Jegsy Scarr

Help me. I am physically incapable of flirting.

12 posts in this topic

Hey, guys!

 

I'll keep this as brief as possible. Here's the problem. I can't flirt. Not at all. In my entire life, I can recall two occasions in which I thought a guy might be interested in me and tried to respond. Here we go...

 

#1 (a few years ago, and the most 'successful' of the two)

 

The only reason this wasn't a complete disaster was because he was very awkward, too. Basically, guy behind counter of charity shop I visited begins making small-talk with me. He's very talkative, spouting nonsense (actual excerpt: "I mean, how can you have low fat mayonnaise? The two ingredients are EGG and FAT! *laughs hysterically*"), but I found that endearing and cute.

 

My responses were mostly nods, the occasional one word answer, and smiles. Eventually, there was a long pause as we both realised that I'd paid for my stuff and it was time to leave the shop, and I just said, "Well...bye, then! Have a nice day! *wave*".

 

#2 (earlier today, hence the reason for this post)

 

I'm on holiday in this little village and there's a really cute guy who's got a guitar and is busking (maybe raising money for charity, or just practising, whatever). At one point, I feel brave enough to catch his eye and smile, and he smiles back, and I feel all fuzzy inside.

 

So I hang around listening to him from a little while away (I'm with my family, so have to hang around near the shops they're in), and every now and then there's that smile again. So I go up and give him some money, and he says "Thank you." And then he says, "What's up?"

 

Now, that would be the cue for me to engage in some kind of cute small-talk, right? Especially since he's still smiling at me. And in my head, I think of several responses I could choose from: "Oh, just here with my family for the day. It's lovely weather," or "You're really good. I'm trying to learn guitar but I'm not doing too well," or even, since he was playing 'A-Team' "Oh, do you know 'Small Bump'? That's my favourite."

 

Did my brain pick one of those fine options? No. Instead, I got tongue-tied, couldn't think of anything to say, and just smiled again like some goofy moron as if I hadn't head what he'd said. Then, he just carried on playing some other song, and I kind of scuttled away awkwardly to find my family.

 

So this was just some random guy I thought looked cute. I didn't know him, logistically, it couldn't have worked out...I just wanted to talk with some guy who seemed nice. Maybe build up my confidence that I was actually not too bad at this whole flirting thing. And instead, I found out that, nope, I'm just as bad as ever.

 

Any advice? Today was about as brave as I tend to be. If I see a guy I think looks nice, then the best I can do is just smile at him and hopes he smiles back. But I'll get nervous even about doing that, because what if he's not even the slightest bit interested in me, and he looks back like, "Um...Hi? Sorry, can I help you? Or do you think I'd be attracted to you, or something?"

 

Also, if you have single male Catholic friends (preferably Scottish) then please encourage them to pay attention to awkward-looking single Catholic females who can't even string a sentence together when they're nervous!

 

xxx

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Heck if I know! I do not know how to flirt. I'm to the point now where I just want to be like "yo, I'm an okay person and I don't think I'm ugly you should go out with me." Except I'm not near brave enough :) Stupid anxiety!

 

Ps. Sorry, I know that was far from helpful!

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I used to be exactly the same way, and sometimes I still am. But I found that as a grew up, I gained more confidence. Positive affirmations really helped me. For instance, our brains are like computers. If we doubt ourselves, that's what we will learn to think about ourselves. However, when we think about the positive qualities we have, being confident can become a habit. 

 

Maybe anticipate certain topics that might come up in conversation or possible things a person might say, this way you can have previously prepared answers to common questions or phrases. Don't feel bad though, once a guy I liked in college asked: "How are you?" My mind panicked and I combined good and fine and it came out as "grine." He looked at me weird and I said, "I meant fine." Just laugh off the awkwardness.  :)

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Don't feel bad though, once a guy I liked in college asked: "How are you?" My mind panicked and I combined good and fine and it came out as "grine." He looked at me weird and I said, "I meant fine." Just laugh off the awkwardness.  :)

Mean_girls_grool.gif

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You definitely have to push away the shyness and feel confident about yourself! Or at least try to keep away most of the shyness, a little bit here and there can be kinda cute sometimes. The best way to start feeling confident with flirting is to get practice with it. Just be open and playful with guys, it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything as long as you keep it light and don't lead them on. :)

 

Be extra friendly to guys you might like, or guys you think are cute. When you're talking to people, try to imagine that you're talking with your best friend, someone you can be completely yourself with. And don't be afraid to start up a conversation with a complete stranger. I used to be really timid when it came to talking to people I didn't know and especially guys I was attracted to. Even now those butterflies can still sometimes happen with guys, but I've gotten so much better with ignoring the nerves and just trying to be outgoing and friendly towards the guys. I remember one of the biggest steps I took out of my shyness bubble was when I started talking to a guy I had never seen before in my life. We just happened to be at the sandwich station at the same time in my college's cafeteria, when I decided I was gonna take that leap. Funny enough, I started making some small talk with him about the sandwich he was getting and how I wished I could be that healthy (not really, but it got the conversation going haha). And then, whatdya know, after I left and sat down at a table, he actually ended up coming over and asking if he could join me! *fist pump* Even though it didn't work out in the end, we did end up hanging out several times and even going swimming together, and plus I gained a lot of confidence when it came to talking to guys.

 

Moral of the story: don't be afraid to make that first move, even if it's just making a comment about someone's sandwich. lol

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I pain your feel...

 

I can talk to just about anyone if either they or I are on the job, and there is reason to.  But non-official social conversations are often a challenge unless I already know someone.  It is just that way for some people.  I would say, plan several topics and the sentences that you might lead with to start a conversation on them.  Once the conversation is going, if they are at all interested or even just real, you will be able to keep it going.  When all else fails, comment on the weather, it is always relevant to talk about!

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If flirting with someone you are attracted to is the intimidating part, how about flirting with someone you aren't attracted to.  I know you wouldn't want to lead someone on that you don't like, BUT there are many opportunities in the day (especially at college events, etc), where there are brief moments with people.  Get comfortable being flirty and then when the opportunity arises, maybe you will be a little more prepared.  I think getting shy around the people we like is quite normal (but also quite unproductive). :)

A lot of flirting is

1. small talk

2. niceties

3. receptiveness

4. light-heartedness

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I'm probably the worst person to give advice on this, but I'll try anyway.

 

I've always been super shy. Like, shy to the point of giving myself a pep talk before phoning someone, and asking my parents to order for me at restaurants. It's even worse when I'm talking to an attractive guy, because my brain likes to shut down and put my liver or spleen or toenail or some other useless body part in control, which results in conversations like "Hey, do you like cheddar?" or worse, "Hey, would you like to hang out this weekend? Just for a casual thing, with clothes and everything." (In my defense, the French word for "clothes" is very similar to the word for "friends".) In any case, I'm right there with you in my inability to flirt.

 

But over the last couple of years I've been making a lot of progress. The thing that's been helping is not talking to attractive guys, but to other random people. For example, at social events, I try to chat and be friendly to a few people I don't know. If I see someone in the street who needs help, I go over and offer a hand. It's a similar situation to flirting, except without the physical attraction - so it's less hard. Not easy, but less hard.

 

It helps if I have a purpose too, or if I'm doing it for someone else, like that I can't talk myself out of it. Then I end up facing my fears, and getting a lot better at dealing with them. So that's my advice: get used to chatting up random people before adding in the attraction element, then you will be better at flirting. I'm still not very good at talking to strangers, let alone nice-looking guys, but at least I have some basic social skills to work with now ;)

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I am horrible at flirting. I can't flirt. I talk and am nice but I just don't flirt. Nor am I comfortable flirting and half the time I just don't see the point. I used to be really shy but am getting out of that. If I am super nervous my sentences get mixed up and I can't talk right.

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