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Tatyana

The ex factor

7 posts in this topic

What if an ex randomly contacted you out of the blue, what would you do?

Lets say this person broke your heart would you reply to him/her? If so what would you say.

Or what if you had an ex that keeps trying to get back with you while you just wanna stay friends because you know this person is not for you then what would you do ?

Im asking this because recently I have gotten messages from both of my exes and im in no way interested in getting back with either of them and I would like opinions on the best ways to handle this. And id like to know your thoughts...

why do you think people contact their exes? Lonliness? To inflate ego? Regrets?

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I have had this happen, my ex kept trying to Face Time me, but I just ignored it and never answer his texts, calls, emails, Face Times, ect.... There is a reason it didn't work out in the first place so even if he completely did a 360 and changed, the core character usually stays the same. If he has any anger or other abusive traits, for your own safety, NEVER get back together with them!!! I have seen and know the pain of abuse, and it is very very unlikely that an abusive person changes. They try to convince and "show" you that they have change to get you back. So if any of your exes are abusive in anyway, DO NOT respond at all!

But if it was a clean break-up and you would really like to get back together( with a decent guy :) ) then you could reply and see where things go. Just realize that most likely they are maybe a more mature person than before but the same person :)

To answer your question about why they are contacting you, you could ask them strait up " I would like to know why you are contacting now after such a long time"

I hope this helps you :)

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I remember my ex trying to chat me on MySpace (back when that was the cool thing :) ) I kept my answers very short. And when there where those awkward silences, I left it that way.

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Hmm well I've been in similar situations, though not exactly the same as I don't really have any exes. However, I have been (and still am) contacted by someone who I was kind of seeing for a few months. I knew that it was a bad scenario though, and that it wasn't just effecting me, but it was effecting others as well, who definitely didn't deserve it. So that's why I stopped contacting him and just let him know that we could no longer be anything more than friends. And it couldn't just be left a statement either, it had to be reinforced with actions. He still texts me sometimes, and I will reply, because he has generally respected  my conditions and so I don't mind only being friends with him.

 

No matter what, just know what you want, and make sure you convey that message to them. If you think they're worthy of giving another try, then go for it. If not, just don't reply at all. If you're ok with being friends, then let them know that's as far as you'll go, and that if they don't respect your boundaries, you won't hesitate to completely cut them off.

 

Also, for your last question, I believe that people contact exes for a variety of reasons. It can be for a sincere regret with the breakup. It can also be just out of desperation to have someone, just as some people will get a bf/gf solely because they don't want to be alone. Whatever is the case with these two guys you are speaking of, they are clearly making a statement that they still want to talk to you. They don't want you out of their lives, whatever the reason might be.

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For me, once a bridge is burnt it is usually burnt forever. I choose to say nothing and let my slience be their answer. If we ended on a good note, I might reply to say I wish you all the best in the world, love, health and happiness, but what we had is gone and it would be too awkward to be friends, and leave it at that. Now if we ended sour and he being a bugaboo, then sometimes it is hard for me to hold my tongue. Im a theatrical person, knowing me Id send him Beyonce Best I never Had or Envouge My Loving. "Neva gonna get it, lol.

I just wouldn't play into their BS again, don't bring that drama back into your life.

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Hmm thank you for all your replies, ive been thinking and I remembered how much of a jerk the first guy was. I was going to reply to him just to be polite...

but then I remembered that I already said what i needed to say when we broke up. Ive moved on and I want him to stay where he was; in the past and forgotten. I dont really care what he is doing inlife and I dnt wanna be friends, I know his type and Bluey youre right I aint got the time.

I left home for a reason. I left alot of pain, people have hurt me and betrayed me and now Ive moved on and left everything negative/toxic behind and in the dust. Im happy now, so why bring that mess back into my life? Ugh I dont know what I was thinking earlier. Thanks girls.

Im not gonna lie though an evil part of me wants him to never forget me, so he may forever regret losing me :P

Ill be the one that got away ha!

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