Johnny

Is Virginity Really Attractive?

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Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

 

Turn the question around - do you find virginity attractive in women?  Do you want a woman with "experience" or not?  

 

For me, virginity in a man is an absolute positive.  To know that he has waited for me and to know that we are it for each other is a huge plus.  What better way to learn and experience sex than with the partner that you will be spending the rest of your life with?  

 

What an honor you will be giving your wife (and she you) on your wedding night...to know that you have saved yourself and respected and loved one another enough to be her first, last, and only.  

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It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!?  :blush:

I think this could be true, but Im sure it would be less pressure if anyone knows, because there is not gonna be any disappointment and any comparison. All my friends have had sex and they are always saying who was better, then sometimes experience is not that good.

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Turn the question around - do you find virginity attractive in women?  Do you want a woman with "experience" or not?  

 

Yes, I do find virginity attractive in women, and no, I don't want a woman with experience, but that's not an unusual point-of-view for guys to have, even Non-Christian, non-waiters. There's a reason some people say that guys will multiply their partner count when asked, whereas women will divide it. 

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My first thought was, don't I want a man who is experienced and knows what he's doing? But on reflection I realized how sexy it is knowing that a man can restrain himself and wait until he has a relationship with me before he loses his virginity...that he values himself and me to that extent. A huge turn-on.

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Even though this question does not address men I would hope my answer means something.

Virginity in a woman is attractive and alluring. I do not desire a woman that is adroit and adept in the area of sex. This is not to say that sex abases the value of any person or that any person that has had sex is abject, it is just that in my own eyes when my future wife and I amalgamate my thoughts and I would be allayed if her number was zero. Also I feel as if the amalgamation wouldn't be absolute if it was higher than zero. To be given such an honor would surely aggrandize my feelings for her tbh. :) I'd love her to bits and pieces!

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Turn the question around - do you find virginity attractive in women?

 

Absolutely.  I think it takes a certain level of commitment and willpower to say "no", and I have a high level of respect for anyone who's going against the cultural norm. That said, there are plenty of other factors in a mate that hold more water (i.e. emotional maturity).

 

Do you want a woman with "experience" or not?

 

Preferably, no.  I don't view "experience" as a plus; I'd rather us be in a situation where neither of us know what we're doing rather than them having to teach me, it's something that we can both learn together.  Plus I know how I think, in the back of my mind I'd wonder if I'm being 'graded' lol.  :superwaiter:

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It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!?  :blush:

 

 

Being a virgin and being good at sex are not mutually exclusive conditions :P that being said, it's still likely things will get better and better the more you practise. That can be with only one person; in fact I've heard it's better when you can stick with one person and cater to what they like. 

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People assume all virgins will suck in bed. I don't think every guy is not going to "know what he's doing" even if he's lost won't it be sexy to teach him what's what for you and him teach you what's what for him? The people who have sex with a different person every night wouldn't be considered "good in bed" just because he's had sex with a number of women. If he didn't know the 'tastes' (poor word choice lol) of all the women... just his experience with the number wouldn't mean he could do "it" for all the women because he wouldn't know every thing she likes OR most importantly he wouldn't have the key to her heart..

Precisely. I've heard friends complain that guys were crap in bed, despite being with a more than a few girls. You figure out what your partner likes and try things. The internet is also a powerful tool for spicing things up (and figuring out what NOT to do lol)

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Personally I'm a waiter for non-religious reasons so when I find out that a guy is also a virgin, to be honest I'm relieved. I feel like there's less pressure on me because guys who have had sex are more likely to not want to wait for a waiter. Also, it would mean that our first time, it would be a new experience for both of us and therefore he wouldn't be comparing me to anyone else.

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I see a lot of very good points here, and it also shows how much we think alike and differently, at the same time. See, I have a lot of reasons for waiting. I don't care if the person I marry is a waiter, or not, I don't hold that against a guy. Although, I guess if he's not then I'd feel less pressure if he's made the same decision, because we could stick with it together. The problem is, those who haven't waited, or have not made the decision to START waiting, DO tend to hold it against those of us who have. I have a personal profile, and I know that i get looked past a lot... most likely for that reason, because I DON'T hide it and I want it to be very clear so there's no 'why aren't we doing this, yet' problem. People have this idea that you should 'know if your compatible, or if it's even going to be 'good' with someone. The problem with that mentality is that you CAN learn things, and that might even be fun. I feel like if there is love involved that will just make it better, too. Also, learning not only techniques, but preferences, and having love backing those two things up, I am quite sure will make it worth it. That could be just me, though. :)

 

Also, on that whole Alpha vs Beta thing? Maybe the idea of what Alpha is needs to change in our society. Maybe the guy who, not only protects, but appreciates and cares about HUMANS, should be the alpha. Who loves his future mate so much that she's worth the wait (whether he has so far, or not... I mean, lets face it a real man can meet a woman find out she might be the 'one' and decide she is worth waiting for). A man who stands up for the good in the world and doesn't just 'follow the leader'. Whether he's Christian, or not. Maybe that should be the Alpha. Women do tend to have it all backwards in that respect. I mean, if you like 'bad boys' you're probably going to end up unhappy, because how is a 'bad' guy going to treat you when he get's upset, or he just doesn't want to be with you anymore. Why equate 'Alpha' with 'Bad'. That's our problem. I like a man who is confident in himself enough to stand up for HIS beliefs, and if he has a slight edge (like he, I don't know, likes horror flicks, sarcastic humor and steampunk is awesome, but he finds humor about rape, abuse of women and children... or people in general... appalling and not something to joke about, as an example) then he's awesome... whether we would be a good match romantically, or not. I still like having THOSE guys as my friends.

 

Sorry I wrote so much. I really did try to cut it down... Sometimes the words just come out of me, and then I'm like 'yeah, I wish it was shorter, but I want to SAY all of this!' lol

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I see a lot of very good points here, and it also shows how much we think alike and differently, at the same time. See, I have a lot of reasons for waiting. I don't care if the person I marry is a waiter, or not, I don't hold that against a guy. Although, I guess if he's not then I'd feel less pressure if he's made the same decision, because we could stick with it together. The problem is, those who haven't waited, or have not made the decision to START waiting, DO tend to hold it against those of us who have. I have a personal profile, and I know that i get looked past a lot... most likely for that reason, because I DON'T hide it and I want it to be very clear so there's no 'why aren't we doing this, yet' problem. People have this idea that you should 'know if your compatible, or if it's even going to be 'good' with someone. The problem with that mentality is that you CAN learn things, and that might even be fun. I feel like if there is love involved that will just make it better, too. Also, learning not only techniques, but preferences, and having love backing those two things up, I am quite sure will make it worth it. That could be just me, though. :)

 

Also, on that whole Alpha vs Beta thing? Maybe the idea of what Alpha is needs to change in our society. Maybe the guy who, not only protects, but appreciates and cares about HUMANS, should be the alpha. Who loves his future mate so much that she's worth the wait (whether he has so far, or not... I mean, lets face it a real man can meet a woman find out she might be the 'one' and decide she is worth waiting for). A man who stands up for the good in the world and doesn't just 'follow the leader'. Whether he's Christian, or not. Maybe that should be the Alpha. Women do tend to have it all backwards in that respect. I mean, if you like 'bad boys' you're probably going to end up unhappy, because how is a 'bad' guy going to treat you when he get's upset, or he just doesn't want to be with you anymore. Why equate 'Alpha' with 'Bad'. That's our problem. I like a man who is confident in himself enough to stand up for HIS beliefs, and if he has a slight edge (like he, I don't know, likes horror flicks, sarcastic humor and steampunk is awesome, but he finds humor about rape, abuse of women and children... or people in general... appalling and not something to joke about, as an example) then he's awesome... whether we would be a good match romantically, or not. I still like having THOSE guys as my friends.

 

People have different definitions of what's alpha. Some people seem to define it by the number of women a man has had sex with. Some define it by the hotness of the women a man has had sex with. If those are the definitions, then I'm not interested in being alpha. Personally, though, I define alpha as having more to do with the overall desirability a man has among women in general, even if he has sex with none of them.

 

As for society's definition changing, I can definitely accept that the world is going to do what it's going to do, but I would sort of expect more out of Christian women. (I actually don't, because I know we're all still human). Anyway, it just seems Christian women in particular are pickier than they've ever been concerning who they'll even have a conversation or spend any time with, let alone who they'll marry.

 

The article someone shared in another thread about the problems with courtship are certainly evident in some of the homeschooling circles I've witnessed with women in their late 20s still being single when they would like to be married. I can't help but think that some (certainly not all) of them just haven't given the guys in their lives enough encouragement to talk to them one-on-one and not just be around them in group settings, if that. 

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I most definitely view a virgin woman or man who's waiting till marriage as super attractive, in terms of character, regardless of his/her looks, faith, background, etc.  People are so eager to "give it up" nowadays that the thought of sleeping with a woman who has been with other men casually is quite disgusting to me personally.  I'm a current college student, so I'm regularly surrounded by the "hook-up culture" and it can be pretty tempting and depressing especially if you're hoping to find someone who is on the same mission as yourself.  

I read recently that about 80 percent of sexually active men and women are infected with HPV (the most common STD) at some point in their lives but most of them never know that they even have the virus which is rather disturbing and keep in mind that this nasty disease can cause genital warts, a fury of cancers, and of course death.  It can be treated/go away over time but the thought of contracted something like this is completely grotesque.  

Back to the main point though, saving one's V-Card till your wedding night is extremely attractive in that I know that I don't have to worry about STDs, no comparisons with any other past sex partners, we get to experience the act together for the first time which makes it more exciting and intimate, and if you've waited this long you're less likely to cheat on me which would be absolutely devastating.  I hope that I never fold from now until my marriage and that my future wife is a virgin as well because I don't think I'd be getting an equal return if she wasn't which would be somewhat disappointing and unfair in my mind.  

It's just as valuable for a man to remain chaste until marriage as it is for a woman, society likes to place more emphasis on female virginity which is a mistake and creates a double standard.  So continue to stay on the path fellow waiters because the benefits will most definitely outweigh the pains once you've found your future spouse.  Thanks for reading!!!  :D

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I find by-choice virginity in men quite attractive, because it shows a strength of character that is rarely encountered...and it would show me that the chance of being with the right person (hypothetically myself) was worth waiting for. The idea that someone would decide before he met me that I was worth it...yeah, that's a real turn-on, because that's the decision I made myself.

Unfortunately, virginity tends not to coincide with many/most of the other things I find attractive—so I'm willing to concede it for the right person. A gift is a gift...how can my choice and sacrifice be meaningful if I don't give it freely, not expecting something in return? I'd definitely rather be someone else's only, and learn together, and never wonder whether I'm being compared to his history—but at this point in my life it's not reasonable for it to be a dealbreaker rather than a mere preference.

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Unfortunately, virginity tends not to coincide with many/most of the other things I find attractive...

 

Care to elaborate?

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Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

I think it is irrelevant how much sexual experience a man would have. I would prefer a virgin guy because I do believe that shows a good amount of self-control and confidence in today's time. Overall if we are both virgins we won't have any standard so we won't know what were doing, lol. It is a blank slate. 

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Grr--just as I finished typing it erased my answer. >:-( Let's try this again...

Care to elaborate?

Hmm...that's a very personal question. There are just certain traits (personal, mental, and physical) that tend to lead me to find a person attractive, and I've happened to notice that no one I've ever met personally who possessed more than one or two of them was a virgin.

Some examples, since you ask—with the caveat that of course I do NOT have some checklist of requirements...these are all just individual characteristics in no particular order that happen to attract me to varying degrees [and more relevant to life and living in the present rather than to the past, per someone's prior sexual history]—would include a certain meshing sense of humour (ability to make me smile/laugh easily); my age or older; self-confident in a crowd; equally comfortable with [and capable of!] deep, in-depth personal conversations; similar values; musicianship; expressive and communicative; willing and happy to dance with me (or just in general--and dare I say even instigates such behaviour on occasion); nerdiness; generosity/heroism/altruism (this can be in really small things too); fellow scientist/doctor (especially in a field similar/related to mine for several reasons beyond the obvious); similar recreational interests; physically attractive (completely subjective of course [and intentionally vague on my part]); sufficiently in-shape that he could go adventuring with me, and the spirit to want to do so...

In the last few years, I've known myriad men who possessed many or even most of these characteristics, as well as a whole bunch I didn't name. Not one of them was a virgin; nor is it in their collective culture, generally speaking.

I recognise that wasn't a direct answer. Feel free to PM me iyw, but I've no intention of being less nebulous on a public forum. Put simply, it's pretty unheard of among the kind of man I tend to make real connections with/fall for. But if such a man existed and he did happen to be a virgin, that would be nigh irresistible to the romantic in me...

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Thanks for that answer, and I understand about your need for privacy. Just forgetting virginity itself for a moment, have any of the men you've described had the attitude of waiting until marriage from that point forward, or is even that not in their collective culture?

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I find by-choice virginity in men quite attractive, because it shows a strength of character that is rarely encountered...and it would show me that the chance of being with the right person (hypothetically myself) was worth waiting for. The idea that someone would decide before he met me that I was worth it...yeah, that's a real turn-on, because that's the decision I made myself.

Unfortunately, virginity tends not to coincide with many/most of the other things I find attractive—so I'm willing to concede it for the right person. A gift is a gift...how can my choice and sacrifice be meaningful if I don't give it freely, not expecting something in return? I'd definitely rather be someone else's only, and learn together, and never wonder whether I'm being compared to his history—but at this point in my life it's not reasonable for it to be a dealbreaker rather than a mere preference.

"How can my choice and sacrifice be meaningful if I don't give it freely, not expecting something in return?"

I like this quote, it got me thinking as to if I should be more open to being in a relationship with a woman who did not abstain which I've been a bit closed to before (I'm 22).  Even though it's hard to admit it, marrying someone who isn't a virgin may not necessarily be the end of the world for a waiter even though ideally you may deeply want to be that other person's "one and only".  There simply is more to a person than their sexuality and that's something that I and many others need to be wary of.

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Just forgetting virginity itself for a moment, have any of the men you've described had the attitude of waiting until marriage from that point forward, or is even that not in their collective culture?

Not particularly. It's not very relevant to their lives either way, and most of them are currently happily involved in "typical" (non-celibate) relationships. But of course decent men would at least respect my stance. (I say "would" because I am, of course, not currently seeing anyone for whom it would be an issue in the first place ;) )

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People have different definitions of what's alpha. Some people seem to define it by the number of women a man has had sex with. Some define it by the hotness of the women a man has had sex with. If those are the definitions, then I'm not interested in being alpha. Personally, though, I define alpha as having more to do with the overall desirability a man has among women in general, even if he has sex with none of them.

 

As for society's definition changing, I can definitely accept that the world is going to do what it's going to do, but I would sort of expect more out of Christian women. (I actually don't, because I know we're all still human). Anyway, it just seems Christian women in particular are pickier than they've ever been concerning who they'll even have a conversation or spend any time with, let alone who they'll marry.

 

The article someone shared in another thread about the problems with courtship are certainly evident in some of the homeschooling circles I've witnessed with women in their late 20s still being single when they would like to be married. I can't help but think that some (certainly not all) of them just haven't given the guys in their lives enough encouragement to talk to them one-on-one and not just be around them in group settings, if that. 

Actually the basic definition of an alpha male is simply the dominant in any given group, or civilization. Usually these are men who are 'hunter and gatherers' or the ones who will take charge and get things done. Our individual feelings, or views, of what SHOULD be alpha might differ, and I think that is wonderful, but the definition doesn't. I guess I should have worded my thoughts and feelings a little clearer and differently. Unfortunately I'm no alpha female, either. I don't just walk into any situation feeling like I can own it. Sometimes I realize it, half way in, but I don't think I have ever just felt that I was IT. Even responding to your post took everything in me. :)

 

Aside from this, I was going to go on and defend my views, but after many years of learning about myself and that my thoughts and feelings matter as much as anyone else, I know that I don't have to defend any of my feelings, or thoughts, on finding a man or what I want. I know that I can't control what anyone else feels or does. I can only control myself. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint, though. The world would be so boring if we all felt, thought, spoke, and acted, the same as each other. God bless you! :)

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Actually the basic definition of an alpha male is simply the dominant in any given group, or civilization. Usually these are men who are 'hunter and gatherers' or the ones who will take charge and get things done. Our individual feelings, or views, of what SHOULD be alpha might differ, and I think that is wonderful, but the definition doesn't. I guess I should have worded my thoughts and feelings a little clearer and differently. Unfortunately I'm no alpha female, either. I don't just walk into any situation feeling like I can own it. Sometimes I realize it, half way in, but I don't think I have ever just felt that I was IT. Even responding to your post took everything in me. :)

 

As far as dictionary definitions go, you're absolutely right. Several of my bosses would fall under the above definition of an alpha, but I wouldn't call them ladies' men by any stretch of the imagination. Nevertheless, there is something to be said for being a leader.

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As far as dictionary definitions go, you're absolutely right. Several of my bosses would fall under the above definition of an alpha, but I wouldn't call them ladies' men by any stretch of the imagination. Nevertheless, there is something to be said for being a leader.

Thanks for you thoughts. REALLY. I'm sorry I wasn't a little more clear originally. I forget sometimes that other people don't think as literal as I do, and when I wrote that I was thinking of how it's literally defined. The literal definition... AND I worded it completely wrong.

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Not particularly. It's not very relevant to their lives either way, and most of them are currently happily involved in "typical" (non-celibate) relationships. But of course decent men would at least respect my stance. (I say "would" because I am, of course, not currently seeing anyone for whom it would be an issue in the first place ;) )

 

I believe your implication is that these coinciding factors are correlative rather than causal, correct? That is, you're implying that the men who have the traits you find attractive simply don't reserve sex for marriage, right? Just for the sake of argument, though, are we sure that that's true and that there's not a causal link? Could it actually be that the men who are sexually experienced with women exude more confidence and in essence, cause attraction from women like you to begin with? 

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Thanks for you thoughts. REALLY. I'm sorry I wasn't a little more clear originally. I forget sometimes that other people don't think as literal as I do, and when I wrote that I was thinking of how it's literally defined. The literal definition... AND I worded it completely wrong.

 

Please, you have nothing to apologize for. You were just offering a slightly different perspective. There's nothing wrong with that. :)

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Please, you have nothing to apologize for. You were just offering a slightly different perspective. There's nothing wrong with that. :)

Ah, yes, I guess I don't. I just wish I had thought about my wording a bit more. That's all. I get a little aggravated when I do that. because I enjoy writing and correct usage of grammar, which is why I apologized... more to myself, I think. lol Still, I also enjoy THINKING... so thanks for that.

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