AllishaG

Piece of Advice: Don't be THAT guy or girl

46 posts in this topic

Fuck that I'd rather have the guy think I'm a crazy bitch so he leaves me alone.

 

If this is really how girls feel, then I absolutely retract all of my criticism. :mellow:

 

If that's really what this world has come to then, well, nothing I say means anything.

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Yeah, they get mad sometimes. I had an incident in school where the guy stalked me and tried to smear my reputation. I was literally shaking and had a hard time concentrating on homework. No one listened to me, except my now BFF, who happens to be skilled in the martial arts. Because she's a bada$$. I even had my name put in an angry banjo song in front of the student body (like, my worst nightmare, lol). Eventually, the people that I hung out with finally understood what was going on, because he started targeting them. At that point I was like, "Well, go figure!" Finally, my brother had a hard time getting a job on campus, and then my family got mad and told the Dean of Men what was going on(?). Without my permission, obviously. The creep actually got promoted, and still works at the school.

So, don't be that guy.

And that's just dating. Not working, not the classroom. You could write a book about the sexual harassment that I've gone through, during my walk on the straight and narrow. Your average thir$ty dude thinks it's his right to have him a wo-man, and there she is, just for him. When I was a kid, I had no idea that working, going to school, and living would be such a hassle, for this reason. Especially now that the economy's collapsed, and people are desperate. The only places that I feel safe going to by myself are shopping places and coffee places. I don't feel safe going anywhere alone past ten, which it's a shame that that's my "curfew," because I love the night. I can't travel alone, like men are able to do. I can't go hiking alone or do outdoor activities alone. You do miss-out on so much of life, because of the danger. I think that's why women are conditioned to be so "nice": if we don't have our social group, what can we do?

It's really difficult, though, because if it's a place that you visit often or a campus or whatever, and the guy asks for your number, you're screwed. If you don't give him your number, it might make him mad. If you do give him your number, he expects you to reply to him, and as soon as you stop, he gets mad.

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AllishaG, I agree with you, if you know what to watch for, you can pretty much pick up on the rejection. I have had it happen once or twice in online dating, when I would send a wink or something to a guy. It was pretty rare that I would initiate things and I soon gave it up because it's just not as effective as just answering men who've emailed me first. But there was the rare occasion that a guy would see to it that I knew for sure he wasn't interested. They'd send the "Thanks, but no thanks" email. It's so unnecessary because I know that if I got no response, there's my answer. I'd rather not have it shoved in my face (however politely) when a guy doesn't want me. I once even had a guy text me out of the blue after one date just to say he didn't think we were a match. Um, okay. I'd have gotten that just fine had you just not contacted me again, but...thank you? I get that some people think it's somehow rude not to follow up, but the way I see it, you don't owe each other anything at the start. Especially not after a lousy couple of emails or even a date.

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Haha Bluey, I saw you had posted in this thread and assumed you had come to give me another ass-whoopin'! :P

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Wow, don't let all the bad men color the way you look at the good ones. I think most guys are good, especially the ones that participate in these forums. I know really bad stuff can happen to some women, I mean, I love true crime shows and Criminal Minds, but still. Obviously, if you live alone you have to be a lot more careful, but I still don't get just ignoring a guy. I don't think that's cool at all, to just leave someone hanging. I think if you're scared to say, "Thanks, that's really sweet, but I don't feel the same way," then it's weird and rude, unless you've been through an experience with one of the bad ones.

 

Also, while reading this a quote came to mind, "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" :lol: You all are intense :) No offense, it's just funny-

 

http://youtu.be/9YD_1ObUrhE

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Haha Bluey, I saw you had posted in this thread and assumed you had come to give me another ass-whoopin'! :P

Ew, I don't want your a$$. It's not about you.

(I have to use dollar signs, so I don't get kicked-out, it $uck$)

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Wow, don't let all the bad men color the way you look at the good ones. I think most guys are good, especially the ones that participate in these forums. I know really bad stuff can happen to some women, I mean, I love true crime shows and Criminal Minds, but still. Obviously, if you live alone you have to be a lot more careful, but I still don't get just ignoring a guy. I don't think that's cool at all, to just leave someone hanging. I think if you're scared to say, "Thanks, that's really sweet, but I don't feel the same way," then it's weird and rude, unless you've been through an experience with one of the bad ones.

 

Also, while reading this a quote came to mind, "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" :lol: You all are intense :) No offense, it's just funny-

 

http://youtu.be/9YD_1ObUrhE

Fixed.

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Ew, I don't want your a$$.

 

Lmao. Leave it to you to take a light-hearted comment and make it personal. The feeling is plenty mutual though. No chance, my friend.

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You don't think the majority of guys on this forum are good?

 

You ask that like we're supposed to know =____=

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Lmao. Leave it to you to take a light-hearted comment and make it personal. The feeling is plenty mutual though. No chance, my friend.

Dude, you're taking it personal! Lol @ not a chance, ha ha. I was being light-hearteder.

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Some of the most difficult things I've had to do have been telling guys that I am not interested in them in that way but I do it because I've had guys who just ignore me all of a sudden and I am sensitive and don't take it well. It takes me much longer to recover then if any of them had had the guts to just say they weren't interested in me. And I wouldn't have made a fool of myself by continuing to try. (not a lot but a message every once in a while) 

 

So, I do tell a guy if I'm not interested in him. If he cusses me out, or doesn't take no as an answer (both have happened) then I block them and cut them from my life because a girl has to protect herself from the psychos.

 

Funny how you really learn about a guy when you reject them. 

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What if the guy had autism, or something else which impaired his ability to understand "Hints"?

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You're right, and if there's that understanding, then I should be able to post an opinion in any given thread and not get slayed for it, correct?

 

Like I said, you all do what you have to do to feel safe, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with or respect those methods of rejection.

 

I haven't seen anything on this thread that would even suggest you were being "slayed" for your opinions. Also, if what we do is so that we feel safe, then you SHOULD at least respect that. I didn't say you had to agree with it. I can respect your opinion without agreeing with you.

 

 

Some of the most difficult things I've had to do have been telling guys that I am not interested in them in that way but I do it because I've had guys who just ignore me all of a sudden and I am sensitive and don't take it well. It takes me much longer to recover then if any of them had had the guts to just say they weren't interested in me. And I wouldn't have made a fool of myself by continuing to try. (not a lot but a message every once in a while)

 

And that's perfectly fine because that is what works for you. You prefer when guys are just up-front with you, and I don't. I'd rather just take the hint. I don't like being rejected nor do I like having to do the rejecting, so I do what I can to avoid it.

 

It's an entirely different story when people play mind-games, flirting and making it seem like they're interested in you when they're really not. Now that's a real jerk move.

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And the thing is, you probably don't know what the person you are rejecting would prefer which is what really matters in this situation (unless he is a psycho) 

 

Life isn't black and white so do your best to do the best. :) 

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Ladies, if a guy is willing to go so far as to rape or kill a girl, it's not going to matter how you say no. You're no longer dealing with a human being, but a sociopath. Who's to say he won't come after you if you just ignore him as opposed to directly rejecting him? Either way, you could be screwed. Because of that possibility, there is only one simple solution to this problem: It comes in the form of .357 Magnum bullet. It is the universal cure for rape or any other case of sociopathy. Don't worry about missing either. If you're on target, he dies. If you miss, the deafening bang will give him a heart attack or the wind behind the bullet will give him pneumonia so he'll die anyways. Problem solved.

 

 

Wow, don't let all the bad men color the way you look at the good ones. I think most guys are good, especially the ones that participate in these forums. I know really bad stuff can happen to some women, I mean, I love true crime shows and Criminal Minds, but still. Obviously, if you live alone you have to be a lot more careful, but I still don't get just ignoring a guy. I don't think that's cool at all, to just leave someone hanging. I think if you're scared to say, "Thanks, that's really sweet, but I don't feel the same way," then it's weird and rude, unless you've been through an experience with one of the bad ones.

 

Also, while reading this a quote came to mind, "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" :lol: You all are intense :) No offense, it's just funny-

 

http://youtu.be/9YD_1ObUrhE

 

Thank you, Kailey! I'm glad someone hasn't completely lost faith in us guys :D

 

Ew, I don't want your a$$. It's not about you.

(I have to use dollar signs, so I don't get kicked-out, it $uck$)

 

On the topic of rejections...that is a direct rejection if I ever heard one. lol. And you don't have to use dollar signs, geez. smh

 

 

Lmao. Leave it to you to take a light-hearted comment and make it personal. The feeling is plenty mutual though. No chance, my friend.

Dude, you're taking it personal! Lol @ not a chance, ha ha. I was being light-hearteder.

 

Dang, I was hoping you guys would get married too :P

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Wow, don't let all the bad men color the way you look at the good ones. I think most guys are good, especially the ones that participate in these forums. I know really bad stuff can happen to some women, I mean, I love true crime shows and Criminal Minds, but still. Obviously, if you live alone you have to be a lot more careful, but I still don't get just ignoring a guy. I don't think that's cool at all, to just leave someone hanging. I think if you're scared to say, "Thanks, that's really sweet, but I don't feel the same way," then it's weird and rude, unless you've been through an experience with one of the bad ones.

 

Also, while reading this a quote came to mind, "I drive a Dodge Stratus!" :lol: You all are intense :) No offense, it's just funny-

 

http://youtu.be/9YD_1ObUrhE

 

I know that most guys are good, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do what I can to avoid being victimized by the bad ones. I can't tell just by looking at a guy whether he's a psycho or not, so yeah, I do have to adopt a "guilty until proven innocent" mindset when it comes to my interactions with men. I wish that wasn't the case, but that's reality. I think women are socialized to both feel responsible if men victimize them ( they're supposed to be doing All the Right Things all the time in order to avoid victimization; if you're not doing All the Right Things you're just asking for it, right?  <_< ) and guilty if they aren't at all times polite, kind, and accommodating. The polite and kind socialization has led to more than one woman ignoring the alarm bells some psycho is setting off in her head, and then the responsibility socialization leads to them getting a "well, what did you expect?" response once he harms her, or worse.

 

That said, I've definitely had experience with one of the bad ones (and I don't know a single woman who hasn't tangled with at least one creepy guy in one way or another), so your mileage may vary.

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I know that most guys are good, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do what I can to avoid being victimized by the bad ones. I can't tell just by looking at a guy whether he's a psycho or not, so yeah, I do have to adopt a "guilty until proven innocent" mindset when it comes to my interactions with men. I wish that wasn't the case, but that's reality. I think women are socialized to both feel responsible if men victimize them ( they're supposed to be doing All the Right Things all the time in order to avoid victimization; if you're not doing All the Right Things you're just asking for it, right?  <_< ) and guilty if they aren't at all times polite, kind, and accommodating. The polite and kind socialization has led to more than one woman ignoring the alarm bells some psycho is setting off in her head, and then the responsibility socialization leads to them getting a "well, what did you expect?" response once he harms her, or worse.

 

That said, I've definitely had experience with one of the bad ones (and I don't know a single woman who hasn't tangled with at least one creepy guy in one way or another), so your mileage may vary.

 

I certainly understand being annoyed or wary of guys who won't take a hint. It doesn't matter whether a woman lets you know up front whether or not she's interested in you, as you can still be the mature one and back off, regardless of whether you think she's being mature or not. However, I'd also be a little wary against this "guilty until proven innocent" mindset, because it can make you really distrust guys for no reason. (I'm not necessarily singling out your quote, Steadfast. It's just that it seems to exemplify some things pretty well that I've noticed).

 

I was reading another thread on here where a guy was asking the girls how he should talk to the cashier at Walmart. Now, how receptive would she be to him if she thought he was guilty until proven innocent? You don't have much time with a cashier, anyway, so any advance whatsoever could be considered "creepy" to someone with such a thought process, couldn't it?

 

Women certainly have to be careful. When I was in college, girls would leave downtown drunk at 2:30 in the morning and get raped on campus from time to time. Even as a guy, I wouldn't go across campus at night alone. Therefore, women should definitely be smart and take precautions, but as John Stossel said in one of his segments, "Are we scaring ourselves to death?" 

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@AllishaG There is a reason why we teach young children to use their words when communicating something they do not want…and there is a reason why we don’t teach them to give hints when communicating.

If you don’t like using your big girl words when dating, how will you be ready for a grown-up relationship?

This has nothing to do with feminism/sexism/entitlements. It’s an issue of maturity and personal responsibility. If you don’t know if someone will freak-out on you, don’t date them or give out your personal information. You date people you know who will not flip out...same reason why you don't go hitch hiking, stay in bad hotels...etc  You should be able to communicate your feelings way before you start dating…. Also, if you’re mature enough to communicate directly, respectfully and not give hints at your place of employment, then you should issue the same courtesy to your dates…especially, if they pay for the evening.  

If you’re not into a guy after the first date, you can txt him afterwards something along these lines….

“Thank you for the date tonight. I respect you and your time, I wanted to be clear and let you know I am not interested in a relationship with you. You’re a great guy and I have no doubt you’ll find someone special. Best of luck : p”…………Anything after that is on the guy.

On 7/16/2014 at 2:32 PM, AllishaG said:

Why do people do this anyway? I guess I just never have understood it.

Some people naturally have poor social skills and will not be capable of improving in this area. In a way this is not much different from a person that has aspergers, autism…etc They were born that way.

 

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