Johnny

Is Virginity Really Attractive?

92 posts in this topic

I believe your implication is that these coinciding factors are correlative rather than causal, correct? That is, you're implying that the men who have the traits you find attractive simply don't reserve sex for marriage, right? Just for the sake of argument, though, are we sure that that's true and that there's not a causal link? Could it actually be that the men who are sexually experienced with women exude more confidence and in essence, cause attraction from women like you to begin with?

Conceivably. It's certainly true that experienced men are more likely to be comfortable and easygoing around the topic. And "I need to get laid" is a real thing—here's to oxytocin! The rest of us (celibate folk) need to resort to roundabout ways to achieve those extended feelings/highs of joy/happiness/rightness with the world that make people more personable as they walk through their lives. And self-confidence is no doubt affected by past experiences too.

But while there might be some association for some individuals, it's not universally true. I've seen plenty of counterexamples.

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But while there might be some association for some individuals, it's not universally true. I've seen plenty of counterexamples.

 

Indeed, just as I posted in another thread, it seems men who really like particular women still get nervous, regardless of being experienced, if this blogger is to be believed (and I believe he is):

 

WARNING language:  http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/12/more-confident-he-is-less-he-likes-you.html

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Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!? :blush:

NO MA'AM! I want/need to learn WITH him. I don't want him to teach me. I don't want there to be any type of judgment because he's already had experience. And no one can say oh that's not going to happen because it will even if they don't tell you.

Don't get me wrong if I was to fall in love with a non virgin I'll be like the Flintstones and knock him over the head so he'd forget........ :huh: Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaa Omgoodness I'm only kidding

but seriously if God says that I'm to marry a non virgin I'll have to pray hard that he forgot how it works or just tell me if I do something wrong. BUT with all my heart I'd like a virgin husband so I Can explore all the things neither of us know....if that makes sense? :D

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Some great points here chaps.

I once had a girl say to me "surely you would prefer a feisty girl". Meaning surely id like a girl experienced! Yeuk.

Whack me over the head to forget my past mistakes and Im comfy. ,!,!

Happy Saturday. Col.

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To me, if my future GF or wide is waiter like me then it's attractive. I'm now. Waiter for yrs but I don't mind as long as I find a good women who has good clean lifestyle (no smoking etc)

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It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!?  :blush:

 

Thanks for an honest post....I feel very mixed up about this one myself. In theory I'd like mysh usband to be a virgin too.There's something just so romantic about the fact that he could save himslef for me, especially as it must be much harder to be a virgin guy than a virgin girl.

But realistically I doubt that he would be. ANd being honest, I'm a bit scared of sex, and yeah, if he knew what he was doing it would be awesome. I know I won't be confident but it he was it would probably help.  It sounds silly and girly I know but I really want to feel the earth move on my first time.

As long as he didnt comapre me to other girls, it would be enough for him to know that no guy had ever done what he was doing to me

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I don't particularly care. If he isn't a virgin, that isn't something I'd hold against him and neither would it make him more attractive. Just like I wouldn't be in the group the would be giving him kudos strictly for being a virgin and desire him more. I like to think that everyone has a path they walk in life to get to where they are, so as long as he believes in waiting till marriage, we're good.

Your love life isn't going to be perfect just because you are the first experience that he/she will have nor would it be ruined because you weren't. As long as you're both WTM, that is.

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I think it is attractive if a guy waits. He has self control, respect and respect for his future spouse. Waiting can be hard for some especially for guys because of society and the media. Trust and believe I would love to marry a virgin. It would be so special to both learn together. I wouldn't want a man with experience because I would probably be embarrassed and probably wonder if he's thinking about his last sexual experiences since I'm going to suck at sex. However I'm open minded to other options as well.

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Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind. Anyway, it also amazes me how many women on a site like OKCupid will claim Christianity as their religion about which they're supposedly "very serious" but will put that they want their partner to be at least "slightly experienced" sexually and that they expect it to take "six or more dates" (or less) for sex to happen when they're dating someone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

 

I've had a very similar experience on okcupid except maybe you're looking at Christian women while I've been specifically looking at non-religious women......but the story is exactly the same! I've probably seen like hundreds of non-religious virgins (very very few waiters though :() amongst the several thousands of profiles I've gone through.....& for like 98% of them, their "ideal partner" would be "slightly experienced". So, there ya go, it's not just the Christian women, it's just women in general I think :( Nonetheless, although it's kind of disappointing, I don't really care that much because I just need ONE, JUST ONE, who will appreciate it & all my other qualities.  :wub:  Thing is, the girls that don't appreciate a rare quality like that are probably not meant for us anyway so don't feel bad about it, man! :)

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It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!?  :blush:

I don't see how virginity would mean I don't know what I'm doing. You can learn everything you've ever wanted to know about anything on the internet(even things you didn't want to know). I've done more than a decade of research on the subject :D.  I know more about sex than any one of my slut friends(one has been with 43 by now). I can't believe they still think the clitoris is the g-spot. Also, not a single one of them care about pleasing the girl. They just want to get theirs and be out. Whether someone has experience or not can mean nothing either way.

 

On topic, I find virginity very attractive. If I find out a girl I wasn't very physically attracted to was a virgin, she definitely becomes more attractive to me. I personally would only be with another virgin, which makes it much harder to find someone, but I don't mind. I know she's worth the wait before I even knew she existed. :wub:

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I'm not all women, nor are all of my friends representative of all women, but when we say we want a man who is "slightly experienced," we mean that he's at least kissed a woman before. That's about it. The women actively seeking out non-virgins will use stronger terminology  than "slightly experienced." I mean, slightly means "not very much at all."

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Kissing would be understandable I guess, but the OKcupid question to which I was referring exactly reads, "In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)?" and again, the response is rarely "innocent (virgin)." If the question is addressed, the answers are typically "slightly experienced" or "moderately experienced," but I don't seriously use OKcupid anymore, and I don't think it's a good representation of the dating population, anyway.

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Thing is, the girls that don't appreciate a rare quality like that are probably not meant for us anyway so don't feel bad about it, man! :)

 

Bingo! 

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I've always found this question interesting. Like with all topics, opinions can vary drastically. For me personally, I think a man holding onto his virginity is extremely attractive! While I have had little crushes on people who were not virgins, ultimately nothing came of them. Unfortunately, the few guys I know that are virgins are not compatible with me in other ways.

As someone who values virginity myself, I think it would be silly for me to see it as a negative in my partner. Many people have told me that I'm never going to find a male virgin, and the reason I have been single for my whole life is because my standards are too high. Man or woman, never lower your standards!

I am one of those people who looks at virginity as a deal maker or breaker. That isn't to say that I won't end up marrying a non-virgin who decided to wait (we'll see what God has planned for me) but as of now I will say that I would rather not, haha. I know there is much more to a relationship than sex, like communication, honesty, and more. However, I want to be with someone who also waited for me from the start. In no way do I see virginity as non-masculine. Your sexual abilities should never be used to define you as a man (or woman).

Of course, I still respect those who chose not to wait, those who choose to wait but value certain aspects of intimacy differently, etc.

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I've always found this question interesting. Like with all topics, opinions can vary drastically. For me personally, I think a man holding onto his virginity is extremely attractive! While I have had little crushes on people who were not virgins, ultimately nothing came of them. Unfortunately, the few guys I know that are virgins are not compatible with me in other ways.

As someone who values virginity myself, I think it would be silly for me to see it as a negative in my partner. Many people have told me that I'm never going to find a male virgin, and the reason I have been single for my whole life is because my standards are too high. Man or woman, never lower your standards!

I am one of those people who looks at virginity as a deal maker or breaker. That isn't to say that I won't end up marrying a non-virgin who decided to wait (we'll see what God has planned for me) but as of now I will say that I would rather not, haha. I know there is much more to a relationship than sex, like communication, honesty, and more. However, I want to be with someone who also waited for me from the start. In no way do I see virginity as non-masculine. Your sexual abilities should never be used to define you as a man (or woman).

Of course, I still respect those who chose not to wait, those who choose to wait but value certain aspects of intimacy differently, etc.

 

Well Amy, many guys will adopt the CIA answer when asking them if they are a virgin.  "I cannot confirm or deny that fact."  Unfortunately, most guys will feel a little embarrassed  these days when talking about their virginity...

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Well Amy, many guys will adopt the CIA answer when asking them if they are a virgin.  "I cannot confirm or deny that fact."  Unfortunately, most guys will feel a little embarrassed  these days when talking about their virginity...

 

Haha. Or maybe, "I plead the fifth!" 

It is a pretty personal thing to talk about, but it seems like now it's kind of one of those things you have to get out in the open soon with someone you like. I've already experienced a few people unwilling to give me the time of day once they found out. It's a shame, really. Thankfully there are so many wonderful, understanding people still out there! (Much more than I thought, now that I've stumbled upon this site).

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I think many women are attracted to alpha males because they are exciting and they find beta males boring and too avaliable. From what I've heard, these women like the challenge of trying to change him for the better. Of course we all know it never works and it's always leads to the girl having her heart broken in the end. I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

 

A lot of the times society collectively wonders why did girl A go for the bad boy. They reason she was trying to change him etc. This is true in a lot of cases. Another, factor here that explains a certain percentage of the girls who go for the bad boys is that she is just like him!!! 

 

Girls are not encouraged/praised to be 'bad' by society so some of them hide it very well :) 

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to answer the original question, in one word, YES! : )  (given that he has all other qualities that I like as well..)

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Invincible, on 21 Jul 2014 - 8:29 PM, said:

I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

My reply:

As a guy who has been privy to a few candid female conversations, inside church groups and the like.

I'll try to offer a bit of feedback on this question.

One of the reasons I've heard some women say, is that they enjoy being with a bad boy they have to change in addition to the aforementioned power influence.

It's that some women like the rollercoaster up and down, 'break up, make up game!'

And another reason which was alarming to me was that, well we know how women like to have their girl chats, right?

Well what if a woman was with the 'nice guy' and while all her friends have stories to tell about how this guy or that was has been.

All she has is that 'Mr Nice Guy' bought me hot chocolate this evening because it was cold.

Interesting huh.

But this shows a certain lack of emotional maturity in my opinion.

To answer the thread's topic:

Is virginity attractive, oh yeah you bet!

I'd much rather date the virgin woman who's a "7" than the, non-virgin woman who's an "11".

Why?

It's not so much her physical virginity, but emotional, mental state, her character that says a lot, that she's waited.

Just thought I'd throw in my two cents since I replied to the post.

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Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind. Anyway, it also amazes me how many women on a site like OKCupid will claim Christianity as their religion about which they're supposedly "very serious" but will put that they want their partner to be at least "slightly experienced" sexually and that they expect it to take "six or more dates" (or less) for sex to happen when they're dating someone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

So I definitely think virginity is attractive. I'm a virgin myself, and in this week I've begun debating on whether I want to also expect a virgin in a husband and "raise my standards." The problem/worry I have with dating a non virgin is I feel like the man might not take it as seriously and worry that they would be bored for the first time and just wanting to get it over with.

But yeah it's definitely a turn on and anytime a guy I've been talking to a guy and I find out they're a virgin I get SO excited and it's just like "Cool! I can find my virgin husband after all!" But in regards to the alpha/beta comment, Im usually the one in my relationships trying to hold us back sexually and it gets draining. I feel like a man and it's annoying. For once I would like to have a guy be the man and being a virgin IS alpha to me and a guy who is ahead of me in the self control department is super turn on.

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Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind.

 

I've been doing some digging into the 'manosphere' myself recently, and you really have to take things with a grain of salt, especially on certain sites.  In a lot of cases dudes think that being "alpha" involves becoming a cocky pick-up artist and bedding multiple women to prove how manly they are. You know what's even more 'alpha'? Restraint. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to willingly save yourself for marriage, and if a woman thinks that it's unattractive, then she's not wife material.

 

What I've learned is that 'alpha' traits are a good thing; confidence, self-control, decisiveness, leadership, and assertiveness are all worth developing. You have the choice of using these traits for good (saving yourself for marriage, helping others, etc.) or evil (sleeping around with anything that moves, being an abrasive jerk, etc.).

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The guys who make fun of virginity either don't have their heart in the right place or are jealous because they know they could never have the self-control. Not only that but if there's women in the room they don't want them respecting a guy for that because then they look bad and won't get the women. Keep on keepin on. Haha

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I want his first time to be with me and my first time to be with him. We will both get to know these pleasures 2gether.

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I've been doing some digging into the 'manosphere' myself recently, and you really have to take things with a grain of salt, especially on certain sites.  In a lot of cases dudes think that being "alpha" involves becoming a cocky pick-up artist and bedding multiple women to prove how manly they are. You know what's even more 'alpha'? Restraint. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to willingly save yourself for marriage, and if a woman thinks that it's unattractive, then she's not wife material.

 

What I've learned is that 'alpha' traits are a good thing; confidence, self-control, decisiveness, leadership, and assertiveness are all worth developing. You have the choice of using these traits for good (saving yourself for marriage, helping others, etc.) or evil (sleeping around with anything that moves, being an abrasive jerk, etc.).

 

Well, what you’re saying’s certainly true about “certain sites.†For instance, the secular manosphere is far-removed from the Christian manosphere. It’s so funny to me when other bloggers generalize people within the manosphere as “all a bunch of…†whatevers. It’s like saying, “People on the Internet all a bunch of and losers and jerks!†Uh…the Internet’s a big place, and so is the manosphere.

 

For myself, I neither like nor read PUA blogs too much, as I find them neither interesting nor helpful. Likewise, MRA blogs aren’t that interesting or applicable to me at this point in my life either. I hope I never have a reason for them to become interesting or applicable (i.e. I hope I never get divorced). However, I’m sure some might argue that the effects of the unfriendly to men family courts in the West affect you whether you get married or not, but I digress.

 

Anyway, Christian manosphere bloggers tend to see sex before marriage as immoral. However, it seems pretty well understood among those bloggers and the commenters there that morality, religious convictions, and positive personality traits (like kindness and a strong sense of humor) that women say they find attractive in men are actually desirable traits, which are different than attractive traits. Attractive traits are actually those that in and of themselves trigger a woman’s attraction to a man. Desirable traits are those that women want in the men they are attracted to. I believe understanding this difference is part of what’s referred to as “red pill†knowledge.

 

After learning the difference between desirable and attractive, I’d say that virginity is not an “attractive†trait. It’s a desirable trait that a woman wants in a man she finds attractive (maybe). Of course, I probably already had an inkling of this when I wrote the original post, and even then, I actually wondered if virginity might go against a man’s desirability, even to women who are waiting themselves.

 

However, I believe the women in this thread who have expressed a desire for a virginal husband.  I’m just not sure having a virginal (or low partner count) spouse is as big of deal for women as it is for men. That fact is actually a bonus to the ladies here who are waiting. You’re increasing your odds of getting a good man by not being promiscuous. Numerous times, I’ve seen women whom I didn’t personally consider all that physically attractive marry by all appearances great guys, and I have no doubt that all of those women were virgins either when they married or at least when they met their eventual husbands. (Hopefully, they waited until marriage). If those women had been promiscuous, I have little doubt that things would have gone quite differently for them in the natural alone.

 

I agree that spiritually speaking, doing the right thing and what’s pleasing to God are “alpha†traits. Even Jesus said that he’s the “Alpha AND Omega.†;) I just know that doing what’s right may not always in the natural lead to the desired outcomes. Even Joseph in the Bible served prison time for doing the right thing and refusing to commit adultery with Potiphar’s wife. We simply have to do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do.

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