l8dyluck81

Should Men Give Up Porn?

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Personally I quit and tried to just do something else when the urge comes. I usually go out for a walk or exercise

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I would encourage my fellow men to kick this habit. It's a hard road, but you'll rediscover what you lost as a result of using it.

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Porn is nothing but a fantasy. Everyone are actors and follow a script. I think men who watch porn should know the difference between real and fake. Sex in real life isn't the same sex in porn.

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from a christian point of view, yes,

since i have given up all PMO, i got extremely close to God, I didn't realize how blinding that stuff is. i came to understand that it is sin that blinds us from God, and once we turn away, we will be able to open our eyes to the the true God. my life seriously changed since stopping PMO. it can be very addictive, and Im gad i stopped. there are many people who are seriously addicted, and cant stop. their wife's cannot satisfy them any more, they require it. for now i just want to stay focused on the Most High, until he provides me with the right wife for me. i dont want PMO addiction to ruin my relationship with God or my future wife. I trust in God, and know that he knows best, so i am happy.  

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Porn is nothing but a fantasy. Everyone are actors and follow a script. I think men who watch porn should know the difference between real and fake. Sex in real life isn't the same sex in porn.

 

Well said.

I think if a guy realizes that watching porn is negatively affecting his view of women in general or if it's causing him to have unrealistic expectations from his wife in terms looks & sexual performance or if he feels that he is getting addicted to the point that he's thinking about porn all the time then he definitely needs to stop & try to get help.

I mean I've been watching porn for more than a decade but I don't think any of the above is true for me, so I definitely think that it IS possible to separate fantasy & reality.

Although this thread is about men & porn, just on the topic of fantasy & reality, I think it's fair to bring up the fact that many women that are into fairytale-stuff, read romantic books, watch romantic movies (for the record, I watch them as well) & so on, often have expectations from their bf/husband that may be deemed unrealistic (or too high), they expect their bf/husband to live up to the standards set by fictional male-characters. These women struggle to separate fantasy & reality, just like the men who get attached to porn but that doesn't seem to bother people as much.......maybe it should.

 

http://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/porn-is-super-empowering-just-ask-the-duke-university-porn-star

 

This was a really hard read, but sheds a lot of light on the industry.  :(

 

Well, if one wants see something in a negative light then they'll do so. I'm sure there are people who suffer because of porn (within & outside the industry) but there are plenty of people who suffer because of religions as well & I'm sure one could find something wrong with almost anything but the question is do those bad incidences define that particular thing? I like to keep an open mind about things in general & that's precisely why even though I'm not religious myself, I'm open to the idea that religions bring happiness to some people; similarly, I'm open to the idea that not every pornstar was forced to do the things he/she are doing & maybe they actually CHOSE to do that. You could argue that it still isn't good for them, & I'd probably agree but I may also agree if someone said religions aren't good for people but still, in either case, I'd defend people's freedom to choose for themselves while at the same time, wherever there's a violation of a person's freedom, perpetrators ought to be punished! As I've said before, there's couples-centric porn out there as well, where things are done more tastefully, & where the people "acting" in it weren't necessarily forced into it, & I'm sure there are single men, women & couples who enjoy it, heck, I'm one of those people!

 

Although it may seem that I care so much about porn & porn-industry, it's not that, it's people jumping to lopsided conclusions that bothers me! Some guy goes around shooting a bunch of people = guns are bad!

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On a semi-related topic, I think one really big lie that women buy into is this idea of how a perfect relationship should be. Yes there are crazy expectations that men get with an increase in stimuli, but likewise women expect all these things from men that are unreasonable too, like in the princess movies, and when they fall short feel disappointed. I think we as women need to realize our standards can be a little ridiculous at times too, both for ourselves with looking picture perfect all the time based on so much media and with the over the top behaviors we expect from men.

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On a semi-related topic, I think one really big lie that women buy into is this idea of how a perfect relationship should be. Yes there are crazy expectations that men get with an increase in stimuli, but likewise women expect all these things from men that are unreasonable too, like in the princess movies, and when they fall short feel disappointed. I think we as women need to realize our standards can be a little ridiculous at times too, both for ourselves with looking picture perfect all the time based on so much media and with the over the top behaviors we expect from men.

Thank you! I feel like all the internet publicity of a "perfect relationship" is ruining lots of women and girls expectations on relationships. It's making them expect the man to do all these crazy romantic things, I feel constantly pressured by my girlfriend to give her this perfect "princess fairy tale" relationship.

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On a semi-related topic, I think one really big lie that women buy into is this idea of how a perfect relationship should be. Yes there are crazy expectations that men get with an increase in stimuli, but likewise women expect all these things from men that are unreasonable too, like in the princess movies, and when they fall short feel disappointed. I think we as women need to realize our standards can be a little ridiculous at times too, both for ourselves with looking picture perfect all the time based on so much media and with the over the top behaviors we expect from men.

 

I second Josh's sentiment. Thank you for bringing this up. The topic of guys and porn has been beaten to death, resurrected multiple times and beaten to death again and again and again. Yet we hardly ever talk about girls and their unrealistic expectations of relationships based on fiction. This is an issue that is really underexposed because it can just be as serious of an issue as guys and porn. I actually know a few people whose relationships were either strained or ended because the guys couldn't measure up to the girl's fairy tale view of dating. I even know one girl who dumped her ex because "he wasn't anything like Mr Darcy!" I kid you not, those were her exact words. I already have enough anxiety at the thought of not even being able to measure up to a girl's ex-bfs, The last thing I need is to compete with a fictional man who doesn't even exist.

 

Now I know some girls will jump on me and say, "But Vince, you can't compare the two. Porn is always degrading while romance fiction can simply be harmless fun." Well yes, it can be harmless fun. But we have to admit that those things are marketed specifically towards women for a reason, much like porn is mainly marketed towards men. Women usually stimulated emotionally. So when they see or read about a man who is seemingly perfect, it seems like it awakens her deepest longings and desires to be loved the same way. No one can argue that emotions can often times cloud rational judgment, especially when the emotions are so strong.

 

Either way whether if it's porn or having a fairy tale complex, it puts an unrealistic burden on the other person to meet an impossible standard. That is unfair and unhealthy.

 

And from a Christian perspective, I would argue both cases are a form of idolatry.

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Now I know some girls will jump on me and say, "But Vince, you can't compare the two. Porn is always degrading while romance fiction can simply be harmless fun." Well yes, it can be harmless fun. But we have to admit that those things are marketed specifically towards women for a reason, much like porn is mainly marketed towards men. Women usually stimulated emotionally. So when they see or read about a man who is seemingly perfect, it seems like it awakens her deepest longings and desires to be loved the same way. No one can argue that emotions can often times cloud rational judgment, especially when the emotions are so strong.

 

I've heard this comparison drawn many times, but it has never really made sense to me. Porn typically involves lusting after real people, who are involved in an awful and exploitative industry, while a fictional character in a novel doesn't exist in any sense of the word. I suppose it might make more sense to categorize romance and erotic novels in one category (in which the object of the readers desires doesn't exist outside of their mind), and porn and chick flicks in an opposing category, in which the characters are represented by real people. Still, at least actors have a union to look out for their needs, and in most romantic movies you don't really...see much.

 

For me, the primary hurt of porn comes from lusting over parts of a human being that should be reserved for their spouse -- not from the possibility of my significant other developing unrealistic expectations. Whether he thinks that the actresses breasts are better or worse than mine, he's still looking at another woman's breasts, and that is what really hurts.

 

I don't disagree that women can develop unrealistically high expectations due to Disney, Twilight, 50 Shades, and whatever else is popular out there. I just don't see how those issues are *similar* to one another, if that makes sense.

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I've heard this comparison drawn many times, but it has never really made sense to me. Porn typically involves lusting after real people, who are involved in an awful and exploitative industry, while a fictional character in a novel doesn't exist in any sense of the word. I suppose it might make more sense to categorize romance and erotic novels in one category (in which the object of the readers desires doesn't exist outside of their mind), and porn and chick flicks in an opposing category, in which the characters are represented by real people. Still, at least actors have a union to look out for their needs, and in most romantic movies you don't really...see much.

 

Whether we're comparing something that is real or not real is irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make. Because in the end, both things represent a corrupted view of what sex and romance is (not always with romance fiction, but often times does). So while the nature of both industries may be different, the effect that those two have, or rather can have, on the psychology of the intended market is similar.

 

For me, the primary hurt of porn comes from lusting over parts of a human being that should be reserved for their spouse -- not from the possibility of my significant other developing unrealistic expectations. Whether he thinks that the actresses breasts are better or worse than mine, he's still looking at another woman's breasts, and that is what really hurts.

 

I see your point. But one could argue that the misplaced emotional investment a girl has on a fictional character should be reserved only for her spouse, or at least to the guy she is romantically involved with. I would feel the exact same emotions you feel in your example. I would feel hurt knowing her affections are for someone else who doesn't even exist. I would feel hurt that she longs to be loved by a man living within the pages of a book than to be loved by me. So you see, different situations but same outcome.

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What Invincible said.

I've heard this comparison drawn many times, but it has never really made sense to me. Porn typically involves lusting after real people, who are involved in an awful and exploitative industry, while a fictional character in a novel doesn't exist in any sense of the word. I suppose it might make more sense to categorize romance and erotic novels in one category (in which the object of the readers desires doesn't exist outside of their mind), and porn and chick flicks in an opposing category, in which the characters are represented by real people. Still, at least actors have a union to look out for their needs, and in most romantic movies you don't really...see much.

 

For me, the primary hurt of porn comes from lusting over parts of a human being that should be reserved for their spouse -- not from the possibility of my significant other developing unrealistic expectations. Whether he thinks that the actresses breasts are better or worse than mine, he's still looking at another woman's breasts, and that is what really hurts.

 

I don't disagree that women can develop unrealistically high expectations due to Disney, Twilight, 50 Shades, and whatever else is popular out there. I just don't see how those issues are *similar* to one another, if that makes sense.

And not at all am I trying to say looking at porn is the same as watching a "fairy tale." One is very sinful, both CAN isolate you from having a realistic, healthy relationship. Im merely saying while it is a nice, in the moment semtiment, instead of internalizing these images and adding them up to be a list of a man, we need to acknowledge the moment, but recognize the large difference between fantasy and reality, much like with pornography and sex. I am NOT advocating watching porn, but Im saying IF one chooses to watch fairy tales, or any kind of movies or have any expectations from life one has seen in movies, recognize the differences rather than make them a part of your expectations. You could even say the same about a woman's weight, looks, etc.

Without going off on too much of a tangent... I have to tell myself daily for example that I don't have to feel ugly because there are millions of other girls on Instagram who have better makeup and better bodies than me. Someone will always, but I need to be the best version of myself, not wishing I was someone else because that's out of my control and not the way God made me. Facebook has done an amazing job of this as well; people post photos during their funnest times, looking their best, and update statuses when they're with friends or relaxed. Does that mean people always look great all the time and are always hanging out with everyone and partying? No. We have to consider that there is more to life than meets the eye, and not just pull the best moments from what we see and create this mega image of only perfection that we've seen on camera.

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Vince,

 

That's an interesting correlation you draw between idealizing porn stars and romanticizing fictional romance novel heroes, but I have to agree with others here who've said that it's not exactly the same thing. Porn degrades human beings, but a romantic story doesn't. I agree that sometimes it gives girls unrealistic views of relationships, but I think that most of us realize that stories are just that: stories. They're not real and no one is perfect. Even in the books themselves, characters are often portrayed as flawed, many-faceted individuals. That's not so with pornography, which reduces people to sexual objects only. I'd even go so far as to say that reading romantic stories can help shape a woman's expectations for the kind of man she'll want. Reading about chivalrous men doesn't make me want to marry a medieval knight, but it does make me want the kind of man who will do his best to treat me well. That's not necessarily wholly a bad thing.

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Vince,

 

but I think that most of us realize that stories are just that: stories. They're not real and no one is perfect. 

 

I agree with this sentiment. But I also think it's a myth that men don't know the difference between the porn they watch, and what they should expect in their future partner. I feel confident that most men know porn is contrived just as most women know that the characters in romantic novels are also contrived. Saying all porn influences all men the same is every bit as flawed as saying that romance novels influence all women the same.

 

I do not support porn, and I do think that if one is seeking the highest spiritual heights, they will avoid it. However, many things I hear about porn strike me as dogmatic and illogical.

 

Lastly, those who do sexual things before marriage, be it kissing, fondling, even passionate hugs, and cuddling with a REAL PERSON prior to marriage and have strong complaints against porn... I have to be honest, it does come off as a little hypocritical to complain about men watching porn. If there were no sexual component in those aforementioned activities, then I wouldn't find it hypocritical, but I think any honest person will acknowledge there is. And anyone who has been in past relationships, and done those passionate, and, yes, sexual things, is bound to compare what they experienced in the past with what they will experience in the future. 

 

I'm not equating those things with sex, because they are obviously different. What I am saying, though, is that there is a sexual component in those things, and just as someone is bound to compare future sex with past sex, someone is bound to reflect in their mind "Is my current lover as good a kisser as my past one?"

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I agree with this sentiment. But I also think it's a myth that men don't know the difference between the porn they watch, and what they should expect in their future partner. I feel confident that most men know porn is contrived just as most women know that the characters in romantic novels are also contrived. Saying all porn influences all men the same is every bit as flawed as saying that romance novels influence all women the same.

 

Lastly, those who do sexual things before marriage, be it kissing, fondling, even passionate hugs, and cuddling with a REAL PERSON prior to marriage and have strong complaints against porn... I have to be honest, it does come off as a little hypocritical to complain about men watching porn. If there were no sexual component in those aforementioned activities, then I wouldn't find it hypocritical, but I think any honest person will acknowledge there is. And anyone who has been in past relationships, and done those passionate, and, yes, sexual things, is bound to compare what they experienced in the past with what they will experience in the future. 

 

Yeah, the fantasy aspect of porn/romance novels doesn't bother me at all. I think most psychologically healthy people know the difference between fantasy and reality pretty well, and can't possibly desire a fictional character in the same way they desire a real person. My boyfriend wins effortlessly against any male lead in a romance, because he's *real.* Although I'm definitely the type to cry at books and movies, I just can't feel for a fictional character what I feel for a real person. It's literally impossible.

 

That idea of comparison to past partners is exactly why I shyed away even from kissing before I knew my relationship was going to end up being serious. But I'm also way more bothered by the idea of my SO watching porn while in a relationship with me, then having watched it before being in a relationship with me. Just like most people are really bothered by the idea of their SO going on a date with someone else while in a relationship with them, but aren't particularly bothered by their SO having gone on a date with someone else before they ever met.

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You guys keep insisting that I am saying porn and romance fiction in and of themselves are the same thing. I have said no such thing. I've already said before that porn and romance fiction in and of themselves are NOT the same thing. I've also said before that romance fiction can be harmless fun, unlike porn which is always exploitative. So you can all keep saying they are not the same all you want, I never said anything to the contrary and I in fact agree with you.

 

What I have saying all along is that potential consequences in relationships and marriages as a result of indulging in either one can be equally damaging. Whether the object of lust is real or not is irrelevant, because in the end you are desiring something other than the person you are with whether it is in a physical or emotional sense. So I have nothing against consuming romance fiction, in fact I'm sure I'd enjoy some of it if I found the right kinds. But I must reiterate that there is a reason why it's primary audience are women. It's because women tend to be more wired emotionally in the same way men tend to be wired physically hence why the porn industry is primarily marketed towards men. So it makes it easier to have a distorted view of sex or romance. That's all I'm saying.

I don't know how else to explain my point so I'll just leave it at that.
 

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I'm not a porn-watcher, but I do believe it can have detrimental effect before and in the relationship.  Porn not only produces incredible scenarios which are unrealistic, but they are often unromantic. And repeated exposure to pornography desensitizes men, so they progressively require more intense and unusual stimuli to produce arousal. Say goodbye to a healthy sex life!

 

How can you possibly know that porn desensitizes men if you yourself are not a porn-watcher? I don't believe it makes any difference, unless a porn watcher could give me his experience with erectile dysfunction. If there was a PROFESSIONAL scientific study on the correlation between porn and erectile dysfunction i would love to see it. Anyway; Cheers.

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How can you possibly know that porn desensitizes men if you yourself are not a porn-watcher? I don't believe it makes any difference, unless a porn watcher could give me his experience with erectile dysfunction. If there was a PROFESSIONAL scientific study on the correlation between porn and erectile dysfunction i would love to see it. Anyway; Cheers.

 

Start with this one:  http://yourbrainonporn.com/neural-correlates-sexual-cue-reactivity-individuals-and-without-compulsive-sexual-behaviours-2014

 

This one's also interesting:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/therapy-matters/201205/does-porn-contribute-ed

 

Then read through this list if you would like some more references:

 

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-ed-media

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See, the articles on this use words like "compulsive porn use", "addiction", which don't apply to each & every person watching porn; it's like presuming that just because alcoholics exist that each & every person that drinks alcohol is bound to be an alcoholic, now, I've been a teetotaler all my life but I'm open-minded enough to not to jump to conclusions with respect to alcohol-consumption.....

 

I'm 27 & I've been watching porn probably since I was like 13-14 but I'm NOT sufferring from lowered libido or ED or whatever, & I'm sure I'm not the only guy like that so obviously, it doesn't affect everyone the same way. Again, it's talking about addicts, people who are constantly looking forward to their next fap-session & that's more or less the only thing that's on their mind......it's possible that some of these people were watching REALLY EXTREME stuff on a regular basis, so much so that the regular sex, real or porn, couldn't excite them anymore......but it seems they became fully functional anyway once they gave it up......

 

Now, of course, porn can desensitize some people, just as repeated exposure to anything can desensitize people, people talk about how violence in video games & movies desensitizes children & such, heck, after you get married, after a while, you can get desensitized by your spouse, ask the tons of sexually dissatisfied couples out there......but of course, not every kid watching violent games/movies turns to violence, not every couple has a dead sex-life & similarly, not every person that watches porn becomes a porn-addict with an ED!

 

I see a lot of confimation bias in this thread, a lot of people saying porn is this & that......even those who claim not to watch it.....I mean how can someone paint ALL porn with a broad brush as unromantic, unrealistic, degrading, etc etc if they haven't even explored what's out there.....as I've said before, there's porn out there where things are done tastefully, more couples-centric stuff.....

 

Well, I realize that many people are going to have a closed mind on this issue....for obvious reasons......but again, just to reiterate the point about jumping to conclusions......

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The problem is, Sine, that even the more "couples-centric" porn is still exploitative. Why? Because there are people who are getting paid to have sex on camera, which is basically a form of legal prostitution. Sex was designed by God to be experienced only in marriage, not to be viewed as a sporting pleasure. I say this as someone who, until very recently, used porn regularly. I will have to confess to my sin in order to be absolved of it, this I know now. I stopped watching when it became clear to me through discussing porn use on a secular blog, that I could not expect a man to abstain from porn if I myself am using it. Otherwise I'd just be a hypocrite.

 

I don't want porn to be a part of my life anymore in any way, shape or form. When I meet my future husband I want to have as pure a heart and body for him as possible, so that's why I chose to abstain from porn and masturbation from now on. Plus, I've noticed that lately I'd feel depressed and deflated after using it, where before I used to just feel physically satisfied. Porn no longer fills a need for me the way it did before because I now want so much more than what it can give me. Sure, it felt good at the time, but it's gotten really old having that release without having anyone around with whom to share in it. To be honest, lately it hasn't even been that effective. I'd feel the urge, I'd do it, but then I couldn't even finish, or there wouldn't be that big of a finish. I suppose if I were a typical guy and my use escalated to harder stuff over time, maybe I'd have been able to maintain the excitement, but I find hardcore porn completely abhorrent. Then I got to thinking, well, what if the soft stuff isn't so soft, either? What if the guy in the film has really bad BO, or the girl's breath is awful? What if she's faking pleasure because even though he's not necessarily jack-hammering away at her as in a hardcore clip, she's still uncomfortable because they've been at this for hours?

 

The more I thought about what goes on behind the scenes (and not necessarily abuse, just "normal" filmmaking stuff), the more it turned me off porn. I want the real deal for myself, not this empty substitute. Even the amateur stuff does nothing for me now. I see that as just a huge cry for attention, a way for "normal" people to feed into an industry which tears families and marriages apart, increases the desire to objectify women and children, and gives men unrealistic expectations of women's sexuality and their bodies.

 

That's why I think it's wrong. It's not because of any self-esteem issues I might have. It's because I truly do not like the porn industry and I abhor what it's doing to our society. I wouldn't want any man of mine to fill his head with that trash, for the simple fact that that's what it is. A truly good, respectable Christian man with a high level of integrity would stay far away from that junk because he wouldn't want it to affect the way he sees the real women in his life. I equate it to a guy who goes to the gym and eats healthy, but then smokes a pack a day. It doesn't make sense!

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The problem is, Sine, that even the more "couples-centric" porn is still exploitative. Why? Because there are people who are getting paid to have sex on camera, which is basically a form of legal prostitution. Sex was designed by God to be experienced only in marriage, not to be viewed as a sporting pleasure. I say this as someone who, until very recently, used porn regularly. I will have to confess to my sin in order to be absolved of it, this I know now. I stopped watching when it became clear to me through discussing porn use on a secular blog, that I could not expect a man to abstain from porn if I myself am using it. Otherwise I'd just be a hypocrite.

I don't want porn to be a part of my life anymore in any way, shape or form. When I meet my future husband I want to have as pure a heart and body for him as possible, so that's why I chose to abstain from porn and masturbation from now on. Plus, I've noticed that lately I'd feel depressed and deflated after using it, where before I used to just feel physically satisfied. Porn no longer fills a need for me the way it did before because I now want so much more than what it can give me. Sure, it felt good at the time, but it's gotten really old having that release without having anyone around with whom to share in it. To be honest, lately it hasn't even been that effective. I'd feel the urge, I'd do it, but then I couldn't even finish, or there wouldn't be that big of a finish. I suppose if I were a typical guy and my use escalated to harder stuff over time, maybe I'd have been able to maintain the excitement, but I find hardcore porn completely abhorrent. Then I got to thinking, well, what if the soft stuff isn't so soft, either? What if the guy in the film has really bad BO, or the girl's breath is awful? What if she's faking pleasure because even though he's not necessarily jack-hammering away at her as in a hardcore clip, she's still uncomfortable because they've been at this for hours?

The more I thought about what goes on behind the scenes (and not necessarily abuse, just "normal" filmmaking stuff), the more it turned me off porn. I want the real deal for myself, not this empty substitute. Even the amateur stuff does nothing for me now. I see that as just a huge cry for attention, a way for "normal" people to feed into an industry which tears families and marriages apart, increases the desire to objectify women and children, and gives men unrealistic expectations of women's sexuality and their bodies.

That's why I think it's wrong. It's not because of any self-esteem issues I might have. It's because I truly do not like the porn industry and I abhor what it's doing to our society. I wouldn't want any man of mine to fill his head with that trash, for the simple fact that that's what it is. A truly good, respectable Christian man with a high level of integrity would stay far away from that junk because he wouldn't want it to affect the way he sees the real women in his life. I equate it to a guy who goes to the gym and eats healthy, but then smokes a pack a day. It doesn't make sense!

But polygamy and prostitution is legal in the bible

I see nothing wrong with people watching porn. I personally don't watch it but people who do watch it needs to separate fantasy and reality.

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Polygamy and prostitution may be in the Bible, but that doesn't mean that God endorses such practices. The Bible is a collection of documents that were written by men, and being human, they were sinners. If they wrote down their experiences, then that's why they're in there. But I implore you, since I have very little knowledge of specific Bible verses, can you show me where it says God directly endorses such practices? I really would be interested in knowing, so thank you!

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But polygamy and prostitution is legal in the bible

Prostitution was never legal it was a stoning offense some just never got caught. Polygamy was legal but the rules changed and God said ONE husband to ONE wife and ONE wife to ONE husband. It's a sin to even divorce unless there is infidelity.

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Watching porn becomes an addiction like drugs. It's hard for people to let go. Even when not in the "mood" people find themselves watching out of habit. Watching causes people to bring it into the bedroom and it causes a lot of problems. Porn is one of the big reasons husband and wife divorce. It travels through generation because a child might stumble up on dad's or mom's movies or search history or whatever. I've heard so many stories and have seen and helped so many with this pornography scandal and after they gave it up and let God take control couples remarried each other and reconciled even those that stayed divorced forgave each other.

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