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Guest markb4

Obeying Your Husband

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Hey gals,

Time to ruffle some feathers, lol!

So when you get married, how much will you obey your husband? Will you obey him and do everything he says? Or will you obey and do the things that you and him agree on? Or do you believe obedience to the husband is something extremely outdated and has no place in your life? Etc?

Let's hear your answers.

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Interesting topic!

Personally, I am uncomfortable with the word 'obedience' as in my mind it implies a parent/child or master/servant relationship where there is a difference in status between the two parties.

I believe that the husband and wife should be on equal footing and be able to make mutually agreeable decisions. I would not be comfortable in a relationship where my husband had the final say on everything. I have my own thoughts and opinions and am not afraid to share them! :) I would hope that we could discuss whatever issues may arise and let both people have their say before reaching a decision.

There is a time and place in a marriage for dominance/sub-ordinance (perhaps in the bedroom! ;)) but I believe that in everyday life both partners should be on an equal footing.

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As our relationship is centered on God I will be submissive to my husband and he will be the head of our household and the spiritual leader.

This does not mean that a wife becomes a door mat. He will have the final say, but that does not mean we can not discuss issues that arise. Be assured all issues will be handled prayerfully!! There can be only one head!! 

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My marriage is an egalitarian one. My husband and I have different strengths and different weaknesses. Thus I defer to him on things like car maintenance, he defers to me on things like etiquette, and we make decisions equally on things like our budget and vacation plans. Our relationship has always been and always will be a partnership.

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Well, as a Christian I'm supposed to obey and let him be the leader...but...I don't see that happening. In an ideal situation there won't be a need for "obedience." We can figure stuff out, on equal grounds, together.

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To be fair, in Christianity, it's "submission" rather than "obedience" that's talked about. Obedience would imply that a wife had no say in anything that happened in marriage, and that's just not the case. Submission is a different matter. Husbands and wives are called to submit to each other in marriage (Ephesians 5:21). A Christian household imitates Christ and His Church. Therefore, husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 2:25). That means they act as servants, willing to give up everything, even their lives if necessary, out of love for their wife and family. Wives are called to be subject to their husbands as the Church is to Christ (Ephesians 5:22). That means they respect their husband's role as head of the family, and follows him if he is calling her or their family to a greater good.

 

However, it's not quite as simple as that. Christ's relationship to His Church is a perfect one, since He's the perfect bridegroom. Human husbands might not always be so perfect. Obviously, if a husband asks his wife to do something wrong, or that isn't in their family's best interests, then she can't submit to him in that, because her submission to God must always come first. And if the husband is unable to be a strong leader, either because of his own faults or because of something outside his control like illness, then the wife might have to step up and take on a primary leadership role rather than just a secondary role. It's the same if a wife can't fulfil the role of primary caregiver, and the husband would have to take on a more primary role rather than just a secondary role. But both husband and wife are expected to be both leaders and caregivers, just in different ways, and it will have to vary depending on the situation.

 

[Link deleted, so they don't get any more traffic...]

 

Here's a fun article that I'm sure more than just this person believes. Go to "Feminism is an evil Communist agenda."

 

Wait a minute...That website looks familiar...Oh, I remember! That's one of those fun anti-Catholic sites!

 

You know, they've got the typical "Catholics worship Mary", "Catholics are going to Hell", etc. (and for some reason, they believe that Mary was pregnant with Jesus before the Angel Gabriel came, and God had no reason to ask for permission...?).

 

But my favourite thing on the site is their "List of Catholic Heresies", in which they've included wax candles, the Latin language, holy water, and condemnation of public schools (?). You're kind of playing hard and fast with your definition of "heresy", there.

 

xxx

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Gotta love websites like this. I just decided to delete the post because I wasn't thinking when I posted it. I really don't want it to get any more traffic than it already does!

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Gotta love websites like this. I just decided to delete the post because I wasn't thinking when I posted it. I really don't want it to get any more traffic than it already does!

 

Yeah, I thought the same when I was looking round it! I'll just delete the link, too...

 

xxx

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well ,

for me it is all about trust ... to  love & trust him enough to lead things ...

I should support & say my point of view , what I think we should do  

 but at the end of the day ,

I'd be glad & proud that my man made the decisions . :wub:

 

the perfect image would be , both of us discussing problems /issues .or whatever it is ... each speaks his mind & each takes the other one 's point of view into real consideration  ( not like passive hearing ) we pray about it together , then it is his call . 

 

but if someday he slips , or takes it to the extreme , I think I will step up , I have to 

 after all this is what is it about , if he is  gonna be the decision maker & the head of the family ,

he should be responsible & kind enough to earn the title otherwise .... that's not the deal . :)

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As has been stated before...obey - no.  Biblical submission - yes.  I'll try and expand later on.  

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I personally believe submission and obedience go hand in hand. The Bible does say wives submit yourselves to your husbands and husbands likewise so when your submitting yourself to your... ladies: husband and gentlemen: wives you are being obedient not only to the law of God but to each other. Yes there are boundaries and with being in a Godly marriage that all plays out so yes I will obey/submit to my husband.

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If you have a partnership with work, there is the big cheese, the bossman, who has the final say on things going on with the company if everyone does not agree. Marriage is the biggest partnership you will ever join, so it makes sense that the man, being head of the household, would have the overall deciding factor if you and your husband can not agree.

That is why it is so important for us ladies to choose wisely and pick a suitable man to be the head of our house and the father of our children. 

I have grown up, knowing the pain of someone choosing the wrong guy. My Baba( grandmother), is still married to an abusive guy, he has sent her to the hospital too many times :(  We try to get her to leave, but she won't. 

So ladies! Pick a great man to be the father of your children, and a great leader of your household! Once you get that man, remember to treat him kindly ;) As a wise woman said the best recipe for a happy marriage; Choose wisely and treat kindly!!

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My view of a good marriage dynamic is one in which the man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck: she can turn the head any way she wants!

 

All joking aside, I envision myself as being the kind of wife who expects my husband to consult with me on everything, not so that I can veto whatever I want to, but so that if there is a disagreement, we can reach a reasonable compromise. Overall, I think that the ability to support each other is much more important than agreeing on everything. And I would encourage my husband to take the lead because I am more comfortable (mostly) with following than leading. I think of being married as if we're on a hiking expedition. I'd be the navigator and my husband the group leader. He is the one out in front, guiding us along the trail and showing how to traverse the land, but I'm influencing which routes we take. We'd both have important roles to play. With that said, there is no need to agree with or blindly follow someone all the time.

 

Giving someone your support doesn't mean you agree with everything they do. Sometimes it simply means standing by your S.O., even if you disagree with their decision or actions. For instance, my father and my neighbor hate each other. The neighbor is a jackass and she knows it, but she disagrees with how my father handles it whenever he has an issue with the neighbor. He is often very antagonistic and will taunt my neighbor and my mom can't understand why he doesn't just walk away. She may disagree with how my dad handles skirmishes but she will back him up.

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As a Christian I will be submissive to my husband and trust him to lead us in a way that honors God. He in turn also has to do his part which means not abusing his place and protecting us. We will still discuss things together but in the end he should make the decision he believes is best for the whole family.

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I am not a girl, well last time I checked I wasn't. I have to agree with 29K, a Wife and Husband should be on equal footing. If my future wife thought I was being dominant, I would hope she has the sense to smack me across the face with a sock and tell me to snap out of it.

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Never!

Excuse my bluntness but sssheeeeiitt, I dont do obedience. I feel as though this is for inadequate men to feel somewhat superior, like how some women have to dumb themselves down just to get a guy so they dont intimidate him SMH. Last time I checked I wasnt a dog, I am capable of making my own decisions ive gotten this far. So why in the hell would I all of a sudden need a man to tell me what I should and shouldnt do?

Im all about balance, obviously if I am not good at certain things he should take over and visa versa.

I also understand though that people have certain beliefs that their husband is whom they should submit to and thats ok. Im coming from a different place, a place of anger and experience with jerks, chauvinistic types of men who expect everything from their women and give them nothing in return.

if its coming from mutual love and respect I think its great, if its coming strictly out of dominance then hell no.

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This is usually mentioned a lot when dealing with spiritual, religious or Christian conversation regarding roles for the genders.

 

Here are the verses I believe most of this springs from:

 

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

 

Here is a standard definition of the word submit "accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person"

 

I've always understood this as teaching regarding spiritual matters as in the husband is the head when it comes to spiritual matters. When they husband and wife are in prayer and seek guidance from God regarding decisions and family direction they are equals, they each have their opinion but it is the husband's decision that is the "tie breaker" and he is supposed to be seeking God and not acting of his own selfishness but out of obedience to God.

 

The crux of the matter is, the woman is commanded to "submit" meaning, it is her choice. It is up to her to choose whether to submit or whether not to. It isn't the husband's role as king to demand she do anything. It is her free choice. If you also notice the man is commanded to love her as he loves himself. How many guys get that right? A woman would probably not be willing to submit in spiritual affairs if he doesn't love her they way he is commanded. If he loved her the way he is commanded and if she trusted in his ability to lead and make wise decisions then she might be more wiling to go with his decisions after they've talked an issue out.

 

Much of the discussion I've heard in the church is that many women are disappointed in their guys for not being strong spirituals leaders of their families and the guy is kind of passive and lazy and the woman is forced to be the leader and many don't like that. They wish their guys were leaders that they could trust and that they may be willing to submit when a tough decision needs to be made.

 

Regardless, it is her choice. If the guy isn't sound or trustworthy than she probably shouldn't follow his lead. If she doesn't respect him she probably won't want to follow his lead. I believe I've read before that even with really successful women, women who are leaders and decision makers in their professions will many times still, deep down want their man to be a strong, decisive leader and when she comes home at night she doesn't really want a guy who is weak and wants her to decide everything.

 

Anyway, any guy that throws this in a woman's face as if he is king and she has to everything he says is a fool and that's not what is said and she can throw back at him, you are supposed to love me like you love yourself.

 

I've heard it taught before that we are told to give the other these things because that is what the other needs...it fulfills a hard wired need each gender has. Women aren't instructed to love because women are naturally loving. Men are more selfish (as a rule) and it is harder to love unselfishly and it is what a woman needs. Men aren't instructed to respect because it comes more natural and being respected is a need most men have and it is harder for women to give (the stereotypical hen pecking wife who fusses at her husband all day and belittles him and tells him what to do comes to mind).

 

Anyway men and women are equals per scripture but if there is an impasse or big spiritual decision the husband is supposed to be the tie breaker and it isn't his "right" it is the woman's choice if she chooses to submit to his decision. He is supposed to love her as himself.

 

Here's what love looks like according to scripture:

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

 

I think this is better than any secular definition of love. It doesn't get any better than this.

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ps - this was a response based on the Christian faith to those to believe on the Christian faith (what does the Christian faith teach Christians to do in marriage).

 

If you don't then just ignore everything I just typed :lol:

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This is usually mentioned a lot when dealing with spiritual, religious or Christian conversation regarding roles for the genders.

 

Here are the verses I believe most of this springs from:

 

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

 

Here is a standard definition of the word submit "accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person"

 

I've always understood this as teaching regarding spiritual matters as in the husband is the head when it comes to spiritual matters. When they husband and wife are in prayer and seek guidance from God regarding decisions and family direction they are equals, they each have their opinion but it is the husband's decision that is the "tie breaker" and he is supposed to be seeking God and not acting of his own selfishness but out of obedience to God.

 

The crux of the matter is, the woman is commanded to "submit" meaning, it is her choice. It is up to her to choose whether to submit or whether not to. It isn't the husband's role as king to demand she do anything. It is her free choice. If you also notice the man is commanded to love her and he loves himself. How many guys get that right? A woman would probably not be willing to submit in spiritual affairs if he doesn't love her they way he is commanded. If he loved her the way he is commanded and if she trusted in his ability to lead and make wise decisions then she might be more wiling to go with his decisions after they've talked an issue out.

 

Much of the discussion I've heard in the church is that many women are disappointed in their guys for not being strong spirituals leaders of their families and the guy is kind of passive and lazy and the woman is forced to be the leader and many don't like that. I wish their guys were leaders that they could trust and that they may be willing to submit when a tough decision needs to be made.

 

Regardless, it is her choice. If the guy isn't sound or trustworthy than she probably shouldn't follow his lead. If she doesn't respect him she probably won't want to follow his lead. I believe I've read before that even with really successful women, women who are leaders and decision makers in their professions many times still, deep down want their man to be a strong, decisive leader and when she comes home at night she doesn't really want a guy who is weak and wants her to decide everything.

 

Anyway, any guy that throws this in a woman's face as if he is king and she has to everything he says is a fool and that's not what is said and she can throw back at him, you are supposed to love me like you love yourself.

 

I've heard it taught before that we are told to give the other these things because that is what the other needs...it fulfills a hire wired need each gender has. Women aren't instructed to love because women are loving naturally. Men are more selfish (as a rule) and it is harder to love unselfishly and it is what a woman needs. Men aren't instructed to respect because it comes more natural and being respected is a need most men have and it is harder for women to give (the stereotypical hen pecking wife who fusses at her husband all day and belittles him and tells him what to do comes to mind).

 

Anyway men are women are equals per scripture but if there is an impasse or big spiritual decision the husband is supposed to be the tie breaker and it isn't his "right" it is the woman's choice if she chooses to submit to his decision. He is supposed to love her as himself.

 

Here's what love looks like according to scripture:

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

 

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

 

I think this is better than any secular definition of love. It doesn't get any better than this.

Woah....... just woah! :)

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I will want my man to lead but that doesn't mean I'll be a door mat. If I don't agree with him on something I will expect him to respect that

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No, I will not obey or submit to my husband in any way (especially not sexually, I'm not into that shit). He can't make me do anything I don't want to do, nor should he expect me to or think I should do whatever he wants.

I'm just not going to do whatever my husband wants, especially if I disagree on what he wants.

I will not date or marry anybody that believes in this BS.

My husband and I will be equals. Sure, one of us might take charge at times, but that doesn't mean we can make the other do whatever we want.

 

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Ultimately, I think we should balance each other. That's one of the reasons I like guys who I have every little in common with. However, I hate making decisions. So, I need to be with someone who is capable of making decisions, and willing to if I can't, but who will let me if I have a definitive opinion.

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