Some people are going to stress over marrying the first one and some people think that’s just effing crazy LOL! Different scenarios in life mature us, and we’re not all the same, some of us never learn. It’s just like how some shampoos and facial products work for some people, and others have a really bad reaction LOL. Or some people buy their cars and some lease and trade them in for a new one because they need some change. So you have to find what works for you :D. If you have 500 boyfriends, well wow, and good for you, and if you marry your first boyfriend and are happy, well I give you all my kudos LOL! Just follow what excites you and you will be on the right path, stop FIGHTING IT LOL!!!!!

 

tl;dr: don’t be lazy :D.

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Many times you won't meet "the one" right away or the first time dating, it would be a silly pipe dream to expect it. While it does happen, you often have to date more than one person to find who you are compatible with.

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Many times you won't meet "the one" right away or the first time dating, it would be a silly pipe dream to expect it. While it does happen, you often have to date more than one person to find who you are compatible with.

 

Yeah, I would never argue that people should feel obligated to marry the first person they date, and I do think it is quite rare for the first person you date to be 'the one.' So I don't think anyone should have the *expectation* that they will marry the first person they date; rather, I just think that if it happens, it is ideal.

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Many times you won't meet "the one" right away or the first time dating, it would be a silly pipe dream to expect it. While it does happen, you often have to date more than one person to find who you are compatible with.

I do think, depending on how you get in relationships, some people are more likely to marry the first person they date. For example, I have never been in a relationship even at the age of 25. Not because I haven't came across the opportunity but because I've been able to see ahead of time that they wouldn't work before entering a relationship with such a person.

 

I take a lot of thought and time to decide whether it's someone that would work with me. So it's a pretty safe bet that when I finally get into a relationship, that he will be really compatible and the chances of him being "the one" are much more likely than those who get into relationships more often with less thought. 

 

I'm not trying to put down people that get into a lot of relationships, I'm just saying that's how I go about relationships and it would increase my chances of marrying my first boyfriend. 

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I do think, depending on how you get in relationships, some people are more likely to marry the first person they date. For example, I have never been in a relationship even at the age of 25. Not because I haven't came across the opportunity but because I've been able to see ahead of time that they wouldn't work before entering a relationship with such a person.

 

I take a lot of thought and time to decide whether it's someone that would work with me. So it's a pretty safe bet that when I finally get into a relationship, that he will be really compatible and the chances of him being "the one" are much more likely than those who get into relationships more often with less thought. 

 

I'm not trying to put down people that get into a lot of relationships, I'm just saying that's how I go about relationships and it would increase my chances of marrying my first boyfriend. 

Yeah, I think that definitely increases the chances, though I don't know if it makes it likely. I'm more or less the same, so I hope it's the case with me, too.

 

Of course, there is a difference between a relationship and a date. To marry the first person one even ever went on a date with seems really unlikely.

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Yeah, I think that definitely increases the chances, though I don't know if it makes it likely. I'm more or less the same, so I hope it's the case with me, too.

 

Of course, there is a difference between a relationship and a date. To marry the first person one even ever went on a date with seems really unlikely.

 

Unless you're a fairytale princess/prince ;D. Or really lucky. But yeah, and even then people consider 'dating' actually having a bf/gf so it can get confusing with definitions.

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My boyfriend is actually the only person I've ever been on a date with! But by 'dating' I was referring to a relationship rather than just a single outing.

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