Guest Scarlet_Rose

How do you feel about your name changing when you marry?

56 posts in this topic

I know as a woman at times when I've liked someone that whole (irrational) process goes on in my head where you (prematurely) see what your name sounds like with their surname.

 

Anyway how do you feel about losing your surname?

 

I feel it is a HUGE thing.

 

It is nice that there is the unifying of both people, having a shared name, however you have your surname for usually over 20 years, it forms an extremely strong part of your identity so to suddenly lose it... it's almost like saying goodbye to a part of you and becoming a new person with a new identity, a new identity as a wife AND as someone with a new name.

 

How do you feel about it?

 

I know I really, really, really love my surname!!!!!!

There is always hyphenated names but they are a mouthful and so many women before me have just accepted that loss and taken on the new name, I'd feel like a 'wimp' (for want of a better word) for doing anything different.

But yes I really and truly love my surname, it fits so well with my name and I would not want to part with it :S

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I feel this way too! I love my surname - it's quite unusual and suits me really well. Ideally I'd like to make a double-barrelled surname with my husband, but we'd have to see if they matched together. If I did end up changing my name to that of my husband, I would like to give my former surname as a middle name for my first child, to keep the name 'alive'. 

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I won't mind losing my surname.  I like my name and have had it for many years, but taking my husband's name is something that I've always expected and wanted to do.  

 

You're right - it is a huge thing to change your name - your single identity.  But think about how many things are going to change when you get married...I mean, he's going to change your body as you carry his children.  For me, while it will take some getting used to, I'm looking forward to being called Mrs... and sharing his last name and giving it to our children as well.  

 

Just my humble opinion.

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I will not be changing my last name. Society won't let me :P

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I don't know. I've thought about this and have gone back and forth. Here's the thing, my last name is awesome so I kind of want it. My middle name and my last name rhyme so that's cool too. Finally, I am the last one if my family with my name. I have no brothers, so the name would die with me and that kind of depresses me. Obviously I would have to discuss it with my future husband, but I'd like my children to carry on my name.

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I've always wanted to change my last name. Not that I hate mine but I've just always expected that change. My great grandparents had 5 daughters and their last name died out once all of them married so their last name was kept as a middle name that my sister now has.

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I absolutely love my last name and I don't want to lose it, so I really want to hyphenate it. But my last name is kind of long, so lets hope that my future husband has a short last name, or my name will be a mouthful!  :P

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I like my surname, and it's a weird thought that it'll change someday (hopefully - need to find me a man first), but I don't think I'm overly attached to it. Everyone spells it wrong, so maybe that's why. So many times when I was little, I'd get, for example, a certificate at school with the wrong spelling, or the nameplate on my school desk, or in the programme when I was performing at a school concert.

 

Obviously, that's not the only reason I want to take my husband's name when I marry, otherwise I'd be in a pickle if his name turns out to be even more difficult to spell right! But I think that's the reason I'm not too bothered about giving it up.

 

Saying that, I suppose I don't want my name to die out completely, since I'm an only child, and my dad only has sisters. If I do get my novel published, chances are I won't be married by that time, so anything else I publish will really have to be using my maiden name. I think that's fairly common, for writers to use their maiden names for writing, so I think I'll do that. That way my family name won't be forgotten altogether.

 

xxx

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I expected the change too but then I suddenly realised how much I love my name (I think because everyone says it's a cool name :P) and how much a part of my identity it is. It is not part of my single identity as someone suggested it is part of my identity, it is what I answer to, who I am recognised as, who I say I am, who I am and always have been...

 

Both my parents have my surname (though they divorced decades ago), it connects me to them, if I change my name it is almost like I disconnect from them and I'm no longer recognisable (legally) as their daughter because we don't share a name. I know that is part of marriage, the leaving your family and joining to someone else to create your own but I don't like the idea of losing such a strong part of my identity and a part of my identity that I like.

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But at the same time, if I love my future husband I should love what is his right? And should be happy to take on the name. Maybe in time I will feel different.

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I think I would want to keep my last name - I am going to have a hard time giving it up. I'm not close to my father or his side of the family but I've had this name for so long, it's just like apart of me if that makes sense. My aunt hyphenated her last name so that's what I will probably do.

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I have had several name changes

Birth: Schunck

First adoption: Bean

Second adoption: Pearson

First marriage: Kelley

I kept my married name after our divorce.

If I were to marry again, out of love and respect I would take my husbands name.

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The more I think about it, the more I'd like to keep my last name.  The fact that several of my friends from college have kept their name after getting married has also made me feel a lot better about the idea. I also toy with the possibility of changing my last name legally, but continuing to use my maiden name professionally.  If I do keep my maiden name, I have no problem with my children having my husband's last name.

 

I don't know. I've thought about this and have gone back and forth. Here's the thing, my last name is awesome so I kind of want it. My middle name and my last name rhyme so that's cool too. Finally, I am the last one if my family with my name. I have no brothers, so the name would die with me and that kind of depresses me. Obviously I would have to discuss it with my future husband, but I'd like my children to carry on my name.

I've heard of several instances where the husband (and future children) took the wife's last name to keep it "alive" because the wife was in the same situation as you.   :)

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I'm most definitely keeping my name but the kids would off course have his. I don't see why it should be a big deal anyway.

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Guy here; just wanted to say that  I think I would totally understand my wife wanting to keep her surname. I know I would not want to take her last name (for possibly different reasons: it would feel wrong to take another man's last name (her father's) over my dad's and mine.) On the other hand, it would feel great for her to be happy to take my name. Maybe we can just combine our names. Say, if I'm Williams and she's PIttsenburger, we could be the Willpittsenburgeriamses.

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I LOVE my last name but i would be honored to change my last name to my husband's name. I'm very old schooled and i believe a woman should change her name. Don't get me wrong I'm not in anyway bashing anyone for wanting to keep their surname i just have my own preferences and beliefs.

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I wouldn't really see that as losing my surname...more like just gaining a new last name...I see myself hyphenating my surname or making it take place of my middle name depending on how it'll sound..at the moment this really doesn't seem like a big deal to me, Well all get used to it eventually lol.

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That is something I would HAPPILY do! I've had that surname all this time. Taking is name is me being the other half of the whole. That is the moment I'm now under the love, care & protection of my Husband. We have become a family unit just as God set into place....me now cleaving to him & he to me. SOOOOOOO looking forward to that! No longer an "I"....its now WE....

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I've had a change of heart. Suddenly I have no reservations about changing my name. Funny how that changed so quickly. I think it's because of what I said before, if you love someone you'll love what's theirs, that's how I feel.

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I don't like that changing name thing...When you buy an object you put your name on it so you won't lose it...well I'm not an object that's why I will keep my last name..

My husband can take mine though. :huh:

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That's a really difficult question to ponder! I've always thought about it too, but I just don't know. I seriously love my last name, and other people who hear it also usually make a point to say or compliment it because, not gonna lie, it's a pretty cool last name. I just can't imagine parting with it.

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I think it's because of what I said before, if you love someone you'll love what's theirs, that's how I feel.

 

By that logic, if your husband loves you, he'll love your name and want to take your name.

 

While I certainly think that both men and women alike should be free to do as they want with their names when they get married, I'm uncomfortable with one-sided reasoning that is primarily used to reinforce the status quo.

 

I love my husband, and his name is perfectly fine. I still kept my last name when we got married, and I've made it very clear to our friends and family that I am NOT Mrs. His Last Name.

 

Of course, I really wanted him to take my last name, not to make a statement or anything, but because I wanted to be part of a groundbreaking lawsuit against our state. Most states have a specific name-changing protocol for women when they get married, but only a few have the same for men. I totally wanted to get our state's law changed so it's no longer discriminatory against men...

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I won't mind losing my surname.  I like my name and have had it for many years, but taking my husband's name is something that I've always expected and wanted to do.  

 

You're right - it is a huge thing to change your name - your single identity.  But think about how many things are going to change when you get married...I mean, he's going to change your body as you carry his children.  For me, while it will take some getting used to, I'm looking forward to being called Mrs... and sharing his last name and giving it to our children as well.  

 

Just my humble opinion.

 

Agree with you 100%! It will be very weird at first having DD's last name; but it will remind me that I am his and he is mine now. It will also be nice to have our whole family with the same last name someday when we have kids. I am really looking forward to being a "Mrs."  :wub:

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I don't think I'd have a problem with changing it. I think it's kind of a sweet idea to share the same last name.

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