Petalouda

What if you married someone who didn't wait?

20 posts in this topic

I have to be honest, I have never been in a serious relationship, and I have never gotten physical beyond cannonballing right next to someone in the pool :) So, what would/did/do you do if you end up with someone who doesn't share the same value?  How in the world do you bring that up in a conversation?

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For me if he weren't interested in waiting whatsoever I would not even attempt to start a relationship. If he were willing to wait because I was willing to wait I would be okay with that. That is something that I wonder as well. I wouldn't do it the first date. If we were friends before hand he would find out anyway. I might hint around to see what he thought about waiting but I wouldn't want him to invest in the relationship if he didn't know I was waiting.

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Haitigirl9, this is very good advice on how to wait until marriage. 

 

-----

 

A person could compromise and date someone who is not waiting and that's okay too, but tread carefully, and consider how important it is to you to wait. 
 

It is challenging and sometimes awkward to bring up waiting until marriage but it must be done sooner or later.  It is best to make it VERY clear as Haitigirl9 suggests, but that isn't always easy for different kinds of personalities and people.  (none the less, it is the best approach).  But if it takes you 6 months of dating just to hold hands, well then I guess you could work up the courage to bring it up at your own pace.
 

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I did tell people that I don't feel comfortable with touching. Not just people I dated. Friends too. So I was pretty comfortable telling people about my boundaries.

 

Not sure if that broke any deals, but I've had guys reject me for stranger things. Like having friends and an extremely limited cooking repertoire.

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I wouldn't want to be in that situation [in my current state], but I'd prefer the bomb to be dropped a bit farther into the relationship or friendship -- a few months in, maybe.  Having the virginity talk early on is incredibly awkward, and I can't stand it when people bring it up or ask me about it almost as soon as they meet me.

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Not sure if that broke any deals, but I've had guys reject me for stranger things. Like having friends and an extremely limited cooking repertoire.

 

That's really sad. If it makes you feel any better, I'd be more inclined to date you if you were bad at cooking. I'm a city boy, so I've been known to spend many a dollar at nice restaurants and generally scoff at the idea of eating at home, lol.

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That's really sad. If it makes you feel any better, I'd be more inclined to date you if you were bad at cooking. I'm a city boy, so I've been known to spend many a dollar at nice restaurants and generally scoff at the idea of eating at home, lol.

 

I got tired of eating out when we was dating, so cooking started to look pretty good after the first month or so (because holy sodium content, Batman).

 

Turns out I do cook. And pretty well too.

 

:D

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That's really sad. If it makes you feel any better, I'd be more inclined to date you if you were bad at cooking. I'm a city boy, so I've been known to spend many a dollar at nice restaurants and generally scoff at the idea of eating at home, lol.

 

LOL I have this funny image in my head of you sitting on a date with a girl and you saying, "You' re GOOD at cooking?! Well this isn't going to work out. See ya!" :P

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LOL I have this funny image in my head of you sitting on a date with a girl and you saying, "You' re GOOD at cooking?! Well this isn't going to work out. See ya!" :P

 

Hahaha. That hasn't happened, but my last gf made me dinner once and I sat there with a "meh" look on my face. Then this happened:

 

Her: "What's wrong with it?"

Me: "Nothing"

Her: "If I was wearing an Applebee's uniform would you be smiling?

Me: "Probably"

 

Lol. I figure some girl out there who is bad at cooking and has enough money to eat out regularly will really appreciate me.  :D

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Hahaha. That hasn't happened, but my last gf made me dinner once and I sat there with a "meh" look on my face. Then this happened:

 

Her: "What's wrong with it?"

Me: "Nothing"

Her: "If I was wearing an Applebee's uniform would you be smiling?

Me: "Probably"

 

Lol. I figure some girl out there who is bad at cooking and has enough money to eat out regularly will really appreciate me.  :D

Well, you're too picky. I'm not wearing a uniform.

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Well, you're too picky. I'm not wearing a uniform.

But....but....but....uniforms are very respectable, Bluey. 

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But....but....but....uniforms are very respectable, Bluey. 

You're right. I should go get dressed in one. That seems to be the consensus.

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Well, you're too picky. I'm not wearing a uniform.

 

Willing to wipe the slate clean between us if you put one on...doesn't matter which restaurant.

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Willing to wipe the slate clean between us if you put one on...doesn't matter which restaurant.

You just want to control me. :P

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Agreed, but only if it was someone who LIED to me and only revealed after we were married that she wasn't a virgin.

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Agreed, but only if it was someone who LIED to me and only revealed after we were married that she wasn't a virgin.

 

Not sure if you are serious or not, but I hope that you would not commit suicide. Yes, it would be extremely heartbreaking to find that out. I would certainly question whether or not I would continue my marriage with that person. But I believe that a lie that someone else told me, even one as huge as that, is not worth as much as my life.

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Wouldn't be a big deal. I If most of us are honest with ourselves, we know that we'll end up marrying non-virgin partners.

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