Jasmine23

Courting

32 posts in this topic

Would you ask a Woman's father/parents for permission to court his/their daughter? Why and why not?

I personally think that it is a great and gentlemanly jester that a man ask a woman's father/parents for permission to court his/their daughter. I've never had it done for me reason being that I hardly talked to guys and have had only one boyfriend. I really think that the idea of it shows respect not only for the woman but for her parents as well.

Really would love the feedback! Thanks Guys! :)

-Jasmine

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a Christian standpoint, I believe it is proper for a guy to ask the girl's parents for permission to court her. God commands us to honor our mother and father so I think it's only right to honor the people who could be your future in laws one day. That is assuming of course that her parents are a part of her life, otherwise asking may not apply.

 

Most people think this is an extremely archaic practice and accuse me of saying daughters are property of their fathers or some such nonsense. But I don't see it that way and quite frankly I don't care what society says. I see it as a father being his daughter's protector and every decent father has a responsibility to ensure that the man she marries will be worthy of passing that role of protector to. That's not to say that a girl can't make up her own mind over she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she most certainly can. But if a father is supposed to be the model for which a girl measures her husband by, then his insight would be extremely valuable.

 

On the flipside, I think mothers ought to be a model for the kind of woman a guy should look for as a wife. Mothers are in a unique position to observe a girl her son brings home to really see what kind of person she really is. People underestimate the influence a wife has to a man. She has the ability to either build him up to be something greater or tear him down completely. So moms should be an example of what a loving and caring wife should look like through her own marriage.

 

On a practical standpoint, it also makes sense because it starts off things off on a much better foot. A large source for strain in marriages is relationships with in laws. When you marry someone, you're also marrying their family in a sense. So whether or not they approve of you could give you a good idea as to whether or not a particular relationship is worth pursuing.

 

All in all, if I had the chance I'd want to ask her parents for permission.

11 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From a Christian standpoint, I believe it is proper for a guy to ask the girl's parents for permission to court her. God commands us to honor our mother and father so I think it's only right to honor the people who could be your future in laws one day. That is assuming of course that her parents are a part of her life, otherwise asking may not apply.

 

Most people think this is an extremely archaic practice and accuse me of saying that daughters are property of their fathers or some such nonsense. But I don't see it that way and quite frankly I don't care what society says. I see it as a father being his daughter's protector and every decent father has a responsibility to ensure that the man she marries will be worthy of passing that role of protector to. That's not to say that a girl can't make up her own mind over she wants to spend the rest of her life with, she most certainly can. But if a father is supposed to be the model for which a girl measures her husband by, then his insight would be extremely valuable.

 

On the flipside, I think mothers ought to be a model for the kind of woman a guy should look for as a wife. Mothers are in a unique position to observe a girl her son brings home to really see what kind of person she really is. People underestimate the influence a wife has to a man. She has the ability to either build him up to be something greater or tear him down completely. So moms should be an example of what a loving and caring wife should look like through her own marriage.

 

On a practical standpoint, it also makes sense because it starts off things off on a much better foot. A large source for strain in marriages is relationships with in laws. When you marry someone, you're also marrying their family in a sense. So whether or not they approve of you could give you a good idea as to whether or not a particular relationship is worth pursuing.

 

All in all, if I had the chance I'd want to ask her parents for permission.

I absolutely love this! I agree 100% with you. Thank you for your time! :)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I would not. I think it is totally up to the woman to decide if she wants to date me or not. While it is up to her if she wants her parents to provide input, it is still her choice. While I would prefer that her parents like me, it ultimately would not stop me from dating a woman if they didn't. I have to show her that I would be a good person to date and potentially marry-not her parents. I wouldn't let their negative opinion of me get in the way of a great relationship. While parents are part of most people's lives, it still ultimately is her and our lives, not theirs.

 

 

Most people think this is an extremely archaic practice and accuse me of saying that daughters are property of their fathers or some such nonsense.

I imagine you wouldn't appreciate it if someone called your viewpoint nonsense, so maybe you shouldn't do the same to others. I know many intelligent, kind and even religious women who have the types of viewpoint you just called nonsense.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While I may mention I wish to marry her before I proposed, I don't think it's even remotely necessary to ask permission to date.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would you ask a Woman's father/parents for permission to court his/their daughter? Why and why not?

I personally think that it is a great and gentlemanly jester that a man ask a woman's father/parents for permission to court his/their daughter. I've never had it done for me reason being that I hardly talked to guys and have had only one boyfriend. I really think that the idea of it shows respect not only for the woman but for her parents as well.

Really would love the feedback! Thanks Guys! :)

-Jasmine

 

I would. If I had a daughter, I would at least have the same respect done for me.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I was a guy I would if I expected him to say yes. I'm not sure what I would do if the father was one of those overly protective ones, probably just share my intentions rather than ask, then run like crazy! Haha

Also I would appreciate it if a prospect did actually do that for me.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I imagine you wouldn't appreciate it if someone called your viewpoint nonsense, so maybe you shouldn't do the same to others. I know many intelligent, kind and even religious women who have the types of viewpoint you just called nonsense.

 

You misunderstood me. I have no problem with those who believe that practice is outdated. I'm calling out those people who mistake my motive for believing in that practice. Huge difference.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I would not. I think it is totally up to the woman to decide if she wants to date me or not. While it is up to her if she wants her parents to provide input, it is still her choice. While I would prefer that her parents like me, it ultimately would not stop me from dating a woman if they didn't. I have to show her that I would be a good person to date and potentially marry-not her parents. I wouldn't let their negative opinion of me get in the way of a great relationship. While parents are part of most people's lives, it still ultimately is her and our lives, not theirs.

I imagine you wouldn't appreciate it if someone called your viewpoint nonsense, so maybe you shouldn't do the same to others. I know many intelligent, kind and even religious women who have the types of viewpoint you just called nonsense.

Although it is the woman's choice, you don't think that it's respectable to ask a woman's parents for permission regardless to if they may like you or not? Also I was talking about courtship not dating.
1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it's necessary for a man to ask my parents to court me.  Yes, they are a big part of my life and I'm very close to them, but I've been on my own for some time and wouldn't expect him to ask permission especially if he has never met them.  My parents would of course meet him and get to know him as we are courting (which I far prefer over dating).  Of course at some point, he'll probably get the question "what are your intentions with my daughter" and then he can look my father in the eye and talk about it.  

 

Now proposing marriage is a whole other matter.  Yes, I would expect him to at least single out my dad in person and privately and ask for my hand in marriage.  Is it required - no.  But if you want me to melt in a puddle at your feet...

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If a young woman is very close to or still lives with her parents, or if the suitor knows the parents already, I think it helps maintain the order and respect and propriety that belong in what could become lifelong relationships. There are exceptions, especially with the dysfunction in many families today. But I would certainly want to ask a woman's father for her hand in marriage if at all possible - it shows respect for the order that builds strong families. And yes, courting, not dating.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It would be nice if a guy asked my parents first but not necessary. My parent will probably just say, "I guess" lol They'd be pretty dumb-founded that a guy actually asked but it would raise their view of the guy in their eyes. 

7 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He'd definitely have to have a lunch or something like that with my dad alone somewhere when we first get together but asking to date me? Ehh..never really thought about that really..

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's a nice idea and it could definitely help ferret out the losers who are only after a casual fling. That said, I'd be a bit reserved about asking a guy to talk to my dad before he can go out with me. What if he thinks I'm looking to jump right into a commitment? He could totally take it as me being too serious about him too soon.

 

I don't know, maybe after 2 or 3 dates I could say something like, "I've enjoyed the time we've spent together but I'm a bit old-fashioned and I like to have my dad talk to my dates. I'm not looking to rush into anything serious right off the bat, but I respect his opinion and I like to get his take on things. Would you mind calling him and talking for a bit?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think I could handle my parents being super-involved. I'm very firm with my boundaries, and there might be some conflict. This is ultimately about our life when we leave our parents to form our own family. I still want to be somewhat involved in the extended families, but my marriage won't be an expansion of my nuclear family.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's a nice idea and it could definitely help ferret out the losers who are only after a casual fling. That said, I'd be a bit reserved about asking a guy to talk to my dad before he can go out with me. What if he thinks I'm looking to jump right into a commitment? He could totally take it as me being too serious about him too soon.

 

I don't know, maybe after 2 or 3 dates I could say something like, "I've enjoyed the time we've spent together but I'm a bit old-fashioned and I like to have my dad talk to my dates. I'm not looking to rush into anything serious right off the bat, but I respect his opinion and I like to get his take on things. Would you mind calling him and talking for a bit?"

Well when it comes to courting then it is more of a commitment because its an intent to get married but dating is more not ready for a commitment but just want to date.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well when it comes to courting then it is more of a commitment because its an intent to get married but dating is more not ready foe a commitment but just want to date.

 

Jasmine hit the nail on the head here. If you're 25, moved out and dating. There's no reason your dates have to meet your parents, you're responsible enough by this age to make good choices on the people you date.

 

Now before you get married, that's a different ball game. Then it could be a good idea to meet the parents (if you haven't already) and inform them of your intent to marry their son/daughter.  

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know this is in 'ask the guys' but it seems a few gals have been answering. I'm hoping it's ok for me to say something. :)

 

I actually had to go look up what, if anything, was the difference between 'dating' and 'courting'. There didn't seem to be a definitive explanation, further than courtship is more of a religious tradition not involving sex and that dating is not religious and usually involves something involving sex. I won't go into too much detail, because I haven't done a ton of research. That being said, I have always preferred the term 'courting'.

 

I think I'm the odd one in the bunch, though. I would be less interested in a man who asked my dad (or my mom) before asking me. Not that I wouldn't give him a chance... if I, myself, were interested (no matter what my parents think). First, my dad has very little to do with my life. Minuscule, really. My mom and I are very close, but she has always taught me to think for myself... and since she has been married and divorced 3 times I usually joke with her that she has taught me what NOT to look for in a man. Anyway, I guess my point is that (for some of us ladies) we feel that WHO we agree to go out with, who we agree to be courted by, is OUR decision to make. I should also say, that that doesn't mean that I don't take their advice and thoughts into consideration.. moms anyway. I trust her judgement, mainly because I think she has learned from her experiences.

 

That's not to say that it's wrong to be traditional in that sense. If that is what you want, you should most definitely live your life that way. I'm all for that (as my posts in other discussion have shown). :) Seriously. I just thought since my view seems so different I'd share it.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Although it is the woman's choice, you don't think that it's respectable to ask a woman's parents for permission regardless to if they may like you or not? Also I was talking about courtship not dating.

 

I know this question is directed towards someone else, and I know this thread is several months old, but I'd like to comment on this, and libs1979 resurrected this thread, anyway. Thanks, libs! :) 

 

Anyway, I think it's good to get a feel for whether the woman is into me yet or not. If she wants me to talk to her parents, I will, but if I jump the gun and ask to court her before I know whether she likes me that way, then it's probably going to make her uncomfortable, isn't it? For that matter, if she doesn't like me, then what's the point in asking to court her? On the other hand, if she does like me, then she would encourage me to talk to her parents, right?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know this question is directed towards someone else, and I know this thread is several months old, but I'd like to comment on this, and libs1979 resurrected this thread, anyway. Thanks, libs! :) 

 

Anyway, I think it's good to get a feel for whether the woman is into me yet or not. If she wants me to talk to her parents, I will, but if I jump the gun and ask to court her before I know whether she likes me that way, then it's probably going to make her uncomfortable, isn't it? For that matter, if she doesn't like me, then what's the point in asking to court her? On the other hand, if she does like me, then she would encourage me to talk to her parents, right?

Well I should have worded it better! Haha of course the two would talk first I would definitely be freaked out if I didn't know him first but I just think after he and I talk and he goes and ask my father after that would be pure awesomeness haha!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Looking again, I see that you were actually referencing the parents with "if they may like you or not yet..." In any case, I didn't see the issue I mentioned addressed yet, so I wanted to mention this issue, too. Then you're saying you would hope he just knew that you liked him in that way? How would he know? I ask because I went to a girl's dad before knowing if the girl liked me first, and while her dad was fine with it, to my surprise, she wasn't, so I determined I'd always be sure before asking the parents first again, if I did at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Looking again, I see that you were actually referencing the parents with "if they may like you or not yet..." In any case, I didn't see the issue I mentioned addressed yet, so I wanted to mention this issue, too. Then you're saying you would hope he just knew that you liked him in that way? How would he know? I ask because I went to a girl's dad before knowing if the girl liked me first, and while her dad was fine with it, to my surprise, she wasn't, so I determined I'd always be sure before asking the parents first again, if I did at all.

Hahahaha no the two have to talk first before he goes and just ask to court her..... unless they both have the name friends haha (only kidding about the last part)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now