Buster Cannon

Why do people fall off the wagon?

17 posts in this topic

I can't speak for anyone else here, but growing up in a mostly Christian-based environment (church, Christian schools, etc), I got plenty of the 'purity talks' back in grade school, and it seemed like WTM was a much more popular decision.  Sure, you had a few naysayers, but in general it seemed like people were fired up about it.  After thinking about it for a bit, I began to realize that a wide majority of them have given up on it by this point, including my close friends.  It's a little disheartening when you still have the same values now that you committed to back then, and the ones who were with you just sort of gave up.

 

I can't help but wonder what different factors play into that, whether it be peer pressure, temptation, ideals changing, etc.  Thoughts?

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It's a combination of things, potentially, and of course it's different for every person. I actually think the three things you mentioned (peer pressure, temptation, mindset change) are probably the three most common reasons people fall away from WTM, and many times these are present all at once. Or, more specifically, things like peer pressure can lead to a change of mindset. Temptation can lead to this as well, due to humans' innate tendency to rationalize feelings and desires.

 

It all comes down to how badly someone wants to wait, and how they respond to the pressures. A lot of people aren't willing to sacrifice their popularity for WTM, but this tends to happen, unfortunately.

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I know exactly why:

1. Our generation's sexuality is not respected. Parents didn't instruct their kids on how to marry and date. Instead, we were encouraged to follow the career path they wish they had and passively wait around for destiny.

2. Competition among young people.

3. Hyper-inflated self-esteems: Everyone feels entitled to an 8 or a 9. Everyone thinks they're worth it.

Perfect PUA breeding conditions.

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I've had moments where I'm like..."ok I have to wait how many years for sex and full intimacy!?" So I understand how people fall off the wagon, but it still isn't an excuse. One thing I know is that I better get it together before I get into a serious relationship because I am a... Uhh let's just say I have a high sex drive, and I know that if I'm not careful with my decisions I may let things slip and then end up completely regretful because I do KNOW waiting is something I truely want to do.

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If you were getting purity talks back in grade school, that's well before any of the kids have hit puberty. At that age, they really don't know what they're promising, and have no real comprehension of how long and tough their wait might be. The average age of virginity loss in the US is 17, or basically 5 years after puberty, while the average age of marriage has risen to 27 for women, and 29 for men -- 10 years after the average age of virginity loss, and 15 years after puberty! I can see why, after taking stock of those statistics, people who weren't really committed to waiting (thought it would be a nice and easy thing to do, maybe?) would decide to "screw it," as it were.

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No seatbelts in the wagon?

I also think that some people underestimate how difficult its going to be and get themselves into positions where they slip up. I've known some people have done this, then they figure that they've already done it so what's the point in waiting now. :/

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No seatbelts in the wagon?

I also think that some people underestimate how difficult its going to be and get themselves into positions where they slip up. I've known some people have done this, then they figure that they've already done it so what's the point in waiting now. :/

Yeah they become overconfident and then justify going all the way.

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No seatbelts in the wagon?

I also think that some people underestimate how difficult its going to be and get themselves into positions where they slip up. I've known some people have done this, then they figure that they've already done it so what's the point in waiting now. :/

I agree! I really like what you said about seat belts in the wagon, though. It's an understatement to say that it's "difficult" when the media pushes over-sexualized images in our face every day. No matter where we turn, it's there. Premarital sex is no longer just accepted in our society--it's expected, or even demanded by our culture. We are being counter-cultural by waiting and parents need to tell their kids that it's more than ok to be counter-cultural in this way. So yes, lack of "seat belts"= lack of a foundation for kids to know it's ok to go against the grain. As we get older it gets more difficult, but we still need those "seat belts," even though we're adults now. We still need the reminder that it's ok that we're different. 

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Silly rabbit, waiting is for the strong. They fail because the are WEAK! :) :) :)

 

Actually, one of the reasons I think why many fail in Christian circles is because many churches are silent or passive when it comes to sex and chastity. Usually the conversation goes something like this:

 

"Don't have sex before marriage because God said so."

"Sex is dirty"

"Holding hands leads to babies"

 

When I was growing up, I never had the sex talk from my parents or from my church. They just simply told me not to do it before marriage. Well since I couldn't get answers at home, I naturally turned to friends for information. Now what do you think a bunch of horny teenage boys congregating about the issue of sex entails? Usually in the form of porn or trading stories of their weekly sexual conquests. Now we can't blame everything on parents and the community, I can only imagine how daunting it feels to have to raise children in this sex saturated world. But come on, talk to your kids! If they don't get their support from you, they are going to get it from a society that puts a lot of pressure on them to sleep around.

 

And then there is the church. Sex is such a taboo subject in places of worship that it doesn't help the stereotype that religious people are sexually repressed. It's a wonder how shocked people get when they realize that God *gasp.....CREATED SEX!!!! Like all of God's creation, sex is beautiful. Heck, there is even an erotic love poem in the Bible for heaven's sake! (HAHA! Get it?! Heaven's sake? Because you know, I'm taking about...no? Not a kneeslapper? Okay.... :disapproval:) But no, they act like sex was created by the devil and our punishment for engaging in it are these little annoying, life altering things called babies. There needs to be open and honest communication with children in every congregation because a church community ought to be a supportive role in their development. Otherwise they are left to fend for themselves in the wilderness. It would be great if churches put a greater emphasis on encouraging marriage. Marriage is supposed to be the safest haven for sex. It should be taught that it is beautiful in the eyes of God and not something dirty.

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Vince with another gem. If he ever leaves this forum I am freaking gone too. Just saying!

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Vince with another gem. If he ever leaves this forum I am freaking gone too. Just saying!

 

The only reason I would leave this place is if people get tired of listening to my psychotic and not-funny ramblings :P

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The only reason I would leave this place is if people get tired of listening to my psychotic and not-funny ramblings :P

Never.. Lol

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Hey Vince we'll never tire of listening to you rambling (I've recently learned the English call this Waffling, weird I know)

And yes dude I agree completely about having a sex and marriage talk at church.

At my church I'm blessed to work with the middle schoolers in a youth oriented environment. And each year we've given a "purity talk" and it's been for the most part beneficial.

The kids are receptive and ask lots of questions.

However many of us have inquired as to talking about sex in the general service.

You know having an entire series devoted to it.

I mean sex isn't only something that preteens are gonna wanna learn about from a biblical standpoint.

And definitely as Vince put it so clearly above God created sex, he's not up there in heaven going eww, how dirty.

But rather as in the bible sex is mentioned almost as much as love and faith.

Because sex is huge deal and God knew this of course.

I'll try to take crack at answering the question.

'Why do folks fall of the wagon, because essentially they're weak, yes I'd agree'

But I think it's because most of us had an ideal when we began this journey we kinda had romantic ideals about things working out like the Hollywood movies and meeting Mr or Mrs RIGHT in the frozen food section at the grocery store on a warm summer afternoon.

But then of course life doesn't always turn out the way we wanted.

I look at the bible and the accounts it contains of folks waiting.

For example;

I like that story of Jacob and how he lived and went off and met Rachel there at the well. He became so infatuated with her that he then goes and agrees to work 7 years for her hand in marriage, that's love!

Then of course those 7 years become, twice that due to his own uncle's deception.

But when we peruse through that story, ah how sweet it was we think, he worked 7 years.

But he wasn't working in some air conditioned building, at his little cubicle selling insurance premiums for AllState you know.

He was living in the middle east, about 4000-ish years ago, right.

In a primarily agricultural society, likely doing the work of a "slave" after all he was an indentured servant.

And just going by Laban's character he was probably, no likely a tough guy to work for.

Anyhow he was waiting, and he knew who he wanted, that she was worth it.

That he didn't want to "disappoint" God, that he was determined to go the distance, and not be a weasel.

So what I'm saying is yeah it's not an easy path to walk, and oftentimes it'll be down right difficult.

That especially when you're in your mid to late twenties and all your friends are getting married, starting families and you wonder where is your Prince or Princess.

You wonder why is it that you're doing the "right" thing and yet you desire what they have, but you're not reaping the fruits that they are.

That you're maybe even being more than compliant with God, but walking in obedience, and yet he doesn't seem to want to give you this request.

Well you could take a page from the early biblical characters and go marry your cousin or close relative.

Of course I'm kidding!

But try to remember that God's timing is never late, he doesn't always in fact rarely does he work on our timetable.

But that he always loves us and he'll not delay in giving us the desires of our hearts in his timing.

I mean there's so much to do while you're waiting.

Pursue hobbies, straighten out that career path, travel, learn interesting things,

serve with the needy and help those less fortunate, work with the young people. All things that once you have a spouse and maybe kids later on, you won't have time to dedicate a lot of attention to because they'll be priority number one.

But you'll develop great skills such as patience, kindness, relentless love and compassion by serving others.

Just a couple of my thoughts and musings on this topic.

I'm way off onto an encouraging talk now, but you get the idea.

It's past my bedtime.

(Edited, poor spelling and other errors)

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i grew up in a family where WTM is a must. And all thru the years from when i was a kid until College I was enrolled in a Christian school. This has also become my personal choice. However, as time passes by, some of my friends and relatives gave up on it. And this has affected me a lot. People that i look up to as an inspiration has given up and so I was in a confused state last year. But nah....after getting myself right with the LORD and making sure that i put HIM on top of all, I can say that i am better at handling it. I am not saying I am perfect but more guided and firm right now. 

 

And of course, finding this site has helped me a lot too!

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I think everyone pretty covered all the bases on the topic and I agree with what has been already been said, so for the sake of avoiding being redundant, I'll just say "ditto."

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I think there's quite a bit of factors, but when it comes to the heat of the moment, there's a lot of things that get thrown out the window.

 

It's like an addiction or getting drunk; you feel like you can stop at any time, and keep going and going until before you know it, you're craving for a lot more than what you thought was enough. And from that point, it takes a lot of willpower to stop. Even more than what many people choose to spare.

 

I've been fortunate that no one worked out except for the one guy that mattered. But I honestly can't say if I would have remained a virgin if I had a serious relationship in the past.

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