Guest markb4

For the Strong, Independent Women:

13 posts in this topic

Hey gals,

Something that strong, independent women face sometimes is that men sometimes get intimidated by them. So when this happens, how do you feel? Do you feel awkward/bad/frustrated that men get intimidated by you? Do you not care about it? Etc? Let us know.

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I have always been taller and big boned my whole life. I'm use to being intimidating. I'm also quiet when I'm in new surroundings, so I think that adds to my intimidation. But I have noticed that if I give a warm smile, people are less likely to feel intimidated.

I always feel awkward, but mostly frustrated. I sometimes think I scare guys away. But I am who I am. I cannot change what I have always been. I just hope the right guy sees through the tough exterior I call skin :)

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This is something I worry about a lot as I have been told by several men that they found me intimidating when we first met. I have my life together - I've got a great career, a good education and I have always been very independent. I've been told that many men find this intimidating and that 1) I have my life the way I want it and don't see that I could sacrifice my independence to start a life with them, and 2) that I would only be interested in 'alpha male' types that have a similar lifestyle (couldn't be further from the truth!). Also, as Samaye said, being a tall woman really adds to the intimidation factor! I just hope that I can eventually meet the right man who is proud of, and not intimidated by, me.

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I received some misguided if well-meaning advice when I was younger and still single. Different people offered different variations, but basically they all suggested I change who I am to attract a man. I called bullshit (politely) and ignored their advice.

 

I would never dumb myself down, or stop being friendly to everyone, or pretend to like football, or ask for help for something I could do myself, JUST so a guy would like me.

 

And whaddya know, I found a man who was attracted to both my intelligence and my independence, who loves that I'm passionate about feminism and equality. I can be 100% myself with him, which is why he's now my husband.

 

I honestly find the whole idea of pretending to be weak or dependent on a guy, just to snag his interest, extremely manipulative and offensive to both men and women.

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I have had guys tell me I am intimidating. Either I look in a bad mood or high maintenance, which is very funny to me. I am anything but high maintenance. I am a lovely, nice person... not patting myself on the back or anything. I think it really is an excuse guys use when they dont want to admit they were too scared to approach. But I try not to have it bother me, in reality only 5% of guys approach a girl, if a girl shows encouragement (smiling, the 5 sec stare, the look/ look away- hair flip-look back, etc) more guys will be confindent enough to approach. So since I'm shy I guess I don't give good encouragement.

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I think there's another part to this: what guy hasn't been intimidated by girls/women? I think all girls are "intimidating" to some degree just because estrogen. :)

 

However, some are more so than others. I'm one of them. I'm not tall, but I am stocky. I exercise a lot, and I build muscle more easily than I lose fat. So I think part of what makes me intimidating is my body type, but oh well, I can't change that. Like kquest87, I'm shy in public, but unfortunately that comes off as stand-offish. It's frustrating, because it's like, I'm so shy I make people shy. What a crappy cycle.

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I have the exact opposite problem.

 

People's first impression of me is that I'm quiet, demure and lady-like... which is also why someone once told me that if I didn't talk, I would get a lot of guys going after me.

 

Unfortunately for them, I talk quite a bit, tend to dive into things headfirst, and a bit of a tomboy.

 

Sometimes I would dash their hopes on purpose, and other times I had no idea they were "testing" me against their "ideal". Either way, I do the same thing after they leave me: Think "fuck yeah I'm awesome" and load up on carbs.

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I have the exact opposite problem.

 

People's first impression of me is that I'm quiet, demure and lady-like... which is also why someone once told me that if I didn't talk, I would get a lot of guys going after me.

People think the same about me too. I don't talk much and I have a really good poker face. I've been told that can make others uneasy because they aren't sure of what I am thinking or feeling. I guess that also makes me seem like an easy target to some because they think I won't defend myself. Well they usually find out that I'm actually the opposite lol.

I was raised in a family that has more females than males and they have really strong independent personalities. That has rubbed off on me. That doesn't worry me when it comes to guys. My blank face and quietness is something I worry about more cause I feel it may make others/guys uncomfortable. If that makes sense lol

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Men don't SEEM intimidated by me.  But some men get defensive and somewhat rude even, as if they are demeaning me towards a more submissive level.  So I don't see the intimidation.  But I have seen the disrespect.  It makes a person feel bad for being confident and authentic when they squash you.

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I don't know if I intimidate guys. (I almost hope so because that would at least explain why I've never been asked out.) I do know that when I'm with my good friends I come off as super confident and (as I've been told multiple times) cynical and sarcastic. On the flip side I have high social anxiety so I can barely look at someone let alone talk to them if I'm in a social situation. I pretty much expect to be alone forever :(

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I'm in the 'fiercely independent women' club. It runs in my father's family I guess. All women in his side of the family basically control their households. I'm not a control freak but I have been told by my friends that guys are dead scared of me :). Reasons maybe that (as mentioned in this thread) (a.) I have a great career and the way I live screams out that I do not need anyone to support me. (b.) I rarely take the advice of others (c.) I don't speak much in public and if I do it would be about some obscure new thing I'd picked up. (d.) I hate small talk and I wouldn't know how to flirt if my life depended on it. (e.) I've never been a 'girly' girl or been able to pick up the basics of how to get a guy's attention.

 

...and how do I feel about it? Pretty clueless actually. I'm not a poster girl but I've been told that I have a lot to capitalize on in the looks department :P. So why doesn't anyone take a chance on me? Why do they give up after a few minutes of conversation? Is no one interested in discussing the latest amendments to tax legislation? :D.

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As long as the woman is not a loud mouth overbearing b#%$%, she shouldn't have any issues finding a man. I know a few women who define being strong and independent as being loud mouth, overbearing, and emasculating (ball busting basically lol these women don't play lol) and they have issues with men all the time. They never stick around.

some women need to know when to back down lol don't turn everything into an ego battle (cuz that's what it is usually). let some things go. stick up for yourself when you really feel strongly about something. pick your battles wisely.

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