Is Virginity Really Attractive?

[Johnny 261]

Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

[Belle Femme 1,244]

I think the response to that will vary based on why a woman is a virgin and/or WTM. I didn't wait for religious reasons, so I wasn't intentionally seeking another waiter. When I found out my now-husband was also WTM, it was just a bonus. The bonus wasn't because I thought his virginity made him a better person or a more attractive person, but just that I knew he wouldn't pressure me into doing anything before I was ready.

 

I think women who are waiting for different reasons than my own, however, will reply differently. Similarly, if a woman is an unintentional virgin and thus not a waiter, she might consider male virginity to be a negative.

[29K 1,541]

For me, it's a huge positive! Ideally I'd like to be in a situation where my husband and I are each other's 'only'.

[Jasmine23 1,605]

Totally, Absolutely, Definitely POSITIVE! I want my husband to be my only and me his. I want to learn with him and not taught by him in that area. Plus no one has to worry about STD's.

[emily1030 301]

YES.

 

POSITIVE.

 

The idea that he would save himself for me is so wonderful. I would love to experience sex with him and only him, and have him do the same. What a special bond to have only experienced that with each other. I'd love to know that he felt it was special enough to wait for.

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

I second everyone else so far. I think most female waiter's ideal is to be in a situation where you are each other's 'only,' so virginity is going to be a huge positive within that particular subset of people. I used to cry myself to sleep at night worrying about not being able to find a fellow virgin to be with, hehe (*sigh* high school angst).

[NicoleNova 2,669]

Well, it's not like I'm thinking, "mhmm. he's a virgin..."

 

 

But.. He def has a higher place in my book if he is waiting and we share the same values. Heck, even if that's the only value we share he already has more respect from me than most guys. 

[__Egirly__ 1,161]

HECK YES. A guy with genuine self control..AND who cared enough about me before he even knew me to wait..oh he's getting....never mind lol but THATS my kind of guy

[Johnny 261]

Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind. Anyway, it also amazes me how many women on a site like OKCupid will claim Christianity as their religion about which they're supposedly "very serious" but will put that they want their partner to be at least "slightly experienced" sexually and that they expect it to take "six or more dates" (or less) for sex to happen when they're dating someone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind. Anyway, it also amazes me how many women on a site like OKCupid will claim Christianity as their religion about which they're supposedly "very serious" but will put that they want their partner to be at least "slightly experienced" sexually and that they expect it to take "six or more dates" (or less) for sex to happen when they're dating someone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

 

I wouldn't buy into that stuff at all. Men and women aren't different at all at the core -- we're all just human, afterall. My boyfriend is basically the definition of the 'beta male' they all hate so much, and yet I find him about 1000x more attractive than all that 'alpha male' crap. My boyfriend's had a steady loving relationship since he was 16, while those 'alpha' dudes are, at 'best,' having one-night stands with women they look down upon. It's really a toxic mindset. 

[29K 1,541]

I wouldn't buy into that stuff at all. Men and women aren't different at all at the core -- we're all just human, afterall. My boyfriend is basically the definition of the 'beta male' they all hate so much, and yet I find him about 1000x more attractive than all that 'alpha male' crap. My boyfriend's had a steady loving relationship since he was 16, while those 'alpha' dudes are, at 'best,' having one-night stands with women they look down upon. It's really a toxic mindset. 

 

I couldn't agree more! I'd choose a so-called beta male over a 'bad boy' alpha male type any day! I honestly don't know why other women waste their time on total idiots like that.

[Invincible 8,026]

Thanks for the answers. These are encouraging. I've recently discovered "manosphere" blogs, which contain a lot of really interesting perspectives and information, but some of the comments can be quite discouraging and pessimistic, like the ones implying or explicitly lamenting the fact that women, even Christian women, don't find virgin men attractive because it's beta and not alpha. Unfortunately, this is probably true to a certain extent. It's difficult to understand the female mind. Anyway, it also amazes me how many women on a site like OKCupid will claim Christianity as their religion about which they're supposedly "very serious" but will put that they want their partner to be at least "slightly experienced" sexually and that they expect it to take "six or more dates" (or less) for sex to happen when they're dating someone. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

 

Yes you are old fashioned, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times it is a good thing and I agree with you. It's not just Christian women but many professing Christians in general. It's one thing to make a mistake with the intention of waiting. It's another thing entirely to flat out believe premarital sex is okay when the Bible clearly teaches that fornication is wrong. Either way, it is discouraging to say the least.

 

 

I wouldn't buy into that stuff at all. Men and women aren't different at all at the core -- we're all just human, afterall. My boyfriend is basically the definition of the 'beta male' they all hate so much, and yet I find him about 1000x more attractive than all that 'alpha male' crap. My boyfriend's had a steady loving relationship since he was 16, while those 'alpha' dudes are, at 'best,' having one-night stands with women they look down upon. It's really a toxic mindset. 

 

I couldn't agree more! I'd choose a so-called beta male over a 'bad boy' alpha male type any day! I honestly don't know why other women waste their time on total idiots like that.

 

I'm glad to know there are still plenty of women out there who don't fall into the bad boy trap. I've certainly had my fair share of girls pass me over for an alpha male many times. Almost every guy in my position have contemplated adopting these traits to be more successful with women. But I could never find it in me to do it because I wouldn't be true to myself. I could never bring myself to be anything but protective and respectful to women. If that means severely narrowing female prospects than so be it. 

 

I suppose certain alpha traits are good such as confidence and assertiveness. But I think "alpha" is often times associated with jerk behavior and that certainly isn't good. I think many women are attracted to alpha males because they are exciting and they find beta males boring and too avaliable. From what I've heard, these women like the challenge of trying to change him for the better. Of course we all know it never works and it's always leads to the girl having her heart broken in the end. I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

[TheCrowing 450]

I suppose certain alpha traits are good such as confidence and assertiveness. But I think "alpha" is often times associated with jerk behavior and that certainly isn't good. I think many women are attracted to alpha males because they are exciting and they find beta males boring and too avaliable. From what I've heard, these women like the challenge of trying to change him for the better. Of course we all know it never works and it's always leads to the girl having her heart broken in the end. I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

 

Good post. I've posted about this alpha vs. beta stuff before. It's obviously largely biological, which is an unfortunate disadvantage if you're a proud beta like a lot of us are, but I feel like the women who are more "evolved", that is women who understand the extreme importance of certain beta traits (compassion, loyalty, respect, affection), have begun to trust their reasoning over their biology, especially those who place a great importance on family life and making a good home, which are risky prospects with most alphas. 

 

Not to mention beta males are oftentimes more intelligent than their alpha counterparts lol, which is interesting considering intelligence should technically be an alpha trait, shouldn't it? It's not really though, at least not for males. It's like, you can walk around with your machoness but we're smarter so we'll eventually find a way to get the girl, lol. Obviously I'm generalizing, but I think it's oftentimes true.

 

As our society progresses I'm hoping that alphas and betas will simply be recognized as different, but equal counterparts (I think this has already started to happen), not as betas being some inferior version of a human.

 

Oh, this is "Ask the Girls" isn't it? Whoops.

[Sally 2,368]

Do women, particularly virgin women, genuinely find virginity attractive in guys, or could they not care less? Even worse, could it be a negative, especially if the guy is over a certain age? I'm not looking for feel-good answers (no pun intended). I'm also not asking whether the reason for the virginity could be a negative (i.e. unattractive, socially awkward, etc). I'm simply asking about whether lack of sexual experience itself is a positive, a negative, or simply irrelevant in attracting women who are themselves virgins and plan to be until marriage.

 

It was a positive thing to me when I met my husband. I was intrigued as to how he stayed a waiter as he was 24 when I met him. Once we began talking more, I understood that he had had opportunities to lose it, but again and again he refused. I found that very admirable and special. 

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

 

From what I've heard, these women like the challenge of trying to change him for the better. Of course we all know it never works and it's always leads to the girl having her heart broken in the end. I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

 

I've never been that way, but from what I understand, there's a sense of power -- almost a high -- that comes from it. No other motivating factor in this guy's life has made him change his ways, but when *she* comes in, he'll see that *she's* just so pure and loving that he'll have no choice except to reform his ways to be worthy of being with her.

[Johnny 261]

I wouldn't buy into that stuff at all. Men and women aren't different at all at the core -- we're all just human, afterall. My boyfriend is basically the definition of the 'beta male' they all hate so much, and yet I find him about 1000x more attractive than all that 'alpha male' crap. My boyfriend's had a steady loving relationship since he was 16, while those 'alpha' dudes are, at 'best,' having one-night stands with women they look down upon. It's really a toxic mindset. 

 

I definitely agree about it being a toxic mindset. However, those commenters I mentioned don't hate betas, as most of them would probably describe themselves as such. Moreover, the alphas don't need to read blogs. They're already where they want to be (for better or worse).

[Johnny 261]

HECK YES. A guy with genuine self control..AND who cared enough about me before he even knew me to wait..oh he's getting....never mind lol but THATS my kind of guy

 

The underlined part made me laugh.

 

I wanted to make a comment in the Age 25+ forum, but I'm currently unable to post there, and the link for "Contact the community administrator" doesn't seem to be working. I wanted to mention something along those same lines as what you've mentioned above and in response to a comment in one of those threads.

[Johnny 261]

Yes you are old fashioned, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times it is a good thing and I agree with you. It's not just Christian women but many professing Christians in general. It's one thing to make a mistake with the intention of waiting. It's another thing entirely to flat out believe premarital sex is okay when the Bible clearly teaches that fornication is wrong. Either way, it is discouraging to say the least.

 

I'm glad to know there are still plenty of women out there who don't fall into the bad boy trap. I've certainly had my fair share of girls pass me over for an alpha male many times. Almost every guy in my position have contemplated adopting these traits to be more successful with women. But I could never find it in me to do it because I wouldn't be true to myself. I could never bring myself to be anything but protective and respectful to women. If that means severely narrowing female prospects than so be it. 

 

I suppose certain alpha traits are good such as confidence and assertiveness. But I think "alpha" is often times associated with jerk behavior and that certainly isn't good. I think many women are attracted to alpha males because they are exciting and they find beta males boring and too avaliable. From what I've heard, these women like the challenge of trying to change him for the better. Of course we all know it never works and it's always leads to the girl having her heart broken in the end. I have to ask why would you want someone you had to change? Why not find a guy who will treat you right and you didn't have to change?

 

Great post, Invincible. There are certain dominant / alpha traits that are good and some that are bad. I think the women who go for those types of guys simply put up with the bad in order to get the good, too. As to your questions at the end, which I know are actually rhetorical, I will say that women or just people in general don't typically decide to whom they're going to be attracted. That doesn't mean people can't use good judgment in spite of it, though. I think anyone who is committed to waiting like many of the commenters on this board are have already shown great judgment.

[Buster Cannon 1,431]

I'm surprised that no one brought up the other variable; non-WTM women that are into male virgins b/c they want to 'break them in', so to speak. Of course, as a waiter they aren't the type that you want to be with, but they are out there.

[Jegsy Scarr 3,521]

It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!? 

 

Not really, no. If our wedding night lasts ten seconds, that's fine. We've got the whole of our lives, and I rather like the idea of us learning together. It's actually pretty exciting, the thought of starting as complete beginners and then seeing how we progress together over time.

 

Plus, in marriage, you're agreeing to take your spouse as they are, including their sexuality. If they're not particularly "good" at sex, then I think it's particularly fitting that on your wedding night when you first make love, you're not judging them in any way, but you're just accepting them completely for who they are.

 

xxx

[Wonderwoman 65]

Nailed it! Beautful stated Jegsy! here here

 

Not really, no. If our wedding night lasts ten seconds, that's fine. We've got the whole of our lives, and I rather like the idea of us learning together. It's actually pretty exciting, the thought of starting as complete beginners and then seeing how we progress together over time.

 

Plus, in marriage, you're agreeing to take your spouse as they are, including their sexuality. If they're not particularly "good" at sex, then I think it's particularly fitting that on your wedding night when you first make love, you're not judging them in any way, but you're just accepting them completely for who they are.

 

xxx

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!? 

 

Not really. Unless you have an incredibly specific kink or fetish, what makes sex good or not is less about mechanical "skills" (which are easy enough to learn anyway), and more about your connection with the other person (ability to communicate, laugh together, etc). And, especially with women, every person's body is different, so someone can have been with hundreds of women and they'd still basically be starting all over again when it came to being with you. You're guaranteed plenty of awkwardness and confusion no matter what!  Plus, like Jegsy said, I'll always cherish the memories of learning to do those things together.

[__Egirly__ 1,161]

It appears that I'm the only one with a different answer. Don't get me wrong, if my husband is a virgin when I meet him, I'll think it's wonderful but...

Well, don't any of you ladies want a guy who knows what he's doing?!?

People assume all virgins will suck in bed. I don't think every guy is not going to "know what he's doing" even if he's lost won't it be sexy to teach him what's what for you and him teach you what's what for him? The people who have sex with a different person every night wouldn't be considered "good in bed" just because he's had sex with a number of women. If he didn't know the 'tastes' (poor word choice lol) of all the women... just his experience with the number wouldn't mean he could do "it" for all the women because he wouldn't know every thing she likes OR most importantly he wouldn't have the key to her heart..

[Natureboy 195]

Yeah, this is something I worry about as well. From what I've heard the majority of Western society women usually do not want virgins because they'll assume he sucks in bed and don't have the patience to teach him what she likes. Or worse they'll equate him to a child. In the case of older virgins, they'll assume something is wrong with him and that flaw is the reason why he is still a virgin. And they'll either pity him or shame him (Although some will think its adorable). Those women are not virgins, but they are the dominant segment of the population.

[Belle Femme 1,244]

While I love the journey my husband and I have taken together sexually, and I'm glad that it's something we've learned together, one of the biggest pitfalls of Purity Culture is a double-edged sword. Either the assumption that sex will immediately be the best thing ever OR the undervaluing of good sex in a relationship.

 

It is so so so so so important that you talk about sex a LOT with your partner before y'all get married, and do as much research as you can. Yes, literal research. For example, I've seen several times throughout these threads the myth that a woman's hymen breaks her first time. No. A hymen is supposed to stretch. If it bleeds, a woman is either not sufficiently aroused or the man is too rough.

 

It is very important to a healthy marriage to have good, mutually pleasurable sex, but virgins can achieve this too, IF they are open and honest with each other before hand and well-informed.

 

Feel free to PM me, especially engaged or almost-engaged couples, if y'all need any advice or resources to make sure the woman's first time doesn't hurt.