Steadfast Madcap

How long do you want to date "the one" before marrying?

37 posts in this topic

As I was reading the "how long do you want to wait until you have kids" thread, I began to realize that an equally important question that comes beforehand is "how long do you think you need to/want to date someone before tying the knot?" I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and while I definitely am glad we have waited several years, especially as we met in high school, I'm feeling really ready to just graduate and get hitched already! :P  I think ideally, if money/jobs/school weren't a factor, we'd have just gone ahead and gotten married after 3 years together. By that point, we'd had plenty of ups and down (both interpersonal conflict, as well as being thrown trials to face together from the outside world), were totally comfortable around each other, and felt sure that our relationship would endure over time.

 

What do you guys think? Would you be willing to settle down with someone after just a few weeks or months, or do you think you need a half-decade or more together before making things official?

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, as long as it takes until we both feel its time to go to the next step: marriage.

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like to think it wouldn't take more than a year or so to know we're right for each other. Now that I'm out of college, I cringe at the thought of dating someone longer than that and not marrying her and having to start all over. Ideally, I'd like to date for a year/year-and-a-half, then have a year-long engagement at most. What do I know, though..

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way I would marry somebody after a few weeks or months moreover my family would go crazy :)

I feel like 3 years or 4 then you add 1 year of engagement(no it's too much) 6 months of engagement...

 

Years past by so fast when you are in love or in a relationship (for me) there is the time to get to know each other well and so I think you need at least 3 years to know or to be really sure and ready to get married

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like to think it wouldn't take more than a year or so to know we're right for each other. Now that I'm out of college, I cringe at the thought of dating someone longer than that and not marrying her and having to start all over. Ideally, I'd like to date for a year/year-and-a-half, then have a year-long engagement at most. What do I know, though..

What he said.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It just really depends on how y'all feel. My parents only knew each other for six months and my sister and brother-in-law took 12 years!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It just really depends on how y'all feel. My parents only knew each other for six months and my sister and brother-in-law took 12 years!

 

I agree, it depends on each person. I think it's definitely riskier if you haven't known them as long, but not necessarily impractical. My parents only knew each other for a little over a year before they were married. Still married after almost 29 years and they still treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend. I can only hope to find a love as wonderful as that :wub:

9 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally, I don't think it would take that long to go from the dating stage to marriage, like a year and a half at the most. The reason for this is that I'd have already been friends with that person for quite a while before we even started dating in the first place. By the time we start dating we'll already be pretty familiar with each other, it'd just be a matter of making the decision to take the friendship to the next level.

10 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally, I don't think it would take that long to go from the dating stage to marriage, like a year and a half at the most. The reason for this is that I'd have already been friends with that person for quite a while before we even started dating in the first place. By the time we start dating we'll already be pretty familiar with each other, it'd just be a matter of making the decision to take the friendship to the next level.

 

Yeah, especially if you were close friends with that person for a long time. By the time you take it to the next level, you've already had a good idea of other person's values, flaws, annoying habits, etc. So that cuts down on the time required to know if they are the one for you. I know one couple who went from best friends straight to engagement and they are still happily married after like 10 years.

 

I also think the older you get, the less time is required to date. Because by then, you would have gotten a much better idea of what you're looking for and you realize that some of the superficial things don't matter as much anymore. When you're young, you go through a lot of transitions in life and you may not be ready to settle down yet. But when you're older, you know you want something serious so you tend to know what to work on.

8 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it would depend on when I met them. I want to go to grad school halfway across the world. If we met now, he was 100% willing to come with me, and we knew we were each others "one and only" then I would say we'd probably be married within the year. If he was still in school and needed to stay here then I would say we would be married whenever one of us graduated. I've always wanted to be married young so for the most part I would say "the sooner the better." (Obviously I wouldn't just marry someone so I could be married.)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Buster and Vince. I would like to at least get engaged within a year of dating someone. I'm quite intuitive and, as cheesy as it sounds, I think I'll just know that this is the person I'm meant to marry and will just go for it. Also, as an older waiter, I don't have much time to waste so at this stage I wouldn't even get into a relationship with someone I couldn't seriously imagine marrying.

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As long as you've known them a while before, I'd say dating them at least 1-3 years is ideal especially since you are wtm. I say especially when wtm because it means that your focus will be on the relationship and that makes things much stronger when physical intimacy isn't clouding your mind (SEX)

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me it would be a year to two years then have a long engagement. I've always been this way though...

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think 1-3 years of courtship and then marrying is about right. I also think that when you know, you know. My grandparents met and married within 2 months and were married for 40 years. Also, if you're older and are waiting, in most cases you'll be able to tell faster that you've met The One, because you likely will have relationship experience. And you'll be more mature and have a better idea what you really want out of life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm. Well, like everyone's said, I guess it'd depend! If I knew the guy as a friend first, then I might not feel the need to wait so long to marry. I'll just wait and see...

 

xxx

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know but like others have said until we both feel ready for marriage. I don't think you can necessarily put a time to it. I will  say that I don't feel like I will be one of those people who will get married to some one after only knowing them a few weeks or months. To me that is too early to truly know someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I intend to propose to my girlfriend of one month, who is definitely "the one", on or around our one-year anniversary.  Whether that becomes the one-year anniversary of our first date or of "becoming a couple" (which was a few weeks later), will get ironed out when I get closer to that time lol.

 

I'm leaning toward recreating our first date and doing it that way...but anything could happen.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've always felt that the minimum for me would be 2 years (including engagement). When I was younger, I expected it to be longer, but now that I'm nearing my mid-twenties, I feel like I've got my head on straight and can make a big life decision like that with more knowledge and maturity. It really all depends on the situation besides that. Some couples are going to know sooner than others.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been with my fiancé for 5.5 years and we are getting married in June 2015 so we will have been together almost 6.5 years when we (finally!) get married. We officially got engaged in May.

We knew we wanted to get married within a year of being together, but I was a senior in high school and him a freshman in college and we were long distance all through college (I just graduated) so it wouldn't have made sense to get married any earlier.

Ideally, I think 2ish years of dating and 6-8 months for engagement would good, but that not how it has worked out for us, probably since we met when we were so young.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well... On average, it takes me 3-5 years to get to know people usually... But then again, some of my best friends were just people who instantly became my best friends after we met or after a particular event that made us closer.

I don't know how it works ^_^ but I would say get to know that special person in all kinds of situations and pressures and sickness and health etc.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone who views women as otherworldly and not human (in a good way), the moment an attractive girl talks to me, I'm ready to propose. But realistically, I'd prefer to wait 3-4 years, but I imagine this waiting period will decrease as I get older.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My brother dated a girl for almost three years and I thought they were just the sweetest couple. Unfortunately, they broke up. My mother dated a wonderful Christian waiter guy for almost seven years and when they marriage he was a totally different person. He ended up being abusive. I think when you meet someone you already kind of know, but I think it's also important to date for a while. I'd say at the least two or three years. Dating is an important step in a forever relationship.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now