Is "Submissiveness" a Turn-on?

61 posts in this topic

I get the dress modest thing but even if she's submissive she must be dominant in some areas as you have to be submissive. Wake up.


What areas?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

It is not a turn-on. Submission is only relevant if you disagree on what should be done. I would really want that such disagreements are minimal, by talking things through etc.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Stated bluntly yes as a Christian man I certainly agree with the biblical description of wives submitting, to their husband.

However in general just the sentence above that portion Paul speaks about each Christian submitting to one another.

Ephesians 5

Does this mean I want an airhead or even a "little girl" for a partner, no way, of course not, I couldn't tolerate that at all.

May we peruse the pushes of scripture and let's try to examine a few women's roles and character during that time period.

Let's look at Mary mother of Jesus, not a lot is mentioned about her in scripture.

However lets delve into this and explore what we do know about her ...

1) She was independent and adventurer.

She set off and traveled roughly 100 miles to visit her cousin Elisabeth. Possibly without Joseph, though some scholars say he traveled with her.

Anyhow she's about 6 months pregnant, yet still travels likely walking the distance from Nazareth to Judah.

She was likely assertive at least somewhat.

Here's a question mostly directed to us guys, as I'm certain many women will know the answer.

Fellas how many of us wouldn't at the very least try to persuade your wife who's in her the latter stages of the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, not delay visiting her cousin.

Of course there's the "Divine" significance of the this visit, and what people of Catholic faith call Visitation.

(Luke Chapter 1)

Anyhow getting back to my point, another example would be Miriam, Moses and Aaron's older sister.

She is recorded as leading the women in the camps of the Israelites.

(Exodus Chapter 15)

We could imagine it took great faith and courage to heed her mother's request to go out and take Moses away.

There's no account of how long she traveled or how long she did sit there at that river awaiting a suitable "foster parent" for her brother.

(Exodus Chapter 2)

And what about Phoebe mentioned in Romans, she was a deaconess and some even say a pastor.

(Romans Chapter 16)

Funny thing is of all the rhetoric about Paul's statement regarding women's roles in the church, he explicitly thanks Phoebe.

She likely transported delivered one of the most important letters of the new testament to it's recipients.

The letter we know as The book of Romans.

So maybe Paul wasn't such a "sexist pig" after all.

In addition:

He commends Timothy's grandmother and mother, staying that his faith is simply a sprout or the fruit of Eunice and Lois' great faith.

I'm off point again, I'm saying all this to say that maybe, just possibly we've got it wrong.

Maybe women weren't just pawns in a man's world, even prior to the so-called feminist movement.

As for me ppersonally, as I direct this attention back to my own experiences

It is a "turn-on" when a woman is submissive, yes!

Now do I want my wife of someday to be a doormat, I doubt think even if I wanted her to be, that it is possible.

Besides as a united team our collective desire would be for her to speak her mind, give me feedback about things, have her independence and freedom to live and love.

A personal example:

A woman I am acqainted with, my pastor's wife, I admire her character a lot.

There was a story my pastor spoke of during some of the first services I attended at my church.

You know, it's stuck with me since and has made a tremendous impact upon the list of traits I desire in a wife.

It's this, ... he said they were sitting going over the budget and now remember he's a pastor, so he says he wrote out the giving portion of their budget (aka spending plan)

Which much later I did discover it was about 15%, much more than the tithe or tenth.

And so he says, I'm feeling good and patting himself on the back, doing the mental hi-five you know.

So his wife she's at the kitchen sink and glances over his shoulder and says 'oh [name withheld] we can do better than that.

That's the heart of a generous person and a woman that speaks her mind and even challenges her husband.

It's the kind of character I desire and find incredibly attractive, and hope that my wife of someday finds attractive about me the way I'll challenge and even at times push her.

2 people like this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally find a woman who takes control to be just as much of a turn-on as a woman who is submissive. Apathy is what bothers me more than anything.


Ideally, I'd like my spouse to be able to take control from time to time but on the flip side, perhaps become a little submissive when I need to feel masculine lol.

Woooowwwwwwww who are you and where have you been all my life? HAHAHA I hardly hear of guys wanting the woman to take control lol. Well this is very refreshing to hear to a control freak. Haha

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

First you deprive me of sandwiches, now youre withholding likes from me? What kind of woman are you? :P

Well a mark of a true man is one who is willing to die for his principles :D

I swear, I'm going to be banned one day. Lol


Do you like macaroni sandwiches or have you ever tried them?

Do you like the crusts cut off?

These are important questions you're going to need to start asking yourself so your wife can better please you. HAHAHA

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think "submissiveness" in our society has been warped, and perverted to a sense where people assume it means basically always saying yes and not having a mind or voice of your own. Classically it fits and makes sense for a women to be predominantly more submissive, does that mean you have to say yes to everything. Of course not. However in relation to a marriage, i'd like to think if you had a strong grounding and trusted your partner, then you'd trust they wouldn't put you in situations that would force you to say no very often anyways. So in that sense, i think a women should be submissive to her husband 100%, and respect his decision as the man you chose to marry and trust. This is especially applicable to waiters, as we go against the typical conditions of modern marriage as is, after all the women here are saving themselves to give to that one man, why is it such a weird thing to consider her being completely submissive and trusting of that man. I don't think submissiveness means always saying yes like a puppet, i think it means being able to trust that at the end of the day, you believe that person has your best interests at heart and in that moment you trust that their opinion (as the man of the household) is the right one. 


At the end of the day, women want to be adored and taken care of, and men want to be the one to make the decisions and protect his loved ones, its in most fairy tales, stories, and in all honesty just feels right. (personal opinion.) 


In terms of sex.. best not get into that here.. this post might get flagged and moved to viewer discretion.. ( i know your all just dying to let your freak flag fly.....  :blink:  :P  :superwaiter:  :blush:  :wub: )

Amazingly said. It's like you took my inner thoughts and took them a step further and said it in a way I never could have.

1 person likes this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe you should reflect a little more. I don't want to step on anyone toes and say that any one part of the bible is more important than another; however, I think the actions of Jesus speaks the loudest. He had much more respect for women then most men of his time. At the wedding at Cana when Jesus preformed his first miracle and turned the water to wine , it was by his mother Mary's advice(John 2: 3-7). He believed that it was not yet his time but he trusted his mother's judgement over his own.  Also see John 8, when Jesus proclaimed his famous line "let he who is without sin cast the first stone": he spoke of a women who had committed adultery whom the Pharisees had planed to stone but he showed her mercy. When he rose from the dead he appeared to a woman first, Mary Magdalene who was a devote disciple of his. No one believed that she had actually seen him, and they were rebuked for their lack of faith.  (Mark 16:9-14). I find it interesting that you quoted 1 Corinthians 11:3 when this very line says that men and women are equal in the eyes of the Lord and that women need men just as men need women.  I of corse plan to respect my husband; however, I expect the same respect from him. I wouldn't "waste time" with a man doesn't see me as a equal partner in life.  Women are not property nor are they dolls to be manipulated. Do onto others as you wish to be treated. This is the 21st century. If a woman wants to be a stay at home mom thats great and she has every right to want that. If she wants another career; however, she has just as much a right as a man to pick her own path. A couple should summit to each other, not one more so than the other.  

In reference to John 2:3-7 I think it could go either way. NLT says

"3 The winded supply ran out during the festivities, so Jesus' mother told him "They have no more wine."

4 "Dear woman, that's not our problem," Jesus replied.

"My time has not yet come."

5 But his mother told the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

6 Standing nearby were six stone water jars, used for Jewish ceremonial washing. Each could hold twenty to thirty gallons. 7 Jesus told the servants, "Fill the jars with water." When the jars had been filled, 8 he said, "Now dip some out, and take it to the master of ceremonies."..."

I don't know if Jesus is like "Mom I got this, not right now." And then turns around and is like "Okay guys let's go." And like winks back at his mom.

OR if it's like this: Mary "Okay everyone Jesus told me no let me submit and told me no." Because thats what it looks like to me.

It could be BOTH but I can't tell if Jesus would have normally waited a few passages down to start the wine if that would have been his normal time or if right after Mary said it was the time he was supposed to. It's kind of vague. But wither way I think it could be seen as equal submission on both sides.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, I think a woman should be submissive to a man, but also the inverse should hold. Both partners should be trusting enough in each other, I don't see why the woman must be the submissive one.


I understand why guys may want someone submissive, but I want someone to challenge me. I love someone who will challenge me. If I'm being stupid, I want her to tell me. I want someone to have a fun debate with.

I tend to need to know I'm in control of people, so I think it's good for me to be with someone who doesn't let me.


Plus, I would LOVE a girl to grab me and start kissing me, to drag me places spontaneously... I like someone who takes me out of my comfort zone, and typically that person will not be particularly submissive. I'm water - I want someone who's fiery!

I must say im very rarely a poster on this site nowadays, though i do check in ever so often. However this popped up on my dash and i wanted to comment on something i didn't realise would be interpreted such a way. As you quoted me, i plan to quote you. :P  I do believe a women should predominantly be submissive to her husband and that is still very prevalent. However, one can be submissive and still be (I'm going to use the term "fiery" so not to get this pulled into viewer discretion). I wholeheartedly challenge that a submissive women could not be spontaneous. I'd say a women who can know her place at the right times, and when to follow her husbands lead, thats being submissive.


But you likened a girl whose submissive to someone who wouldn't be able to challenge you and thats not true. Women today are unfortunately raised by society to be anything but subservient to anything. We are told to be strong, independent, and you don't need a man to complete you, propaganda. Being a submissive is not weak, its actually a choice, a choice of trust. A women who is willing to let a man lead her, has let herself be open to him, giving herself to him as you may say. That is what i view as submissiveness. If you look at women today, very rarely do they ever truly let their guard down, the closest thing a man gets to seeing the heart of a women, is when she's in love with him. Wouldn't you revel in the fact that you got to see a side of your wife (besides the whole virginity thing) that no other man got ahold of. That you would know she only treats you that way, that you only get to see her most vulnerable feelings and emotions and that a women would be so trusting of you to let you in. Im not a man by any means, but people always want treasures.. and i consider that to be a treasure. 


Now does that mean that women plan to always follow the rules, to only be pursued.. of course not.. women love to be challenged.. especially challenging a man. If you think for a second that just because a women is submissive that she's not going to want to be "spontaneous" or to "challenge you" then are you in for the shock of your life. Submissive doesn't mean, she won't make a move, or even want to make the move..or that she wont tell your being stupid.. or debate with you.. submissiveness doesn't mean she has no passion..or desire.. she just knows her place as your wife... which is by your side. 


All the women on this site are here for beliefs they have, the belief they have in waiting for whatever reason. We are all waiting for sex.. If you abstain from something, anything, sugar, play station games, certain kinds of music..your desire for that thing usually increases and increases and increases. All the women here are abstaining..(from what this whole site is built around).. So therefore from that you would assume....


The End.  :P

4 people like this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hm... I guess my "yes, I do find submissive men quite a turn-on" would be useless here then? *grin*

1 person likes this

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Submissiveness is a necessity. She should look to me for answers, guidance, etc. I don't want her not to question, but I need her to know that I will always be right, and know what is best for her. I have to be able to keep her safe, and that involves me being somewhat dominant. Not to mention, it makes it much easier when she just wants to please you, for you to get her to dress in clothes which properly cover her, and to get her to avoid bikinis, and cheetah prints, and everything in between. She maintains all the power, but shouldn't exercise it.

But what happens if you aren't right? What happens if she does have questions? Your post make women sound like property not people.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now