Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
TheCrowing

Most annoying WTM criticism?

31 posts in this topic

I don't think I've ever got a truly negative reaction for my stance.  It's usually some variant of "I like/respect that, but I couldn't do it".  Then again I don't really bring it up often in regular conversation.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the prospect of an inexperienced person being terrible in bed is overly exaggerated. Just because a person is inexperienced does not mean that they will be a terrible lover. I'd be much more willing to take a guy who's never had sex before, but is tuned in to pleasing me and willing to take his time figuring out what really turns me on, over a guy who's pumped and dumped 50 women and never given a thought to their pleasure.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎4‎/‎20‎/‎2014 at 1:10 PM, PaulJustPaul said:

As the only waiter in my family, typically my siblings, or even my housemates, criticize or "are just curious about" (i.e, criticize) my choice.  This is what comes up a lot:

 

"How do you know if you're sexually compatible?  You could get married, find out you're NOT, and then you might divorce."

- Physical compatibility can come from personal compatibility.  If you know the person, you know what to do to please them.  Furthermore, if you've never had experience prior to being with that person, you won't have any to compare it to.  Thus, that sex will be the best you've had, because it's the ONLY you've had.

 

"What if you're in love? Would you do it then?"

- If we're really in love (not the kind a teenage boy tells his girlfriend to try and get some poon), we will get married.

 

"Marriage is just a public ceremony - it doesn't mean anything.  Why wait to get those papers signed before you become intimate?"

- Many argue that sex is for procreation and pleasure.  But it is only pleasurable because those who, in our evolutionary ancestry, have experience sexual pleasure were motivated to have sex more often, thus passing on those genes that allow for pleasure during sex.

Thus, sex is for procreation - for having babies.  If I'm going to have sex with someone, I'm going to do it with every intention of having a baby with her.  It may not mean that a baby is wanted immediately after marriage, but at least we'll be getting prepared for it, and have decided that we do want to have kids.

Marriage comes in to this equation because, as I like to say, marriage is a BEAUTIFUL TRAP.  Going through the process of making it legally binding makes the promise of commitment more real - there can be financial and legal consequences of leaving the marriage.  So it makes the two partners darn certain of their decision.  A man can easily get a woman pregnant, and then walk away, if they are not married.  By getting married, you make sure that never happens.

 

And I want to touch on something that  said:

 

 

One expression I get a lot is about judgement of others.  "Do you judge me for not waiting?" "Do you think I'm a bad person?" Or they will say things like  "I've had sex before, and not regretted it," or "It's just not for everyone."  This is what I would say to someone who expresses these thoughts:

 

- But you SHOULD regret it.  Just because you don't feel bad about it doesn't mean it is morally okay - it means you do not see the potential negative moral consequences for others.  You don't deem it morally wrong, but you cannot insist that someone else accept moral relativism (a philosophy which, frankly, just seems like an easy way to justify one's actions and never feel regret for their actions; people have being uncomfortable, and if they can eliminate any negative feelings, they will.)  If I am waiting, it is because I consider NOT waiting to be a moral wrong, a disservice to others.  With that taken for granted, there is no way I would accept this statement that "it all a matter of choice." People make choices all the time - doesn't mean all of them are right.

       Okay, first of all, unlike a lot of other people here, I don't give a s*** what anyone thinks of my personal decisions.  Also, I tend to keep my business to myself, so I won't openly tell people I'm wtm or whatever else I think or believe in, unless it comes up in conversation directly at me.  And even then, so what?  Criticism is criticism, judgment is judgment, whether it comes from someone you care about or not.  Just because they are someone I care about doesn't make me view their opinion any higher than mine, so I don't get worked up over these kinds of things.  After all, I've put a lot of thought into the important decisions I make in my life, well at least most of them lol. 

        As far as physical compatibility, I've heard of stories where people are personally compatible, but not sexually compatible.  But I figure if you love that person and they love you, then you compromise / compensate, and work to make it better, even if it means going to a sexual therapist, you know? 

      Also, my blood was a bit boiling, so I had to respond when you said sex is just for procreation.  Really?!  I mean, I'm guessing you might be a Christian or something like that, and maybe that's how you view it, but seriously... some people don't even experience sexual pleasure due to health reasons, can't even have sex, etc.  Sometimes people aren't even necessarily motivated by sexual pleasure on purpose, whether their own or the spouse's.  Bonding purposes / exploring intimacy together for instance could be primary motivations behind having sex.  Or maybe they are using sex as a way to physically express their love for their spouse as a means to physically express love for its own sake and own purpose.  In addition, some people are not ever able to biologically procreate from birth, as it is in their DNA to have that destiny.  If sex was truly designed solely for procreation, then "God" would have designed / prevented people from being born without the potential to have kids.  In addition, not everyone plans on having children, so they don't view sex as a procreation activity... we are not dictated by biological instincts and markers, only unless we choose to be. 

         Something else I challenge you to think about is translating legal marriage into a marriage that means it has more legitimate / real commitment involved.  Making it harder for someone to leave because they are involved in consequences of legal entanglement is not love.  To me, that just reeks of having control issues and fearing that the marriage isn't as stable as you actually would like it to be from the start.  If it's for religious reasons, fine.  But other than that, legal contracts do not necessarily translate into a contract made from the heart.  There was a time when legalities did not exist, but some people still stayed committed to their partner because they made a commitment from the heart.  And I personally would not be comfortable thinking that maybe the reason why someone was staying committed to me was due to the fear of financial and legal consequences, because if they were, they probably wouldn't tell you or at least would deny it.  Anyway, to have a marriage contract is like making a deal with an enemy.  It's like, "You continue to love and be with me, and everything will be okay.  But should you choose to leave, then you will be financially and legally screwed over by me because I love you so and also love having the upper hand.  I don't really trust you'll stick around and I can't deal with that without making you pay for it, so here, please sign this contract that will 'ball and chain' you to me.  Oh, but did I mention though that I love you?"  That sounds psychotic to me. 

          Don't misunderstand, I would be monogamous with the right person, but I think love is not supposed to be a trap.  A trap is what hunters use to catch scared animals that have their own personal wants and desires.  Traps are never beautiful.  Allowing the other person to have choice, a freedom, an autonomy of their own shows love, and when you show genuine true love, most of the time that person will want to stay with you and be committed to you even more.  That's unconditional love.  It may sound counterintuitive for some, but it's like trying to squeeze and hold onto water, it just flows faster out of your hand that way.  But if you lightly cup water into your hands, it stays.  I've worked at a family law office, and dealt with many and various cases, so I know how crazy / depressing divorce can get, especially in the cases where children are involved.  That just shows if someone wants to leave, they're probably going to leave anyway; many people divorce despite knowing the financial / legal consequences it will cost them.  And what if two people just naturally grow apart, or one person had a moment of weakness that can't be mended in the marriage?  The couple will pay enough with the emotional / mental / psychological pain that will be inevitable, why cause more damage by royally screwing over both parties with court fines / paperwork, etc.? 

      In addition, yes it could be easy for a man / woman to just walk out when a child is involved in the picture.  But hypothetically speaking, if I ever had a child, I would want them to have a father who wouldn't need a piece of paper for them to want to stick around.  If my hypothetical child had a father who needed a contract to keep him committed to our family, then honestly I wouldn't even want him in the picture, my child would be better off without that father anyway.  A child needs to be loved with a love that just doesn't come from a sense of obligation, but from the heart.  To me, a contract that comes from the heart is what matters, and I won't settle for anything less than that, like a piece of paper.  That is not to say marriage contracts mean nothing to other couples, but that is because they already made a commitment from the heart, the paper is just an extra symbolic commitment.  Nothing is certain in life except uncertainty; sometimes people who even believe they want kids end up realizing they made a "mistake."  This is why I encourage people to foster first or shadow a day in the life of a family for at least a couple months, who have less than well behaved kids.  Hanging out a couple hours a day with a kid or your little cousin ain't going to give you a realistic perspective of what it takes to raise a child and therefore how you actually feel / what you actually think about it.  Because there is no guarantee that just because one thinks they and their spouse are decent people, that their child will come out resembling their parents in any way.  Especially with vegans, I'm always surprised when they don't plan on adopting, since they claim to be vegan to alleviate the suffering and pain of sentient beings.  There are many scared, frightened abused children who just want love in the foster care / child protective services system.  Many of them are drugged with antipsychotic medication just because they are crying and in fear.  Plus who is to say your biological kid will end up being vegan?  You could end up bringing another omnivore into the world.  At least when you adopt, you can find out if the child is keen to learning about veganism or wants to be a vegan.  But that's another story...

   As far as what people should and shouldn't do, I don't care.  And not that I don't care in the sense that I am a psychopath or whatever, but in the sense that people are going to do what they want to do.  It's a matter of choice despite there being a right or wrong choice, but still, I'm not going to get worked up over decisions people do or don't make.  Nor do they have to for the choices I make.  Sometimes even right decisions end up with negative outcomes and vice versa.  I think everything happens for a reason... if freedom to make a choice was not meant to be, then I don't think the freedom of choice would exist.  This of course does not detract from the concept there is right and wrong, and the importance of making right decisions, but why waste my time criticizing other people?  It would probably only make things worse anyway.  No one lives up to their own moral standards all the time too.  It's best to just live by example than lecture other people.  When you literally point a finger at someone, sometimes there are four fingers pointing right back at you, and this can be taken metaphorically too  I think it's acceptable to make judgment statements about people's decisions, if I decided to waste my time and energy doing pointless stuff like that, but I'm not about to judge people's feelings.  People have a right to feel what they feel, even if I don't like their feelings or wouldn't feel that way myself in said situation.  No one should be told to feel anyway else than what they do.  I will always defend the right for people to feel what they feel. no one should dictate or take that away from them.  It's more of the decision that they attach to this feeling that I think could change and be assessed by someone else, should they care to do so.  But, I have better things to do than that, I just like to debate for fun, or unless someone really fires me up.  :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't think of a specific quote off the top of my head but I've said something similar on here before.

Basically I hate how people think that it's all about saving your "first time" and "virginity" when in reality at least from my point of view I'm not just waiting for that one time I'm saving all of the times after that too only for that one person.

I said to my friend after he said something like "well the first times nothing special to wait for and once it's gone it's gone why not just do it"

I replied along the lines of "it's not as if I'm going to get married have the wedding night and then say by hubby you've had my virginity so now I'm off to have sex with randomers."

No! from then on we are only each others and will learn and experience many firsts and unique experiences together.

Not to mention that way of thinking completely disregards non virgin waiters.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Luckily, I don't really get any direct criticism for my choice to wait, but you can sure find a lot of it on the internet. 

The sexual incompatibility argument is silly. If you have good communication with your significant other beforehand and know what you'll be in to, I don't see a problem. That one is so annoying.

The argument that I've seen a lot lately that really bothers me is: "Why are we putting so much value on a woman's virginity?" They think its some kind of creepy, unnatural thing. It makes me sad, because, number 1, we're putting value on both a man's and woman's virginity. And number 2, virginity to us isn't just the lack of the physical act, but also the intimate connection. Its something we see value in. I cannot imagine choosing to have that connection with someone who I am not committed to and worrying that I may someday move on and have that connection with someone else. I think we just all really want to have that real, true love with our spouse and feel so connected as each other's one and only.

The decision of waiting until marriage is so misunderstood these days. Everyone just wants instant gratification in so many areas of life. The art of patience is completely lost in our wold.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0