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MarindaKay

Dating While Waiting?

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I have had issues dating recently and I am just looking for some advice. When I met someone, I can't just come out and say "I am waiting until marriage" without sounding completely crazy. The thing is, I dread the idea of going out on a date with a man who isn't aware of my choice to wait. I have turned down several men because I can't find it in myself to tell them right away. I have had relationships, but only when we have been friends first, so obviously they already knew that I am waiting. I am talking about how to tell a guy when you meet out in public and they ask for your number? I will text them for a while and almost immediately they will ask for a date. I never get a chance to even mention that I am waiting. Then I am faced with the fear that they will try something on the date or even leave if they find out. I can handle the rejection over text, but in person... I can not deal with that. I guess I just want some advice on how to date while I am waiting? I also have problems with flirting because I am scared that the guy will get the wrong impression. I feel like I am so limited. Is there anything I can do?

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In my experience, if a guy doesn't want to wait he will usually act okay with it then faze you out of his life or tell you via text or phone that he cannot do it. They usually don't reject you right there and then. So you may get rejected but it probably won't be face to face. 

 

Telling someone before you even go out on a date is a bit socially awkward to me. I think it may scare them away before they even get to know you unless you've already known them for a while. So I would wait until you are on a date then set out boundaries if he gets too close. 

 

Eventually, you can work it in naturally and you'll see how he takes it. Remember to guard your heart well so you won't be too hurt if he decides he can't wait. It always hurts but the blow lessens if you didn't let your heart run away with an idea. 

 

I hope that helps. I've never had to tell someone because I haven't gone past a first date so yeah, maybe I'm not best to ask but this has been my plan. It's not rigid because life is unexpected but you live and you learn. 

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It's a tough one for sure, and I have struggled with this over the years! I've come to the conclusion that being honest and upfront from the get-go is the best way to go.  I've mostly dated men I've met through dating websites and I've been sure to state on my profile the fact that I am waiting until marriage, and I also answer any match questions that relate to sex honestly to show my values.  On the occasions where I've been on dates with men I've met through mutual friends I've brought up the subject of waiting by the third date at the latest.  The reactions have been mixed, but I have managed to have a couple of relationships.  Obviously, if they make it clear on the first date that they are only after one thing then I send them on their merry way!

 

It's always an awkward subject to bring up, but you owe it to yourself to be upfront about it so that neither party is being misled.  After the first few times it's really not that bad, and the vast majority of reactions I've had have been positive, even if the guy decides to not persue the relationship. Just be proud that you know your worth and tell them with confidence. :)

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Okay, I definitely wouldn't bring it up on the first date. Maybe that's just me, but it seems like it's a pretty personal detail that doesn't need to really be discussed so early on, unless he tries to make a move or something. But even then, I probably still wouldn't say "I'm waiting until marriage." At that point, I'd most likely just say something to let him know that I wasn't comfortable with that. Maybe after we had been dating a bit I would mention to him that I'm waiting to marriage, but it's never been something I brought up right away. Also, I never start off by saying I'm waiting until marriage. Usually, the guy ends up finding out I'm a virgin first (which I personally don't really mind telling people), and then afterwards I'll explain why it's the case. To me it just seems like doing things this way kind of piques their curiosity a little at first ("What? How are you still a virgin?") and also gives them a little admiration for you, so that by the time you tell them you're waiting until marriage it's not such a shock.

 

I've had good results mentioning things this way. I've even heard from guys that they would be willing to wait (whether it was for me specifically or for a girl who they truly loved and wanted to marry). So yeah, don't worry about mentioning it until after you guys have gotten to know each other more and like each other for your personalities and such :D

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From what I've heard, sex is often on the table by the third date, so the third date is a good time to casually mention you're a virgin and/or a waiter. First dates don't always lead to second dates, so there's not really a point in bringing it up before you even have a first date. Going on dates doesn't have to be serious. It's a fun and casual way to get to know new people and also to discover what you like in a potential partner.

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You can ask me anything you want on that matter, as I was in a relationship for 6 years and we didn't have sex even though we slept together or had seen us both naked many times.

 

The problem is, the guys you wanna date with, are not meant for you, you should rather search or wait for the true one.

I'm not telling to find someone like you. I only wish you get what you deserve.

 

You already know the answer though, you just need to have the patience and faith.

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