Kittenkat105

Girl talking first or making the first move.

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How do guys feel about a girl who is always talking to the guy first or making the moves first on him. I am just wondering, because some people say it has to be like the old fashion way of waiting for the guy to come to the girl. Some people say that guys like girls who come to them. So, tell me guys, how do you feel. Would you hate it or like? Do guys think its annoying?  ( I just found the pic btw, do I know the artist, no)

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I like it. You never know maybe the guy is shy.

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I like that very much. Ladies, if you like a guy. Go approach him! He will be thankful for that. Unless he doesn't like you back, but that's what guys have to deal with when they approach a girl so it is what it is.

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I like that very much. Ladies, if you like a guy. Go approach him! He will be thankful for that. Unless he doesn't like you back, but that's what guys have to deal with when they approach a girl so it is what it is.

In theory, it sounds like a good idea, but you'd really have to know what you're doing. What's at risk for women is getting a nuclear rejection and being called promiscuous. That's often devastating to a woman's reputation, and not worth the risk.

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Since I am the worlds worst person at reading the signs another person gives off, it's much easier when the girl shows interest first or makes the first move, then after that I can proceed.

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I'd desire to be an old-fashioned person and make the first move, but my social anxiety is a bit too intrusive at times, so I'd appreciate if the girl made the first move.

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I agree with Josh & mark on this one. Unless there is reason to believe there is mutual interest, I'm probably not going to make a move.

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Communication is one of the most important components of a successful relationship.  I believe in simple being best, meaning whatever can get two people that should be together, together, then I am in favor of it.  If a girl likes a guy so much that she wants to try to make a play for him and let him know what she's thinking, then I support that girl and her ambition and bravery to go out and get something she wants, and her openness and honesty towards herself as well as the guy.  I agree that the girl should definitely be very careful out there when possible, because like Bluey mentioned, due to the judgmental eyes of society, many of those guys may end up inferring negative things from the girl by her choice to make the bold decision either way.  All that should matter in the end though, is that the girl is happy she got her guy, if it indeed works out.  And if that guy is aware of the events that took place in order for them getting together, then he should be looking to reward that girl for her ability to be a free thinker and not be burdened by societal stereotypes, enough to make a contrarian decision to start something she and he both wanted and are getting happiness from.

 

I don't claim to be one of the "best guys" out there by any stretch of the imagination, but some of the "best guys" might be the ones who are so clueless that they have no idea that a girl even wants him, without being slapped in the face with it.  I have always absolutely been that type, so I've always hoped there were more girls out there looking to take a chance than not.  It all depends on what the girl is looking for.  True love can be born from anything, so it's one thing that you should never let yourself be afraid of going after if you REALLY want it, male or female.  The right people will reward you in spades for your efforts.

 

So I think that as a girl, it shouldn't hurt you to give a guy a tactful little poke in the ribs to get his attention, and let him know if you are truly interested.  Once that guy gets the green light on something good, his male instincts should kick in, and he will very likely take it from there, so you can go back to feeling all ladylike again with him making more of the bold decisions from that point forward.  But in terms of getting things started with some guys, as the saying goes, "knowing is half the battle."

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 "tactful little poke in the ribs to get his attention" -

 

a tactful little poke in the ribs to get his attention,"

 

 

a nice little mention or a shoulder brush and hair behind your ear usually does the trick......... for me anyway 

but im a liiiiiitle more bold.  :huh: 

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It's annoying. If your heart beats then tell him how it beats, don't be afraid. Don't let yourself hold back by a mere excuse of something that's merely traditional.

 

You can never know what you can lose, forever.

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It would be awesome ^___^

I'm the type of guy that dreams about getting proposed to by my future wife <3 *sigh

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It would be awesome ^___^

I'm the type of guy that dreams about getting proposed to by my future wife <3 *sigh

 

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or sincere

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PLEASE LADIES!!! MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!! lol

if you are interested just go for it, there's no guy that's gonna be like, "did she seriously just make the first move?"

 

most of the time guys are really unsure whether or not you are interested (like me) and wouldn't want to approach without knowing for sure.  

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In theory, it sounds like a good idea, but you'd really have to know what you're doing. What's at risk for women is getting a nuclear rejection and being called promiscuous. That's often devastating to a woman's reputation, and not worth the risk.

 

I respectfully disagree. I think a person should follow their heart if they are sure that what they are doing isn't wrong, at that point, it shouldn't matter what other people think about it; & if we were to care so much about reputations & stuff then maybe we should re-consider this whole WTM thing because most people probably think we're hopeless idiots just making up an excuse to justify our inability to get laid!

 

So, in my opinon, I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl making the first move. The only point of caution I'd like to bring to notice here is to make sure that you know the guy well enough beforehand to make sure that he's not the type of guy who will think that you want to have sex with him ASAP just because you've made the first move.......'cuz MOST guys will assume that......unfortunately

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For me its both. I have this weird feeling that people don't like to talk to me or don't want to here what I have to say. So its helpful when the girl starts the topic or makes the first move. Sometimes the first move is just a smile. Or a more sincere "How are you?" Something I enjoy is when I'm talking to someone they ask me back a question I asked them. It doesn't take much. Just a "and what about you?"

To sum it all up is it is a good thing but just like everything else too much is bad. Try not to do it all the time and you should be golden.

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If she doesn't give some real encouragement, it'll probably never happen for me. I try to create opportunities, small swatches of conversation and of course to always be pleasant. My brain always calculates too many downsides to being more direct than that.

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Ladies. Go for it. If you like a guy and want to get to know him, make it plain as day. It's pretty simple. Walk up with a smile and say "hello so and so, I'd really like to get to know you more over a cup of coffee. (Or an alternative social event) Could we make that happen? (Wait for answer) Great! I am available Tuesday or thursday. What day would work better for you?" If he's the type of quality guy you're really looking for, I doubt he'll turn you down unless he is completely disinterested.

As far as a girl looking promiscuous for being confident and intentional, I think that is a complete load of garbage. It's 2014 people. It is so refreshing to hear women Intentionally Communicating their interests and desires. You'll probably make other women feel insecure, but Guys will respect and appreciate it.

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From my albeit limited perspective while it would be great for girls to take the initiative to strike up conversation (and not just if there are ulterior motives) I'm not so sold on the female asking the male out. Sure in todays post-modern feminist world that would seem perfectly fine but I suppose it depends on what your looking for in a husband. If your looking for a mature individual with capable leadership/headship skills who can make and follow through with a decision. Then I think giving the male the opportunity but waitng on him to make the first move would go towards being a good preselection (but for the "bad boys"). This is if you lend towards a more traditionalist complimentary role perspective etc. While it is tempting to minimize the risk of painful rejection I believe it is a valuable exercise for the male to be clear and upfront about one's intentions and not postpone to the point where reception is nigh assured. I certainly have learnt a lot through such excercise that I would not forgo. Generally I think its safe to say that commitment is a deficiency in the average boyfriend and this is his first test. That being said, a girl that demonstrates capable initiative and leadership is certainly attractive and I would most certainly not think any less of her (she's made a good choice afterall ;)) for making the first move would ensure to check that a) this won't set the tenor of our relationship and she is capable of and happy to submit to a loving caring decision-maker (to be clear this does not mean she is to be a doormat! Having a woman that can hold her own against any man but chooses to submit to me is incredibly sexy and responsibility laden) or b ) she will be the final decision-maker and I better embrace my submissive side or bail for the good of both parties.

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This is definitely a good thing. Sometimes (ok a lot of the time) us guys are oblivious to whether a girl likes us or not. My girlfriend made it clear that she liked me and that made everything so much easier. It was a lot less awkward for both of us. I still initiated the relationship, but knowing that she liked me was a big relief and made it easy to ask her out.

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Ladies. Go for it. If you like a guy and want to get to know him, make it plain as day. It's pretty simple. Walk up with a smile and say "hello so and so, I'd really like to get to know you more over a cup of coffee. (Or an alternative social event) Could we make that happen? (Wait for answer) Great! I am available Tuesday or thursday. What day would work better for you?" If he's the type of quality guy you're really looking for, I doubt he'll turn you down unless he is completely disinterested.

As far as a girl looking promiscuous for being confident and intentional, I think that is a complete load of garbage. It's 2014 people. It is so refreshing to hear women Intentionally Communicating their interests and desires. You'll probably make other women feel ins

ecure, but Guys will respect and appreciate it.

I know this is an "ask the guys" discussion, but I have to add that last summer I started buying into this whole idea of women approaching men. I started showing interest in men. I would not CHASE THEM; I would simply show interest or create an opportunity for said guy to pursue me. A few months ago (last December), I was REALLY bold. I went out for dinner at a restaurant with my family. Our waiter was HOT, an accounting major who was about to graduate from college. (I am 26, I don't really go for younger men, but he was soooo cute & I just wanted to have fun). When I paid the bill, I left a note saying, "you're cute. Call me." And left my name & number. I knew he wouldn't call, I could tell he had a girlfriend, but I left my number with his tip just in case. He didnt call. I,ve never really approached a guy so boldly or been turned down/refused before. My feelings were not hurt, because he was kind of a child anyway. But at least I can say I did it! The next time I visited that restaurant, he brought our plates out. He puffed his chest out when he saw me (kind of like, oh, its you), but otherwise said nothing. My interest made him feel good, i think, although its kind of sleazy to hit on folks while they're at work. (This is usually how i meet men though---they hit on ME, while they are at work---i mean, at UPS, the post office, you name it). Later, my dad told me he saw that i'd left my number. He advised me not to do that again, because that kind of behavior reeked of desperation. I don't think I will do something like that again. Id be more likely to try and chat the waiter up, And then coyly tell him, "well, you know, if you were to ask for my number, I would think about giving it to you" ;)

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This is great when it happens. Just two days ago a girl started talking to me, she was really nervous but it made me feel great and I really admired her for it. She just said hello and then asked me what book I was reading. It was in a waiting room and it was a pretty quick conversation because I had to leave, but girls, you should go for it! And this girl was really shy and nervous. Sadly within that 3 or 4 minutes we realised we had nothing in common and the conversation turned to weather, even so girls should go for it. Feels nice!

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I'm all for it!  Obviously I'm willing to go after women myself, but I generally don't do it unless I get a clear signal from them that they'll be receptive...  So, anything that makes their intentions clearer to me is great in my books.  :D

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I personally think that dating can provide enough thorns-in-the-side to be worried about who makes the first move.  Every little bit of liberated attitude between two unselfish people goes a long way to begin wonderful things.  That's how opportunity is born; when one does whatever they can to meet another halfway.

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