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Jasmine23

in laws.......YIKES

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Ladies and GentleLadies ;)

This question has been bugging me for a while now and I cannot imagine not being able to look at my mother-in-law and call her mom. I want to be as close to her as I am with my own parents! Same with (if he has one) my sister-in-law.... I want to be able to ve close enough to them where I can tell them anything and have them part of every wedding detail just like id have with my own mom and MAYBE one of my own sisters (they need Jesus). I don't know if I could marry until I felt like I could look at his side of the family and say yep that's my second mom... or second sister... or even second dad.... I just want a happy family and extend family.

How would you feel if you were not liked/close to your husbands family and they weren't liked by your own?

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I dont know. Both of my parents are/were close to each others parents. My Pawpaw introduced my mom and dad! :D Shoot, my grandma and I live right next door to my parents. I hope I am close to them and I hope they accept me. I've seen a couple times where the parents dont accept their childs choice of partner, and they end up breaking up in the end :/

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Personally I would feel really uncomfortable calling my mother-in-law "mom." Even if I really liked her I still wouldn't do it, it'd be too weird. I would hope we're at least friendly to each other. Same with any future brother/sister in laws. If my husband wants me to call them "mom, sister, etc." then I'd probably do it for him, but I would still feel very uncomfortable.

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I dont know. Both of my parents are/were close to each others parents. My Pawpaw introduced my mom and dad! :D Shoot, my grandma and I live right next door to my parents. I hope I am close to them and I hope they accept me. I've seen a couple times where the parents dont accept their childs choice of partner, and they end up breaking up in the end :/

See I'm not as close to my grandparents and I wish I was! And your parents met through yours!? Thats awesome!

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I have a pretty good relationship with my in-laws. I would never call my husband's parents Mom and Dad, though. For me, those names are reserved for my parents. But I call them by their first names, and that works well for us.

 

A relationship with in-laws depends a lot on them and their relationship with your spouse. My husband comes from a close-knit family, but not everyone is so lucky. My husband and I can only handle his oldest brother in small doses. When he's on his best behavior, he's very funny and charming. But spend too much time with him, and he devolves into a raging misogynistic, racist, homophobic asshole, as he swears up and down that he treats all people equally.

 

The only problems I ever have with my parents-in-law are boundaries and communication. We live in my husband's home state, not my home state, so it's only an issue with his family. (Although I'm sure it would be an issue with my family if the situation were reversed, considering how much they drove me crazy the last two weeks when I was visiting them). I am not okay with my parents-in-law coming over unannounced. Sure, they call us when they're on their way, but that's like 20 minutes advance warning. We are trying to figure out how to tell them nicely that they can't just come over whenever they want.

 

Communication is the other side of that. I am an ambivert, right in the middle of being an introvert and an extrovert. I need time to prepare myself mentally and emotionally if I am going to spend time with people who are not my husband or my very closest friends. Luckily his family is pretty good at making plans in advance, but there are still too many spontaneous weekend or evening plans that throw off my entire schedule and completely exhaust me.

 

Other than that, my in-laws are great. My nice, cool, funny, awesome BIL and his wife often invite me over for dinner if my husband is traveling, so I don't have to eat alone. My parents-in-law were totally supportive of all the decisions my husband and I made regarding our wedding, which was a huge relief since we went against the grain in our celebrations. Most importantly, my parents and brothers get along with my parents-in-law and brothers-in-law.

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I would be a bit hurt if my in-laws did not like/approve of me.  I would love to have a good relationship with them from the start as like it or not, they will be a big part of your life.  I would not however be comfortable with calling them 'mom and dad' - mom/mum is a sensitive word for me as my own mother passed away, so I want to keep this word just for her.  I might however feel differently if my family situation was not as it is.  

 

The thing that I would find the most difficult to handle would be if my mother in-law was very interfering or critical about how my husband and I choose to raise our children, as I have seen this cause major conflict and resentment.

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I'd just settle for not hating each other. I'm extremely introverted and independent, so it's hard for me to understand being close to family well into adulthood. Boundaries will be super super important to me -- ideally I'd only see my in-laws around holidays, and maybe once every 2-3 months outside of that. Basically, I'd like to be friendly to each other when we do have to see each other, but I'm hoping they will not be a big part of my life at all.

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I want to be close to them but I don't need them to be second parents. I definitely want my kids to be close to all of their grandparents and I feel like sometimes one set is favored over the other. I want my future husbands family to like me and for us to belong together. I feel like the thought of in-laws causes stress and I know it is different with everyone but my sister gets along well with her in-laws and my dad gets along great with my mom's mom so I think it depends on the people.

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I dont think I'd ever have to worry about his family not liking me, im a pretty likeable/loveable person. Ive only ever been disliked by jealous people or psychos so I think im pretty good in that department. And my family not liking my in laws wont bother me as I dont really care, what people do or dont like.

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