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TheCrowing

Most annoying WTM criticism?

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Okay, let's hear them! Name that one criticism of WTM that really makes your eyes roll, blood boil, etc. Mine is without a doubt the following:

 

"Why would you buy a car without test driving it?"

 

The whole analogy is ridiculous. Comparing people to cars, placing sex above all else in marriage, and most of all... acting as if poor and/or inexperienced sex is a permanent condition that can never be improved with time. :rolleyes:

 

Sometimes I play along with it though, responding with something like "Why put extra miles on a car that you know you're going to buy if you don't have to?" They usually don't say much after that lol.

 

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Some of the most annoying criticisms to me are:

 

- when people who have been in countless failed relationships call me a loser because I “don't know how relationships workâ€

-because I’m WTM people start criticizing me for being religious, even though I’m not

-people think that because I’m WTM everything I do and think revolves around sex, that its the most important thing in the world to me, its not


I think like most WTM people, I really hate the "Why would you buy a car without test driving it?" analogy. But, whenever people ask me I just reply with: “wouldn't you want a new car instead of a used car?â€

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Perhaps the only annoying thing is that they care so much about how other's want to live their life.

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I heard a lot of criticisms that were personally addressed to me, here are some of the most annoying:

 

    -You are living in a Disney world!

    -You are living in a wrong time

    - You will say the same when you are 40! (meaning i will never find someone ever!)

 

one thing that made me confuse was this comment: (which you all are free to give your comments to)

  

      -someone told me: "yes, sex is not the most important thing in a bf/gf relationship but it is still important thus should be part of it or else it wont work"

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Good grief where do I begin? How about all of them! 

 

-"Test driving the car...yadda yadda"...such an asinine comparison.

 

- "She/you won't be good at it on your wedding night, etc." a) Um..who CARES!? b ) Not that either one of us knows what it *should* be like anyway and c) we have PLENTY of time (read: rest of our lives) to practice!

 

-"maybe he's actually gay, etc."- not even worth commenting on

 

-"what if you're not sexually compatible?"- AKA a more serious version of the "test drive the car"...well let's see...I'm a man and she's a woman...and we're into each other in every way...my question would be "how could we NOT be sexually compatible??"

 

-"people only wait cuz their religion tells them" - obviously not true...plenty of non-religious people wait as evidenced by several members on this site. I am waiting for religious reasons but ALSO for a whole host of other reasons!

 

-"you'll never meet someone who will wait, sex is an important part of a relationship,etc." - again this stands refuted by many members of this site including myself.

 

Those are the ones I could think of off-hand. I'm sure there's others! :P  

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The bad part is, they don't believe that I am a waiter.

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Here are some of the arguments I've heard:

 

"You can view it as making love and the physicality involved in having sex is another important part of BONDING. Women love bonding sessions and most men need sex regularly, it's give & take, so if they want to keep a man they have to give it up."

 

"Girls don't understand why sex is important because they're not guys. Sex is important. It's biological. Even if we don't want to think about sex, if we're attracted to you, we're going to think about sex. It's like trying to tell a girl not to find something small and cuddly cute. I don't want to marry a slut, but I also don't want to marry a virgin who hasn't experienced anything and doesn't know how to please me."

 

"Because for 98% of men sex is VERY important! Put it this way. On a biology standpoint, Women are emotional. Men are physical. So with that being said. We want sex (a physical act) as much as YOU want love (an emotional act). Our desire should not be less creditable because it's not important to you. Because would you stay with a guy that denied you love for years? He never once tells you or shows you that he's loves you for years? Probably not. Because love matters to you. As much as sex matters to him."

 

"If you find a guy that is willing to "wait" for you until marriage. There is a 99% chance that he will cheat on you. Set that in stone."

 

"Sex after marriage is a fools goal. Just being honest."

 

“You don't want to marry without knowing EVERYTHING about your partner. There is no better way to do that than to live with someone and have sex. This should be common sense.â€

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I just had my first experience with opposition about my choice to wait. (I usually experience support or they just shut their mouths) Since it happened just yesterday, I have direct quotes from him. :P 

 

When talking about being proud of your virginity: "why are you proud of that? Its like being proud of never going to a waterpark or never riding a roller coaster"

 

"I'm not saying you should sleep with me or even give it up after a few dates. but holding out until you're married is silly...guys are wired to really want it and if you hold that over a guy he will rush to marry you faster bc he really wants that when you should be spending more time getting to know each other."

 

"I think thats really silly, two virgins marrying. thats like two people who don't know how to swim trying to teach each other"

 

Me: "and why wouldn't I want to give my husband this gift meant only for him? Why wouldn't I want to have that special connect with just him."

 

Him: "it would be a better gift to him if you knew what you were doing"

 

Sigh.... :P

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I just had my first experience with opposition about my choice to wait. (I usually experience support or they just shut their mouths) Since it happened just yesterday, I have direct quotes from him. :P

 

When talking about being proud of your virginity: "why are you proud of that? Its like being proud of never going to a waterpark or never riding a roller coaster"

 

"I'm not saying you should sleep with me or even give it up after a few dates. but holding out until you're married is silly...guys are wired to really want it and if you hold that over a guy he will rush to marry you faster bc he really wants that when you should be spending more time getting to know each other."

 

"I think thats really silly, two virgins marrying. thats like two people who don't know how to swim trying to teach each other"

 

Me: "and why wouldn't I want to give my husband this gift meant only for him? Why wouldn't I want to have that special connect with just him."

 

Him: "it would be a better gift to him if you knew what you were doing"

 

Sigh.... :P

What a jerk. I guess if this were someone you knew well it would be more appropriate to voice an opinion, but it still should be stated more politely and prefaced with phrases like, "To me," or "in my opinion."

 

Also, that last one shows he he has no idea what the gift is if he thinks being good at it the first time around is the gift. He apparently thinks the gift is amazing sex as opposed to getting to be a girl's only.

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Sorry you had to experience that, Nicole. As I alluded to in my original post, the "inexperienced wife/husband" argument is ridiculously bad logic. This person obviously wouldn't look down on a virgin having sex before marriage, when one must deal with all the same inexperience. If the main goal is to avoid less-than-great sex, then one shouldn't be open to sleeping with virgins, ever, in which case nobody would ever have sex! The notion that one can easily improve their sexual ability before marriage but once married, it becomes this horrible, permanent burden left for their spouse to deal with...c'mon lol. It's sad that this might be the criticism that I hear more than any other, too.

All I normally ask of non-waiters is that they at least make an attempt to understand the WTM lifestyle. Disagreeing is fine, but all waiters deserve respect and understanding. I know several non-waiters who, despite the fact that they've never waited because the choice is not for them, still "get it" and respect the lifestyle.

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I've heard all of these arguments, but I have to say that my favorite so far is, "But what if you DIE before you ever have sex?". LOL As if having sex is the be-all and end-all of great life experiences! I agree, it would be a shame if I die in a car crash tomorrow without ever having experienced sex. What I'm more concerned about is never having known real romantic love. But if I'm dead, how will I know what I missed?

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Many of the arguments we hear against waiting are based solely on the perspective of short-term, casual relationships. People who are on the lookout for a marriage partner or even a serious relationship tend to be much more understanding of waiters.

 

Let's take the car analogy and twist it around a bit. Say you don't have much money (and money = emotional investment in a relationship). Well, if you don't have much money to buy a car, you're just going to buy whatever looks good enough to suit your needs at the time (as with a casual relationship). So you take it for a test drive to see if it's the right fit, essentially trying it on for size.

 

But let's say you've come into some money. You've got a lot of money to invest, and you're really looking for THE perfect car. You've been looking for months, or even years. You've tested tons of cars before, and they've all turned out to have something or other wrong with them, or maybe they just weren't quite what you needed at the time. But now you want something that will last and you are sick of trying out car after car.

 

Then one day, you see it on the lot: that perfect, shiny, brand-new car. You know it's the right one for you the minute you sit in the driver's seat. You get a feel for the controls, the way the seat envelops you, even the smell. Everything about this car just FEELS so right. You just know it's going to be the perfect fit, so you decide you're going to take the leap without even testing it.

 

You drive it off the lot. At first, the handling is a little clunky and it does take some time for you to figure out how to work with the car best to make it do what you want, but after a little while it's smooth sailing. You might have the occasional pothole to deal with, but doesn't everyone?

 

A car is a mechanical object. It cannot learn to do things it was not built for, and it does not have the capacity to please you in ways that it wasn't meant to (now if they ever develop a car that pops out microwave pizzas, that could change!).

 

People can learn and grow, and change the way they do things to please you because they love you. Cars cannot. That is why they are test-driven. If you come at relationships with a temporary, "try it on" mindset, they won't last no matter how great the sex may be.

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As the only waiter in my family, typically my siblings, or even my housemates, criticize or "are just curious about" (i.e, criticize) my choice.  This is what comes up a lot:

 

"How do you know if you're sexually compatible?  You could get married, find out you're NOT, and then you might divorce."

- Physical compatibility can come from personal compatibility.  If you know the person, you know what to do to please them.  Furthermore, if you've never had experience prior to being with that person, you won't have any to compare it to.  Thus, that sex will be the best you've had, because it's the ONLY you've had.

 

"What if you're in love? Would you do it then?"

- If we're really in love (not the kind a teenage boy tells his girlfriend to try and get some poon), we will get married.

 

"Marriage is just a public ceremony - it doesn't mean anything.  Why wait to get those papers signed before you become intimate?"

- Many argue that sex is for procreation and pleasure.  But it is only pleasurable because those who, in our evolutionary ancestry, have experience sexual pleasure were motivated to have sex more often, thus passing on those genes that allow for pleasure during sex.

Thus, sex is for procreation - for having babies.  If I'm going to have sex with someone, I'm going to do it with every intention of having a baby with her.  It may not mean that a baby is wanted immediately after marriage, but at least we'll be getting prepared for it, and have decided that we do want to have kids.

Marriage comes in to this equation because, as I like to say, marriage is a BEAUTIFUL TRAP.  Going through the process of making it legally binding makes the promise of commitment more real - there can be financial and legal consequences of leaving the marriage.  So it makes the two partners darn certain of their decision.  A man can easily get a woman pregnant, and then walk away, if they are not married.  By getting married, you make sure that never happens.

 

And I want to touch on something that  said:

 

I know several non-waiters who, despite the fact that they've never waited because the choice is not for them, still "get it" and respect the lifestyle.

 

One expression I get a lot is about judgement of others.  "Do you judge me for not waiting?" "Do you think I'm a bad person?" Or they will say things like  "I've had sex before, and not regretted it," or "It's just not for everyone."  This is what I would say to someone who expresses these thoughts:

 

- But you SHOULD regret it.  Just because you don't feel bad about it doesn't mean it is morally okay - it means you do not see the potential negative moral consequences for others.  You don't deem it morally wrong, but you cannot insist that someone else accept moral relativism (a philosophy which, frankly, just seems like an easy way to justify one's actions and never feel regret for their actions; people have being uncomfortable, and if they can eliminate any negative feelings, they will.)  If I am waiting, it is because I consider NOT waiting to be a moral wrong, a disservice to others.  With that taken for granted, there is no way I would accept this statement that "it all a matter of choice." People make choices all the time - doesn't mean all of them are right.

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Somebody once said to me I didn't know anything about sex cause I was waiting. Then he proceeded to say I wouldn't be any good at it, or know what to do. That urked me a little bit. So my reply was "There are just some things I know I'll be good at. Like the first time in first grade when I walked up to the plate I knew I'd be great at kickball, boom great a kickball, home run!"

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Dasboy,

 

That's the viewpoint of a person who is more casual about sex. Because his relationships have presumably all been sexually charged, he believes (wrongly) that sex is the most important thing. It's like that one article by Mike (I forget which one right now) in which he says that there's this belief that the more experienced party is rolling their eyes, waiting with mild frustration as you are learning and they are just waiting for you to "catch up". When you find true, lasting love, this is unlikely to be a huge concern because even if you wind up with someone who is more experienced, they likely will not have a list of partners that's a mile long. Like attracts like, so you're more likely to wind up with a wife who's "experience" adds up to a few long term, monogamous relationships.

 

And don't forget that the person who marries you loves YOU. She'll be excited because it's YOU who's fumbling with her zipper, not mentally urging you along. She'll be turned on because it's you who's kissing her breasts, not wishing you "just knew" the right way to do it. Even people who are experienced with sex still have a bit of a learning curve when they're with a new person. Everyone has to take time to learn what turns the other person on. Learning each other's sweet spots is part of the fun! Just because it's all new to you doesn't mean you're automatically going to be bad at it. Trust me when I say that a woman who loves you is not holding up a mental scorecard at the end of each lovemaking session. Continue with your belief that you'll be fine - a positive, enthusiastic lover is worth his weight in gold!

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I couldn't even begin to process the amount of criticism I get about being a virgin. It was hard in college especially only because everyone in college was having sex. If I think really hard, I don't think I met anybody that was a virgin except for maybe a few girls that I went to church with. 

 

I hate it when guys call me a unicorn though. I think that's the most annoying thing in the world because I know there are plenty of people (now I have a site to prove it) that are virgins and ARE waiting until marriage. Majority of the people I hang out with or are friends with aren't virgins and they think its funny when they call me a unicorn (because a girl like me doesn't exist). Well...there are people like me that exist. Now get over it. 

 

But the most annoying thing of all is, when guys tell me "So...how does that work? How can you get married without having sex before? I mean...once you get married and you don't like having sex with him...then you're stuck....Once your married would you do it just to have babies or do it all the time?" 

-_- I seriously have met the dumbest guys in the planet for saying these things to me. Sigh. Haha. 

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Okay, let's hear them! Name that one criticism of WTM that really makes your eyes roll, blood boil, etc. Mine is without a doubt the following:

 

"Why would you buy a car without test driving it?"

 

The whole analogy is ridiculous. Comparing people to cars, placing sex above all else in marriage, and most of all... acting as if poor and/or inexperienced sex is a permanent condition that can never be improved with time. :rolleyes:

 

Sometimes I play along with it though, responding with something like "Why put extra miles on a car that you know you're going to buy if you don't have to?" They usually don't say much after that lol.

 

Oh my gosh that is mine too! It drives me nuts! I also don't like the well how do you know if you are not compatible? I love your come back to by the way! Yes sex is important but its not something to divorce over I don't believe. It cheapens sex and makes people that are waiting for marriage feel like they are only worth the sex they can give.

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None of the arguments against waiting ever take into consideration the fact that not having sex right away gives you the opportunity to truly get to know the person. They miss the point that sex muddies your feelings to the point that you're willing to overlook flaws and incompatibilities that you wouldn't otherwise. Besides, if the divorce rate is any indication, it proves that NOT waiting is actually the worst choice. Couples who choose to wait are much less likely to get divorced, so that blows that theory out of the water in my opinion. Besides, I find it hard to believe that you can love someone so much and be so crazy about them, and have values and goals that are in line with theirs, and yet not have good sexual compatibility. Sure, it won't be mind-blowing at first and you have to work at it to get "good", but it'll automatically be better because you love each other.

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I noticed something interesting happens when people sleep around. You have this dichotomy where men become more desired the more sex they have, and women become less desired the more sex they have. So, a small group of girls who come from bad homes are taught to have sex in the public schools, and they start putting-out. These girls will not only never be married, but they will "expire" quickly. So, technically, their bodies are sacrificed so that the more fortunate can have sexual "experience" in their marriages. It's like an oldschool temple prostitute thing, and we're such an "advanced" society.

Maybe your rebuttal is that your decision is considerate and responsible.

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Mine is that a guy who's "inexperienced" must be terrible in bed.

(Maybe so, but possibly not!)

I mean even folks who have multiple partners right, they don't automatically know what the next person enjoys.

It's a learning process, again right.

So that contrasts well with my plan of loving my wife someday and getting in lots and lots of practice.

Practice makes perfect, or at least it'll be fun and we'll enjoy loving each other.

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Ugh these silly criticisms make me cringe, I often wanna punch these people in the face or curse them out. My decision is my decision so take your old dusty used up butt and scram!

But I agree with what l8dyluck81 said about the car, I see nothing wrong with saving money for a Ferrari instead of buying a piece of crap used toyota that id have to replace in a few years. Great rebuttal to that stupid car analogy I will have to use that next time.

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The worst WTM criticism I think is the sexual compatibility thing. It so over-used and just does not make sense to me.
If both partners are willing to not be selfish and be vocal with their spouse then both partners will learn what the other one likes. 
Simple.
The car thing too just makes my head hurt. Really people?
 

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The worst WTM criticism I think is the sexual compatibility thing. It so over-used and just does not make sense to me.

If both partners are willing to not be selfish and be vocal with their spouse then both partners will learn what the other one likes. 

Simple.

The car thing too just makes my head hurt. Really people?

 

 

If you're not waiting, then why do you care how people criticize waiters?

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The stuff other people say is absolutely ridiculous so I just wanted to chime in because I don't like criticisms. (or broad negative generalizations)

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"Really? Oh okay." Then they go from seeing me as a cool guy to acting like I'm mentally challenged. It's not even annoying, it's kinda sad. It's like people no longer see me the same once they know :/

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