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struggling

still here and...

16 posts in this topic

I have no idea what to do anymore, my dilemma has always been either keep waiting for this so-called right person who might or might not ever turn up and endure the torture of that experience or just lose it to anyone.
 
It makes sense to wait because I have come this far but what if I never meet that right person and get married? That is the greatest fear I have.
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Who IS the right person for you, in your eyes? What is this person like?

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Don't give up! Please don't lose hope because sometimes all we need is a little encouragement. Look, my parents didn't meet until they were 32 and then they married at about age 35. Everyone is different and some people find the right person sooner than others. The other end of that spectrum is that sometimes people rush things and it ends up not working out. So don't rush and certainly don't panic. You still have time. The worst thing you could do is give up after you've worked so hard to remain true to your convictions. Keep putting yourself out there. Your true love is not going to come knocking at your door--unless you fall in love with a delivery person or something... ;) I kid. Self-defeating thoughts will do you no good. Either way, keep looking because they're out there. I truly do believe that. 

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I don't think there's any shame in changing your mind or giving up, if that is what you truly feel you need to do. However, I don't think you should give up just because you're afraid of the worst-case scenario. That rarely results in any kind of lasting peace for anyone.

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Don't be too picky and don't look for a movie moment. A person is as special as you treat them. Priority one is to look for someone you get along with.

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What are you expecting out of a marriage that you're so afraid of being single? :/a

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I completely understand. I am the same way. It is very hard to be alone, I am use to it, I am the definition of the "Independent women" but I want a husband by my side. I am 27.... and a half. I never thought in a million years I'd still be single... and a virgin... Really?!?! And to add insult to injury, men can have children well into their 80's, us women... not so much. I hear a very audioable "tick". I could have given my virginity away on many occasions, but it felt wrong. I knew it would have been just physical and nothing attached, I doubt it would have been enjoyable because it would have been with someone I did not love, so I always backed out.  And from personal experience, for some guys find being a virgin a bad thing. My thing is, I am a grown women, not a lil girl. I am not interested in boyfriends, or boo thangs or a FWB, no, if I am talking to a guy, it is because I am looking at the big picture, marriage and children, so having a "relationship" with anyone not looking for that is a waste of time.

 

I know I am a good women and will be a great wife and mother. My biggest fear and dilema is not being alone, but being a mother. If the lord do not bless me with meeting my husband until I am 40, there goes my chance to be a mom. That is not something I choose to compromise with. So I had to make a decision, which do I want more... that choice was easy, to be a mom. So I am doing foster to adopt. I am between children right now due to a leaky roof, but once that is fixed, I will request an infant placement, one I will hopefully be able to adopt. The way I see it is, if a man comes into my life and does not accept my child, then he is not the person for me anyways.

 

Just have faith that you will find the right person, where and when it hard. But I just have to believe when you do, it will truly be worth it.

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I actually have THE secret to your problem and it may seem a little crazy.

But what do you have to loose?

 

Write a letter of what you want your future wife to be

and put it under your pillow for three days.

 

Then on the third day rip it up then write an open letter

to your wife about accepting her for whomever she is.

 

She will come.

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I actually have THE secret to your problem and it may seem a little crazy.

But what do you have to loose?

 

Write a letter of what you want your future wife to be

and put it under your pillow for three days.

 

Then on the third day rip it up then write an open letter

to your wife about accepting her for whomever she is.

 

She will come.

 

Do you have to burn the ripped pieces in a black-flame candle too? lol

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Don’t compare your progress in life with that of others.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance.   Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen – they happen when they’re meant to be.  So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married with children. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.

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Don’t compare your progress in life with that of others.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance.   Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen – they happen when they’re meant to be.  So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married with children. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.

 

an extraordinary comment for all of us to keep in mind.   We're not here to compare.  We're here to improve, enhance, support, strengthen, make impacts small and large.   and along the way, we get the extraordinary opportunity to be with people who are different than we are...   vs all the same.    The journey IS the point...  and mine is different than Natureboys's and everyone else's... which is makes it interesting over backyard barbeques, drinks out with friends, at church, late at night, early in the morning, over coffee, in a meeting, on a random street corner, with friends, with strangers, with those we hae not yet met, and with anticipating what'a ahead of us and what's for us to tackle next.  :-)

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You're heart might be ready for love, but are you ready and is your life ready for her?  It's not just about getting a girl, but it is about keeping a girl.

 

 

Life is a journey; not a destination.
 

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If you stop waiting and just lose it to anyone, then my question is this "Will not being a virgin make it easier for you to find love?"

 

No, it won't. If you're unable to find love because you're a virgin, then those are not the right people for you. Do you want to be with somebody who doesn't respect your decision to wait enough that they'd stay with you? Will that make it better for you? If you did that, then I believe that there would be many times that you would regret it, and wish you had stayed waiting.

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Hello. 

 

How are you feeling?

 

I can relate to how you feel and what you are saying. 

 

I am 34 and still waiting. It can feel really lonely. All the achievements and even failures mean nothing, meaningless, because we as humans want to share our life with someone that is built in within us, we long for companion. That is why we have this loneliness when we are alone. 

 

Like you, I also don't know the answers. It's just that i want you to know that you are not alone feeling this way. 

 

I would always remember when I was a little girl, I would always say that i am already contented with my Lego toys (building them), I was happy already. but now, (yes, I still build Legos---i collect them), whenever i build, i don't feel happy anymore because I want to build it with someone special and enjoy that time. Well, this is just to share but i believe this example says it all. 

 

take care and God bless.

 

Joy 

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There seems to be a common idea that there IS a "the right one." The way I see it, if there really was only one person you could hope to happily spend the rest of your life with, then big families would be a Stanley Kubrick-worthy nightmare. I know I'm young, so feel free to discount this, but I really think the best thing to do is wait because the "right one" is whoever you want him/her to be. If you're both willing to put forth the effort to work with each other, then by the time the wait is finally over the torture will seem like nothing.

 

Also, I think Phil Collins said it best: you just can't hurry love. :D

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i think the secret to not to let go is to avoid being often around people who talk only about sex, watching sexual things on the tv... i watched a video some months a back with a so called muneera Warner (31 years old as well) & it uplifted me. as soon as i followed her footsteps it became much more easier for me to handle these moments of impatience. i am 31 and & i know my God will never forsake me. May the good Lord bless you.

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