Privacy concerns LISTEN UP

[Invincible 7,986]

Okay guys, I decided to delete a certain thread about the end of a relationship that began here in the forums. While it is sad hear about these things, there was lots of unwarranted divulging of private information of others and unfair assumptions on the characters of the people involved. That has NO place here. We're here to support each other, not tear each other down by taking sides in someone else's private affairs.

 

From now on there will be none of this anymore. If you have a problem with someone, use the PM feature and deal with it privately. Do not drag your personal drama with a fellow member into the open. Doing so is the first step in birthing rumors that could spread like wild fire. This is a support group, not the Jerry Springer Show or some trashy reality show.

 

Thank you and carry on.

[Weapon X 1,326]

This is a support group, not the Jerry Springer Show or some trashy reality show.

Great tagline for the site.

"Welcome to wtm.org. This is a support group, not the Jerry Springer Show or some trashy reality show."

[Jasmine23 1,605]

Okay guys, I decided to delete a certain thread about the end of a relationship that began here in the forums. While it is sad hear about these things, there was lots of unwarranted divulging of private information of others and unfair assumptions on the characters of the people involved. That has NO place here. We're here to support each other, not tear each other down by taking sides in someone else's private affairs.

 

From now on there will be none of this anymore. If you have a problem with someone, use the PM feature and deal with it privately. Do not drag your personal drama with a fellow member into the open. Doing so is the first step in birthing rumors that could spread like wild fire. This is a support group, not the Jerry Springer Show or some trashy reality show.

 

Thank you and carry on.

Has anyone ever told you how awesome you are?

I really appreciate you do that. I don't know about anyone else but I felt really out of place when I saw it and I seriously thought that that was what this community was falling to. No personal problems with someone else on this site should be told publicly unless it was something super important like a meet that turned into some brutal. Breakups should be talked out privately and handled in a adult manner. And everyone should give each other the benefit of the doubt before assuming anything just because you only have what he said she said or she said or he said and did.

I wish nothing but the best for everyone.

[Bluey 620]

In a certain situation, if you had been that upset by something, you might do something irrational like share concerns in public too, especially if you felt threatened. Granted, we didn't all respond professionally, but this is unbelievably tactless. Don't shame, and stick to the facts, son. 

[IAG 681]

I have no idea what the actual truth is (nobody does except those involved), but what I don't understand is how can you trust someone that you only know through a few posts on a forum. Or a lot of posts for that matter.

 

Are some people of the mindset that the first person to say something is the one who is being most sincere? Really?

 

Even if you were to hear both sides of the story, you still don't know which side is telling the truth.

 

I'm a little disturbed by calls to action to reveal who the person is when he could be completely innocent. I find that absolutely atrocious. Would YOU want someone to reveal your name about something you didn't do? Since we can't know what's true and what's not, it's absolutely inappropriate to publicly say he did it as if it's somehow gospel.

 

It's like saying "Tell us who it is, so we can believe you, and his reputation can be smeared. Doesn't matter whether it's true or not. That's pretty irrelevant."

 

Rather disturbing.

 

Now, I'm not criticizing her for expressing her experience (whether it's true or not). Just that, since there is no way for any of us to know whether it's true or not, I don't see how expressing it on a public forum is moral or good. 

[TheCrowing 446]

Hey guys....someone did something wrong and it wasn't me for once.

PARTY TIME!

 

[Bluey 620]

I have no idea what the actual truth is (nobody does except those involved), but what I don't understand is how can you trust someone that you only know through a few posts on a forum. Or a lot of posts for that matter.

 

Are some people of the mindset that the first person to say something is the one who is being most sincere? Really?

 

Even if you were to hear both sides of the story, you still don't know which side is telling the truth.

 

I'm a little disturbed by calls to action to reveal who the person is when he could be completely innocent. I find that absolutely atrocious. Would YOU want someone to reveal your name about something you didn't do? Since we can't know what's true and what's not, it's absolutely inappropriate to publicly say he did it as if it's somehow gospel.

 

It's like saying "Tell us who it is, so we can believe you, and his reputation can be smeared. Doesn't matter whether it's true or not. That's pretty irrelevant."

 

Rather disturbing.

 

Now, I'm not criticizing her for expressing her experience (whether it's true or not). Just that, since there is no way for any of us to know whether it's true or not, I don't see how expressing it on a public forum is moral or good. 

I don't know who's right or not. It's also not cool to assume that one party is guilty because they actually said something.

[IAG 681]

I don't know who's right or not. It's also not cool to assume that one party is guilty because they actually said something.

 

Did you read what I wrote?

 

I said since we can't know what's the truth, then it's simply not appropriate to smear someone's reputation in a public forum. No assumption was made on my part. Not even a little bit.

[Bluey 620]

Hey guys....someone did something wrong and it wasn't me for once.

PARTY TIME!

 

No, it's usually me, and it's not necessarily wrong. I can't say that I instigated anything this time. All I did was the public safety warning.

[Bluey 620]

Did you read what I wrote?

 

I said since we can't know what's the truth, then it's simply not appropriate to smear someone's reputation in a public forum. No assumption was made on my part. Not even a little bit.

It's not about what you wrote. I just don't like the tone of this thread.

[29K 1,538]

I couldn't agree more - this forum is no place to air dirty laundry about the ending of a personal relationship, especially one where both parties are known by members of the forum. 

[Steadfast Madcap 3,213]

Hm, I dunno about this entirely. In the Girl's Only forum, there have been several times in which a member has warned the other female members of the site that someone on here was being strange/inappropriate. It seemed that by sharing and comparing stories, it became clear very quickly that the user(s) in question had an ongoing issue with harassing female users, and a mod was able to step in and handle it. I really appreciated that, and I think that kind of thing is very beneficial in a forum environment.

[29K 1,538]

Hm, I dunno about this entirely. In the Girl's Only forum, there have been several times in which a member has warned the other female members of the site that someone on here was being strange/inappropriate. It seemed that by sharing and comparing stories, it became clear very quickly that the user(s) in question had an ongoing issue with harassing female users, and a mod was able to step in and handle it. I really appreciated that, and I think that kind of thing is very beneficial in a forum environment.

 

With respect, that was a totally different situation - this was a personal break up that she was obviously upset about, but it was a character assassination of the guy involved, including very personal and sensitive information.  It was also her word against his - at least in the Girl's Only threads, other people have experienced things to back up any claims made.  

 

I am glad that we have the Girl's Only forum to discuss any harassment that we have experienced, but I feel that this post way overstepped the mark.

[Steadfast Madcap 3,213]

I was mostly questioning this aspect: "If you have a problem with someone, use the PM feature and deal with it privately. Do not drag your personal drama with a fellow member into the open." If the female members had felt like sharing the issues they were experiencing was taboo, then they might have continued to feel like it was only happening to them, and the issue might have taken much longer to resolve. And how could any of them have known it was happening to other people unless someone had the courage to share first? If someone on the site is engaging in suspicious behavior, I want to know about it. That said, I do agree that particular post went a bit far.

[Bluey 620]

I was mostly questioning this aspect: "If you have a problem with someone, use the PM feature and deal with it privately. Do not drag your personal drama with a fellow member into the open." If the female members had felt like sharing the issues they were experiencing was taboo, then they might have continued to feel like it was only happening to them, and the issue might have taken much longer to resolve. And how could any of them have known it was happening to other people unless someone had the courage to share first? If someone on the site is engaging in suspicious behavior, I want to know about it. That said, I do agree that particular post went a bit far.

Right, it's like saying, "phone human resources." No one ever does that, because it usually makes things worse. Something to consider is that if the OP was kind of awkward to begin with (I don't know them), well, that's who usually gets targeted.

[Mstr Josh 2,610]

Crap, I missed all the action, I feel left out.

[Bluey 620]

Crap, I missed all the action, I feel left out.

It's okay, just act really mad.

[NicoleNova 2,653]

LOUDDD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE YELLING!!!! 

[Bluey 620]

LOUDDD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE YELLING!!!! 

Caps lock helps to relieve stress.

[Mstr Josh 2,610]

It's okay, just act really mad.

Okay *angry mumbling*

[Jasmine23 1,605]

Hm, I dunno about this entirely. In the Girl's Only forum, there have been several times in which a member has warned the other female members of the site that someone on here was being strange/inappropriate. It seemed that by sharing and comparing stories, it became clear very quickly that the user(s) in question had an ongoing issue with harassing female users, and a mod was able to step in and handle it. I really appreciated that, and I think that kind of thing is very beneficial in a forum environment.

In Girls Only I'm one of the Main Girls to WARN people about a specific guy or two. That has nothing to do with breakups and bashing the other person in public. The best thing to do is to go into your private group and tell everyone to be aware just in case it happens to someone else or to prevent it. What happened earlier was petty and out of line. That's what people do on Facebook which is nothing but old high school drama. We are adults go to the other person and them alone and talk it over or secretly warn your fellow girls so they don't fall into the same trap and the same for guys. And what we talk about in Girls only is none of the Guys business.

[Jasmine23 1,605]

This is why all of my friends are Males.

[Guest markb4]

Crap, I missed all the action, I feel left out.

 

I too am in the proverbial dark in this situation.

[Invincible 7,986]

Alright guys, let's have no further discussion about the ones involved in the deleted thread, even implicitly. There's already too much talk of it running around already. Let's just stick to discussing things regarding privacy and such.

 

I was mostly questioning this aspect: "If you have a problem with someone, use the PM feature and deal with it privately. Do not drag your personal drama with a fellow member into the open." If the female members had felt like sharing the issues they were experiencing was taboo, then they might have continued to feel like it was only happening to them, and the issue might have taken much longer to resolve. And how could any of them have known it was happening to other people unless someone had the courage to share first? If someone on the site is engaging in suspicious behavior, I want to know about it. That said, I do agree that particular post went a bit far.

 

In regards to this, I agree with 29K. There is a clear difference between conflict arising from a personal relationship vs being the victim of harassment. If you are being targeted with unwelcome advances that's a security and safety issue, then one of admins need to know about it so they will be dealt with. But if it's involving a common dispute between friends or romantic relationships in the forums, that's not our business. That is a private matter. I would absolutely fail as a counselor

[Jasmine23 1,605]

Sir yes sir!

Privacy is a must and we must respect each other and ourselves!