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yellowbee10

Potential Mate..or ?

9 posts in this topic

So there is this guy I've know since Fall 2011 when we were going to the same university. I graduated last year but he still goes there.

 

I believe at times God tells me things

so I think I was informed that he was suppose to be my husband..

 

Here's the problem..this guy and I although we are friends on facebook and have chit chatted a couple of times..don't really have anything together..He invited me to play pool on campus with one of his friends twice impromptu which I decided to go. I ate with him and a friend once.

 

Anyway Bottom line is other than that we don't talk on the phone.

I emailed him a couple of time recently  Four to  be exact, two which he replied two he did not.I sent him a fifth sort of exasperated email concerning if he had something against me as he did not reply two email..one I gave him my number and said he could call anytime the other I asked a simple question. Are you a Vegan. 

 

Anyway he replied basically that no he doesn't have anything against me..he did say ifI keep in touch with him..he'll try to keep in touch with me

 

I may choose to copy and paste the email correspondence..I just don't want him to fnd it online :? 

anyway

 

it hurts.

 

He has never once ever...initiated contact with me. ever..I have always done it..

based on these actions I conclude he doesn't really think of me..

 

I feel I hold out for him.But could I be wrong..Could I be wasting my time? 

I  was also informed it seems little by little I should talk to him and that we should be friends first it seem from God..

 

I even had a dream to giv him a yellow balloon...which  randomly somehow the circumstances turned out where I was able to hand him one..

 

I haven't told him if he could see me as a more than friend and defintely I have not old him God said let me know you'd be my husband because that could mess up things..

 

What do you guys think of the situation,,especially any Christians on ehre

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Could be God for sure!  From experience though, could be your biology and innate desires.

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I definitely  believe that God can reveal who our future spouse is. So don't discredit that. But I also think you should be careful as well. Trust God and start off slow. I think it is a good thing  that you didn't say anything about your dream and what you feel God is telling you. I think that starting off as friends is a good thing as well. I hope everything works out with you two. :)

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If you really want to know if you have a chance, be forward and spell it out. You don't know each other well enough to know what are signs of what, so transparency will make things much easier on both of you.

 

If it was really what God has planned, He'll make it work out somehow. If it isn't, He'll find someone that's better for you.

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I'm a Christian 100%, but to me this doesn't really sound like a sign from God. The thing is that it seems like you really would like for this to work out, but at the same time you've also realized that he may not be sharing the same interest that you have (hence you having to initiate contact/asking him if he had something against you). In a situation like this, our minds tend to work against us in a way, making us see things as "fate" or a false sense of hope that something is destined to happen. It's easy to try to make correlations between things that would otherwise go virtually unnoticed if the scenario were different. Believe me, I've done the exact same thing countless times, trying to make connections where they don't even really exist.

 

I do believe that God and scripture can reveal things to us, but based off of what you said, I don't see anything to suggest this is the case. The best advice I can give to you is to take a step back, pray about it, and see what happens next. If this guy is actually interested in you (and you've made it clear enough that you're also interested in him) then he will find a way to talk to you or see you.

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Just noticed the many typos.

So here's the thing..I could possibly try to look elsewhere for a met..but ive been purposefully waiting for him..

I don't want to be waiting in vain.

Ok so yes the straightforward answer that id want to do is just to ask him straight....

But I heard something like God informed me to go little by little and just be friends first. ..(I don't hear him as clealry as id like but somehow u get bits and pieces)

Could me asking "Do you think there is a possibility in the near futureyou could see me as more than an acquaintance or friend?" ?

Mess up the whole dynamic of little by little and mess us up from being friends first? But maybe doing thus could help clarify and confirm

To be honest it seemed I am supposed to know be aware of my value and worth theb I could be married...so yeah that needs to be worked out but in the mean what do you guys suggest. .

Id like to ask him that question something like if in the near future he could see me as more than friends.....btw im not sure I he's a Christian ...yet..

So yeah obviously I cant be unequal ly yoked..I suppose I assume he'll be one before anything get serious between us but of course I have to be careful.

Thanks to all who replied previously

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I think maybe the first step should be to calm down. You're just out of college, you have plenty of time to figure out who you're supposed to marry.

While it's not impossible that something could happen between you or that maybe it's even God will, tread cautiously. Don't become so convinced he is the one that when he isn't your absolutely heartbroken. How well do you even know him*? If you're determined, to try pursuing this guy, make sure he's not a complete loser first. I'm not super impressed by what we've heard about him so far. I mean, he might be an okay person, but he doesn't sound particularly interested. If he's making absolutely no effort to stay in contact, there's a problem. Emailing him 5 times in a row will not solve this problem.

I'd also be cautious of expecting him to change for you. Going into a relationship or pursuing a potential relationship where one person needs to be different for it to actually work is just a bad idea.


*While kind of creepy, you kind find out a lot about a guy by what they put forth willingly on social media like Facebook. If his Facebook interests/likes include red flags ("Shocking Snapchat Leaked" with nearly naked woman as the icon, for example), avoid him.

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Let me tell you about my 20s:

 

Story #1

I had a guy I liked. He recently moved close to where I live. He was studying to become a pastor. He was charismatic. He knew how to care for people.

 

He was The One.

 

We had a coffee together. I introduced him to friends. We had dinner together where I told him I was interested in him. He said he was flattered, but we should just be friends.

 

I still called him up to hang out with my friends (not just me. I knew that would be awkward) because I thought that was what "being just a friend" was. And because he was The One.

 

One night I called him up to chat, and he told me his future wife would be upset and to never contact him again.

 

I never contacted him again.

 

Story #2

I had a guy I was interested in. He was an engineer. Smart. A new Christian. Enthusiastic about church and invited me to worship on Sunday at his church.

 

He was The One.

 

He gave me rides to his church after my church ended. We had chats at a cafe where we grabbed a snack before heading to his church.

 

Then he tried to get someone else to give me rides. I didn't know this person that well. I thought it was strange that he wanted me at his church, but was pushing the responsibility of getting me there to someone else (I had car issues). But as odd as that was, I knew he was The One.

 

One day, he told me that I shouldn't get any ideas and that he wasn't interested in me.

 

I told him I felt insulted that he had the arrogance to assume what I was thinking.

 

I never contacted him again.

________________________

 

Moral of the story: When you think someone is The One, more often than not, you end up driving them away.

 

[EDIT: More stories + tl;dr]

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