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Jegsy Scarr

Appearance!

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Hi guys!

In response to Sally's topic about girls and makeup, just wondered, do you feel as if there's any pressure on guys from society to look a certain way? I know that there's been an increase in the last few years in the number of men getting cosmetic surgery and botox and whatnot, as well as in increase in men who develop eating disorders. So it would seem that there's a lot more pressure on men to look a certain way than in the past.

Well, you know me, I really don't care about looks when it comes to guys. As long as they're attractive on the inside!

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Sort of off-topic, but thought I'd share it with you anyway...I remember once having a discussion with some girls at my school. We were discussing a TV program about this guy who had Treacher-Collins Syndrome, and we were all saying how he was such a lovely guy and we were glad he'd found a girlfriend, when one of them said, "He's really nice, but...I'm sorry, I just couldn't date him. It'd just be really awkward, and I couldn't get over how he looked."

So then I, out of curiosity, asked her and the other girls, "Well, say there was this guy who was absolutely perfect: really smart, funny, respectful, great job, really sweet - everything you'd want - but...physically unattractive."

And pretty much every one of them said, "Wouldn't go out with him."

So I said, "Okay, well what if he was just average looking?"

And they said the same thing: they wouldn't go out with him.

So I asked them, "Why on Earth not?"

And they just told me, "Well, you have to be physically attracted to someone! He has to have the whole package"

I couldn't help but think, "You won't even settle for average? He could be the nicest man in the world, but you won't even give him a chance because he looks a certain way?" To me, that's like saying, "I won't go out with him because he has blue eyes and I only date guys with brown."

I actually thought to myself, "Well, that works out brilliantly for me then: you girls can go after your Adonis-lookalikes who every other girl is fighting you for, meanwhile all the wonderful average-looking guys who none of you are interested in are left for me!"

xxx

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Hmm. I'd have to think about that. I don't really feel pressured to look a certain way. I feel like guys have it kind of easy in that department.

For example, it seems more acceptable for a guy to be big and "thick" or rough-looking than it is for a girl.

From what I can tell, I guy doesn't have to be particularly good looking....as long as he has money. (half kidding) :lol:

Still, if I'm broken out I won't leave the house. I would kill for a change in the social norm that says guys can't wear makeup. I would totally wear makeup if it wouldn't make me feel stigmatized.

Also, like 60% of us end up losing our hair. That's the only place where I feel "expected to look a certain way" because I wonder what it'll be like when I have to shave my head "for real" and suddenly I'm "that bald guy" and don't fit the expectation of having hair. Mind you, I'm in the very early stages, so I've got a few years, but you can't fight nature once it's started. Thank God that Hair Cloning is in Phase II human trials, or I would be a nervous wreck every time I noticed a thin spot.

Treacher-Collins Syndrome

Well, I learned something new today. Never Googled that before. Also learned about the related "coloboma" hole in the iris thing. :mellow:

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Oh hi Jegs!

I agree with Mike. Guys, on average, definitely have it easier than girls. It's also more acceptable for a guy to be husky, chubby than it is for women. I do feel that looks matter, to an extent, and that we should make our best effort to maintain our physical appeal and keep healthy bodies.

Do I feel that I have to look a certain way as a man? Sometimes... sometimes I feel like I have to be perfect:

But then again, I think it depends on the type of woman. I think you and I have chatted about this, but "certain" women notice certain things first while others notice other things

I really hope nobody takes what I've said personally, it was purely subjective and from my point of view. I very well can be wrong on "certain" things. (A really lame pun, I know, but I couldn't help it. http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/wink.gif)

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I actually thought to myself, "Well, that works out brilliantly for me then: you girls can go after your Adonis-lookalikes who every other girl is fighting you for, meanwhile all the wonderful average-looking guys who none of you are interested in are left for me!"

xxx

hahaha Jegs! I totally agree♥♥ To be honest the really insanely attractive hunky guys never really appealed to me. It was just too much- simplicity is key for me so I get you!

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I actually got into a discussion about this with some guys and they all said that they didn't feel much pressure to look a certain way, but they did feel pressure to act a certain way. Guys know that girls care a lot about personalities when it comes to dating, so I think that's what they are much more self-conscious about. On average, guys judge girls by physical appearance alone while a girl can be completely turned off by a guy merely because he made an inappropriate joke (which he might have meant to be harmlessly funny,) or doesn't like something she does. On average, guys thoroughly analyze a girl's looks while a girl thoroughly analyzes a guy's personality. We females definitely have more pressure to look a certain way, but we can be whoever we want to be on the inside without being labeled as gay, or too sensitive, or weak, etc.

I am not trying to imply that guys only care about looks and girls only care about appearances. This is just a very large average, and of course other things matter when it comes to genuine relationships.

Edit: I forgot that guys do feel self-conscious about hair loss. Half-baldness, near-baldness, or total-baldness can be quite the insecurity.

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YES! you explained it perfectly! and you're not even a guy! lol!

Ha ha. Thank you! lol.

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I'm with Mike and TG I don't really feel pressured to look any specific way. And IMO, guys do have it easier than women in the appearance department.

With that said...I really hope I don't lose my hair, and I do try to eat pretty good and work out. So maybe on some level I do feel "pressure" but honestly for what it's worth I like to think that I'm doing that stuff more for myself than I am anyone else.

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To answer your thread Jegs, i do feel society places expectations on guy's appearance. For example, i remembering watching a bow flex commercial (it's an exercise machine btw) that tells viewers if you want toned arms or a chiseled core try our product. I have seen many movies were guys have six pack. Unfortunately, looking at myself now even after my exercise, i realize i dont have those things and i will admit i do get a little depressed. I just hope my future wife will look past my average looking appearance and be more attracted to other things like maybe my character or even personality.

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I honestly don't feel any pressure to look a certain way. Sure, in movies you see folks with perfect six packs, but I don't feel like I have to look like that. I eat healthy and exercise frequently, but it's more for me than it is to attract someone. Physical attractiveness tends to be more important on women than it is for men.

That said, exercise does help with a man building his attractiveness, but it's not necessarily related to how he looks. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can help build confidence and discipline, which are attractive traits.

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Anyone else think that in all my old posts, I sound about twelve?

 

xxx

 

Whenever I see a post I've written that's more than a few months old, I always want to go back in time and strangle myself...even if I still agree with the general opinion being expressed....

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I am very self conscious about my appearance, but it has nothing to do with guys in movies. When I was a kid I was kinda chubby. My brother used to call me "fatso". My grandpa (now passed away) also made fun of me. He once pointed out a kid in a restaurant and said "Zeke, look. He looks like you before you got fat." That memory still hurts when I think about it. I look back now, and in all honesty, I wasn't that heavy. I was chubby, but not obese. So later when I got older I stayed away from girls and I became more and more reserved and guarded (by the way, not only due to criticism of my weight, but that's another tale). I thought I wasn't attractive enough to be liked. By this time I was starting to realize that all the guys in movies who had girlfriends were "hot". I felt the need to hide my weight. I never took my shirt off even with just my family. I would hold a pillow on my lap if I had eaten a big supper. As a result of this and other things, I became very depressed.

Fast forward to a few years ago and I dropped 30 lbs. I've kept the weight off, and I exercise more than I used to. But I still view myself as heavy. I feel like I'm inferior to other guys. I look around down here and all I see are muscled out guys with skinny girlfriends. Then I look at myself and see something that makes me depressed. This is with me in the best shape of my life. I feel extremely pressured to get "hot" before I seek a young woman because I feel like if I don't, I'll be rejected or laughed at. I don't mean that I think women only care about looks, I'm just saying that this is my fear that is a product of a lifetime of mockery and pressure.

The other day while I was out running with a friend, he mentioned that I looked skinny. At first I thought he was just being a good friend, but now I think: Am I really that hard on myself? Am I the only one who thinks I look ugly?

I honestly have no idea if I am attractive or not. I have never known what it's like to be considered attractive. I only know what it's like to be not good enough. So to answer the question: Yes, I and I'm sure a lot of other guys feel extremely pressured to be what the media considers attractive with abs and bulging biceps. But this is not always a result of media pressure. In my case, it started as a kid being made fun of. This is something I still struggle with.

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I am very self conscious about my appearance, but it has nothing to do with guys in movies. When I was a kid I was kinda chubby. My brother used to call me "fatso". My grandpa (now passed away) also made fun of me. He once pointed out a kid in a restaurant and said "Zeke, look. He looks like you before you got fat." That memory still hurts when I think about it. I look back now, and in all honesty, I wasn't that heavy. I was chubby, but not obese. So later when I got older I stayed away from girls and I became more and more reserved and guarded (by the way, not only due to criticism of my weight, but that's another tale). I thought I wasn't attractive enough to be liked. By this time I was starting to realize that all the guys in movies who had girlfriends were "hot". I felt the need to hide my weight. I never took my shirt off even with just my family. I would hold a pillow on my lap if I had eaten a big supper. As a result of this and other things, I became very depressed.

Fast forward to a few years ago and I dropped 30 lbs. I've kept the weight off, and I exercise more than I used to. But I still view myself as heavy. I feel like I'm inferior to other guys. I look around down here and all I see are muscled out guys with skinny girlfriends. Then I look at myself and see something that makes me depressed. This is with me in the best shape of my life. I feel extremely pressured to get "hot" before I seek a young woman because I feel like if I don't, I'll be rejected or laughed at. I don't mean that I think women only care about looks, I'm just saying that this is my fear that is a product of a lifetime of mockery and pressure.

The other day while I was out running with a friend, he mentioned that I looked skinny. At first I thought he was just being a good friend, but now I think: Am I really that hard on myself? Am I the only one who thinks I look ugly?

I honestly have no idea if I am attractive or not. I have never known what it's like to be considered attractive. I only know what it's like to be not good enough. So to answer the question: Yes, I and I'm sure a lot of other guys feel extremely pressured to be what the media considers attractive with abs and bulging biceps. But this is not always a result of media pressure. In my case, it started as a kid being made fun of. This is something I still struggle with.

Zeke,

     Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us about male appearance. I am sorry to hear about your past experiences and the fact that you still struggle because of them.  You are probably have heard of the English nursery rhyme, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me." Well, I don't believe it. I do think words can hurt someone as much as sticks or stones.  I know my own past experiences have in a way affected my perception of myself.   

 

     Finally, you wrote, "This is with me in the best shape of my life." and to me this stands out in your post. I think that it is great that you feel that way and I think it is something to hold onto, something to remmember. Yes, there will always be people that criticize you but I think you yourself know deep down how you perceive yourself and I think that is valuable.

 

Hang in there, :).  

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Thank you for the encouragement.

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I have to admit, where I come from appearance, attitude, and shiny objects means everything. Here's how I know why...

   About a year ago my confidence in life hit a rock bottom. I was very depressed, I would never go out, I didn't have a car, I didn't have the best cell phone, and I was out of shape. When I would try to talk to people they would look down on me and treat me like dirt because I didn't look or act to par. Today I am very toned physically, I go to the tanners, I dress like I'm a men's magazine model all the time, I have the best smart phone on the market, I drive a Lincoln luxury car, and I have more of a no nonsense mentality. I've associated with the same people with different faces that I dealt with the previous year. The difference is night and day.    

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Id like to chime in here. This is my toughest battle right now among other things. Do i feel pressured to look a certain way? ABSOLUTELY!

Ive been a computer nerd ever since i was about 4 years old. I would sit on my dads lap and we would do things on his Microsoft 3.1 together. I built my first computer when i was 8 years old. I enjoy anything computer or technology related...video games, programming, graphics design, web development, video editing and production, you name it.

Now obviously spending a majority of my time sitting in front of a screen was not condusive to a healthy body. Ive been overweight since about 4th grade. I was ridiculed in school as the fat kid, especially in middle and high school. Rejected by all the girls i ever persued except one, who dated me for 6 months before dumping me. In the adult world people generally dont just openly insult you, but theres a certain deameanor ive seen with most women where they will be nice and maybe hold conversation but their body language and tone shows that they are just being nice. When ive showed interest in women they just get this "would never happen cause your fat" or " are you really showing interest in me? gross!" kind of expression/attitude, as if im not worthy of being a romantic interest.

Thats certainly not EVERY woman, but the vast majority, even christian girls at church wont really give me the time of day. so again do i feel pressured to not be fat? ABSOLUTELY yes. I have massive confidence problems due to how ive been treated, yet I dont blame other people, its my own fault that im overweight.

Both women and men feel pressured to look attractive. Ive finally taken the initiative to be healthy, and ive actually lost 80 lbs since january, and i have another 50 to go before i feel comfortable in my own skin.

The way I look at it is

1. I want to be in good health, we only get one body to take care of.

2. I want to find myself attractive, confidence!

3. I want my future spouse to be pleased with my body.

I hope this helps

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I'm glad you've taken that initiative. Being overweight is not okay. Obesity is a personal choice to live a destructive lifestyle that burdens both the individual and society.

 

As far as the original question. It's pretty common for men and women to chase the sculpture look-alikes. Biologically, I could totally understand someone not wanting to date a man with TCS. The lack of hormone release is just a defense mechanism from passing those genes onward. If being morbidly obese or having a tail or whatever had the same positive stimulation that a genetically "perfect" Greek god look alike produced we'd be having a pity party for those people who are in the perfectly sculpted category too.

 

Physical appearance is definitely important to me as a man. Unfortunately, most women worry about the stuff that really doesn't matter each morning while all most guys care about is the bust-waist-hip ratio that produces the most successful mothers. :D

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...I couldn't help but think, "You won't even settle for average? He could be the nicest man in the world, but you won't even give him a chance because he looks a certain way?" To me, that's like saying, "I won't go out with him because he has blue eyes and I only date guys with brown."

I actually thought to myself, "Well, that works out brilliantly for me then: you girls can go after your Adonis-lookalikes who every other girl is fighting you for, meanwhile all the wonderful average-looking guys who none of you are interested in are left for me!"

xxx

 

I truncated a little for brevity...

 

I noticed this post was from 2012.  If there are so many average guys, I wonder if Jegsy had been single from this post up until the time I have posted this reply to it.

 

I am NOT PICKING ON Jegsy.  I just wonder if it is worth mentioning that if it is so much easier to date average guys, then it would be worth knowing how that has worked out for a lady who has claimed that this was indeed a bonus.  I would appreciate an update just for curiosity's sake.

 

Can anyone get a hold of Jegsy for us for an update?  Credibility is a powerful way to get one's point across...

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I truncated a little for brevity...

 

I noticed this post was from 2012.  If there are so many average guys, I wonder if Jegsy had been single from this post up until the time I have posted this reply to it.

 

I am NOT PICKING ON Jegsy.  I just wonder if it is worth mentioning that if it is so much easier to date average guys, then it would be worth knowing how that has worked out for a lady who has claimed that this was indeed a bonus.  I would appreciate an update just for curiosity's sake.

 

Can anyone get a hold of Jegsy for us for an update?  Credibility is a powerful way to get one's point across...

 

Yes, I've been single this whole time. I've been asked out on a date once, and that's it. I don't know, I guess the guy was kind of "average" looking, although I'm not sure how you judge that.

 

I mean, I wasn't really trying to make a point, per se. I just figured back then that having impossible standards for what you want your future husband to look like is probably going to limit you in who you date, and means you might miss out on someone really special. I still think that's probably true - seems pretty commonsensical, but no way to prove it.

 

Sorry I can't be any more help!

 

xxx

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Hmm. I'd have to think about that. I don't really feel pressured to look a certain way. I feel like guys have it kind of easy in that department.

For example, it seems more acceptable for a guy to be big and "thick" or rough-looking than it is for a girl.

From what I can tell, I guy doesn't have to be particularly good looking....as long as he has money. (half kidding) laugh.gif

Still, if I'm broken out I won't leave the house. I would kill for a change in the social norm that says guys can't wear makeup. I would totally wear makeup if it wouldn't make me feel stigmatized.

Also, like 60% of us end up losing our hair. That's the only place where I feel "expected to look a certain way" because I wonder what it'll be like when I have to shave my head "for real" and suddenly I'm "that bald guy" and don't fit the expectation of having hair. Mind you, I'm in the very early stages, so I've got a few years, but you can't fight nature once it's started. Thank God that Hair Cloning is in Phase II human trials, or I would be a nervous wreck every time I noticed a thin spot.

Well, I learned something new today. Never Googled that before. Also learned about the related "coloboma" hole in the iris thing. mellow.gif

Thinning hair is a sign of high testosterone, so +10 points for you  ;)

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