Johnny

Is Virginity Really Attractive?

88 posts in this topic

Anyway, Christian manosphere bloggers tend to see sex before marriage as immoral. However, it seems pretty well understood among those bloggers and the commenters there that morality, religious convictions, and positive personality traits (like kindness and a strong sense of humor) that women say they find attractive in men are actually desirable traits, which are different than attractive traits. Attractive traits are actually those that in and of themselves trigger a woman’s attraction to a man. Desirable traits are those that women want in the men they are attracted to. I believe understanding this difference is part of what’s referred to as “red pill†knowledge.

 

After learning the difference between desirable and attractive, I’d say that virginity is not an “attractive†trait. It’s a desirable trait that a woman wants in a man she finds attractive (maybe). Of course, I probably already had an inkling of this when I wrote the original post, and even then, I actually wondered if virginity might go against a man’s desirability, even to women who are waiting themselves.

 

Yeah, after doing some digging myself, I've come to learn that it's not virginity that's "attractive" so much as the attitude behind it. A guy who's a virgin because he's never had the opportunity is far different than a guy deliberately saving himself and making constant sacrifices in the process. The latter is far more attractive because he has the confidence and willpower to go against the grain, whereas the former is just some dude waiting for his chance to "get laid".

 

As for your second point, believe it or not there are Christian/waiter women that find virginity in men unattractive. Some women want a guy that knows what he's doing on the wedding night because they don't like the idea of awkwardly fumbling around trying to figure stuff out. In other cases, a woman may find a man more desirable if he's had previous partners; if other women were willing to sleep with him he must be a man of good value.  I don't mean to paint all women with a broad brush, as there are plenty (just look at this site) that can appreciate a man saving himself.  That said, virginity tends to work in a woman's favor far more often than it does a man.

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I say it is HUGELY POSITIVE for me !

I have so much respect and consideration for christian virgin males. Because they decided to obey God and to not follow the culture.

It is really a very hard thing to do, especially when you are a man.

It shows a great character.

And I will feel very secure to marry a christian virgin man who had lots of opportunities to lose his virginity but did not because He trusted God enough.

I think virginity is very VERY VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE IN A MAN !

So hold on Johnny ! You have chosen the rigth path !

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Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

If along with the sexual inexperience the man managed to also maintain a certain innocence(mentally&emotionally) in this area, yes, yes it is.  :)  

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Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

Absolutely not! I know what sort of sexual pressure I go through on a daily basis, and I know that men have their own struggles. the fact that he has dedicated himself to protecting his purity for me would be incredibly sexy. I also think that if I married a guy that had a ton of other lovers, it might make me insecure sometimes, just knowing that he had tons of other people and experiences floating around in his head. Everything that we did, I would know that he could be subconsciously comparing me to someone else. the self control and discipline that waiting shows is incredibly important to me in a partner. Great post!

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You know, I've never heard a woman say she'd wouldn't want a virgin man. The media portrays ideal men as ladies men but in real life they're not the men that get married or are sought by women. I think virgin men are very attractive ;)

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You know, I've never heard a woman say she'd wouldn't want a virgin man. The media portrays ideal men as ladies men but in real life they're not the men that get married or are sought by women. I think virgin men are very attractive ;)

 

I think this is true, but I find we have to "watch out" for people who have experience with others that want to "get things out of their systems" before they are married.  They want to do a bunch of things in the the short term that they don't want to do in the long term in marriage.  I find that incredibly immoral and disrespectful when ladies come up to me and basically state: "Okay, I got all the things I wanted to do with other people besides you out of my system.  Now, we can get married!"

 

Yes, that really happens.  And no, I am not working my ass off following Jesus to throw it away on a frivolous woman.  Gimmie a break...

 

Yuck...

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You know, I've never heard a woman say she'd wouldn't want a virgin man. The media portrays ideal men as ladies men but in real life they're not the men that get married or are sought by women. I think virgin men are very attractive ;)

 

I find this is true, but I also think that we have to "watch out" for people who want to hook up with others to get "a bunch of things out of their systems" before they get married.  I find that some people just want to do a bunch of things in the short term that they don't want to do in the long term when they are married.  It is like some of these women, in particular, are stating to me: "Okay, I did all the things with men besides you that I think I can't do with you in a marriage.  Now we can get married!"

 

Yes, that really happens.  And no, I am not working my ass off to follow Jesus just to throw it all away on a frivolous woman.  Gimmie a break...

 

I deserve much much better than "leftovers" from a woman with what I've done in life.  Yuck...

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[quote name="Buster Cannon" post="70742" t

Yeah, after doing some digging myself, I've come to learn that it's not virginity that's "attractive" so much as the attitude behind it. A guy who's a virgin because he's never had the opportunity is far different than a guy deliberately saving himself and making constant sacrifices in the process. The latter is far more attractive because he has the confidence and willpower to go against the grain, whereas the former is just some dude waiting for his chance to "get laid".

As for your second point, believe it or not there are Christian/waiter women that find virginity in men unattractive. Some women want a guy that knows what he's doing on the wedding night because they don't like the idea of awkwardly fumbling around trying to figure stuff out. In other cases, a woman may find a man more desirable if he's had previous partners; if other women were willing to sleep with him he must be a man of good value. I don't mean to paint all women with a broad brush, as there are plenty (just look at this site) that can appreciate a man saving himself. That said, virginity tends to work in a woman's favor far more often than it does a man.

Exactly, I find virginity attractive in a man if he waited only out of his own volition,not due to circumstances or lack of opportunity.Someone I believed turned down sex,even while it was staring him in the eye,not someone who decides to adapt simply due to lack of offers.

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It's not that it makes him more attractive, but its a relief knowing my boyfriend hasn't known another woman sexually. It does make him stand out in a good way. It shows me that he's a man who cares about purity and wants to honor God with his body.

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For me virginity isn't so much a plus or negative. The important thing is THE person and their beliefs. I understand circumstances and bad decision and would never not be with someone based solely on virginity. I technically lost my virginity when I was thirteen....but not of my free will. If the guy I fell in love with didn't want me because I technically am not a virgin..I would be very alone and very lonely.

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@NotTheOne So sorry you had to experience that :( Personally I believe that an important aspect of virginity is to do with consent so even though you may technically not be a virgin according to the dictionary definition, I would also say that you are technically a virgin because it was a non-consensual experience, not sex (lets not give that evil person any hold :))  Any man with common sense wouldn't hold what happened against you and if they do, they are absolutely not worth your time of day.  

As for me personally though, since being not being a virgin for me is a dealbreaker quality (i.e. I wouldn't date someone if they weren't a virgin), it's something that I desire in my future husband and that would help me be more attracted to them. So desire and attraction for me link in this way since I would find it impossible to be attracted to someone who isn't a virgin mainly because I'd feel like I'd be getting "leftovers" and that kills any chance of me being attracted to them (or wanting to date them in the first place). I'm more than happy to be their friend though, just not their spouse. The lack of exclusivity in our relationship that would be present is enough to kill it for me. 

However, virginity in itself isn't the attractive quality but the things I associate it with such as integrity, self-control, faithfulness to their future spouse, morality (since so many Christians lose their virginity now, I see it less of a religious thing and more or a moral code to have kept your virginity) etc especially if they have had opportunities to lose it and haven't.  However I myself haven't ever been in a situation where I have had an opportunity to lose my virginity (since I have never been asked out or dated) but I also have no desire to lose it until I am married. This seems to be valued less in this thread by a lot of people but honestly I would almost prefer it since it would speak to me that they have kept themselves out of foolish situations where temptation could have arisen and that is something I also find desirable and attractive

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I 100% agree with every one of your views on wahy you view virginity as a go to. It takes great strength to remain one in this day and age. I commented on an earlier post about my past and I,sadly, was not as strong as you guys. After the incident I stayed clear of any physical involvement until I met the boy that I would later be engaged to. I fully believe in long engagements before marriage to make sure both parties are truly ready. Well...for one reason or another he cheated on me with several different people. I had some serious issues after I left him. While with him my father went to prison and I had to quit college to support my family. I was lonely and felt worthless and my life spiraled downwards. I was with a new person each year until I met my last ex. He left me because of how destructively I handled things. I was a hermit for two years after he left. I didn't talk to anyone. I worked then came home and slept. I hardly ate. Then I got out looking for frienda and met the guy I am with now. We have had A LOT of downs but just as much ups. I ruined a lot for him...and selfishly, some of the things don't bother me.  Sorry for getting off topic^-^

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1 hour ago, NotTheOne said:

I 100% agree with every one of your views on wahy you view virginity as a go to. It takes great strength to remain one in this day and age. I commented on an earlier post about my past and I,sadly, was not as strong as you guys. After the incident I stayed clear of any physical involvement until I met the boy that I would later be engaged to. I fully believe in long engagements before marriage to make sure both parties are truly ready. Well...for one reason or another he cheated on me with several different people. I had some serious issues after I left him. While with him my father went to prison and I had to quit college to support my family. I was lonely and felt worthless and my life spiraled downwards. I was with a new person each year until I met my last ex. He left me because of how destructively I handled things. I was a hermit for two years after he left. I didn't talk to anyone. I worked then came home and slept. I hardly ate. Then I got out looking for frienda and met the guy I am with now. We have had A LOT of downs but just as much ups. I ruined a lot for him...and selfishly, some of the things don't bother me.  Sorry for getting off topic^-^

Wow:(:( @NotTheOne

This is really heartbreaking to hear this... Thank you for sharing.

First of all, kuddos for having decided to wait till marriage from now on. That's a very courageous and very admirable decision after all the things you went through...

Actually, I can understand why you had those experiences with those guys : you were simply looking for love...as everyone upon earth. Unfortunately, you were looking for a valuable thing in the wrong places... But you weren't able to realise it in this season of your life.

From the testimony you gave, I can understand that you grew up in  a very toxic environment, and you were conditioned in such a way, that you are led to think to be abused by someone is totally acceptable and normal, whereas it is not. That's why you have low self esteem and you accept to be in unhealthy relationship. That's hard to get out of this mindset...but that's not impossible.

I'm so grateful to God that you're still alive and you have faith in Him after all the tragic events you went through.

The very good thing in your life is that there are plenty of healings available for you in the Word of God. Jesus has the power to heal you totally from all your wounds. The process may not be easy, but results are at the end of it. 

As @Adam said in another post, you should get out from this absolutely unhealthy and toxic current relationship. This guy doesn't love you and abuses you.

Deep down inside you know it, but I guess it's not easy for you to do so. You are in my prayers. You are a precious child of God. You are worthy and valuable. You really deserve  so much better.

I had shared on this forum some articles regarding abuse. May be those can help you a little. I pray for you. You're not alone in your struggles. Jesus loves you.

I put the links of the articles I mentioned, below :

 

 

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