Is "Submissiveness" a Turn-on?

[TheJayspyder 1,000]

I have no desire for a woman who thinks she's only valuable if she acts like a man. I'm a jerk, so I want a sweet, feminine girl to counterbalance that.

[Daz 792]

I have no desire for a woman who thinks she's only valuable if she acts like a man. I'm a jerk, so I want a sweet, feminine girl to counterbalance that.

But what is acting "like a man"? Because I'm a man, and some consider me effeminate. Are you a man, or are you just a jerk?

[TheJayspyder 1,000]

Are you a man, or are you just a jerk?

 

I'm happy to think both.

[CatholicBrunette 16]

I often pray on this subject quite a bit as I want to become a man who is in God's image. I'm confident in my role as a leader and head of the household and wouldn't waste time with a woman who had an issue with it. The Bible is very clear on the issue and demands submissiveness from wives multiple times; 1 Timothy 2:12, 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:21-33.

I believe you should reflect a little more. I don't want to step on anyone toes and say that any one part of the bible is more important than another; however, I think the actions of Jesus speaks the loudest. He had much more respect for women then most men of his time. At the wedding at Cana when Jesus preformed his first miracle and turned the water to wine , it was by his mother Mary's advice(John 2: 3-7). He believed that it was not yet his time but he trusted his mother's judgement over his own.  Also see John 8, when Jesus proclaimed his famous line "let he who is without sin cast the first stone": he spoke of a women who had committed adultery whom the Pharisees had planed to stone but he showed her mercy. When he rose from the dead he appeared to a woman first, Mary Magdalene who was a devote disciple of his. No one believed that she had actually seen him, and they were rebuked for their lack of faith.  (Mark 16:9-14). I find it interesting that you quoted 1 Corinthians 11:3 when this very line says that men and women are equal in the eyes of the Lord and that women need men just as men need women.  I of corse plan to respect my husband; however, I expect the same respect from him. I wouldn't "waste time" with a man doesn't see me as a equal partner in life.  Women are not property nor are they dolls to be manipulated. Do onto others as you wish to be treated. This is the 21st century. If a woman wants to be a stay at home mom thats great and she has every right to want that. If she wants another career; however, she has just as much a right as a man to pick her own path. A couple should summit to each other, not one more so than the other.  

[cookiemonster 500]

Unless it's role play, I don't understand why a person has to submit to another person. A marriage shouldn't be like that and I will never submit to anyone.

[TheJayspyder 1,000]

I find this notion that submission results in a complete loss of identity, personality, and choice interesting. Personally, if a woman refuses to submit to my authority, she is in no position to receive my care.

[BadWolf 138]

I think the idea is more to take care of ::each other::. I wouldn't want a man fully responsible for taking care of me any more than I'd wish to be entirely responsible for taking care of him. [same for dominance or submission.] That said, I'm reading a theory about "matched opposites" among the most successful of relationships—the idea that your ideal mate isn't someone who's 100% like you (although s/he should be like you in many core, crucial capacities and some more trivial interests); nor is s/he your opposite (although opposites do attract, and it's important to be different to one another in many capacities as well so you continue to have someone to bounce ideas off of or make you laugh, etc). Rather, the "matched opposite" characteristic of the most successful long-term relationships is a perfect balance/blend between these two--both the same and quite different, so that you have strong and lasting chemistry, and complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.

In this context (which is the sort of relationship I desire), each partner will be better at some things than the other, and worse at others. I'd submit to my husband in the matters at which he was stronger, and would expect the same in return. Meanwhile, in this way, each of us would be helping the other get better...and we're better as a unit than either is apart. I want to take care of him, and to the same degree I want him to take care of me.

The bottom line is, each of us would take care of the other as circumstances required, and [for me] the balance would even out in the center/overall equality. But you trade off those roles as needed/necessary...

[CatholicBrunette 16]

I have no desire for a woman who thinks she's only valuable if she acts like a man. I'm a jerk, so I want a sweet, feminine girl to counterbalance that.

I don't understand how you expect to find a nice woman if you are disrespectful and rude? I don't want to make assumptions but.. seriously? Why should a nice woman have to, let alone want to, put up with that? That just does not make sense to me.... No offense meant.  I just don't understand your thought process. It baffles me. Sorry. 

I find this notion that submission results in a complete loss of identity, personality, and choice interesting. Personally, if a woman refuses to submit to my authority, she is in no position to receive my care.

More of of the same confusion. Speak for my selfing, I believe I have the right to be my own person. I want a man that supports me in what i want to do and, in return, I will support him. I do not need someone to tell me what to do because I have a mind of my own and can think for myself. I have no intention of giving up the ability to make decisions (thank you very much).   A relationship is a two way street and compromise is essential.  

[Lexia322 229]

^^

 

lol he prolly didn't mean it like that lol i've seen his other posts. he's blunt/direct but not a jerk lol

oh well...lol

[Waitingforyou 495]

I think "submissiveness" in our society has been warped, and perverted to a sense where people assume it means basically always saying yes and not having a mind or voice of your own. Classically it fits and makes sense for a women to be predominantly more submissive, does that mean you have to say yes to everything. Of course not. However in relation to a marriage, i'd like to think if you had a strong grounding and trusted your partner, then you'd trust they wouldn't put you in situations that would force you to say no very often anyways. So in that sense, i think a women should be submissive to her husband 100%, and respect his decision as the man you chose to marry and trust. This is especially applicable to waiters, as we go against the typical conditions of modern marriage as is, after all the women here are saving themselves to give to that one man, why is it such a weird thing to consider her being completely submissive and trusting of that man. I don't think submissiveness means always saying yes like a puppet, i think it means being able to trust that at the end of the day, you believe that person has your best interests at heart and in that moment you trust that their opinion (as the man of the household) is the right one. 

 

At the end of the day, women want to be adored and taken care of, and men want to be the one to make the decisions and protect his loved ones, its in most fairy tales, stories, and in all honesty just feels right. (personal opinion.) 

 

In terms of sex.. best not get into that here.. this post might get flagged and moved to viewer discretion.. ( i know your all just dying to let your freak flag fly.....           ) 

[Waitingforyou 495]

I have no desire for a woman who thinks she's only valuable if she acts like a man. I'm a jerk, so I want a sweet, feminine girl to counterbalance that.

 

I find this notion that submission results in a complete loss of identity, personality, and choice interesting. Personally, if a woman refuses to submit to my authority, she is in no position to receive my care.

Everyones showing a decent amount of dislike for your comments, personally, i think you know a lot more about the female and male dynamics than the average person, which is why you have the opinion you do. You may come across as a 'jerk' to the average person, but no one ever said the real truths around male and female relationships could be explained easily. So Kudos I totally 100% support your point of view. 

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

This is especially applicable to waiters, as we go against the typical conditions of modern marriage as is, after all the women here are saving themselves to give to that one man, why is it such a weird thing to consider her being completely submissive and trusting of that man. ... I think it means being able to trust that at the end of the day, you believe that person has your best interests at heart and in that moment you trust that their opinion (as the man of the household) is the right one. 

 

My boyfriend waited for me as well, so wouldn't it make sense for him to trust me in that same way? If all other conditions are equal, why is it that only the 'man of the house' gets to have his opinion prioritized as a display of trust?

 

I think you know a lot more about the female and male dynamics than the average person, which is why you have the opinion you do. ... No one ever said the real truths around male and female relationships could be explained easily.

 

Those 'real truths' contradict the lived experiences of rather a large amount of people (including my own).

[CatholicBrunette 16]

^^

 

lol he prolly didn't mean it like that lol i've seen his other posts. he's blunt/direct but not a jerk lol

oh well...lol

He was the one who used the word jerk, not me. I am trying to not be judgmental and I apologize if my language came of as harsh. I don't know if I would necessarily call language that is so easily "misinterpreted" as direct. The way I see it, he is intentionally using provoking language,  such as "refuse" and "in no position," to make very blunt statements. I don't like this kind of "aggressive"  communication style because I find it not very productive and often times not very considerate other peoples idea or beliefs. Maybe that's just because I am not normally a very confrontational person.

 

Also, as far as far as the "act like a man" man comment, I have no intention of "acting like a man" because I am proud of being a woman. In many ways I am a stereotypical girly-girl. For example, my favorite color is pink and I love dressing up; however, I also like to think that I am intelligent with valid opinions that are constantly evolving the more I learn and therefore deserve to be listened to. I do believe that that are fundamental differences between males and females however I don't think there are as many or nor are they as dramatic as some people think they are. Each person is unique and there is a very wide spectrum on which each person can fall.

  

I do not have a problem with the word submissiveness as much I do with the idea that one sex(females) is supposed to be more submissive than the other. I think they should both be submissive to each other. Perhaps they are submissive in different ways but still it should balance out somehow. Do I want a man who knows how to lead? Yes. Do I want him to take control all time and not consult me? Absolutely not. Yes I want to trust his judgment but I also want him to trust mine. 

[Lexia322 229]

@catholicbrunette

lol oh, no I wasn't implying that you were being harsh or anything like that. I was just saying that guy probably doesn't know the meaning of the word jerk lol I mean I guess it's cool if he wants to refer to himself as that but it causes misunderstandings (like in this case for example lol)

I wasn't siding with his views or anybody's views. I don't really have a solid opinion on this subject so that's why I didn't say anything lol I was just reading the thread cuz i was bored and I kinda sensed some drama brewing so i was just trying to prevent it I guess? haha

i know it was useless lol I apologize for the confusion lol

[Lexia322 229]

i also agree with you that a nice woman is unlikely to go for a jerk. lol like attracts like lol

[CatholicBrunette 16]

@lexia322

o no not at all haha I totally get the boredom thing Haha sorry for the "drama." I guess I'm just kinda bored too so I just decided to vent and share my opinion on the topic  

[PaulJustPaul 801]

 

She doesn't have to make them in the kitchen, she can make them in the laundry room too. HAHA!!! Okay that was misogynistic and I'm going to be struck by lightning

 

Hopefully your woman will be protected, if you have a lightning-proof kitchen.

 

I think "submissiveness" in our society has been warped, and perverted to a sense where people assume it means basically always saying yes and not having a mind or voice of your own. Classically it fits and makes sense for a women to be predominantly more submissive, does that mean you have to say yes to everything. Of course not. However in relation to a marriage, i'd like to think if you had a strong grounding and trusted your partner, then you'd trust they wouldn't put you in situations that would force you to say no very often anyways. So in that sense, i think a women should be submissive to her husband 100%, and respect his decision as the man you chose to marry and trust. This is especially applicable to waiters, as we go against the typical conditions of modern marriage as is, after all the women here are saving themselves to give to that one man, why is it such a weird thing to consider her being completely submissive and trusting of that man. I don't think submissiveness means always saying yes like a puppet, i think it means being able to trust that at the end of the day, you believe that person has your best interests at heart and in that moment you trust that their opinion (as the man of the household) is the right one. 

 

At the end of the day, women want to be adored and taken care of, and men want to be the one to make the decisions and protect his loved ones, its in most fairy tales, stories, and in all honesty just feels right. (personal opinion.) 

 

In terms of sex.. best not get into that here.. this post might get flagged and moved to viewer discretion.. ( i know your all just dying to let your freak flag fly.....           ) 

Honestly, I think a woman should be submissive to a man, but also the inverse should hold. Both partners should be trusting enough in each other, I don't see why the woman must be the submissive one.

 

I understand why guys may want someone submissive, but I want someone to challenge me. I love someone who will challenge me. If I'm being stupid, I want her to tell me. I want someone to have a fun debate with.

I tend to need to know I'm in control of people, so I think it's good for me to be with someone who doesn't let me.

HOWEVER, I've also known people who are contrarian just for the sake of knowing their autonomy - someone who will get mad at you for asking things or suggesting things, because they need to figure everything out for themselves. If someone's being stupid (i.e., acting in a way that is immoral), I will tell them, and I hope they'd trust me. I think that's what it comes to - not being spineless, but trustworthy.

 

Plus, I would LOVE a girl to grab me and start kissing me, to drag me places spontaneously... I like someone who takes me out of my comfort zone, and typically that person will not be particularly submissive. I'm water - I want someone who's fiery!

[TheJayspyder 1,000]

 I don't want to make assumptions but.. seriously? Why should a nice woman have to, let alone want to, put up with that? That just does not make sense to me.... No offense meant.  I just don't understand your thought process. It baffles me. Sorry. 

More of of the same confusion. Speak for my selfing, I believe I have the right to be my own person. I want a man that supports me in what i want to do and, in return, I will support him. I do not need someone to tell me what to do because I have a mind of my own and can think for myself. I have no intention of giving up the ability to make decisions (thank you very much).  A relationship is a two way street and compromise is essential.  

 

He was the one who used the word jerk, not me. I am trying to not be judgmental and I apologize if my language came of as harsh. I don't know if I would necessarily call language that is so easily "misinterpreted" as direct. The way I see it, he is intentionally using provoking language,  such as "refuse" and "in no position," to make very blunt statements. I don't like this kind of "aggressive"  communication style because I find it not very productive and often times not very considerate other peoples idea or beliefs. Maybe that's just because I am not normally a very confrontational person.

 

Also, as far as far as the "act like a man" man comment, I have no intention of "acting like a man" because I am proud of being a woman. In many ways I am a stereotypical girly-girl. For example, my favorite color is pink and I love dressing up; however, I also like to think that I am intelligent with valid opinions that are constantly evolving the more I learn and therefore deserve to be listened to. I do believe that that are fundamental differences between males and females however I don't think there are as many or nor are they as dramatic as some people think they are. Each person is unique and there is a very wide spectrum on which each person can fall.

  

I do not have a problem with the word submissiveness as much I do with the idea that one sex(females) is supposed to be more submissive than the other. I think they should both be submissive to each other. Perhaps they are submissive in different ways but still it should balance out somehow. Do I want a man who knows how to lead? Yes. Do I want him to take control all time and not consult me? Absolutely not. Yes I want to trust his judgment but I also want him to trust mine. 

 

I have no problem being the odd one out.

 

I'm an assertive guy, but I get your confusion. When I say "jerk" I'm referring to my blunt honesty and tendency to focus on facts instead of walking on eggshells for the sake of peoples' feelings. If I believe you said something stupid, I will inform you. I do not believe women (or any race or gender for that matter) are entitled to my respect just for being female; I judge people as individuals. I enjoy talking to people, strangers even. I take the initiative to look people in the eye and smile (but often find myself disappointed. I don't know why people have this spineless aversion to eye contact these days). 

 

Didn't mean to imply that I'm always just a d*ck to people for no good reason.

 

And its not like I've always had these views. I used to subscribed to this whole idea of men and women being interchangeable and the same. I used to being something of a feminist (believe it or not). I used to treat women like they were better than me just for female, and that's why I was chronically girlfriendless.

 

Now as far as relationships and submissiveness go; what I oppose is this idea that the traditional feminine role has less value as the dominant role of the male. Of course both parties are equally important for a relationship; without either one there can be no relationship! Its not a question of worth or value. I view the traditional roles for relationships not as oppressive "social construct" fabricated by evil men to oppress women (because reasons), but as an absolute standard. A principle--something people can rest their lives on.

 

My experiences so far haven't been discouraging. If I'm going to be in a relationship with a girl, its my show. Its not up for debate. But one thing I think people tend to forget these days is that leadership is often a burden. I have to keep her safe and happy (when you give someone pleasure, they tend to really want to give it back to you). The responsibility for her welfare now rests on my shoulders.

 

In return, I require her full submission.

 

No, this doesn't mean she has no voice (repeat after me: female submission to male authority does not always equal abuse). Do you characterize your relationship with your employer, or even parents as slavery? I doubt it, but these relationships require authority over another person to properly function.

 

(Anyway, this is all I'll add for now. I have a way of ruffling a lot of feathers on here...and my new job takes up the vast majority of my time and I'm falling-over tired.)

[CatholicBrunette 16]

@TheJaySpyder ok I can respect that. If you wanted to ruffle a few less feather maybe be a little less blunt and explain what you really mean but I getting being busy and tired. I totally agree that leadership is a burden thats why I think a husband and wife should divide that burden so it doesn't rest entirely on one person shoulder because I think that can lead to resentment and stress. I respect the fact a man should take care of his wife but she should also support him and here by taking care of him in another way.   Over all I respect your response, so thanks for clearing that up for me. 

[Lexia322 229]

can I be SWC? (Submissive When Convenient) Is that allowed? lol

[Lexia322 229]

jk

lolol

[eubreaux 12]

Submissiveness is a necessity. She should look to me for answers, guidance, etc. I don't want her not to question, but I need her to know that I will always be right, and know what is best for her. I have to be able to keep her safe, and that involves me being somewhat dominant. Not to mention, it makes it much easier when she just wants to please you, for you to get her to dress in clothes which properly cover her, and to get her to avoid bikinis, and cheetah prints, and everything in between. She maintains all the power, but shouldn't exercise it.

[Mstr Josh 2,607]

You want to dress her? Wat.

[Jasmine23 1,605]

I often pray on this subject quite a bit as I want to become a man who is in God's image. I'm confident in my role as a leader and head of the household and wouldn't waste time with a woman who had an issue with it. The Bible is very clear on the issue and demands submissiveness from wives multiple times; 1 Timothy 2:12, 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:21-33.

Only a few of us kind of women left. Aka Proverbs 31 women

[Jasmine23 1,605]

Submissiveness is a necessity. She should look to me for answers, guidance, etc. I don't want her not to question, but I need her to know that I will always be right, and know what is best for her. I have to be able to keep her safe, and that involves me being somewhat dominant. Not to mention, it makes it much easier when she just wants to please you, for you to get her to dress in clothes which properly cover her, and to get her to avoid bikinis, and cheetah prints, and everything in between. She maintains all the power, but shouldn't exercise it.

I get the dress modest thing but even if she's submissive she must be dominant in some areas as you have to be submissive. Wake up.