Steadfast Madcap

How long do you want to date "the one" before marrying?

37 posts in this topic

For me it depends. I want to become friends first and really get to know the person. I would say for me at least 3-5 years.

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Before I was dating, I thought I'd want to know somebody for 5+ years before marrying them-you'd have to build up that trust though.

 

Once I started dating Phillip though, I think it was about 3 months into our relationship when we began talking about marriage. We've been engaged after dating for just over one year, and by our wedding date, we will have known each other for just over 2 years, which I'm perfectly fine with. I trust Phillip more than I ever imagined, and love him like crazy.

 

So it really depends on the person and the relationship. I can't imagine dating Phillip for more than 3 years, while waiting, without going crazy.

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I have thought about this a LOT over the years. I think it all depends on the people. I mean, I'd like to be the kind of person who's spontaneous and would just jump right in, but that's not me. I need some time to mentally prepare. I mean, it would, of course, totally depend on the guy and me together. How we click, communicate, and all that. I mean, if you talk about all sorts of scenarios, have experiences together, and spend a lot of time together, I think knowing/dating someone for just a few months is probably going to make you more capable of knowing if they are 'the one' quicker. Rather than if you just 'hang out' without effort, I think that would make me take more time. Either way is ok with me... although I am more of a researcher/student and would probably bring stuff up just to get to know the guy, in hopes that he'd follow suit and want to get to know me better. I also think that if one person is ready, and they bring it up, but then it turns out the other person wants to be but just isn't 'there yet'... well, if you really care about that person you give them some time to figure things out. Let them know that you'll wait, but probably not forever. However, for me, engagement time is different. I don't want a fancy/expensive wedding with tons of people, or a long engagement. I pretty much want to start my life with someone as soon as I know we both want it, and we are able to make it happen. Elegant, simple, and totally wacky. I do want some sort of reception, though, because I have this wacky idea for a theme... he he he...  :lol:

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As a hopeless romantic, i say as soon as you know that they are the one, just go for it and commit.    hehehhehe but im adventerous a little bold and enjoy doing things on a whim.

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Personally, I set myself the rule to date a person at least one whole year before engagement. A friend of mine said nicely: in one year you can go through the one year cycle together, with all holidays and anniversaries and hopefully already successfully went through a crisis together (I'm serious about that).

But then again, you never know. My parents met for the first time, got together, engaged and married all within a few months (even though my mom nnowadays sais it was risky and today she would decide to take it more slowly). Then again I know one 'miracle' couple where he proposed to her after just 3 days and they got engaged after one week! Absolute success story :D Ve said he just knew she is the one and she was certain he's the one. Tzey are still married to this present day and have two grown up children in their 20s.

Again: you never know, but still I have set myself the at least one year rule as I have seen how rushing into marriage can also end up in catastrophe.

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I don't have a set timeframe and I don't think I will set one. It usually takes me quite some time to become attracted enough to a person to even consider seriously dating them. After I get through all that stuff, it will most likely be just logistics that will determine how long the engagement is. But things rarely turn out as planned, so who knows.

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3-5 years?  Geez, i think that's way too long, even for non-waiters who want to marry. 

 

I also think that age is a consideration.  If you are 21-25, then dating someone for 3 years is cool, but if you are 'ahem' older (like me), you don't have 5 years to decide, especially if you want to have children (and dont want to be old when you have them).   For me, I would need about 1-1.5 years before we are going to either marry or move on. 

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Well for what it's worth, I remember a marriage and family counselor said that marriages with a 2 year turn around from dating & engagement to marriage usually last the longest. My parents took about 2 years, and they recently celebrated their 40th anniversary...

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I want to date a guy about 1 or 2 years before getting engaged, 3 at the most. After about the second year I would like to get engaged. Even if we couldn't get married within a year for whatever reason, I would still at least like to get engaged.

I think 1-3 years will be a long enough time to know if I wanted to marry someone. It might not be a good sign if I didn't know by then. Since I'm in my twenties, I wouldn't need to date someone as long as I would have if I was still a teenager before getting married to them. So I don't need to wait 5 years+ or so. And I just don't want to be someone who dates or is engaged to someone for years on end without getting married. I am not a teenager nor am I someone who basically lives a married life with someone they're only dating, so there's really no need to put it off for years.

It also depends on how well I know a guy before we start dating. If we were good friends before we started going out, then we wouldn't need to have to date as long before getting engaged.

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I think as I got older my preferences changed quite a bit. When I was in high school I thought 5-7 years was a good number because it gave us plenty of time to discover who we were, what we wanted, and if those desires aligned with our bf/gf's views. I've known others who took this exact same approach and were together for 8 years before finally getting engaged. And hey, they're going on 7 or 8 years married now. 

As I grew into my early to mid 20's and began learning more about my character and the man I wanted to be, I thought 3-5 years was a good number because it gave us time to finish school and get settled into our respective careers before becoming man and wife. I thought something like a long relationship followed by a short engagement, or a relationship/engagement that lasted the same length of time. Essentially evening itself out. 

Now that I am into my late 20's heading into my early 30's, I know the type of woman that I want to marry and what matters most to me in a wife. I would like a 1-2 year relationship with about a 6-9 month engagement. Mainly to help us sort out our finances before marrying and tying up any other lose ends before we tie the knot. 

Obviously there are tons of other factors that can either speed up or slow down the process like finances, education, debt, children, ailments or disabilities, etc. 

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It absoluty depends on your age and financial situation ... The older you get,  the less time you need

But in general , for ppl like us , who are waiting , it s not very healthy to date for a longggg time.

I prefer 1 year

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