l8dyluck81

Should Men Give Up Porn?

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There's an interesting new blog post over at evanmarckatz.com about whether or not men should give up porn. I was wondering what you guys here would have to say about that. For those of you who are married or in relationships, do you believe that men's porn use is detrimental or that it has no effect on relationships? Do you think it helps a relationship in any way? Guys, how many of you regularly fantasize about women who are not your wife or girlfriend? Do you think it's a problem when you're having sex to focus solely on your partner without using fantasy to get yourself to the finish?

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I'm not a porn-watcher, but I do believe it can have detrimental effect before and in the relationship.  Porn not only produces incredible scenarios which are unrealistic, but they are often unromantic. And repeated exposure to pornography desensitizes men, so they progressively require more intense and unusual stimuli to produce arousal. Say goodbye to a healthy sex life!

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I'm against the porn industry, but not necessarily as much against porn itself.

 

I cannot say porn is good but it can be addictive and can affect your psychological view on sex, love and relationship.

 

It's up to the people who watch it to decide whether they're doing something good or bad.

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I'm not a porn-watcher, but I do believe it can have detrimental effect before and in the relationship.  Porn not only produces incredible scenarios which are unrealistic, but they are often unromantic. And repeated exposure to pornography desensitizes men, so they progressively require more intense and unusual stimuli to produce arousal. Say goodbye to a healthy sex life!

Beat me to the punch

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Can`t find the source right now- but I remember reading somewhere that excessive porn watching forms neutral networks in your brain that are extremely difficult to re-configure. Its quite similar to drug addiction in a sense. Drug addiction can be cured by going cold turkey (being put in a drug rehab place with absolutely no availability of said drug). Can`t do that with porn though, since its pretty easily available anywhere you go. I don`t think watching it once in a while has too much of an effect on a person. But a few times a week for several weeks can make a guy (or a girl too) to subconsciously not feel sexually stimulated unless the 2-D visual is right in front of them during sexy times. Replacing someone 3-D and beautiful with a 2-D image is honestly so sad imho. 

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I'm having a hard time with this because the commenters over there seem to think that porn use is normal and that women should just get over it, because it's here to stay. My problem is the notion that a man can do this, knowing that it hurts his wife deeply, and just carries on secretly anyway because he cares more about satisfying himself than about her feelings.

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I'm having a hard time with this because the commenters over there seem to think that porn use is normal and that women should just get over it, because it's here to stay. My problem is the notion that a man can do this, knowing that it hurts his wife deeply, and just carries on secretly anyway because he cares more about satisfying himself than about her feelings.

 

Well, I didn't say it is normal and I certainly didn't speak for men alone, it goes for both men and women. I believe it is wrong of course and agree with everything that PaulJustPaul said.

 

Porn after marriage/during relationship, is disguisting (to me). I'm sorry I wasn't clear previously

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Well, I didn't say it is normal and I certainly didn't speak for men alone, it goes for both men and women. I believe it is wrong of course and agree with everything that PaulJustPaul said.

 

Porn after marriage/during relationship, is disguisting (to me). I'm sorry I wasn't clear previously

Yes.

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Men should give up porn for a few reasons.

 

One is that people who create porn are doing acts of prostitution, selling themselves sexually for money, and there's a lot of drugs, STD's, suicide, coercion and trafficking involved.

 

Two is that it's not emotionally healthy for people to be masturbating to porn because it gets them emotionally attached to prostitution and casual sex. People watch porn to experience sexual emotions, but those sex emotions were really designed to bond people like glue as a family in the expectation of having kids. A guy's ability to have a genuine romantic true love relationship is degraded while he's fulfilling his sexual desires with porn. That's why porn is a big factor in divorce.

 

There are more reasons...but for now just writing those....

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I would encourage my fellow man to do so, but ultimately it is their decision to do so or not.

How they view their relationships & treat people would become infinitely better.

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I have given up porn.  It was incredibly unhealthy and I feel better for it.  The reddit nofap community has a lot of positive things to say about the experience of giving up porn and masturbation in general.

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Personally I think watching porn while dating someone or while you're married is worse than when you're single. I'm not justifying porn use while single, I'm just saying it's more understandable. Men need a release, if they're single then how else? If they're married they have their wife to make love to, why then still use porn? It only serves to release sexual tension. That's what sex is for.

So if you're married have sex instead of porn.

If you're single, well I don't know cuz you've got people telling you it's sinful, unhealthy emotionally, so I guess you've got to be sexually tense forever and go crazy or something.

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If you're single, well I don't know cuz you've got people telling you it's sinful, unhealthy emotionally, so I guess you've got to be sexually tense forever and go crazy or something. 

 

I understand how single people can feel sexual tension... And they want to know how to deal with it. I think if they watch porn the cycle continues. BUT if they muster up all their willpower, and say "NO" to porn, they can break the porn habit and redirect that tension, then instead of masturbating, they can for example strike up a conversation with a woman, think of some jokes, plan a romantic date, take dancing lessons, or go swimming to get in better shape. People are sometimes normally too scared, or lazy, or unmotivated to really seek romance. Porn is the easy way out. But when people quit porn they learn to harness and control their emotions, redirecting them towards building a romantic relationship or self-improvement.

 

It's kind of like gasoline. Say that each week, a person gets a free gallon of gasoline. If every week they burn that gallon of gasoline just to watch it explode, they never get anywhere. But if they put the gas in a car and drive, they're slowly but surely getting to their destination.

 

Eventually a person will no longer even want porn, because they realize it's a fake substitute for what life really offers. It gets easier with time as people build new habits.

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Well this is really embarrassing and awkward but I'm going to be completely honest here.
As a chronic porn-watcher, I can say its actually helped me in some ways.
I'm not going to be that guy and say that men have needs, blah, blah, blah.
But I will say for some people, myself included, have a lot of pent-up sexual tension.
Heck, I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18 and then I waited 3 years after that for another.
It's good to sorta have something to look at to stop yourself from going out and doing something stupid.
Sure its not good and its not healthy to watch porn but its better than going out and having sex just because you have some pent-up tension. Sure, in an ideal world, if I was married, I'd kick the porn habbit in a heartbeat. I honestly don't feel that it'd be TOO hard giving up. But I try to look at realistic things whenever possible in fear that it'll be an issue when I'm married.

Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go awkwardly run in a corner and pretend I didn't just say this...
 

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It's good to sorta have something to look at to stop yourself from going out and doing something stupid.

Sure its not good and its not healthy to watch porn but its better than going out and having sex just because you have some pent-up tension.

 

Yea if sex addiction is -3, watching porn is -2, and doing it without porn is -1... It's better to release the tension without porn, because that is more conducive to breaking the cycle. Everyone is on a journey. Truly doing a 180 and getting to the point where porn becomes repelling instead of attractive may possibly take years as a gradual process. But eventually that point can be reached where a person is free. 
 
I think the journey is a holistic one--that the desire to experience sex without a relationship is rooted in a person's emotional state and an emotional state is influenced by many factors in a person's life, including their peers, what they watch on TV, and their personal memories of the past. Changing one's emotional state may be intertwined with other life changes such as exploring new interests, personal development and learning new ways to relate to others. 
 
I agree that an ideal world is where people don't watch porn but are married. 
 
To me the larger goal, of which giving up porn is part, is to eliminate desire for sex outside of marriage, because once married sex will always be in the context of a committed relationship. It's a liability to enter into a marriage while still harboring desire for sex outside the context of a relationship. The focus moves fully onto the relationship itself.
 
Porn is part of the non-genuine world, where people's needs are fulfilled by proxies because those proxies are commodities exchanged for money or power.
 
People were designed to have relationships, and as they let go of stand-ins, they enter more into the world of relationships--which can be a bit like learning how to swim, in my experience.
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Honestly we shouldn't use two+ people as sex objects to give us a release (via video) the same way we'd be using one person (in the flesh) as an object of our sexual desires. In other words, No, no one should use porn/ppl- you are lusting after various women/men and fantasies that may not be possible for your marriage. Etc etc etc

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I think the journey is a holistic one--that the desire to experience sex without a relationship is rooted in a person's emotional state and an emotional state is influenced by many factors in a person's life, including their peers, what they watch on TV, and their personal memories of the past. 

 

I think many people have urges to have sex without a relationship because they are simply horny. It really can be that simple.

 

Secondly, most people masturbate.... it's really not that much different than watching porn. Let's be honest. My qualm with porn, more than anything else, is the supporting of it, and the consequences of that.

 

While I don't support porn, there is a difference between someone who watches it when they masturbate instead of using their imagination, and someone who is truly addicted to it.

 

I would MUCH rather be compared to someone in porn, than to someone's actual physical experience. The former is just pixels; the latter is real experience.

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I think many people have urges to have sex without a relationship because they are simply horny. It really can be that simple.

 

Secondly, most people masturbate.... it's really not that much different than watching porn. Let's be honest. My qualm with porn, more than anything else, is the supporting of it, and the consequences of that.

 

While I don't support porn, there is a difference between someone who watches it when they masturbate instead of using their imagination, and someone who is truly addicted to it.

 

I would MUCH rather be compared to someone in porn, than to someone's actual physical experience. The former is just pixels; the latter is real experience.

Yeah, thats kind of the way I look at it. The real difference with using your imagination and using porn is pretty much

just the fact that the person actually exists in the real world. When your using your imagination your really kind of doing the same thing.You'd generally imagine a person I presume. It's still lust in that sense, just with an imaginary person. But you know its' really kind of interesting to me how culture has shifted towards this way. Makes me wonder how things were done in the older days, I guess then you just found somebody you liked and got married.

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Honestly we shouldn't use two+ people as sex objects to give us a release (via video) the same way we'd be using one person (in the flesh) as an object of our sexual desires. In other words, No, no one should use porn/ppl- you are lusting after various women/men and fantasies that may not be possible for your marriage. Etc etc etc

 

I agree completely-the best thing for your physical/emomtional/spiritual relationship with your wife is to not use porn. Women are more mentally and emotionally wired when it comes to sex, so any possibility of comparison, or preference for porn over her will damage your relationship. 

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I think many people have urges to have sex without a relationship because they are simply horny. It really can be that simple.

Many people do have urges for sex without a relationship because they're "horny", but when a person is in a good and pure emotional state, the sex drive will not manifest itself as the "horny" desire to have sex outside of a relationship, the sex drive will manifest as the desire to form a bond of marriage and have sex within that relationship. Because that is the constructive design for people's emotions, for them to want to stay with their partner and parent potential children. The most good and pure emotional state of people resists and is repelled by the temptation of sex outside a relationship, and loves marriage instead. That's how I see it.

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I'm having a hard time with this because the commenters over there seem to think that porn use is normal and that women should just get over it, because it's here to stay. My problem is the notion that a man can do this, knowing that it hurts his wife deeply, and just carries on secretly anyway because he cares more about satisfying himself than about her feelings.

I get that, for sure. That's where the distinction between is and ought lies. Porn and masturbation is normal, but it may not be RIGHT.

 

Now, I think another issue here is the distinction between porn and masturbation. One can masturbate without porn. I think porn is really the issue. I'm personally torn on the topic of masturbation - I have done it, but I've been happiest when I didn't have sex in my mind, so I'm going to go the "no-fap" route. But porn presents crazy scenarios, and worst of all, these scenarios are not imagined - they are external, concrete, perceived in the outside world. I believe that is when it would be most damaging.

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Not sure if this thread aimed specifically at guys in relationship or all the guys in general; considering some of the (presumably) single guys have answered, I'll presume it's for all the guys.....

 

There are two angles to this in my opinion - single guys & those in relationships :
Now, I'm not religious so I think it's ok for a single guy (or a girl) to watch porn & masturbate so long as they don't get attached to it & the life of the individual isn't affected in a negative way.

As for the guys in relationships, it depends on what their partner thinks about it. If a guy is watching porn despite his partner being unhappy about it then that's a problem & that's going to put a strain on the relationship. On the other hand, if his partner is ok with it or may be enjoys watching it with him then that's ok I guess.

 

Personally, I'd be reluctant to bring porn into my marriage unless my wife wanted to do so, let's say after a few years of marriage to spice things up & to get creative or something. Obviously, most of the porn out there is male-centric but there is some couples-centric porn out there as well where the "actors" act as a couple, & things are done more tastefully. So that's the kind of porn that some couples might be able to enjoy together if it's their cup of tea because in such porn, the focus is more on "making love" in creative ways/situations rather than "just sex".

 

Personally, I never really fantasize about having sex with anyone (except my future wife I guess), not even the girls that I see when I'm watching porn, yes, I think many of them are very beautiful but never in all these years of watching porn have I felt the desire to have sex with them. Probably the only thing I actively fantasize about is being with my yet unknown, faceless, nameless wife; cuddling with her, hugging, caressing & fondling her.

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